All we know is that Nicolas Cage was born for this role. Fat Boy, the 12-year-old Moorland pony who was discovered drunk in a Newquay swimming pool this week, is a character whose predicament hints at a real depth of emotional turmoil.
He may have ended up swimming in Sarah Penhaligon's garden (she initially thought it was the Beast of Bodmin Moor) after eating too many fermented apples, but what drove him to eat them in the first place? What previous ordeals had Fat Boy undergone? What episodes of bitter, bruised love (that's apple language) did he endure in his years at Trenance Riding Stables?
Certainly there's rich fodder for an actor as accomplished as Cage to grind his molars into. And while it may be the case that an Oscar contender cannot hope to win if he goes the full retard, what about the full horsey?
With that prompter, we'll leave the rest to you – the direction, the director, the love interest, the lot. Ever since Black Beauty, the Horse Saga has been a genre in decline – now's your chance to shod it afresh.
