At the risk of sounding like a social justice warrior and woke snowflake, I find various casual lines in Thai conversation to be problematic. They may sound innocent upon first hearing but if you really dissect them you may find them to be verbal putdown focused on perceived flaws and laced with micro-aggressions. Think I may be overreacting? Check them out below and reasons why I think they are offensive. Most importantly, I have also come up with sassy retorts for your entertainment.
1. Have you gained weight?
Why is it bad: This is simply not a way to start a conversation on a pleasant note. It's not an expression of concern for someone's health. You simply body-shame.
Suggested comebacks:
- Did my extra weight somehow gather on your head?
- I gained weight because I can afford many buffets.
- Eating makes me happy the same way body-shaming someone makes you happy.
2. Your skin has become darker. What have you done?
Why is it bad: Do I really need to explain why this one is inappropriate in this day and age?
Suggested comebacks:
- (Raise your eyebrows and give them the silent treatment).
- I took a nap on a yacht while vacationing in Pattaya.
- I thought your heart is the same colour as your fair skin but it seems to be the opposite.
3. What do you do for a living? (usually from a relative or neighbour aunty).
Why is it bad: It's not outright bad, depending on the following questions. She may just be curious and want to find out what your job entails.
3.1 How much money do you make?
Why is it bad: Eh? It starts to get a bit intrusive. Are you judging people based on their income?
Suggested comebacks:
- Am I being interviewed for a job?
- Are you my new employer?
3.2 My son is a doctor. He makes a lot of money. (if somehow she's so tone-deaf and continues with this question).
Why is it bad: Now she asked for it. You gotta give her a verbal smackdown.
Suggested comebacks:
- Oh, so you don't really care about what I do for a living. You just want to flex about your child's job.
- Congratulations for living vicariously through your child's success.
4. Why are you not married? (at a family reunion).
Why is it bad: This question implies that you've passed BBD in terms of getting married. It also insinuates that there must be something wrong with you because you're still single or unmarried.
Suggested comebacks:
- Oh, I don't want to be in a loveless marriage like you and your husband/wife.
- I don't want to get married.
- I'm a member of VHEMT. That's the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement (they may think that you're so weird and won't talk to you again). Mission accomplished!
5. When will you have kids?
Why is it bad: There's no need to nudge married couples to start procreating these days especially if you're not really close to them. Have you noticed the rising cost of living and the state of the world's environment lately? The person you're asking this question to maybe reproductively challenged. Also, not every couple wants to have kids.
Suggested comebacks:
- What I do with my reproductive system is my business.
- We're DINK. Double income, no kids. Capice?!
- We're members of VHEMT. That's the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.
- I don't want to make you feel bad about asking. But my partner and I actually can't have children... the way we do it. (the pause is crucial and, yes, it's a Jimmy Carr joke).
P.S. If you draw a blank while trying to start a conversation, just go with classics like sabai dee mai?, pen ngai bang? or kin kao yang?.
