BREAKING NEWS
After a large amount of harrumphing and a degree of haggling, Kyle Walker’s record £53m move to Manchester City has finally gone through. “Pep Guardiola is one of the most respected managers in the world and I feel he can help me take my game to a new level,” honked Walker, surely remembering the magic dust Pep sprinkled on Bacary Sagna.
’FIELD OF DREAMS
Big Cup is more than a cash cow or a football tourney, it also happens to be a chrome-wheeled ice cream van, a pimped-up vehicle of peace and love. Every year it offers opportunities for fans from different cities and nations to come together and frolic before Real Madrid and some other European minnow meet in the final. Only last season, for instance, there was that touching display of shared humanity by supporters of Monaco and Borussia Dortmund in the wake of an attack on the German team’s bus. And we can expect something similar today, when a week of cultural festivities in Norn Iron will conclude in style as representatives of the Queen’s Celtic break bread in Belfast with the local choir boys, Linfield Holy See.
Unfortunately no fans of the Queen’s Celtic – at least in an official capacity – are able to attend today’s ceremony at O’Windsor Park because their history exams have overrun, but they will be there in spirit and some local bards may sing songs in their honour, poignant stuff about being up to their necks in filial love. “I’m sure everything will be fine and we will talk football,” crooned the Queen’s Celtic Norn Irish boss, Brendan Rodgers. “Then we can go back and it will be a good game for everyone in front of 60,000.” In Glasgow, then, there could be real communion between fans, who just might feel so full of solidarity they’ll band together to stage a fundraising concert for those hungry folks on the Uefa disciplinary committee.
Before that, in Belfast, Linfield Holy See could in many ways be the ideal side to test the growing doctrine of Rodgers’ Infallibility. And when we say “in many ways”, we just mean that Linfield Holy See are better than Lincoln Red Imps, the club who came free with chicken nuggets at a Gibraltarian fast-food outlet last year before beating the Queen’s Celtic in Rodgers’ first match in charge. “We are a different team now with a different mentality in a different cycle of work,” gabbled Rodgers, who knows that defeat for his side is practically unthinkable. Then again, they are playing in a city whose most celebrated triumph was building the Titanic, a ship said to be unsinkable.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“For us as players, it is simply about job security and we have merely asked that any new investment is secured. We have provided the club and the FAI with ample opportunity to obtain this information, but as we are now entering a third week of uncertainty, we feel we must take this action” – Bray Wanderers’ entire squad transfer-list themselves amid ongoing financial uncertainty at the Irish club.
TRANSFER INTERACTIVE
Every deal in Europe’s top leagues – and Ligue 1 – as they happen. And rejoice: the totaliser’s about to hit £2bn!
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FIVER LETTERS
“Chelsea have indeed come a long way sing the 1980s (yesterday’s Fiver). I remember, as a young reporter, interviewing a retired couple who had won around £1m on the Pools. Having gone public with the win they naturally received plenty of begging letters, including one from a certain Chelsea FC and signed by Kuddly Ken himself. Sadly for Ken, the gentleman concerned supported Spurs. I was able to sell the story to one of Uncle Fiver’s rivals who turned it into a back-page splash. As a result I was, at least until I’d bought a couple of celebratory rounds in the local, better off than Chelsea” – Adam Forde.
“With all the money again being thrown around on transfers by the biggest football clubs, I wonder if the chancellor has thought about introducing a tax on transfer values (including fees for image rights and so forth)? The tax raised would not do much to help repair the nation’s finances, but the top clubs often seem to behave as though they exist in a different world to the rest of us and I suspect few fans would object to what would amount to a tax on the super-rich. Smaller clubs could be protected by the tax only applying to transfers in excess of, say, £5m” – Rod Marshall.
“Nice to see Scottish fitba getting a lead mention in yesterday’s Fiver. The story of Mackay-Steven signing for Aberdeen was reported on the BBC’s website as ‘Mackay-Steven is a replacement for Niall McGinn and Jonny Hayes’. I knew Aberdeen manager Derek McInnes was a clever guy – he turned down Sunderland after all – but replacing two players with one is genius” – Paul Dixon.
“I think we can top the trivial player sponsorship (Fiver letters passim). My five-a-side team once sponsored Havant & Waterlooville’s star signing, Chukki Eribenne. I forget how much was billed but I’m confident administrative errors meant we never paid the sum. If someone from the club is reading, I’ll happily settle that debt” – Phil Jones.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Adam Forde.
BITS AND BOBS
NO! HANDS OFF! OURS! NOT YOURS! NAUGHTY! That’s what a Swansea statement regarding Everton’s pursuit of Gylfi Sigurdsson (sort of) said. Well, unless they stump up the necessary wedge, obviously.
Everyone thought Leonardo Bonucci would stay at Juventus for the rest of his days, but no – he’s off to Milan. Yet more turmoil in an already profoundly uncertain world.
Everyone thought Lucas Leiva would stay at Liverpool for the rest of his days, but no – he’s off to Lazio. Yet more turmoil in an already profoundly uncertain world.
Everyone thought Tiemoué Bakayoko would st … oh, no, hang on. The midfielder, who nobody expected would stay at Monaco for the rest of his days, is finally off to Chelsea, with Nathaniel Chalobah heading north (well, to Watford) in order to make room.
Uh-oh. If that looming sense of dread and despair you’re feeling isn’t the knowledge that one day the sun will explode and we’ll all be consumed by its fire, it might be that the ‘David de Gea to Real Madrid’ saga could be back.
And French Guiana’s maverick plan to play Florent Malouda and his 80 France caps in their 0-0 Gold Cup draw against Honduras has – remarkably – come to grief. Concacaf suits awarded the Hondurans a 3-0 win, fined the French Guiana Football League an “undisclosed amount” and suspended Malouda for “two official matches”.
THE RECAP
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
STILL WANT MORE?
Jonathan Wilson spluttered his coffee all over his keyboard at Kyle Walker being worth £53m. But he cleaned up just in time to write about the collective madness that has gripped the Premier League, transfer-wise.
But a big reason for that fee is Daniel Levy, the man who turned a profit on Mido, squeezing every last penny with the negotiating skills David Hytner will tell you all about.
England’s women are off to Utrecht, one of the most underrated cities around, according to Lonely Planet. And while they’re there, they may as well try to win the European Championships, writes Louise Taylor.
Aberdeen and Wolves once played each other for the USA! USA!! USA!!! championship. But Aberdeen and Wolves aren’t in the USA! USA!! USA!!!, you cry. True enough. Allow Michael Lewis to tell you all about it.
Win! Win! Win! We’ve a pair of VIP tickets to see Arsenal in the Emirates Cup up for grabs.
… uiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz … quiz …
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