DELE DOES IT DIGIT-ALLI
When Dele Alli paused mid-match to hoist his middle finger in what looked to be the direction of the turned back of match referee Clément Turpin during England’s win over Slovakia, The Fiver couldn’t help but ponder where his gesture stood in the pantheon of such footballing salutes. We recalled the time Union Jack Wilshere once famously gave Manchester City fans a fairly unambiguous bird, the moment of uncharacteristic weakness that resulted in Kevin Kilbane flicking Vs at (his own) Sunderland fans and that time Ricardo Fuller was sent off for waving a reverse peace sign in the direction of a linesman while celebrating a goal for Ipswich Town.
There are others. As a Zenit St Petersburg player, Roman Shirokov once celebrated a tap-in by greeting the team’s notoriously charming fans with a fairly emphatic “up yours”, while a V-sign that earned wayward Cardiff City cult hero Robin Friday a place on the cover of a Super Furry Animals single was considerably more emphatic that the schoolboyish manner in which Barry Ferguson and Allan McGregor famously told the Scottish FA to eff-off from the bench, in the process ending their international careers.
The jury remains out on Alli, who has since entered an informal defence of “banter” and insisted the target of his raised finger was in fact team-mate and friend Kyle Walker. However, there are some cynics who don’t necessarily believe him. The often impetuous midfielder’s actions have since attracted the kind of forensic media analysis regarding trajectory, camera angles and eye-lines more readily associated with conspiracy theorists who continue to argue that John F Kennedy was shot from behind a grassy knoll.
Sadly for Gareth Southgate, the FA did not spend £827m on Wembley Stadium to have the flat, green surface of its pitch encumbered by unsightly hillocks and faced with the fairly incontrovertible evidence that his player had indeed flipped somebody the bird, the England manager could face losing him to suspension from a football governing body that appears to have no great problem with players telling match officials to do one, just so long as they don’t do it through the medium of mime. A mime, incidentally judged so outrageous by at least one swooning newspaper that they felt compelled to – no sniggering at the back – actually blur it out.
“Kyle and Dele were mucking about, and Dele’s made a gesture towards Kyle,” said Southgate, with the air about him of a weary parent who can’t wait to get his errant sons home and send them to bed without any dinner. “I don’t know what the angle picked up by the camera is, so I don’t know if that is clear. The pair of them have a strange way of communicating but that’s what they’ve said when it’s been raised.” By raised, he meant the matter of Alli’s message, rather than the digit with which it was delivered.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT!
Keep up to speed with the Republic O’Ireland 1-1 Serbia as well as the goals from the other World Cup 2018 qualifying matches with Barry Glendenning’s clockwatch at 7.45pm UK time.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It’s all agreed and signed. There are three contracts. One with the Messi Foundation, which is signed by its president and the player’s brother, an image rights contract with Messi signed by his father, who is the administrator of his company, and his employment contract, which his father signed – he has the power to do so. [What remains is] that Leo arrives and we have the official photograph and the protocol of the signature. The contract is signed and it’s valid from the 30 June, the same day he got married” – Barcelona chief suit Josep Maria Bartomeu waffles on about a done and dusted Lionel Messi contract that requires just the small detail of the player inking his name all over it.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Dele Alli’s one-fingered salute was clearly a tribute to the passing of Walter Becker … by cleverly recreating the Robin Friday image from the Super Furry Animals single that was of course based on ‘Showbiz Kids’ by Steely Dan. Hats off!” – James Woodley.
“International football weekends certainly are dull, but this is because of the constant moaning and sneering by people who can’t handle a rare week off from our wonderful ‘EP’. You’re right, I for one can’t wait to get back to the thrills and spills of an action-packed Premier League Saturday afternoon. I’m sure we’ll all remember what we were doing two weeks ago during Crystal Palace 0-2 Swansea, Huddersfield 0-0 Southampton, Newcastle 3-0 West Ham and Watford 0-0 Brighton – halcyon days indeed. Sure, the qualification process is a bit lengthy, but there are still stories worth following – Holland and Argentina making hard work of getting to Russia, the chances of new boys Burkina Faso and Uganda making it to a World Cup for the first time, and it also offers the chance to maybe go to a local non-league game and help out a club which truly needs some support. Anyway, bring on Brighton v West Brom” – David Hunter.
“I just want to register my happiness at your belated appreciation of Scott Brown. That is all” – James Atkinson.
“Given Luxembourg coach Luc Holtz’s delight at his side’s scoreless draw with France, I thought former American college football coach Lou Holtz might be the type who would offer a toast. Erm ... no” – JJ Zucal.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … James Woodley. But what’s this? Yes, there are prizes on the horizon. Up to Friday we’ll be giving away a copy of The Title: The Story of the First Division, written by Guardian Towers’s very own Scott Murray. It’s great, and almost as funny as The Fiver thinks it is. Get scribbling to win a copy or buy one in our bookshop.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on … the inspirational England national team.
BITS AND BOBS
The FA should introduce a rule requiring owners of clubs to comply with “basic standards of good stewardship” or face a range of sanctions including fines or ultimately a ban, according to proposals by Supporters Direct that make far too much sense for football to ever take seriously.
Will teams look forward to facing Norn Iron in the World Cup qualifying play-offs? “No,” says boss Michael O’Neill.
Liverpool’s Nathaniel Clyne will be out for a good while with back-knack. “It is pretty certain he’ll not be available for the majority of the [Big Cup] group matches,” sniffed Klopp. “Nathaniel is working hard on his rehab.”
Wee Gordon reckons World Cup qualification is now Scotland’s to lose. “I’m all right with that,” purred Wee Gordon. “When you get to the stage when you your fate is in your own hands in a tournament that’s all you can ask.”
And Diego Simeone will be grabbing his man-bits and gesticulating furiously on the Atlético Madrid touchline until 2019 after inking his name all over a two-year contract extension.
THE RECAP
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
STILL WANT MORE?
Andy Brassell sits down for some hot chat with Rúben Neves to talk about his £15.8m move from Porto to Wolves, Black Country weather and a certain tattoo on his upper left arm.
It’s Joy of Six time, courtesy of Ben Fisher and Lawrence Ostlere, with their picks on players who are remembered best for one goal.
Much like The Fiver, France have all the talent in the world look like a team of individuals. Read Adam White and Eric Devin’s piece on Les Blues.
“Gareth Southgate can begin scouting overpriced, over-thought-out training complexes in which England can stage their round-table symposia with leading corporate thinkfluencers, their team‑bonding primal scream sessions.” Read Barney Ronay’s take on England’s win over Slovakia.
Suzanne Wrack is back with her weekly look on the world of women’s football. Today: why Lyon and Bayern are already flexing their considerable muscle in France and Germany.
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