Feb. 08--The Super Bowl ads this year are trying to get back to being funny. Except when they are still trying to be sincere. It is, in other words, the usual mixed bag of overreaching, underachieving and a few gems in the mix to keep you coming back for more. Here they are, ladies and gentlemen, the best and worst 2016 Super Bowl ads:
Heinz, A+
That this best spot of the Super Bowl could be made so simply (and so inexpensively) has to have other advertisers tearing their storyboards into little pieces. No celebrities. No massive production that looks lifted from an action movie. Just a horde of Dachshunds dressed as hot dogs (wiener dogs, naturally) running in slow motion across a field toward a handful of humans in Heinz condiment suits. The perfect musical backdrop is Harry Nilsson's ("I can't live if living is...") "Without You." It is at once joyfully goofy and disarmingly elegant.
Amazon Echo, B
Ex-NFL QB Dan Marino and actor Alec Baldwin trade reasonably funny jabs in this reasonably product-focused spot for Amazon's mashup of Siri and a Jambox. Give it credit for keeping the presence of the celebrities, who also include musician Missy Elliott, in service to the commercial message, showing America just what is the Amazon Echo, a surprise but still little-known electronics hit.
Avocados from Mexico, A-
Aliens of the future tour a museum displaying "the bounty of Earth," including the "cube of Rubik," a "torture device" viewers recognize as a commercial airline cabin and Scott Baio. There's a lot of talking here, but the jokes are funny, and ending on the product (and the guacamole you make from it) does make you want to reach for a chip.
Pepsi, B-
The best you can say for this ad is that it is spirited and well-performed, casting Janelle Monae as lead dancer bopping through three settings of American music through the years. But it is also generic and oh-so-very-safe, leaving us feeling like we've seen this before. We sort of have: Pepsi years ago gave us Britney Spears singing through the ages.
Classic rock ads, A-
You can't go wrong with the stuff that's still on car radios all the time, right? No, you can't, carmakers respond. Acura nimbly employs the whoops and hollers of the David Lee Roth solo vocal track from "Running with the Devil," long a YouTube favorite, to convey excitement about its new vehicle.
Honda Ridgeline uses Queen's "Somebody to Love" in a concept we've seen before (animals talk when people disappear), but it is so perfectly executed you don't mind.
And Audi calls on David Bowie's "Starman" to suggest that driving its new flagship sedan is a decent substitute for commanding a space vehicle.
Life lessons, B
It's understandable that advertisers want to do more than tell a few jokes or sell a few more widgets. But Colgate's message about not wasting water when you brush your teeth feels in this setting like hectoring.
Ditto for Anheuser-Busch's anti-drunk driving screed, even if it is delivered by Helen Mirren.
But the ad for the No More anti-violence campaign, using a string of text messages, tells people something they might not know: that the apologies a woman makes for her partner could be covering something worse.
Mtn Dew, C-
When did Mountain Dew lose most of the letters in its first name? And how radical is that, dude? It's about as radical as spending Spr Bwl ad mny (see what I did there?) to introduce a determinedly creepy new character, Puppymonkeybaby. This one tries too hard, sort of like an established consumer products company overindulging in contemporary language conventions.
Hyundai, C
In two spots, the Korean carmaker has one funny idea -- two young women drive through a town where all the men are Ryan Reynolds -- but doesn't know what to do with it. In the end it sells safety, not sex, and football fans know a safety is only worth two points.
Hyundai's other spot, a cliched daddy-daughter dating scenario featuring Kevin Hart, will teach you that Kevin Hart commercials are a lot like Kevin Hart movies: You can almost feel yourself start to smile every now and then.
WeatherTech, B+
Surrounded by a sea of flop sweat, ads for the suburban Chicago car mat maker stand out for being unafraid to be basic. In its third straight Super Bowl ad, WeatherTech simply says, we are American-made and proud, and we have products that will work for you. Directness in advertising. What a concept.
Budweiser, B
This is the only place you'll see the company's Clydesdales this year, in a second straight Super Bowl ad going after craft beers and imports. "Not a Hobby," "Not a Fruit Cup" and "Not Sipped" say some of the on-screen graphics, although the unfortunate suggestion is that Bud is better used for spraying around the room than drinking. Give the ad credit, though, for impeccable production: It's a riveting 60 seconds. And thank Budweiser for retiring the played-out farmer-reunites-with-lost-animal scenario.
Shock Top, C
And now comes Anheuser-Busch's sort-of craft beer, the one that is served with the fruit wedge that the beefy guy flicks away in the anti-craft ad. Comic TJ Miller is fine here, but he's forced to trade insults with the Shock Top character, the sunglasses-wearing, mohawked bro who adorns their tap handles. And that improbably swaggering little guy is the definition of an unlikable character (see also: Puppymonkeybaby).
Bud Light, A-
Seth Rogen and Amy Schumer mock political ads and themselves, a little, as stars of this campaign commercial for the "Bud Light Party." It's funny straight through, from Paul Rudd being the thing besides beer that everybody agrees on to a farmer touting emojis. It even lets Schumer be Schumer with some not-subtle raunch based on the word "caucus."
Skittles, B+
This ad manages to be all about the candy as rocker Steven Tyler is shown a portrait of himself made out of the colorful little fruit drops. Beware of those "Dream On" high notes, candy Steven Tyler.
Snickers, C
Again dipping into pop culture after its success mining "The Brady Bunch" last year, Snickers this time suggests that cranky Marilyn Monroe (played by Willem Dafoe, in a dress, above a subway grate) just needs a bite of candy to be restored to her sweet self. On paper this ought to work, but on screen it plays a little stale, like peanuts trapped too long inside chocolate.
Hyundai Elantra, C-
Remote start on a car is potentially a fine feature, especially if bears are chasing you. Talking bears leaving the dominant impression in a car commercial? Not so fine.
Mobile Strike, B
"Celebrity Apprentice" host Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in this mini-action drama suggesting the battle game is really exciting to play on your mobile phone. Question: Who has time to play battle games on their mobile phones? Arnold Schwarzenegger, perhaps.
Doritos, B
This year's amateur ad challenge winner is a sonogram scenario. The dad is eating Doritos in the room, because dads are schlubs, and the unborn kid is reaching for the Doritos because, well, future schlub! Not my favorite from the chip maker's generally successful series of DIY spots, but the ending is pretty funny.
