As a single woman who worked as a sexual health adviser in the NHS for almost 20 years, off and on, I would like to commend Ellie Mae O’Hagan for her insightful piece on consent (No wonder women are still afraid to say no, Journal, 18 July).
In a culture that is noticeably sexualised, where hardcore porn is easily available and shared by young people via their phones, with no regard for “parental control”, the “world where women are afraid to say no” is indeed a reality.
Unfortunately, even saying “no” is rarely enough. I have experienced times when I thought my clearly expressed feelings were overruled by someone I considered to be a friend, someone I trusted. As a young girl I was constantly reminded that I should remain a virgin and not get pregnant, but these strictures are no longer considered relevant. Some years ago, I found myself dealing with a 14-year-old girl in tears because she was being bullied for not having sex with her male classmates. And of course there are the ever-popular insults of “slag” or “bike” for the girls who have “a reputation”.
Before I retired a few years ago, I found myself often expressing to my colleagues that women were no longer clear on how or why to say no, that they were becoming sexually active much younger, and abortions were on the increase. It is a sorry state, indeed, but at least the #MeToo movement is bringing women’s experiences into the light and providing some support for those (and they are many) who have been abused.
Rowan Ferguson
Wells, Somerset
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