So on that bombshell, it’s the end of another Strictly week! I know I say this every year, but it’s the comment box community that makes this blog so much fun to write, and it’s great to see so many newbies alongside those who’ve been hanging out with me here for years. So thanks for joining in, and do swing by Twitter and say hello @heidistephens if you’re passing. Otherwise I’ll see you next Saturday for MOVIE WEEK, because we LOVE a theme, no? Hmm. See you then!
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Chizzy is clearly gutted, and does her final dance to a funereal version of ‘Thank You For The Music’ by ABBA. This is awkward.
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Which means CHIZZY AND PASHA are going home. I’m really sad about this - she was really fun to watch, and Pasha is excellent value on the wooden acting front.
So who will the judges save? Craig saves Chizzy and Pasha (YAS), but Darcey saves Brian and Amy for having more dance content (WHAT?). Bruno also saves Brian and Amy (WHAT??), so now Shirley has the casting vote.
Shirley saves Brian, for having more musicality and content. MUSICALITY AND CONTENT.
Chizzy and Pasha are up first, and it’s still a Foxtrot laden with faffing about. Love Chizzy’s sass however, hopefully she’ll survive this evening and come back fighting.
Brian’s Cha Cha is still an absolute car crash – a masterclass in dad-dancing, and even more wooden than last night. It’s a no from me.
Next week is MOVIE WEEK – brace yourselves for costume madness, props galore and terrible VT acting.
You also might want to bring extra booze, as I’ve decided to roll over Strictly Come Bingo each week. By the Grand Final we’ll have 60 things on the list, what could possibly go wrong?
If I heard that right (ear infection, remember), Susan just said she’s doing the Samba to the Wonder Woman theme tune next week. I am SO here for this.
So which couple is facing Chizzy and Pasha in tonight’s dance off? Susan and Kevin are safe, along with Joe and Katya, Alexandra and Gorka, Gemma and Aljaz, Simon and Karen, Charlotte and Brendan and Richard and Dianne!
Which means it’s BRIAN AND AMY v. Chizzy and Pasha in the bottom two! Chizzy to stay, surely? Last night wasn’t her best performance, but she has far more to give than Brian.
So Len’s Lens is just the same thing but with no name. Do not speak the name, bad things will happen.
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Time for a musical interlude, courtesy of professional Olympics-botherer Emilie Sande. It’s been five years now, we should probably let it go.
This song doesn’t really go anywhere. Katya’s trousers need to go in the bin.
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Apparently Debbie was “stunned” when they announced she wasn’t in the dance off. Of course you were, Debbie.
So which couples are safely through to next week, and who is the first to face the dreaded dance-off? First couple safe is Debbie and Giovanni, along with Aston and Janette, Davood and Nadiya, Mollie and AJ, Jonnie and Oti and Ruth and Anton!
First couple in the dance off: CHIZZY AND PASHA!
So either Brian or Charlotte have grabbed some public votes – my money’s on Charlotte.
Apparently Craig said “the falling petals had more grace” about Richard’s dance. Last night I heard that as “boiling kettles”. Look, I have an ear infection.
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Last night on Strictly: a pick ‘n’ mix that had too many foam bananas and not nearly enough fizzy snakes. But let’s not forget that it’s only Week 2, and we have many more Saturday nights in to go.
Highlights: Alexandra and Gorka’s Paso, Jonnie and Oti’s Jive, Bruno holding back on the groping.
Lowlights: Too much prop furniture and faffing about, the return of the bonkers scoring, and two crimes against Cha Cha that we may well have to re-live this evening.
Ooh, Shirley’s pantsuit is fab-u-lous.
TESS AND CLAUDIA DRESS WATCH: Tess in a hot pink dress that looks like she’s put her arm in the wrong hole. Claudia in black, as per.
This week’s opening pro dance is a rather fun bowling-themed Blues Brothers jive. I had never imagined it would be possibly for a Strictly pro to give me weaker knees than Aljaz, but Gorka is ridiculously handsome. Sorry Aljaz, it’s a tough world.
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And we’re off!
I’ve just had a thought – what will replace Len’s Lens? Is it being retired, or will the producers attempt some ham-fisted Shirley-based alliteration? I hope they keep it, it’s a handy interlude to pop my dinner in the oven.
Tonight’s Countryfile Casual Weatherman is the very manly Darren Bett in a navy shirt/grey slacks combo. Good effort with the rolled-up sleeves.
