A MORAL MAZE OF BRAVADO AND GUFF
It would take a special strain of gobdaw to deflect attention from Sepp Blatter at a time when the Fifa big cheese is being fingered by the FBI as the alleged head of an international criminal organisation. So enter John Delaney, chief executive of the Football Association of Ireland, and a special strain of gobdaw. The best thing about Delaney’s entanglement in one of the biggest global footballing scandals in history is that it occurred precisely because Delaney went so far out of his way to dissociate himself from the scandal, and losing himself in a maze of his own bravado and guff.
You’d think Delaney would know how to tread carefully around financial imbroglios, what with him being the son of a former FAI treasurer who reportedly had to refund £100,000 from his own pocket after a curious attempt to secure extra World Cup tickets in the 1990s concluded somewhat inevitably with a mysterious tout known as “George the Greek” scarpering with huge wads of the association’s cash. But no. Delaney took to the Irish airwaves yesterday ostensibly to express his dismay with the way Blatter runs Fifa – and, by the by, with the way the old tyrant ogled Delaney’s girlfriend at a recent jamboree in Vienna – before the FAI chief’s attempt to portray himself as part international statesman, part ball-breaking businessman led him to outing himself as a total berk.
Delaney revealed that in the wake of Republic O’Ireland’s controversial elimination in the play-offs for the 2010 World Cup following Thierry Henry’s infamous handball, he summoned his obvious Bruce O’Willis qualities, stormed into Blatter’s office, hit him with a choice volley of swear words and generally filled the Swiss with such awesome terror that Blatter agreed to pay the FAI a very large sum of money to make Delaney go away. When telling that yarn, Delaney may, in his mind, have foreseen a grateful nation reacting by showering him with thanks and praise before inviting him down to the nearest pub for 100 rounds of Suddy Delight and a festival of Republican ballads. So imagine his surprise when people in Ireland and, across the world reacted by pointing out that such a payment sounded a lot like the sort of shady dealings from which Delaney had been attempting so zealously to distance himself. Oh John!
Fifa and the FAI moved quickly to try to clear up the misunderstanding, although, as it turned out, it took them a while to even agree on the amount of the payment, with Fifa having to correct an initial statement so that theirs referred to five million euros rather than dollars, just like the FAI’s one. Both, though, indicated that the payment was a legitimate loan towards the costs of a new stadium in Ireland, with the FAI pointing out that such a provision was included at the time in their published accounts, though scrutiny of those published accounts later led to suggestions that invisible ink may have been inadvertently used for that particular entry – so another clarification was required, with unnamed sources telling Irish media that the entry was in fact cloaked in general terminology because of Fifa’s insistence in keeping the amount of the payment confidential, though so far no satisfactory explanation has been given as to why there had to be so much secrecy about a legitimate loan.
In fact, there is something unsatisfactory about the whole strange business, and a pot pourri of Irish politicians have joined calls for Delaney to explain what precisely went on and why it has taken until now for him to say anything about it. The country’s deputy prime minister, Joan Burton, finds Delaney’s account “intriguing, particularly the meeting when you have a few hot words and leave with €5 million in your pocket,” while the country’s sports minister, Pascal Donohoe, blurted: “I can assure you that I had no knowledge of this transaction. I would be very surprised if any of my predecessors were aware of it either. It is all for these reasons and it is in everybody’s interests that clarity be brought to these matters.”
While the world awaits the next hilarious episode of Delaney on Honour (DOH!), Raymond Domenech, the manager of the France team whose elimination of Republic O’Ireland led to that mysterious Delaney-Blatter tete-a-tete, decided it was about time he got a bit of the limelight too. And in fairness to the Frenchman, his contribution came with a delicious dollop of irony, as he called on Irish players to lead a mutiny. Wherever did Domenech get that idea from? “If I was an Irish player and I had known that, I would have revolted against my directors,” scoffed the man who, following Henry’s handball, was overwhelmed by his own squad in South Africa. “It’s not possible that they might have sacrificed the possibility of a solution to go and play a World Cup for €5m. I hope now that the Irish players, when they learn this, that they demand some of the money because it was their qualification that was at stake. On a sporting level, it’s disgraceful, unacceptable that you might sacrifice that for money.”
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Put simply, the best fans in the world! Proud to be a Mackem!” – a Sunderland fan reacts to news that supporters, who presumably have more spare change to throw around than this poor tea-timely email, have raised over £2,000 to buy flowers for Dick Advocaat’s wife.
FIVER LETTERS
“It’s not a surprise that Fifa’s executive committee would feature a Wayne Coyne double (yesterday’s Fiver). The Flaming Lips have already penned an instruction manual for Chuck Blazer et al in the form of The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song - “If you could make everybody poor just so you could be rich, Would you do it? If you could watch everybody work while you just lay on your back, Would you do it?” – David Hopkins.
“Personally don’t understand the fuss with a Category C swearword being uttered by the Category C footballer Jack Wilshere (Fiver passim). I take far more umbrage at his prefixing of this with ‘I have one question, and one question only’, before clearly asking two questions. I’d much rather see him punished for crimes against pedantry, with the FA telling him he’s banned for one match and one match only before suspending him for the first two games of the season” – Gary Mantle.
“Got two copies of the Fiver today. Does that make it a tenner?” – Mike Alexander (and 1,056 others).
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: David Hopkins.
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BITS AND BOBS
Cuddly Jack Warner wanted a $7m bribe to vote for us as World Cup hosts, says Egypt’s former sports minister.
It’s 1993 all over again – there’s a Tory government, an all-conquering Australian cricket side are set to batter England from pillar to post in the Ashes, and Liverpool are set to part company with Mike Marsh.
Quique Sánchez Flores is set to step through Watford’s managerial revolving door.
The FA has charged Preston for the crowd trouble that marred their play-off semi-final victory over Chesterfield at Deepdale.
And Roberto Martínez just can’t shake his fondness for midfielders who appear to be busy doing nothing. This time he’s signed Tom Cleverley.
STILL WANT MORE?
In this week’s Breaking the Law, world peace’s Scott Murray wants to break down the borders that divide us, man.
Owen Gibson on the latest instalment of the Fifa crisis, a marriage of Tragedy and Farce, with Shambles as best man, Avarice as maid of honour and the disco kicked off by Black Lace’s Agadoo.
Luis Suárez – a South American hasn’t been this on-song since Evita, writes Sid Lowe.
The Women’s World Cup kicks off in Canada tomorrow – Louise Taylor sets the scene in Moncton (not to be confused with the scene in popular primate tourist destination Monkey Town. Or, indeed, the scene in Funkytown).
Wallchart! Wallchart! Wallchart! Kind of.
And Louise picks out 10 players to watch.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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