Is it difficult being a Scottish, female, lesbian comic? This is a question I'm often asked. I always answer that it would be more difficult if I was a Scottish, male, lesbian comic. But no matter: such box-ticking counts for little during the fringe. There are thousands of other comics with more interesting USPs than fancying both Cagney and Lacey.
As the song goes, you gotta have a gimmick. I've seen plenty of good examples: Joe Lycett's Some Lycett Hot and Suzi Ruffell's Let's Get Ready to Ruffell automatically make me smile. Richard Coughlan's Eat a Queer Foetus 4 Jesus less so, perhaps – but at least it grabs the attention. I've been pondering Susan Calman: Tires Easily, Likes Middle-of-the-Road Crime Drama and Toast, but I'm not so sure. It may be factually correct but it's not exactly jazzy.
The fringe brochure is essentially one giant lonely hearts' column. Here the young, impressionable types scream, "Love me! Listen to me! I'm cute!" and jostle for attention next to the bitter, jaded comics. The kind of comic who meets his jokes at a McDonald's on a Sunday because he lost custody of them to his wife.
There are wonderful examples of the more extreme ends of comedy at the fringe. The Boy with Tape on his Face never says a word, but is funnier than many more loquacious colleagues. (He is in some ways my perfect man.) At the opposite end of the spectrum is David Trent, a mish-mash of music, animation and video, which works. Finally there's Lucy Porter, whose USP is that she's the nicest woman in the world. That's something to treasure amid a month of depressed, self-indulgent comics.
Fancy posters can help catch the public's eye, although the fashion for making them larger than venues is alarming. In a few years' time, they will be using them to cover the city when it rains, like the Wimbledon roof, only more soggy. Myself, I'm not sure that goes far enough in terms of getting people's attention. Next year I'm just going to call my show I Am Meryl Streep, with a picture of Meryl Streep on the poster, and see if I sell out.
• Susan Calman plays the Dairy Room, Bristo Square, until 27 August.
