OLIVER’S TWIST
Weird Uncle Fiver has been trying to piece together fragments of his memory again. He’s attempting to recall the moral of an incident that happened in February 2012 in a match involving Juventus and Milan. The details have become murky in the fug of time and Tin. Sulley Muntari definitely sent in a header that crossed the line by about two yards before the goalkeeper clawed it back and claimed a heroic save. Muntari certainly wheeled away in celebration at putting his team 2-0 up. And Weird Uncle Fiver recalls with great fondness the looks of perplexity on the faces of the officials, who had no idea whether a goal had really been scored. The ref decided to wave play on and hoped it wouldn’t matter much. But Juve later equalised and went on to pip Milan to the Serie A title. What Weird Uncle Fiver can’t quite recollect is who the goalkeeper was that day. It couldn’t have been Gigi Buffon, could it?
Why, yes it was! “I thought he was a champion of fairness,” drawled Muntari back in the day. “It was all moving so quickly that I didn’t realise the ball had crossed the line,” claimed Buffon before adding: “But even if I had realised, I certainly wouldn’t have helped the referee!” Funny how things pan out. Fast forward to Wednesday night’s Big Cup quarter-final at the Bernabéu, and there was Buffon, pawing at a referee seven years younger than him and pleading for help like a motorist who’s been given a ticket for overstaying his allotted parking time by three minutes. He pleaded with such force, in fact, that traffic warden Michael Oliver felt obliged to send him off. “To award such a doubtful, or super doubtful, penalty just ahead of the final whistle and destroy the work of a team who gave absolutely everything you have to have a rubbish bin instead of your heart,” stormed Buffon later, as Muntari began wondering which emoji he could send to best capture this moment.
Others, meanwhile, began breaking down Buffon’s grievance and aren’t going to stop any time soon. As far as The Fiver can make out, Buffon’s complaint is based on two contradictory standards. On one hand the goalkeeper suggested that Oliver’s late twist was a case of a ref being too pernickety, awarding a spot-kick for a challenge by Medhi Benatia that may not have been a foul. On the other, Buffon lambasts the man in the middle for not being fastidious enough. Oliver failed, apparently, to factor in the effort that Juve deployed to recover from a three-goal first-leg deficit.
That’s some can of worms Buffon is cracking open there. Should Oliver’s decision have been influenced by the fact that Marcelo was lax in closing down Matteo De Sciglio before the cross that led to Juve’s second goal? Should the relative amounts of energy dispensed by each team in the warm-ups also be taken into account or should refs only start keeping track of effort levels after kick-off? Should they have access to match analysis data just to check whether a player has run enough to really deserve a free-kick after being fouled? Can VAR software be updated to include all these new parameters in time for the World Cup? Oh, and here’s another question. Would one of the greatest goalkeepers of all time have enhanced his legendary status by saving His added-time penalty if, that is, he hadn’t blown his top and got himself sent off? We’ll never know, will we, Gigi?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“They are giving me everything – shoes, clothes, support. I don’t know how to thank them for what they have done for me” – Mutwakil Muhammad Ali pays tribute to Middlesbrough’s Club Together sessions, established by the MFC Foundation in conjunction with the Methodist Asylum Project charity, to help refugees in the area.
THE FIVEЯ
Yes, it’s our not-singing, not-dancing World Cup Fiver. Out every Thursday lunchtime BST, here’s the latest edition.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Having given us his sad tale about missing out on both Arsenal action and Tin, it’s a bit of a surprise that Bryan Duncan (yesterday’s Fiver letters) didn’t win the letter o’the day prize, given that it was prizeless. I suppose he may find some consolation in learning that Tin can be delivered worldwide, though personally I was disappointed to discover that it is now brewed in Luton and has lost one of its fabled 9% of ABV on the journey south” – Steve Allen.
“It’s bad enough Bryan spent a week in London without drinking Tin and unaware his team had a home game (some supporter!), but reading The Fiver in his hotel room? What was he thinking?” – Phil Smyth.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Steve Allen.
THE RECAP
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BITS AND BOBS
Sunderland have taken discreet steps to prevent gleeful Newcastle fans from turning up at the Stadium of Light and mocking Chris Coleman’s struggling side during their likely fall into League One.
Bayern Munich manager Jupp Heynckes isn’t picky about who his side will face in Big Cup’s final four after seeing off Sevilla. “You saw in Manchester and Rome that anything can happen,” he declared. “You cannot underestimate any team that has qualified for a semi-final.”
Arsène Wenger insists there will be no complacency from his Arsenal side in their Big Vase second leg against CSKA Moscow. “Yes, we have a big job to do but we are in a strong position and it is how we approach the game that will be vital,” he tooted.
Rúben Neves continues to be a Championship cheat code and Wolves are now on the brink of promotion to the top flight.
Danny Drinkwater is likely to do one from Chelsea after finding his opportunities limited at Stamford Bridge.
And Nick Hammond’s role in bringing Alan Pardew to West Brom has earned the Baggies’ technical director his P45, with Giuliano Terraneo arriving in his stead.
STILL WANT MORE?
“Is he, in fact, a fraud? And not just a fraud but a bald fraud. A bald foreign fraud, the worst kind of fraud there is” – Barney Ronay on Pep Guardiola and that narrative.
Half a dozen more European and Big Cup nights of drama.
Firing up the Hand of God in our latest World Cup stunning moment.
Paul Wilson on the difficulties of managing in England.
When Marcello Lippi joined Juventus and knocked Milan off their perch. By Emmet Gates.
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