So, that completes the group stages for European Championships 2016 - hadran alach, as they say where I come from. It’s been great but not great; but there is so very, very much more to come. It’s not such a bad old life.
Anyway, tanks all for your company and comments - ta-ra.
Updated
So, that’s Belgium through in second place - they’ll play Hungary on Sunday. Italy play Spain, as we know, Ireland play France, and Wales play Northern Ireland. Scrumptious.
Updated
Full-time: Sweden 0-1 Belgium
Decent effort from Sweden, but Belgium had a bit too much class for them; they were just too timid in their first two games. But thanks, Zlatan - well-in, sir.
Updated
90+3 min Origi comes on for Hazard.
90+2 min Sweden know it’s gone and they’re playing like that - all that’s missing is a gratuitous assault.
90 min Hazard down the left again, and he tees up Benteke with another pull-back. Benteke opts to make sure, with a firm sidefooter from eight yards, but it’s far too close to Isaksson relative to the power he imparts, and it’s beaten away.
89 min Belgium are piling it on now, De Bruyne accepting a square ball from Hazard just outside the box and dragging a shot wide - the kind of shot with which he usually finds the corner.
Updated
87 min Meanwhile, in Lille, Ireland have taken the lead against Italy! If they can hold out, they’ll be through!
87 min So, that’s about it for Sweden and Zlatan. Benteke is on for Lukaku. And what a goal that was, that kind where you just hold your hand up, almost in embarrassment.
Updated
Hazard goes down the left, and with everyone in the middle waiting for a cross, he sends a pull-back outside of the box. Just as the insults are heading his way, Nainggolan snaps into possession and fairly spanks a fizzing, hissing, spitting, screeching drive into the far corner. Inclinez-vouz, son.
Updated
WHAT A GOAL! Sweden 0-1Belgium (Nainggolan, 85)
...
Updated
83 min That’s Forsberg’s last contribution - before the kick can be taken, e’s replaced by Zengin, before, at last, we get a good cross - Granqvist’s up, clambering over and around Vermaelen, and he thunks a header goalwards, only for De Bruyne to hump off the line.
Updated
82 min Lovely from Zlatan, Olsson and Forsberg, triangulating down the left - it’s Forsberg who goes down the left, but manages to drive his cross into the nearest shins. Corner.
80 min Mertens comes inside and takes on Ekdal, beating him easily. For a second it seems to have opened up for him, but in the end he can only shoot towards the near post and Isaksson saves easily enough.
79 min Both teams are getting better balls into their strikers’ feet as midfielders tire, and Mertens, on the left flank but very right-footed, comes in and finds Lukaku. He rolls Johansson with ease, but gets under his shot and it clears the bar by plenty.
77 min Lindelof finds Zlatan, coming short, and he turns before running at Alderweireld, who leaves a leg for him to fall over. Free-kick, 40 yards out, but Kallstrom doesn’t get enough pace on it, forcing Zlatan to generate it himself - he heads wide.
76 min Biochemists have recently proven that it is impossible to have the surname Vertonghen and not be the size of small hillock.
75 min Kallstrom nips one into Zlatan, who has his back to goal, so Vermaelen piles through him for no reason. Free-kick, slightly right of centre, 25 yards out...
...and Zlatan bends a low one around the outside of the wall that Courtois beats away at the post.
Updated
73 min Durmaz feeds one into Zlatan, but Vertonghen is in and he doesn’t bother seriously competing; fair dos, it’s clearly beneath him. And immediately, Belgium break, one pass from Alderweireld setting Lukaku away at inside-left. Lindelof is in pursuit, and Isaksson races out, standing up until Lukaku lifts one over him which he takes on the chest - that’s really good save.
Updated
72 min Incidentally, it’s still 0-0 in Lille. As here, neither team will mind that especially.
71 min And a change for Belgium: Carrasco, who’s had a quiet one, departs; Mertens arrives.
70 min Second change for Sweden: Durmaz replaces Larsson.
