Yesterday, my daughter Poppy and I took our first step into Teletubbyland. We settled down to watch Meet the Teletubbies, a new BBC video aimed at introducing parents and children to the world of tubby custard, talking flowers and voice trumpets that pop up out of the ground.
The Teletubbies dance and wave. Then they dance and wave again. Later on, they make tubby toast, which they find very amusing. Sometimes the baby in the sun gurgles. I reached saturation point after about 10 minutes. Six-month-old Poppy was hooked.
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So far, television has not been an issue. We might switch it on at the end of a long day, but Poppy has never shown much interest. Yesterday I realised that the CBeebies years stretch before her. And years of TV-dominated conversation stretch before me: "Mummy, who's your favourite Teletubby?", "Where's Dipsy's hat?", "Why is Po always on her scooter?"
Short of throwing the television out of the window (not an option for a Big Brother fan), there is no getting away from Tinky Winky and his friends. Since its launch in 1997, Teletubbies has remained extremely popular with its pre-school audience. Produced by Ragdoll, it has been shown in 120 countries and translated into 44 languages. The Germans love it so much that they have added the word "Teletubby" to the dictionary.
If, as I once was, you are blissfully ignorant of all things Tubby-related, fear not. Along with the introductory video, BBC Worldwide has also published a 16-page guide for parents, with contributions from co-creators Anne Wood and Andrew Davenport and from several child- development journalists.
The idea is to let parents in on the act. As well as unravelling such mysteries as why the Teletubbies have TVs on their tummies, the guide offers helpful viewing tips ("Watching Teletubbies with your young child should be a shared experience") and detailed profiles. I learnt that Dipsy wears a "jaunty" black and white cowprint hat and that Po is the only one who can speak Cantonese. Oh, and they all love big hugs.
The phenomenon seems to arouse extreme emotions in parents. Claire, 30, who works in PR and had her first baby in January, is determined to avoid it. "Teletubbies is not something I would encourage my son to watch every day. There are better things to do. The danger with something so addictive is that you end up using television as a babysitter. Interaction with real human beings has to be more beneficial than staring at the TV."
But copy editor Anna, 31, has no problem with her two daughters watching the programme. "Teletubbies is great," she says. "I don't think it restricts children's development in any way - in fact, quite the opposite. My 18-month-old adores it so much that she screams if anything happens to interrupt her viewing."
The centre pages of the guide are packed with letters from Tubby-friendly parents. When Lisa's daughter woke up from intensive care, her first word was "Laa-Laa". Amanda notes the improvement in her daughter's development, while Bethany feels the Teletubbies have helped her son Jack to overcome his speech problems.
It is not surprising that these stories draw attention to the remedial power of Teletubby talk. When the programme first appeared, one of the main objections was that it might impede children's linguistic development. What if children stopped talking like children and started talking like Teletubbies? Children certainly mimic what they see and hear. Anna has noticed that her daughter has started to use Teletubbyisms such as "Eh-oh!", but does not find this worrying.
Co-creator Andrew Davenport argues that the Teletubbies speak in a play language because it is easy to understand and makes children laugh. And anyway, they know better than to take it seriously. "Parents may worry if a child starts copying the Teletubbies' language," he acknowledges, "but children understand the game."
Children certainly see something in the programme that adults do not. While we complain about the mindlessness, they rejoice in the repetition. In the end, we must agree to disagree. Teletubbies is aimed at children aged six months to three years, and they love it.
While I hope that Poppy's first word is something other than "Eh-oh!", I am satisfied that it is all harmless fun. If she wants to believe in a world of big hugs and happy endings, I won't be stopping her. But will you see me making tubby toast or waving my arms like the magic windmill? Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just nod and smile, and leave Poppy to it.
· Meet the Teletubbies is available on video and DVD; both include the Teletubbies Guide for Parents. It will also be distributed with the September issue of BBC Teletubbies magazine.
