RIO DE JANEIRO _ It's a sport that Bill Laimbeer would love, and one that LeBron James would dominate. Aroldis Chapman too. Not sure who'd be the better goalie, Anthony Rizzo or Jason Heyward.
Team handball would crush it in America. It would be a ratings giant. It would fill arenas. And our best could go for Olympic gold every four years.
The vibe Thursday night at the France-Argentina match was so festive, fans formed a conga line at halftime, circling the inner concourse while the Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling" roared.
The court is significantly larger than a basketball court but doesn't have to be. All the action happens at the ends. The goals (6 feet 7 inches wide x 9-10 high) are roughly one-third the size of soccer nets.
It's not called "the beautiful game" _ futbol has practically trademarked that _ but it is exhilarating to watch, especially at the highest level.
And no team in the world does it better than France, which won gold in Beijing and London and is expected to three-peat in Rio.
Its goalie, Thierry Omeyer, is an octopus. Check that, he seems to have more than eight limbs. He was named MVP of the 2015 World Championship.
Still it's a position of great failure. Omeyer stopped 40 percent of the shots in France's 31-24 victory over Argentina. His Argentine counterparts just 11 percent _ 4 of 35.
France's best player, though, or at least most dynamic, was Luc Abalo. He attempted seven shots and scored seven times. I knew I should have taken him on my fantasy team.
He's a 6-foot James Harden, a lefty with a beard who can score at will.
The game is 7-on-7, and Abalo would camp out in the corner, receive a pass, charge toward the net (though outside the orange restricted zone) and then leap in the air. While hanging, he would decide on his direction and arm angle and pace. His final two goals were essentially changeups, putting sidespin on a dribbler to demoralize the Argentina goalie.
The ball is about the size of a coconut, so you don't have to be an NBA player to palm it. There are two halves, with 30 minutes of running time. And the game is played in a nice, climate-controlled setting.
Three is a big number in this sport. You can't hold the ball for more than three seconds. You can dribble endlessly, but you can't run with it for more than three steps. (Insert your NBA traveling joke here.)
As for what constitutes a foul, I have no idea. There's often a crowd of players in the middle where some Laimbeer-style strangulation occurs. Some penalties warrant a "7-Meter Throw," which is like a penalty kick in soccer. A proper release, and the goalie has no chance.
So which American sport does it most resemble? Hmmm.
_The refs give out yellow cards and there's occasional flopping. The jerseys would look good on the pitch. So ... soccer?
_There's hang time, there's garbage time at the end, the best teams score on fast breaks and use the give-and-go. So ... basketball?
_A hot goalie is essential, and players score on rebounds. Players go top shelf and five-hole. And the goalie sometimes exits so his team can send an extra man into the offensive zone. So ... hockey?
I asked Didier Dinart, a two-time Olympic champion called "The Rock" for his defensive prowess. He is now an assistant coach for the French.
"Basketball," he said through an interpreter. "But there's a lot of contact ... a light version of American football."
A sport that combines basketball and football is one America needs to dominate. Yet our handball team has not qualified for the Olympics since 1988. (It got tossed a bone, as the host country, in 1996.)
In the 2016 Pan American Championships, the team finished eighth out of 12 teams. Greenland beat us.
Greenland.
"There is a lot of potential when you see the players in the NBA," Dinart said. "But unfortunately there are a lot of sports in the USA."
C'mon, let's make room for one more.