68 min “In the NHL the players are always responsible for what their hockey sticks do. Whether intentional or not,” emails Mats Anderson. “What does intent mean? Yes, I meant to break his leg? Yes I placed my elbow in his face primarily to break his nose? No I didn’t mean to break his leg, although I knew I was late and I knew there was a risk I might break a leg? Intent of what? All players should be responsible for what all their arms, legs, hands etc etc do on the pitch. How can you base your judgement on what a player thought? It’s what he actually did that’s important.”
In law, we can judge intent; in football we judge intent with regard to handball. So, it’s fair to judge intent with a foul, but of course recklessness comes into that too.
66 min Lovely from Alderweireld, switching play from centre to left, where De Bruyne collects. He vaults infield, spry tease that he is, and with Isaksson expecting a shot across him, crumps a low one to the near post that’s pushed behind. Eventually, the corner is cleared.
Updated
65 min Giudetti finds space down the right of the box and skips away from Vertonghen, who recovers well to slide a block behind as the cross comes in. The corner is wasted.
64 min Giudetti comes on, and it is indeed Berg who goes off. I’m not at all sure about that one.
63 min Larsson pings a ball into Berg, and he scoops it over the ducking Alderweireld to Zlatan, who hooks home - but the whistle goes. Surely that can’t be for the high foot, which was more of a low head? It appears not; Zlatan was offside, reckons Teepee.
62 min Guidetti is ready to come on for Sweden - I’m guessing, but surely he won’t take off Berg and keep on Ekdal and Kallstrom?
60 min Meunier goes down the right and swivels into a cross that hits a hand - I think it’s Forsberg sliding in. He’s very close to the ball, but his hand isn’t quite where it should be; the ref says no penalty, and on balance that’s probably the correct decision. I’m sure he appreciates my haskamah.
58 min We’re back to where we were. First, Zlatan almost conjures a ball through for Berg, before Belgium break. Carrasco drives at Olsson along the by-line, and wins a corner. It comes to nothin, but Belgium are passing with a bit more tempo all of a sudden.
57 min Belgium have woken up, pressing Sweden a little more now; Hazard and Witsel fashion a shooting chance for De Bruyne, but his effort is blocked.
56 min “For really bad fouls I’d ban the player for 3 to 6 months and forbid all contact with the game at all: no training or watching,” says Gary Naylor.
It’s tricky - we’d need to be sure the intent was there, and are we gauging damage or dangerousness?
54 min Belgium appear to have subbed the orange quarters and squash for moules-frites, waffles and Aventinus. I imagine it’s less useful for playing football than it is for triple Politics.
53 min More pressure from Sweden, Lindelof debruyning a cross that no one can get near - it’s guided away by Vermaelen, and De Bruyne himself breaks; it comes to nowt.
52 min Sweden are into this, and Kallstrom swipes a ball over the top for Zlatan - he’s made an excellent run in behind - but the ball pitches and skips away from him into the arms of Courtois.
50 min Sweden have Belgium pinned at the moment, and Forsberg swings over a long cross from out on the left. Zlatan’s up, but he’s a good way out, and though he does well to impart brow to it, he can only send it over the top.
50 min Sweden win a corner down the left, the big chaps lumber forward, and Kallstrom drags it to Lukaku at the front post.
49 min The problem for Sweden - well, a problem - is that they need Zlatan playing up front and behind himself. You have to assume he’s capable.
48 min Is Zlatan’s tail-beard combo ironic?
46 min Zlatan lifts a lovely ball into space for Larsson, but he can only hoist deep towards the back post - Berg is in the box, but at the near - and Olsson can’t catch up with it. Good start for Sweden though, finding space in behind the Belgian defence.
46 min Techno, techno, techno, techno.
“That Witsel tackle is brutal,” emails Kelvin. “I’m not squeamish, but that made me wince - especially the replay. I think for such offences the offender should be banned for as long as the other player is out.”
I don’t think that quite works - it doesn’t for me - but I do think that for rally bad ones, there should be discretionary punishments. Tangentially, I also think that players sent-off against a particular team should miss the game the next time the teams meet. You potentially punish them twice, by having a player suspended for a match against a rival; this would redress that.
