Are you looking for TV shows that suck? You’ve come to the right list. This one is dedicated to the bloodsuckers that lurk among us: vampires. If you’re got a hankering for exsanguination and a penchant for puncture wounds, odds are there’s something here for you. While none of these shows are quite as iconic as the Twilight vampire baseball scene, plenty come close. Just mute the volume and put on Muse’s “Supermassive Black Hole” while you’re watching one of these series, it’ll be the next best thing. These are the 10 best vampire TV series ever made, best enjoyed while laying in your coffin or hanging upside down.
Midnight Mass
From the mind of modern horror series master Mike Flanagan comes vampires with a Catholic twist. Midnight Mass takes place on a remote island off the United States coast, where the faith-based community is slowly decaying after the loss of their beloved parish priest. One day, a new priest comes to the island and energizes the community, performing miracles with a little help from the blood of Christ. Well, it might not be Jesus’ blood, but it’s blood alright. Whose? I’ll give you one guess of what kind of creature it comes from. At its core, Midnight Mass is a parable about the dangers of blind faith. How the demonic can easily be mistaken for the divine if you dress it up in a priest’s clothing and make it say a few prayers. Also, Catholicism is goth as hell – vampire vibe perfection.
Castlevania
Inspired by the seminal side scroller of the same name, Castlevania is a fresh take on a decades old franchise. It’s the story of Trevor Belmont, last of a long line of vampire hunters now fallen into ruin and decay. Whether he’s slaying monsters or slurping drinks, Trevor spends most of his days alternating between drunk and hungover. Everything changes when an ancient curse causes the return the biggest big bad vampire around: Dracula. Now Trevor can’t fly by the seat of his pants, he’ll have to methodically prepare to take down this threat. Good thing he’s got a friend in Dracula’s son Alucard and a wandering magician named Sypha. Even stone sober, I don’t think he could handle this on his own. Featuring equally breathtaking fight sequences and character designs (seriously, it’s a bisexual’s paradise) Castlevania has proven to be one of the finest pieces of adult animation in recent memory.
True Blood
A legendary series from the 2000s, True Blood elevated vampires to a new level of sexy. After the invention of synthetic blood, vampires have finally come out of the shadows to live alongside the humans that they once hunted for food. In the small town of Bon Temps, Louisiana, a young waitress named Sookie becomes intimately acquainted with a few of them. Intimately, acquainted. Caught between the affections of two bloodsucking hotties, Sookie is stuck between the exact opposite of a rock and a hard place. A feather pillow and a soft place? Both options are equally amazing. The trouble is, Bon Temps is plagued by other creatures that didn’t get the “human loving” memo. Flesh tearing maenads, murderous shapeshifters, brutal serial killers – and of course, vampires who prefer the real thing over the synthetic stuff. Equal parts gory and horny, True Blood is everything you need in a vampire drama.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
The GOAT. Buffy The Vampire Slayer is perhaps the most iconic vampire TV series ever made. The action takes place in Sunnydale, California – a town far more sinister than its effervescent name implies. The only thing standing between the helpless suburbanites and the hungry jaws of night is a teenage girl, who also happens to be a centuries old vampire slayer reincarnated. Accompanied by her equally heroic gang of besties, Buffy the Vampire Slayer sets out at sunset to do exactly what the show’s title suggests – and maybe hook up with a few vamps in the process. It’s a delightfully campy series, featuring hardcore monster killing and singalong episodes in equal measure. And the LGBTQ representation? Decades before its time. I’m STILL recovering from the beautiful devastation that was Willow and Tara’s sapphic love.
Interview With The Vampire
A Netflix original series that truly sucks, Interview With The Vampire is a fresh take on Anne Rice’s bloodsucking literary landmark. Flip-flopping between past and present, a centuries old vampire recounts his dark history to aging journalist – sparing none of the gory details. Before being turned by a hot French vampire, Louis de Pointe du Lac was wealthy Black brothel owner in New Orleans – successful despite the racism of the time. After his transformation, Louis is reluctant to chuck his moral compass out the window like his maker Lestat did, but finds its arrow slowly turning towards Chaotic Neutral nonetheless. It’s a tragic tale of romance and bloodshed, a search for morality in a morally bankrupt world. Louis believes that there’s more to unlife than puncture wounds and partying, but Lestat is less convinced.
Adventure Time Mini Series – “Stakes!”
Adventure Time‘s Marceline the Vampire Queen is bound for TV vampire royalty – despite never drinking blood herself. After being bitten as a child, she’s learned to subsist off of the color red – though her vampiric brethren prefer drinking straight from the heart-pumped tap. A seven episode special, the “Stakes!” miniseries is a whimsical take on macabre subject matter, featuring a cadre of ancient vampires that have come to bleed The Land of Ooo dry. It’s hilarious, charming, absurd, and slightly terrifying in the way only the finest Adventure Time episodes are – a deconstruction of the vampire mythos through a whacky cartoon lens. Vampires have a habit of taking themselves far too seriously, but “Stakes!” breaks it fast.
What We Do In The Shadows
In a culture obsessed with oversexed bloodsuckers, What We Do In The Shadows explores the mundane reality beneath vampires’ ethereal facade. The vampire family at the heart of this series doesn’t dwell in a gothic castle or a nightclub penthouse, but an out of place mansion in Staten Island. The anachronistic band has been tasked by their superiors to take over North America, but they can barely get their block under control. Nosy neighbors, local government bureaucrats, small time werewolf gangs peeing on their front lawn – these vamps just can’t seem to catch a break. Half the time they can’t even find a virgin to feed on! What’s the world coming to? Though these cultural dinosaurs can’t understand the modern era, they’re sure as hell gonna try – with hilariously disastrous results.
The Strain
Inspired by a novel by Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan, The Strain turns the idea of the modern vampire on its pointy ear – creating a creature that is the polar opposite of the sexy aristocrats we’ve come to know and love. In this universe, vampirism is a viral outbreak: parasitic worms that cause a slew of body-horrible changes to their host. Their hair and fingernails flake off, their tongues elongate into an alien proboscis, and worst of all they lose their genitals! A vampire series without sex!? What’s going on here!? Violence and gore, that’s what. In this world, vampires are a plague to be exterminated, and the a small group of CDC agents are gonna do their best to try. While most vampire series strike a balance between eroticism and violence, The Strain throws out the former for a double helping of the latter.
Supernatural
One of the most iconic “creatures of the night” series ever made, Supernatural dabbles myths and legends from around the world – and vampires are one of them. The plot revolves around the Sam and Dean Winchester, two brothers who come from a line of monster killers. As they travel the country in their ’67 Chevy Impala, they cross paths with ghosts, demons, and our favorite bloodsuckers. While vampires take a back seat in the beginning of the series, they’re an overarching threat throughout – the agents of a monster so old that it predates human history. Though they’re mostly antagonists, the Winchesters team up with a sympathetic vamp in later seasons, resulting in a monster slaying dream team collaboration. Dean x Benny forever! Sorry, Castiel.
Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure
Infinitely meme-able, effortlessly stylish, unapologetically queer, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure is one of the finest anime of the modern era. The plot follows multiple generation of the Joestar family, whose mastery of spiritual martial arts makes them perfect for combating an ancient vampire threat. That threat’s name is Dio Brando, a centuries old psychopath who has a vendetta against the Joestars, having been nearly killed by an ancestor past. Using incredible, whacked out anime powers that are far too complicated to explain here, the Joestars go on globe trotting adventures to rid the world of evil – striking the most iconic poses in the process. Campy, creepy, and infinitely charming, any adventure with a Joestar is one worth going on.
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