Right, that’s that then - thanks for reading and bye-bye.
As for Swansea, they’ll be vex not to have won, let alone lost, but no need for despair. They’re a good side and they’re improving, too - better finishing, and they’d have handled things comfortably.
For all the complaints about Pochettino, he’s instilled in his team, or picked players who have, the fibre to get things done. And, if I were a Spurs fan, I’d be mithered by that far more than by gripes about Rose, Adebayor and the rest.
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FULL-TIME: Swansea City 1-2 Tottenham Hotspur
The Van Gaal-Pochettino battle for sneaked victory, usually by way of 2-1, continues.
90+3 min Bartley rattles into a challenge with fresh air, missing Eriksen by miles, but he’s booked anyway.
90 min There shall be four additional minutes, and what’s this! Harry Kane chases into Richards, relieves him of the ball, and lanks clear into the box, left side, opening his body to thierryhenry a finish just inside the far post. But he lifts his effort enough so that Tremmel can spring to palm it away.
NO WAY! GOAL! Swansea 1-2 Spurs (Eriksen, 89)
And what an excellent goal this is! First, Bartley dwells on the ball, and recently-arrived enforcer, Stambouli, crunches him. Eriksen, who’s been quiet, then shoots just wide, right to left, but Spurs come again, and Davies slaps a pass into him - now on the left of the box. He leans towards it, and as Williams lurches off in that direction, nips away, then, with everyone expecting a shot towards the far post, drags one inside the near for another expertly-taken late winner!
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87 min Montero shoves the ball outside Walker and flings his body in its pursuit - and Walker does brilliantly to keep up, introducing shoulder to shoulder until there’s no pitch left.
85 min And another substitution that simply could not be made at the same time as its predecessor; Bony off, Gomis on.
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84 min Lamela departs, Chadli arrives, raising a question: is the appearance bonus worth the hassle of cleaning yourself? Though, I suppose there’s no need, really; in our class, there was a weekly competition : who could retain their Sunday football mud for the longest.
83 min Montero sets off when the ball breaks to him just outside his own box, and he runs it into trouble, but Stambouli is booked in any event for his effort to obstruct.
82 min Walker sees Taylor coming, so nips the ball around him and sets off in pursuit, eliciting the inevitable foul; well, is everything that happens necessarily inevitable? Just back from a suspension awarded for accumulation of the same, he accepts another.
81 min They should play every game of every sport in the howling rain.
79 min “Eric Lamela doesn’t look like that sort of player,” tweets Gary Naylor, “he looks like one of One Direction. And that one direction should be off.”
Yes, lucky for the forearm earlier, though I suppose we could argue that if he’d been booked for that, he might not have tackled in quite that manner. Either way, his contribution today is not entirely easy to discern.
77 min The scoreboard vanishes from the screen, as Spurs force consecutive corners. The second is a goodun, or kane makes it a goodun, nashing to meet it and crumpling himself in half to glance a whizzer off the outside corner of his forehead, that skids tenths of inches wide of the far post.
75 min Lamela, it appears, is still with us - he imparts a flying lunge in the general direction of Montero, doing well to avoid a booking. Then, Routledge wriggles clear on the right and snaps in a cross that Kane nods clear. And then my picture gets the hiccoughs, or hiccups, depending on your bent.
74 min They might not have played well last week - they didn’t play well last week - but Swansea haven’t let that mither them at all. They’ve played with real confidence here, the kind of confidence that comes with familiarity and suitability.
71 min Swansea are onto this! First, SIgurdsson shows lovely balance to evade a man “in and around” the box”, before picking a pass through to Shelvey. But, just as he prepares to shoot, Vertonghen inserts an enormoleg in front of the ball, deflecting his effort wide. And Swansea come again, the ball laid back for Shelvey on the edge of the box, just left of centre, and he drills just wide of the near post.
69 min A second substitution following its predecessor by seconds: Jazz Richards on for Angel Rangel, perhaps the most sonically rewarding change of all-time.