“Wow, I’d never seen that Witsel clip,” emails Matt Dony. “That was special. My favourite part is the way he still manages the arms-in-the-air-I-hardly-touched-him-guv reaction afterwards. Axel, F- for fair-play.”
That’s a long-winded way of cleansing us all with earworm, but here we go.
Elsewhere, it’s Italy 0-0 Ireland. You can follow that game with Barry Glendenning, here. Apparently, Ireland have been denied an ironwaller.
“I presume you’ve forgotten the classic Watford strip from the early 90s?” asks John Willoug. “The fluorescent yellow one with the red and black jagged blocks making a line through the middle? It looked like part of a roadblock bollard, evenwhen they weren’t making a wall to defend a free kick, and it always looked to my eyes like they had 12 or 13 players on the field…”
And here it is; it’s no Iveco or Solvite.
Half-time email: “Sweden don’t look particularly threatening in yellow,” reckons Andy Gordon. “On a mobile phone screen they look like a team of highly mobile Minions.”
I presume that’s all of them bar Zlatan.
While we wait for the second half:
So, both sides will be fairly happy with how things went. Both played fairly well, and both will feel the result they need is there for them. Sweden need a little bit more quality from Seb Larsson’s delivery, and perhaps to get the ball into Zlatan sooner. Belgium need to gamble every time De Bruyne prepares to cross.
Half-time: Sweden 0-0 Belgium
That was a lot of fun.
45 min Witsel jumps with Berg a few yards into his own half, and for no reason whatsoever, other than general principle, sticks a forearm into his face. He’s booked; lucky boy.
But then, he’s capable of this:
44 min After that frantic opening, things have slowed a little. But what a ball this is from De Bruyne! He takes a corner short to the corner of the box and receives an instant return, chwhipping a cross to the far post that Meunier gets a flick on - and sends it just wide.
43 min Charles Antaki has some thoughts on shirtgate: “Good to see the classic home strip from Sweden, but what a missed opportunity from the Belgium designers - in spite of the brave flag-across-the-middle which you would have thought would make it an instant hit, the outfit manages to be entirely banal. Analogies with the play are tempting.”
Yes - a nice colour, but one you’d need a chart to name. Midnight cyan? Babyblue?
40 min Olsson absolutely rinses de Bruyne on the outside and is deposited into touch for his effrontery. The free-kick comes to nothing.
40 min Football fashionistas, where do we stand on yellow? No offence to the sun and all that, but I’m not at all sure. I suppose there’s sulphur as well as buttercups and daffodils, but I doubt it’s very scary for those scared of colours.
39 min “Tony Pulis has just talked about a ‘near post spaceman’, tweets Gary Naylor. “That Tim Peake gets everywhere!” Him and TP, brothers in bantz.
37 min Hazard and Arsene’s Kallstrom run into one another, so there’s a break. We see that De Bruyne cross again, and Lukaku wasn’t far from it, but at least one of Witsel and Nainggolan should be attacking those balls, Carrasco too.
Updated
36 min Lukaku turns Johansson - you know the rest. He’s booked.
35 min Gosh, another delectable cross from De Bruyne, taking the ball from Vertonghen and winning half a yard off Lindelof. But again, his cross is too good - that isn’t the same as he’s hit that too well is it? - and the chance goes.
Updated
32 min Granqvist bustles down the left, but can’t quite force the ball across, and Belgium break with De Bruyne, twinkling over the grass like that kid with pilchard sandwiches who didn’t look like he could possibly be good at sport but was ridiculous. He’s got Hazard outside him, but Ekdal is having no such thing, sliding in with a garden foul and taking his booking. The free-kick is drilled into the wall by Vertonghen, Belgium force a corner, and Isaksson punches clear.
31 min Meunier, who was almost booked for the foul that led to the Larsson free-kick, fouls someone - I missed who - and is booked. The free-kick is overhit.
30 min And immediately, Belgium go down the other end, De Bruyne absolutely shmicing a cross across the face that no one’s there to tap in. “It’s end to end, which is one end to the other,” teaches Tone.
