You’ve got to feel for one old man in Clovelly, North Devon. One day last year he was out for a stroll when he fell over a cliff … No, don’t worry, he was OK, he landed in some nettles, but he was stuck. So he shouted for help, and help came, a man climbed down the cliff to him.
“Who are you?” the old man asked. “I’m Robson Green,” said the arrival. “Robson Green?” said the old fella. “What are you doing here?”
Green tells it like the old man is surprised, possibly starstruck – maybe he used to enjoy Soldier, Soldier. I think he’s disappointed. “Of all the actors in all the world … and I get Robson bloody Green.” Could it not have been Idris Elba, or Daniel Craig, walking past, in Clovelly? Or even just a real soldier, he would have been more useful.
Anyway, by all accounts, apart from his own (“I wasn’t a hero”), Robson was a bit of a hero, even if he and a local plasterer called Adam couldn’t rescue the old chap themselves and had to call in the experts, with a helicopter. It was probably Prince William flying that chopper, Robson. See, he’s not making a big deal about it, giving it all the I’m-no-hero modesty, he’s just getting on with it.
So what is Robson Green doing in Clovelly? Tales from the Coast With Robson Green (ITV), that’s what. Sort of a bit like BBC’s Coast but without the expertise (who needs it?). Geniality Not Geology. And because Robson has always liked the seaside, and swimming and fishing.
So he goes to Ilfracombe to explore the tunnels dug by Welsh miners, and to visit the tidal bathing pools where Victorian ladies entered the water using garden sheds on wheels and the chaps went in (to different pools) wearing nothing all. Robson goes in too, of course he does, with the inevitable drone shot. But he’s in a wetsuit, oddly, given his usual propensity for skinny-dipping and flashing his arse on television at every opportunity. I’m thinking about his recent Robson Crusoe show, or his Tales from Northumberland. He’s probably even snuck a cheeky moon into Grantchester, too.
He helps empty the pool in order to inspect and repair any damage to the stonework. Suddenly, the wetsuit looks like a wise choice for more than just protection from the cold; a massive conger eel slides out that could have Robson’s tackle for breakfast.
After the heroics of Clovelly, Robson takes the boat to Lundy (as in Lundy, Fastnet, Irish Sea on the Shipping Forecast) where he quickly makes friends with island manager Derek. He’s hugging him straight off the boat; Robson makes friends wherever he goes. I wonder if he keeps up with them all?
They go up the lighthouse, to admire the view and more drone footage. Then it’s back into the wetsuit to try to make friends with the seals. “Any sharks?” he asks wildlife lady Becky. “There might be a basking one,” she says. “They eat plankton, not actors!” he replies.
It goes less well with the seals than it did with Derek and Becky. Well, he has a splash about with a pair of playful pups, and he says the seals seem perfectly happy and at ease with him. “I truly believe that if you look after nature, and love nature, it will look after and love you back,” he says.
But then a male seal goes for him, definitely not in a loving-him-back kind of way. Maybe it’s seen Extreme Fishing with Robson Green, and sees him as a rival for catching supper in the cove. Or perhaps it’s because, as Robson says, these big bull seals are very protective of their females. And maybe this one reads the tabloids and knows of Robson’s reputation. Anglican vicars’ wives, Atlantic grey seals’ wives … except this one is twice his weight, and Robson hightails it back to the boat.
Finally, it’s back to another cliff, a slab of granite called the Devil’s Slide (nothing to do with running off with the vicar’s wife). This time, he’s not rescuing anyone, more like being rescued. Well, being led up anyway, by a laidback rock-climber called Stu.
“Are you [bleep]ing kidding me?” Robson says, on his first sight of the biggest slab of granite in Europe. There’s a lot more bleeping on the way up. But he conquers the Devil’s Slide, by which time Stu’s his best mate.
At the top, Robson stands on the rock and applauds above his head. Is he clapping himself, Stu, the view, the British coast? All of the above I think. I do like Robson Green, I think I’d like to be his friend.
