Were Sunday's telly not an exciting enough prospect, what with Formula 1 on ITV1, a Channel 4 schedule that hasn't changed in at least five years (unless you count the addition of The Simpsons, which I don't) and the digital channels dominated by repeats, there's the Concert for Diana stretching out interminably all afternoon and evening on BBC1.
After Wimbledon dominating Saturday, it's enough to persuade you that injecting crystal meth into your eyeballs isn't such a bad idea and have you scrabbling around for Lindsay Lohan's mobile number. Purely for advice on how to stay clean, you understand.
It would be distasteful to call it car-crash television but there's something perverse in commemorating with a concert a woman whose taste in music was as ill-advised as her disregard for seatbelts.
Lo, the line-up boasts Duran Duran, Take That, Bryan Ferry (you can insert your own Nazi joke here) and, naturally, Elton John. Sir Elt - did we ever establish what title David Furnish got? - will, one imagines, play his rewritten version of Candle in the Wind to much wailing, gnashing of teeth and tearing of hair, not all of it transplanted from the head of a desperate Russian peasant or, indeed, Elton's own, now bald, left butt cheek. As was recently remarked in Ugly Betty - a show the morality of which we can only aspire to live our lives by - "Give that queen $20 and he'll rewrite it for anybody".
For reasons too traumatic to explain, I saw Gary Barlow in concert once. He'd had a terrible time lately, he explained, on account of the deaths of people very close to him. On the screens behind him, up pictures of his nan (well it wasn't his beard), Gianni Versace and, and I quote, "Princess Lady Diana". Grief affects people in different ways, I guess.
But it is, surely, what the princess would have wanted - to see Gary and the Take That boys taking this opportunity to remind viewers that they have an album out. And of course, of all the Princess's good charity work. Though, as I write, the House of Versace's charity status is obviously still pending.
Considering the oxygen of publicity surrounding the gig, Lily Allen and Kanye West (best known song: Golddigger) are also set to perform in the Princess's memory. Nope, me neither. Being a posh west London girl, Allen was more likely to have crossed Diana's path but as far as I'm aware, Di never touched Kanye's life with her magic. Still, Diana didn't die in vain. Kay Mellor's The Chase isn't on.