29 min Zlatan has arrived! He runs at Alderweireld, who strains every molecule to keep up, before hisman slips into a flowing ball to Berg. The return duly arrives, but the eventuating shot is blocked at source.
Updated
28 min “Lukaku is a typical English centre-forward. Big, physical and great if you want to get to the quarter-finals or Prem top six,” reckons Gary Naylor.
Which is more or less my opinion, and we’ve both played the game, so there you go.
26 min What a pleasant game this is! Zlatan nips a ball into Berg, who turns adroitly and doesn’t dare not tee up his pal for a 20-yard grubber which flashes wide.
25 min Chance for Belgium, patient build-up presenting De Bruyne with the chance to shoot. It’s testament to the season he’s had that from 20 yards we expect him to score, but his shot it too close to Isaksson, who grabs with relative comfort.
22 min Nice from Sweden, Forsberg nipping forwards and finding “Zoltan”*, nashing ahead of him for the return! He really did! But Zlatan spins and thunks a shot into alderweireld like a fighter working the body.
*Tony Pulis, natch.
20 min Email, with Brad Wilson: “As an Everton supporter I might agree with you on Lukaku. “I rarely question his work ethic and drive, but his often-heavy first touches kill chances and he has a way of missing what should be sure-thing goals. But, then, when he’s on he’s the best Everton centre-forward in years. Extremely useful, I would say. Elite? Well, he’s not Zlatan, let’s say.”
What I do admire is the standard of nightmare he can produce. The Cup semi-final one was magnificent, Wayne Bridge v Croatia magnificent. On which point, feel free to send in your other favourites.
18 min Already, Belgium are missing Dembele - Witsel and Nainggolan are good players, but they don’t have the same wit and feel, nor the ability to beat a succession of men in the middle of the pitch.
16 min Carrasco allows a long ball to drop, thinking he’s got the drop on Olsson; he sets off again, but can’t catch it up, bumping the official instead. And what a pleasure it’s been to watch him emerge - football needs wingers more than it needs inverted, false, attacking, withdrawn, advanced nondescripts.
14 min Sweden patiently knock it about their back-four before Grnaqvist injects some momentum, driving forward and sliding into a pass for Zlatan. He stays down, though, and there’s a brief pause while he remembers that he’s hard; play then restarts.
13 min Romelu Lukaku: useful to have, never going to be elite. Discuss.
12 min Hazard spreads wide to Meunier and he attacks Olsson, clipping a cross that doesn’t look especially dangerous, but still forces Isaksson to fumble clear. Lukaku was loitering behind him, but ought really to have been on his toes attacking the ball.
11 min A quiet few seconds. Belgium are controlling possession, but Sweden look drilled, moving across the pitch like a table football team.
8 min Where was this Sweden against Italy and Ireland? Zlatan goes at Meunier down the side of the box and swivels into a cut-back. It’s intercepted, but really - this is already very different.
6 min And Belgium break immediately, Lukaku finding space at inside-left and running hard before slamming a low cross-shot that scooshes narrowly wide. This is great stuff so far.
Updated
5 min What a chance for Sweden! Nainggolan cedes the first of his customary 63,412 fouls, and Larsson, 45 yards out, right of centre, highlights the folly. He clips and excellent ball into the middle of the box, and after a phalanx rise, it falls to Berg, He’s dead centre and maybe 7 yards out, falling in such a way as to help him generate power. But he can only shoot straight at Courtois, who saves superbly nonetheless - there was plenty of power there.
Updated
3 min Lindelof slips and De Bruyne pounces, eventually funnelling infield to Witsel, who allows the ball across his body before loping a drive over the top. Belgium look confident, like they’re enjoying themselves.
1 min Immediately, Vertonghen paces down the left before overhitting a cross the back post, while Hazard grimaces and limps. He’ll be reet.
1 min The fans count down. Really they do. And Belgium stomp off in disgust kick-off.
