A dance teacher who hid with a child in a toilet as Axel Rudakabana banged on the door in an attempt to get in has told the Southport inquiry she felt “crushing” guilt.
Heidi Liddle was in tears as she gave impact evidence to the Liverpool Town Hall hearing on Wednesday.
The mother-of-two said she was returning to work after maternity leave when she was asked to be a guest dance teacher at the Taylor Swift-themed workshop on July 29 last year.
Rudakubana, 18, killed Alice da Silva Aguiar, nine; Bebe King, six; and Elsie Dot Stancombe, seven, in the knife attack and attempted to murder eight other children and two adults, including dance teacher Leanne Lucas.
Ms Liddle said she was making bracelets with children in the room, “filled with joy and happiness,” when their worlds were “devastated”.
She said: “Suddenly, I saw my friend and colleague being brutally attacked. I couldn’t process what was happening.
“Everything happened so quickly – it was just a matter of seconds.
“At that moment, there was no time to think but to just run and usher as many children away from danger as possible.
“The children were running towards the stairwell, when I noticed one of the girls run in the opposite direction towards the toilet.
“I saw a flash of green and I pushed her inside and locked the door, reassuring her and telling her to be quiet.
“Whilst in the toilet, the perpetrator was banging and rattling the door, attempting to get in, only stopping when the police arrived.
“The girls’ screaming and fearing for our lives haunts me to this day.”
Ms Liddle said her “instinct” was to protect the girls, but said: “A part of me always questions if we could have done anything differently in those moments of terror.”
She added: “Although people have told me this incident is not my fault, the guilt I bear is crushing. I feel responsible.
“I tried so hard to usher as many children out as possible, to get them away from him.
“I constantly replay what happened over and over in my mind, what I was able to do, what else could I have done, the what ifs.”
She told the inquiry she had daily flashbacks and struggled with ordinary tasks following the attack.
“I’m grieving for the girls and their families, the girls that were there that day, Leanne, police, responders, neighbours who opened their homes, the wider community but I’m also grieving for the old version of myself and my life,” she said.
“I cannot remember myself or my life before this. All I can remember is this current version of things – constantly re-living the events of the day, dealing with the overwhelming emotions and fears connected.”
She added: “My hope is that this inquiry will ensure that no one – neither adults or innocent children – ever have to go through the life-changing devastation that this evil individual was able to inflict on us that day.”
The inquiry also heard from Ms Lucas, who was stabbed multiple times.
She said the moments before the attack were full of smiles, laughter, fun and love, but then Rudakubana walked into the room.
“At that moment, I did not know what he was doing,” she said.
“I shouted to him and to the girls for someone to indicate they knew him.
“That is when he came over to me.
“He began what I thought was punching me in the back. It was after the second blow when I knew ‘he’s got me’.
“It wasn’t until I saw blood I had realised he was stabbing me.”
She described “bedlam” and “chaos” as she and Ms Liddle tried to push terrified children out of harm’s way.
“Not knowing where each child was in those moments is a fear that will live with me forever,” she said.
“My physical wounds have healed but the psychological scars remain raw.”
Ms Lucas said she had received “relentless” online abuse following the attack.
She was in tears as she told the inquiry: “To some I am called a hero, to others a villain. The truth is, I am neither.
“I am just Leanne, the woman who did her best in an unthinkable situation.”
The first phase of the inquiry, expected to run until November, will examine Rudakubana’s history and his dealings with relevant agencies, along with any missed opportunities to prevent what happened.
The inquiry was adjourned until Thursday morning.