69 min Second change for Spurs, who need to change something. Stambouli replaces Mason.
68 min Can someone please confirm that Andy Hinchcliffe’s dressing room nickname was “Cats & co.” Thanks.
66 min Swansea are racking Spurs up here, a move of six of seven incisive passes finishing with Bony freeing Montero, who nudges into Sigurdsson. With Mason expecting a right-footed shot, he’s sent dashing off into the middle distance by a check back the other way, the ensuing shot only just wide of the near post.
64 min More excellence from Routledge, who’s giving Davies an unpleasant pocket of time-space continuum here. Again, he eludes him with a fairly straightforward run, and with Bony making his way from centre to right, flicks a pass into his stride. But, showing surprising powers of observation, Fazio is across and deflects his attempted cross behind, for a corner that comes to nothing.
62 min Pressure from Spurs. First, Mason arrives into space, left of centre, and swivels into a shot from 25 yards, that clips Williams’ heels and sneaks just wide, with Tremmel wrongfooted. Then, Kane wanders in off the left and, with nothing, on, unfurls a Ronnie Whelan curler and draws further than looked possible, only to drop wide.
60 min More action down the Swansea right, Montero clipping a ball into space immediately filled by forehead of Ki. But he administers a thunk, when a cushion was required, and, to Hinchcliffe’s consternation, the ball goes over the bar.
59 min Routledge moochesin off the right, swaying in, out, and away from Davies, who’s happy to disengage. Noting Montero on the other flank, he arcs a lovely outside-of-the-foot job towards him, only to see it scoot under studs. There follows the obligatory hand raised in acknowledgement.
58 min Would Rickie Lambert be a better centre-forward if he was Ricky Lambert? I posit aye.
58 min “Having followed this match in order to forget, Bony scoring has now reminded me just how incompetent my own team’s attempts at replacing a goal scorer have been.”
That’s Poorian Copestake again, who does not appear to be enjoying the compelling enigma of characterful maverick that is Rickie Lambert.
56 min Change for Spurs: Soldado, who was indeed playing, off, and Dembele on.
56 min Change for Swansea: Britton off, Shelvey on.
55 min “I am with Jack Ross on this Spurs manager,” says the returning Mike Nagle. “The talent was there but they let go Dawson, Holtby, Sigudsson and Sandro. He has also failed to get the best out of Dembele, Paulinho, Adebayor & Lennon. The defence has been poor as shown by this goal Bony has just scored. The manager mad merry-go-round has been bad for Spurs but this manager is not the answer.”
What’s happened to Dembele? He looked a real player, even if he was lkely to need coaching to learn his new position. He can beat and commit people in the middle of the pitch, not something you see often.
53 min Montero and Taylor gang up on Walker down the left, and the former stands up a cross for Bony - but it’s just behind him, and demands too much of his scaline and sternohyoids, the header straight and Lloris.
51 min Mason nips the ball away in centrefield, a millisecond before Ki careers into him. He’s booked.
50 min “To counter Jack Ross,” counters John Willoug, ‘...like most Spurs supporters I was excited by Pochettino’s appointment...’, I was not very hopeful, but not because I didn’t admire him as a coach. I thought that his style had similarities to AVB’s failed model, and felt that he would struggle to impose it on the Spurs squad. I was encouraged that he actually bought in players other than midfielders though.”
I think the difference is that he was less likely to antagonise half the squad in his first month or so, and grasps that to play a high defensive line, there needs to be pressure on the ball.
GOAL! Swansea 1-1 Spurs (Bony, 48)
And there it is! Davies is drawn to the ball, leaving Routledge, and it’s immediately hoisted over his heid by Rangel, into the path of the aformentioned. He then immediately hoists it into the middle, where Bony again connects with a firm instep - and again, hits the unwitting Fazio. But this time, it drops conveniently into his path, and he dispatches it past Lloris from very few yards indeed.
