Ask Iain Scott to describe life as a Tartan Army foot soldier and he’d sum it up in six succinct words – mischief and mayhem, but never malice.
Iain, or Scotty as he’s universally known in the newspaper trade, having been sports news editor at the Daily Record and other publications before he retired, won’t be travelling any further than his local – the Cold Beer Company in Stirling – to watch Steve Clarke 's boys this month.
But while the kilt might be packed away, memories of adventures abroad following Scotland will never be mothballed.
And they’ll all get an airing again next Friday when the Scots head to Wembley for the second match of the Euros.
“The memories will come flooding back,” the 64-year-old said, smiling. “I often look back at the Wembley weekends and laugh at some of the capers we got up to.
“My first was 1977 when we won 2-1 and tore down the goalposts. My pals and I didn’t go on the pitch, though. We were too knackered.
“I was living and working in Argyll and one of the guys got tickets, so we got the train down to London but had no place to stay.
“On the Friday night, we’re wandering about Soho and we found this 24-hour cinema with a cardboard cut-out outside of a naked lady covering her bits up.
“We thought, ‘that’s all-night porn movies, that’ll do us.’
“We got in and it was full of Tartan Army fans obviously thinking the same as us, that it was somewhere to kip for the night with a bit of entertainment thrown in.
“So we settled down with our carry out and the first film came on. A kung fu movie. Not even dubbed or subtitled.
“OK, we thought, maybe it’s too early to show the advertised stuff. So, it finishes and another one comes on. Another kung fu movie. That one finished about 2am and the next one came on – another kung fu movie.
“You couldn’t see the screen for cans of Tennents and McEwans being chucked at it by the Tartan Army. It was chaos and we all got hustled out of the cinema by security guards who looked like they could’ve been in the kung fu movies.
“So we ended up back at Euston Station sleeping on benches.
“After the game, we were wandering about when the pubs were shut when we passed this hotel full of Tartan Army.
“We went in and got chatting to some guys from Drumchapel.
“We told them we hadn’t been in our bed since Thursday night, so one of the guys said: ‘Listen, I’m staying up drinking all night – have my room.’
“He went away and came back with the key. We got the lift up to the room and in we went.
“Two of the boys jumped into bed and I’m on the floor with extra blankets.
“The lights went out – and the next thing they were on again and the night porter was coming through the door with a guy in a tuxedo and a woman in a ballgown. He was helping them because their key was missing from behind reception.
“The guy from Drumchapel had just gone and picked up any key from behind the desk!
“We were kicked out the room, but the porter felt sorry for us and led us down a corridor to the back of the hotel and let us kip down for the rest of the night.
“The next morning, one of the boys had arranged for us to meet the Campbeltown supporters’ bus and they gave us a lift back to Argyll.
“On the bus, there was a lot of drink and instead of stopping for the toilet every 10 miles, two big dustbins had been placed in the middle of the bus. It just summed up a crazy weekend.”
That weekend in London was blisteringly hot, but nothing compared to the fortnight in Spain Scotty endured five years later at the 1982 World Cup.
He said: “I went to that one with my mates Willie Dick and Robert Horsburgh. I was lucky my wife Libby let me because our twins, Iain and Ally were only about a year old.
“We were so flukey. There was a couple from Aberdeen staying in the hotel in Nerja with us and they’d hired a car and offered to take us with them.
“The first day we were there, we piled down to the beach and I settled myself on a lounger under a palm tree reading a book. I didn’t realise my legs were sticking out, though. Not until it was time to go for a pint a couple of hours later. I stood up and fell down. I had burned my legs. Really badly.
“The hotel owners told me to get to the clinic right away. By this time weeping sores had opened up and I was in agony.
“Turned out I had second degree burns and my feet had swollen up so badly that I couldn’t get my trainers on. Willie took a size 11 or 12 shoe, and he had a pair of canvas gutties I could borrow.
“They gave me medication – wee wax capsules that had to be shoved up my behind. Suppositories. This wasn’t in the brochure, let me assure you!
“It was 120 degree heat. Can you imagine trying to stuff a wax capsule up into the only place where the sun wisnae shining? They were melting and smeared everywhere.
“They covered my legs in iodine and bandaged them up, so we went to Malaga for the first game against New Zealand.
“I could hardly walk so Willie and Hozzy left me outside a bar while they went exploring Malaga.
“The Tartan Army were everywhere and before I knew it, pints kept arriving at my table from boys who were looking at my legs.
“The bandages were stained red and they thought it was blood, when it was only the iodine running in the heat.
“They thought I’d been battered by some locals the night before, saying: “You cannae move – have a pint,” and after a few I was too hammered to tell them the truth!
“The Brazil game in Seville was next. My legs were healing, but they were still really sore.
“We were actually sitting with Brazilian fans and the atmosphere was fantastic.
“Narey scored the ‘toe poke’ and Willie, sitting beside me, jumps up in the air and lands on my leg as he comes down, tearing all the skin back off it.
“Brazil went on to skelp us 4-1 but that didn’t hurt nearly as much as the Scotland goal.
“After the last game, the 2-2 draw with the Soviet Union, the two other lads were staying on to go to Portugal for a few days. I flew back. Libby had taken the twins, Iain and Ally, down to my mother’s house in Prestwick to help look after them while I was in Spain.
“I got back to Birmingham and got the Stagecoach bus up the road.
“I got home about 7am, dumped my gear and collapsed on the couch and fell asleep.
“I woke up with the door opening. My brother had driven Libby and the twins back up and she comes into the living room with one twin in each arm.
“She put them on the floor and said, ‘Show your drunken dad what you’ve learned when he was away.’
“And they got up off the floor and walked towards me. What a moment that was!
“I could hardly walk but they could. It was magic.”
