TRUUS OR DARE
David Unsworth had to leave Aston Villa and his commute from Merseyside after being advised by wife Jane “to be home by one o’clock or his dinner would be in the bin”. Everton had to sell Bruce Rioch because his wife wasn’t so partial to Liverpool – “Everton are a super club but my family’s happiness must come first”. ‘Arry Redknapp’s wife Sandra could have put away that chance Darren Bent missed. Phil Neville phoned his wife for instructions when he had to make his first ever cup of coffee. David Beckham’s wife made him shave off his beard. Obscure 1950s winger Jimmy Hill (not that one) quit football and got a job in a car factory because Millwall expected him to train when his wife was ill. Graeme Souness’s wife Danielle divorced him, recalling that “on the rare occasions he took me out he talked about nothing but football”. José Mourinho’s wife once made him go into a pub to buy some cigarettes.
The things footballers do for love. Partnership, as several of them clearly understand, is not just about handing your beloved a credit card and the keys to a personalised fuchsia supercar and occasionally turning up at a hospital when they’re giving birth. Now, Louis van Gaal is planning to celebrate his own partnership by strolling off into the footballing sunset hand in hand with his wife Truus, the pair of them set to see out their days in a pair of luxurious his ‘n’ her recliners somewhere very far from a playing field as soon as his contract at Old Trafford expires in 2017. “I have to admit I said to her, when I met her and our relationship seemed to be very good, that at 55 years I shall quit,” the Manchester United manager revealed. “I am still working and next week I am 64. We have not many years together any more. That is the reason.”
There is a kind of beautiful symmetry to the news that Van Gaal is going to leave football in order to spend more time with his wife. After all, United’s last great manager was forced not to leave football in order to spend less time with his wife – because, as Cathy Ferguson put it, “when he’s under your feet, he’s a nuisance”. Not this time. Having managed in the Premier League, Van Gaal finds himself short on unfulfilled ambitions, and long on unspent bank balance. “So, I have to go to Qatar to earn still more money? I don’t think so,” he concluded. “You have to enjoy also your life, and your relationship with your wife.”
It is a beautiful and wonderful thing, and The Fiver wishes the Van Gaals a fabulous retirement together. It is at precisely these most c0ckle-warming moments that one is reminded of Gary McAllister’s assertion that “being a footballer is the best job in the world. The second best is being a footballer’s wife”. But then, just try saying that to Mrs Unsworth.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It is an incredible achievement and we are very grateful to every supporter for all of their donations over the past eight weeks” – Dave Roberts of the Grimsby Supporters’ Trust reacts to news that fans have raised £110,000 for the cash-strapped National League club’s transfer kitty. No pressure on manager Paul Hurst when it comes to spending that. Nope. None at all.
THEY’RE HE-RE …
It’s already Premier League season preview time, kicking off with Amy Lawrence on Arsenal and Stuart James on Aston Villa. And here are our video previews on the Gunners and Villans.
FIVER LETTERS
“In response to Visa’s condemnation and ‘kicking’ of Fifa (Friday’s Bits and Bobs), it clearly continued their pattern of outstanding integrity in the partnership they have with Fifa such as … Oh, I hope their offices don’t have too many windows given the stones being thrown from the inside” – Chris Reid.
“Not the least intriguing feature of your Friday item about the Manchester City v Real Madrid friendly was the news that Bacary Sagna’s head is freshly shorn. Picture research not only confirms this, but reveals that he has aged about 25 years in the process. If this is what bench-rest at City does to players, someone should warn Raheem Sterling. On the other hand it might make him grow up” – Charles Antaki.
“As The Fiver rightly guesses, I’m not sure what I was doing at 16 (Friday’s Fiver), but I do know what Tyler Adams has been doing at that age, which is scoring against the English champions. Perhaps Mauricio Pellegrini saw that and decided it would work just as well against the Spanish runners-up” – Matt Derby.
“Re: Friday’s Quote of the Day. So, if Flock of Seagulls were to do a reunion tour of the UK, I’m guessing Pittodrie is off the schedule?” – Gary Knowles.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Chris Reid.
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RECOMMENDED LISTENING
The full chinwag between Barry Glendenning and Pat Nevin from earlier this year.
BITS AND BOBS
Sergio Romero is ready to jump into David de Gea’s warm spot at Manchester United when he does one to Real Madrid, after the Argentina No1 joined on a three-year deal. “You have to handle very quickly when it may happen with David de Gea,” garbled Louis van Gaal.
Aston Villa have reached an agreement to sign Cordoba’s José Ángel Crespo, whose greatest feat appears to be frustrating Him to the extent that He chinned the centre-back last season, and also added Jordan Ayew to their squad.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic has attempted to pillow-talk Angel Di María into PSG’s forward line. “If you get a chance to play with Di María it is a fantastic thing. The guy has won everything. He is a fantastic player who plays for the team,” he honked of a quality alien to him.
Subbuteo’s Shaun Wright-Phillips has pitched up with brother Bradley at the New York Red Bulls. “Shaun is a proven player who has played on soccer’s largest stage,” yee-hawed club suit Ali Curtis. “He can play a number of positions for us and is an excellent fit in our locker room. When we evaluated the unique set of circumstances along with the quality that Shaun has, it became apparent that we needed to be aggressive about adding Shaun to our club.”
Wojciech Szczesny is taking his left-field brand of goalkeeping to Serie A. “Ciao Giallorossi! I am very happy, because I am going to Roma,” he trilled, of his one-year loan deal.
And Barcelona midfielder Ibrahim Afellay only needs to cough for the doctor at the Britannia Stadium to make tired Fiver jokes about Stoke being the equivalent of footballing filth sound even lazier than usual.
STILL WANT MORE?
FC Midtjylland are closing in on Big Cup qualification thanks to some top, top mathematics that has made them the poster club for analytics, cheers Sean Ingle.
Mario Balotelli’s life on the edge leaves him asking: why not me any more? Amy Lawrence on whether the Italian will ever find his missing mojo.
Speaking of which, will Borussia Dortmund give Roberto Soldado a chance to rediscover his? Here’s today’s Rumour Mill.
We’ve still got tickets for the upcoming Football Weekly Live show in London available; get them while they’re moderately toasty. And there are now also tickets on sale for an evening with Lord Ferg, at the Bridgewater Hall in Manchester.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.
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