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47 min There used to be a chap in Leicester Square who you had to pay to guess your age, and if he got it wrong, he gave you a postcard. Harry Kane would destroy his business model - though only if he was slow on the uptake, I guess.
46 min Swansea recommence. What kind of person says “commence”, not “start” or “begin”?
Half-time email: “I am following this match in order to try and forget, confides Ian Copestake. “There is a healing process in getting involved in other people’s teams when one’s own is so incompetent.”
Reality TV, nailed.
So, Spurs started well, and even once Swansea took over, have played with intensity and purpose. But it’s not really been enough, because the centre of their defence is still suspect, so Bony has had three or four proper sights of goal - and to get them, he’s barely had to do anything beyond step backwards. So far, though, his finishing hasn’t quite been there, even if he’s also had to endure some ill luck - but if Spurs don’t get tighter, he’ll score eventually.
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Half-time: Swansea 0-1 Spurs
Decent half, that.
45 min There’ll be two additional minutes.
45 min “I think like most Spurs supporters I was excited by Pochettino’s appointment,” says Jack Ross, “but he has failed to live up to expectations thus far. I like to think that this is because of the squad he was given — in Chadli, Lamela, and Eriksen we have 3 good no. 10s but no wingers and no striker, which seems to be why our attacks always end up getting stuffed at exactly the top middle of the box. But then certain decisions the Poch has made are strange… His reluctance to play Davies over Rose, or his playing two strikers last week without any wingers, for instance. His failure to see our lack of width has been keeping me up at night, a bit. What should we think of him? Is he clueless like the rest?”
It’s a mortifying admission, isn’t it, the forsaken sleep. You’re not alone, if it’s any consolation. I agree about the pace out wide - I’d have expected Lennon to play more, if only for that reason. Agreed also on Davies over Rose, but at least that’s now sorted.
43 min Sigurdsson, who’s been quiet, appears into the game down the right, retreating to turn a gorgeous reverse ball down the line for Rangel. Around the penalty spot, Bony peels away, and clearly the two men to whom his marking is assigned, do nothing. He meets the ball cleanly, looking to guide it into the far corner, but his aim is fractionally awry, and he allows Fazio to perpetrate an accidental block.
41 min Kane breaks down the right, away from Montero, who blatantly glances at him. This causes Kane to plunge to the ground the moment he enters the box, but neither penalty nor card eventuate. Then, Bentaleb flies in on someone or other and is booked.
40 min “Tis the season of goodwill so I’m not so confident that cards won’t be exchanged, although I’m not sure how swans and cockerels get on with each other,” philosophises Mark Judd. If a cockerel poked its beak in your bellybutton with the force of a pneumatic drill, it could break your stomach.
38 min Kane carries the ball forwards for Spurs - his willingness to run with it, and his chunky strides, make a big difference to this team. He’s at inside-right, and Soldado peels away outside him, presumably desperate to get away from goal lest he be asked to finish. So, Kane finds him, and there follows an immediate square pass that narrowly misses both his stride and that of Eriksen arriving alongside.
37 min Spurs are chasing around now, and that’s about it. Swansea, though, need to get more men into the box to help Bony, because otherwise, they’re relying on a perfect pass or cross and a perfect, first-time finish to score.
34 min The game’s now nurturing a pleasing tetch, and Vertonghen slides in with studs showing, but grounded, winning the ball from Routledge and cleaning him up with the trailing leg. The players then do some surrounding of the ref, and he’s booked, but the contact is partly a consequence of the surface -do the laws change is these conditions?
33 min “No Christmas cards will be exchanged.” That’s actually been said.
32 min Montero and Lamela do not appear to be enjoying one another’s company, and the latter, shielding the ball, spies the former approaching, so ignores the round thing and steps across to rap forearm across phizog. Seen red cards for less, yadda.
30 min Swansea are all over this, so Pochettino appears on the touchline, slapping Walker’s bum with great purpose and authority.