I don’t buy the theory that because we’ve not had requisite goals, the tournament hasn’t been a good one. We’ve had some great goals, some shocks, loads of late goals and some needle; or, put another way, plenty of buzz.
Buuuuuut, the last two games have been easily the best so far, full of vicious intensity. More, please.
Lot of glaring from Zlatan, prior to a segue into pensive glaring. He’s ready.
Let’s have some antha. Belgium go for the hand-on-heart stance, but not many singers - they can’t be a highly driven, wondrously talented bunch. Now that’s maths.
Eden Hazard gives Zlatan a yeah, I’m a boss too handshake, and here they come!
The players are tunnelled, doing those neck exercises and the rest. It’s almost time.
Housekeeping: Belgium need to avoid a three-goal defeat to make the knockouts, unless a one-goal defeat is combined with an Ireland win. Sweden must win.
Updated
Which, I suppose, brings us to yerman Zlatan. Players of his ilk tend to look indolent when it’s not going well, which doesn’t matter so much if you’re surrounded by quality. If, on the other hand, you’re the symbol of a team entirely dependent on you, it’s not a good look. Ronaldo, for example, plays with far better players, and while they might have to endure his various tantrums, they never have to cause to think he doesn’t care.
Sweden, on the other hand, might have been the competition’s most disappointing team, were it not for Austria. No one expects them to dazzle, but everyone expects them to put it about; they haven’t, really.
So, what would represent success for Belgium in this competition? In Brazil, they were a little keen to celebrate themselves in defeat - losing softly to the first decent side they played does not good reason for selfies make.
On the other hand, they might just be good enough to win this competition - don’t laugh, but they’re actually my dark horses.
This seems like it might be funny:
In case it isn’t:
So, each manager makes one change. For Sweden, Marcus Berg will receive frowns, glares and shrugs, alongside Ibrahimovic instead of John Giudetti; for Belgium, Radja Nainggolan replaces the injured Mousa Dembele, while Yannick Carrasco is fit enough to start.
Runners and riders
Sweden (two banks of four): Isaksson; Lindelof, Johansson, Granqvist, Olsson; Larsson, Kallstrom, Ekdal, Forsberg; Ibrahimovic, Berg.
Belgium (not two banks of four): Courtois; Meunier, Alderweireld, Vermaelen, Vertonghen; Nainggolan, Witsel; Carrasco, De Bruyne, Hazard; Lukaku.
Man in the mirror: Felix Brych (Germany)
Updated
Preamble
When is a game not a game? When it’s this game.
Once upon a time, we were gathering here today to resolve a straightforward issue: who joins Italy, and perhaps Ireland, in qualifying for the last sixteen. Not no more. Now, we’re here to discover who takes the prized second spot in Group E, or, more properly, who gets to contest a bracket that involves not single former champion.
Of course, historical significance does not necessarily means contemporary excellence, but, well: a route to the final playing three of Portugal, Hungary, Wales, Croatia, Poland, Austria, Albania and Turkey? This not only unusual but unprecedented and, most likely, unrepeatable. This is not only the chance of lifetime but the chance of infinite lifetimes.
Such is the genius of Mark “Gary” Wilmots, who hoodwinked an entire Continent with his approach against Italy. His approach was negative, they cried; he’s getting the minimum out of these players, they sobbed; he’s so carping afterwards, they carped. Little did they know that they were dealing with a man of prophesy and vision; one who knew second place is where it’s at.
He was not alone: Zlatan Ibrahimovic made similar - and better - provision. Not for him the crass, uncouth expenditure of energy required to win sooner than essential, Third game, third person, third dimension.
But, happily for us, only one of them will be happy at the end of tonight. You see, being a footballer is all very well - nice life, nice lifestyle, nice nice. But when you mess up, it stings. It might sting us too, but in the end, it’s part of the fun; for the players, it’s part of who they are. And that’s exactly what we’re going to see.
Kick-off: 8pm BST
Updated
Daniel will be here shortly. Until then, test yourself with Tom Bryant’s wonderfully crafted spot the ball competition, and after that give this one a try.
There is no prize, sadly ...
Updated
