The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …
Eddie Izzard. He’s wonderful now, but the really early stuff is something else: babies on spikes, le singe est dans l’arbre, cake or death, Agatha, Bagatha and Tabitha. Oh, he’s the best.
The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen …
There was this Smack the Pony sketch in a clothes store where someone has accidentally put a “skirts” sign on a rail of jumpers. Sarah Alexander just plays it like they’re skirts and keeps trying them on.
The funniest TV show I’ve ever seen …
The Royle Family.
The funniest item of clothing I’ve ever owned …
I went to the costume sale after the London 2012 Olympics and bought some insane items, including a one-piece Lycra catsuit that’s supposed to look like a flame. I’m sure in the stadium with hundreds of other flames it looked amazing. On its own, in the kitchen, the effect is not quite the same.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …
I once tried to get a fringe but I chickened out at the last minute and instead bought one on eBay for 99p. It made me look like a 17th-century monk.
The funniest word …
Flan.
The funniest joke I’ve ever heard …
Q: What did Pablo Escobar say when he was arrested?
A: I would have got away with it if it weren’t for those Medellín kids.
Tessa Coates: Witch Hunt is at Pleasance Courtyard, Edinburgh, to Sunday 26 August