28 min It’s raining really hard - so hard it’ll make your head bleed, just like around the Cape of Good Hope.
26 min And here come Swansea! Rangel arcs a delicious cross into the ginol of confusion, and Bony extends a toe to poke it goalwards. But Lloris reacts brilliantly to first palm and then kick it away, doing well to hit Fazio, thus avoiding the onrushing Sigurdsson. Then the flag goes up, for no reason.
24 min Swansea are getting into this now, and a low Routledge cross scuttles across the face of goal with no final touch. Then, there are shouts for a penalty after Fazio knocks Sigurdsson over - from Garry Monk in particular - but they’re waved away. Hinchliffe is sure it was nothing, but it looked fair enough to me.
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23 min The co-commentator is Andy Hinchcliffe, tweets Gary Naylor, “whose views may well er... come out of left-field.”
They are also highly cultured.
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21 min Quite why it took so long for Ben Davies to be given a run in this Spurs side is one of the enduring mysteries of the cosmos, and he saves a certain goal with a brilliantly-timed challenge. Montero breaks along the left, and fizzes in a pass the bisects Vertonghen and Fazio - not difficult, admittedly, with the former even stepping over it in a bit to adjust his clodhoppers. And Bony is waiting between them, accepting it immediately, in the box and in front of Lloris, only for Davies to slide in from his blind side and shove the ball away from danger.
19 min Oooh this is nice from Spurs, Eriksen darting one into Soldado’s feet. Back to goal, it’s immediately laid off into the path of Kane, who swings at it, dragging a shot only just wide.
18 min Eriksen moseys in off the flank - he’s at inside-left, more or less, 35 yards out - and dawdles on the ball, espying Davies hurtling forward outside him. The weight on his pass, cutting out Rangel and arriving perfectly into stride, is lovely, but Davies’ cross is cut out by Tremmel easily enough.
17 min “The Liberty Stadium is a notoriously difficult place to come and get results,” says the co-commentator - I think it might be Clarke Carlisle. Is there anywhere that isn’t?
15 min More work for Bobby Madley, who’s name reeks of darts. Montero barges into Walker, but with no foul given, he stretches in order to intercept the progress of the ball. For this, he is booked.
13 min Bentaleb is in late on Routledge, lunging into a tackle that’s stern but not dangerous. There’s some round-mouthed exclaiming, and it looks as though the ref is about to book him, but he chooses not to.
11 min Kane control at the junction of box and and goalline, turning his back to Williams, who shepherds him to the ground. With the ball caught between torso and turf, Williams then aims a hard kick at both, somehow escaping punishment.
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9 min An early goal is unspurs, but holding it for but a few minutes is deeply spurs, and Swansea quickly fashion an opportunity to equalise. They retain possession for five or six passes, and then, behind the Tottenham midfield, Routledge slots a pass between Fazio and Walker that gives Bony a site of goal. He’s just outside the box, and a player with serious wheels might have headed for goal, but he elected to manoeuvre the ball onto his right foot to shoot looking for the bottom-right corner, not getting enough of it to seriously trouble Lloris.
7 min Swansea have barely mustered a pass so far - Spurs are pressurising them well, if not with the level of intensity that so shook Everton.
6 min An early goal, headed in from a corner, arguably the least spurs thing in existence.
GOAL! Swansea 0-1 Spurs (Kane, 4)
Eriksen swings the ball in to between the penalty spot and back post - it’s not a great corner, but Kane makes it thus, leaping early, contorting his head, and diverting the ball into the far corner with a torque that makes it seem like he’s nailed the ball with both back and forehead. Poor defending, but a difficult finish made to look easy
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2 min Spurs not the ball around pleasantly enough, until it reaches Soldado, who can’t hold it up. But they quickly win it back, and find Lamela on the right touchline. Walker is there too, so Montero burns over and runs into the former, ceding a free-kick, perhaps 35 yards out, on the right. Eriksen takes it, it’s headed away, but eventuates a corner.
