Fiona Shackleton, divorce lawyer to the great and good – and Prince Charles during his split with Diana in 1996 – has given her seal of approval to a list of 10 questions to ask before you get married, to see if your relationship is likely to stand the test of time. Distilled from research by the University of Exeter into the foundations of strong and enduring marital (or thereabouts) bonds, the study suggests that successful couples have shared interests, respect for each other and built their relationship on a solid base of friendship.
Which I’m sure is lovely. But sounds like a big ask and a lot of bother for most of us. Here, gleaned from my decade in the open prison that is wifehood, are the 10 questions you should really be asking yourself before you dive into the marital fray:
1. Can you stand your partner?
2. No, really – can you stand them? Because it’s going to be for a long time. And at the end, you’ll be retired and together ALL DAY. Think on that.
3. Do you both like the TV at a similar volume?
4. Is one of you happy to relinquish all control over stacking the dishwasher?
5. How much do they think is acceptable to spend on a) a car, b) a holiday, c) unframed naval prints that then lie about the house for years?
6. Can they be taught to turn over in such a way that they do not take the duvet with them?
7. How many friends can you think of in the next 30 seconds with whom you would like to have sex?
8. Is one of you always trying to get the other one into mountaineering/skiing/Tough Muddering while the other one looks baffled, shakes their head and turns back to their book?
9. If there were a seismic event in Anglo-European politics brought about, say, by the wanton selfishness and ineptitude of a former television PR man who had unaccountably made it to the position of prime minister, which left the country riven, would you be on the same side?
10. How loudly does your inamorato sneeze and what do they do with the aftermath?
