When it comes to family, you’re pretty much expected to go the extra mile. Surely there must be some limits, though? Without boundaries, you’re bound to be taken advantage of, and that can lead to resentment over time.
One teen found herself in a less-than-ideal situation after she refused to babysit her niece. First her sister lashed out at her, then got their brother to do the same. The teen has since turned to netizens to ask if skipping babysitting duty because she had other plans makes her a jerk.
More info: Reddit
You’re expected to go the extra mile for family, but this teen refused to give up her one night off to babysit her niece
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When she told her sister she had plans to hang out with her cousin, her sister was infuriated and threatened to slap her
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
As if that wasn’t enough, she was then bombarded with texts from their brother, angry that she was ‘shirking her duty’
Image credits: cookie_studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her sister texted next, basically guilt-tripping her, but the teen calmly replied, prompting her sister to call her in a rage
Image credits: Odd_Freedom5020
She hung up on her sister, who threatened to give her a ‘black eye,’ then turned to netizens to ask if refusing to babysit made her a jerk
At 13, OP was just trying to enjoy a rare day off school. She’d made plans with her cousin—something she rarely gets to do during the week—but her 25-year-old sister suddenly called, demanding she babysit her niece. When OP politely said no, her sister’s reaction was anything but reasonable.
She got mad fast, saying she should’ve been warned earlier. Then came the first threat: she said she’d slap OP. Calmly, the teen responded, “Then slap me.” She went back to relaxing—that is, until her phone lit up with texts from her brother, cussing her out for not babysitting, even though he was on a date.
Apparently, it’s fine when he says no—because he’s a guy. But when she says no, it’s the end of the world. Then her sister messaged again, accusing her of being selfish. When OP refused to answer her call, her sister upped the ante: “Next time you busy me, I’ll give you a black eye.”
According to OP, this isn’t the first time her family has used intimidation to guilt her into things. Conflicted, she turned to the community to ask if refusing to babysit makes her a jerk.
OP’s sister comes across as not just entitled, but toxic, too. She seems to think of the teen as a source of free childcare whenever it suits her and gets violent when things don’t go her way. So, what’s the best way for OP to deal with her? We went looking for answers.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In an interview for WebMD, Sharon Martin says common traits of toxic people include not showing concern for your feelings, needs, or rights, violating your boundaries repeatedly, making unfair demands of you, and blaming others for their mistakes.
Martin suggests setting clear boundaries to cope with a toxic family member.
“This is not usually successful with toxic people because they’re not motivated to change their behavior,” says Martin. Instead, she says the boundary helps remind you to protect yourself from their ways. For example, you might hang up the phone or block your sibling’s number if they continue to curse at you on a call.
In her article for Psychology Today, Abigail Brenner writes that family members are often the hardest to deal with, because they’re connected to us in a more complicated and intimate way than friends, colleagues, or neighbors.
Brenner recommends several approaches to deal with a difficult family member, including not trying to fix them, being present and direct, watching for trigger topics, and accepting that some topics will always be absolutely off-limits.
If OP is ever going to sidestep the parentification she’s facing, it looks like she and her sister are going to have to have some words, and they might not be quiet, based on the sister’s past performance.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she was being a jerk, or is her sister actually the unreasonable one? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly agreed that the teen was not being a jerk and that her sister was just mad because she made the wrong assumption and it backfired on her