1 min Spurs begin, and Kyle Walker marks his return by needlessly ceding possession.
They’re playing aggressive techno-pop, which can mean only two things: a game of association football is upon us, and so too is a commercial break.
It’s a bit off to wish away the players of so-called smaller teams, but it appears a deeply odd decision from Brendan Rodgers to buy Mario Balotelli, when he might have bid for Wilfried Bony.
Near-manslaughterer Ashley Williams looks like he’s got one of those superhero fancy dress outfits on under his jersey. The players march out, because football is IMPORTANT.
What would constitute a good season for Spurs this time? Would simple improvement and hope be satisfactory, or does it need to be reflected in league position?
Garry Monk used to support Spurs, because his brother supported Arsenal. Now that’s narrative.
“Any word on Aaron Lennon? Is he injured?” asks Mike Nagle. “Why does the manager start with Lamelantable again? Why not Chadli? I also fear Mason and Bentaleb are not as good as the manager thinks they are. I fear a 3-0 drubbing from those Swans with Sigurdsson starring!”
Not sure on Lennon - we’ve been blustered by United-Liverpool REACTION until now. I bet Lamela is great in training, and too good a player for patience not to be shown. I really like what I’ve seen of Bentaleb in particular, and they allow the team to play at a really high tempo.
They’re an interesting side, Swansea; they work, because they’re balanced. Not many of the teams above them can say that.
“On the lethality of swans,” begins Matthew Jorgensen, supplying easily the finest combination of words to visit my email subject box. “Having worked with large and dangerous birds of all types (I’ve had a hawk’s talons embedded deeply in my arm multiple times) , I can say that swans are not only among the least pleasant, but probably among the most dangerous. Particularly around breeding season in the spring (he says, hoping that this team gets even better in the spring). There aren’t many news stories of birds actually killing people, but swans are right up there with the best (worst of them).”
I can’t believe we’re reduced to this already, but could a swan have a human? Or a King Charles spaniel, say?
So, what does it mean? Well, Swansea must “do without” the suspended Fabianski, but are compensated by the return of Taylor, while Spurs will be delighted to see Kyle Walker return, close to the ideal full-back for a Pochettino team. Otherwise, all is as expected.
Wa teams:
Swansea City (4-2-3-1 or so): Tremmel; Rangel, Bartley, Williams, Taylor; Britton, Ki; Routledge, Sigurdsson, Montero; Bony.
Subs: Amat, Shelvey, Emnes, Dyer, Cornell, Gomis, Richards.
Tottenham Hotspur (4-2-3-1 of sorts): Lloris; Walker, Fazio, Vertonghen, Davies; Bentaleb, Mason; Eriksen, Kane, Lamela; Soldado.
Subs: Rose, Chiriches, Vorm, Townsend, Dembele, Chadli, Stambouli.
Preamble In the history of swans, has anyone ever had their arm broken by the wing of one? No? Good. See, if an elephant put you in a kimura, stuff would snap - and yet, no one ever feels the urge to advise caution in that regard. Makes you think, eh?
But one thing swans can do is bite - it’s what they did to the only person I know who’s engaged one in unarmed combat - and a fair few sides have already felt that in Welsh aspect this season, he tenuously analogised. Because Garry Monk has not only got his players organised, but instilled a fire that was lacking under the previous regime, showing both tactical and interpersonal acumen - the two managerial staples.
Spurs, meanwhile, remain entirely spurs, putting the err into erratic, the less into useless and the appointment into disappointment. And yet, and yet, and yet; Spurs being spurs, there’s always a yet. Their performance at home to Everton, led by Kane, Mason and Sherwood’s Bentaleb, was as brilliantly, invigoratingly ferocious as anything you’ll see this season, they have a manager who knows what he wants - and surely, finally, they’ve not choice but to let him get on with it.
Kick-off: 4pm