Countryfile has gone full Jim’ll Fix It now, in the interests of milking more content out of the calendar. It costs £9.50, by Christmas we’ll be happy to buy ten just to stop them talking about it.
First mention of the Countryfile Calendar! DRINK!
Apparently the phones have been “red hot” with votes for the cover photo, and they’ve allowed digital photos FOR THE FIRST TIME. Up to now the Countryfile calendar has been single-handedly propping up Supasnaps.
Hooray, Countryfile’s on. Makes me feel all autumnal. Has Craven started shamelessly hawking the 2018 calendar yet?
SUNDAY NIGHT RESULTS SHOW UPDATE!
Evening all, and welcome back for the first Strictly Sunday Night Results Show! It’s almost time for the nation to send the first couple home, with several celebs in the running – could be Brian, Charlotte, Chizzy or even Ruth doing an awkward final dance tonight. I’ve managed to avoid spoilers thus far, so if you do know the result, please keep it to yourself until the final dance-off. See you at 7.15!
So that’s it for tonight’s show! That was quite a rollercoaster, I need a lie down in a sparkle-free room.
Thank you all for joining in with your hilarious comments, I’ll be back here from 7.15pm tomorrow for the Results Show, when one of our couples will be leaving the dancefloor for good. If I’m here in time there might even be some bonus Countryfile action beforehand. Enjoy the rest of your Saturday! Hx
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Time for an interminable recap, and to cast our votes. Bit of a mixed bag this evening (I think we’d all agree), but my votes would definitely go to Jonnie, Aston and Alexandra.
Quite a lot of competition for tomorrow’s bottom two – I’d guess Brian and Charlotte, with Brian to go. Any advances?
Scores: 9,9,9,9 – a total of 36 for Alexandra and Gorka.
Alexandra has the same problem as Aston and Debbie, however – they all need to hold back for a bit more Journey if they want to win. Otherwise Jonnie and Oti are going to take the glitterball off all of them.
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The judges gave that a standing ovation, as well they should. Darcey loved the strength and drama, she was on the edge of her seat and it took her breath away. Shirley thought it was fierce and she loved it. Bruno was blown away and he lived the dance with her.
Oh Gorka, be still my beating heart. This is top notch Paso fierceness from Alexandra – absolutely incredible footwork, timing and commitment. Could do without the blow-up doll Paso face, but otherwise spectacular. Go Burko, I think we all needed that.
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Comedy VT - DRINK.
And FINALLY (oh thank goodness), it’s time for Alexandra and Gorka! This week they’re dancing the Paso Doble to ‘Ven a Bailar’ by Jennifer Lopez, hopefully without the Pitbull rap interlude. Their Waltz last week was lovely, am really looking forward to seeing what level of fierce Burko can bring to a Paso. Also it’s the last dance of the night, and I really need to walk around a bit.
Scores: 6,7,7,7 - total of 27 for Davood and Nadiya.
Bruno thought it was fast and furious – a race straight to the bedroom. He loved Davood’s passion but it lacked elegance. Craig though it lacked flow and style, but the energy was incredible. Darcey was impressed – light and spirited, but the upper body needed more control. Shirley didn’t get it – too much messing about, an illegal lift, not her cup of tea.
So this is about being terribly dressed in a very poorly-stocked libarary. Not sure how I feel about slapstick Quickstep, but once they get going it’s a very solid effort from Davood, although he looks a bit pigeon-toed. Timing is great, however, and there’s bags of content and dashing about.
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Only two left, and it’s time for Davood and Nadiya! This week they’re dancing the Quickstep to ‘Last Nite’ by The Strokes – last week’s Cha Cha definitely had potential, and Davood could be one to watch (for the dancing, and also because he’s quite handsome, let’s face it).
Comedy VT. DRINK.
Scores: 8,9,9,8 - a total of 34 for Debbie and Giovani.
Can you believe it? squeaks Debbie. Well, yes, to be honest.
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Shirley thought it was beautiful, and gets a kiss from Debbie (DRINK). Bruno thought it was truly graceful, and it gets an AMAZING from Craig. Darcey thought it was effortless. No magical. They’ve all failed me.
Bonus drink for when the judges call that magical.
Well this gorgeous, and Debbie gives good Waltz. No surprises there, but a moment of sheer dance joy in an otherwise patchy night. Count me in.
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In this week’s VT, Debbie takes Giovanni out in her boat, which is genuinely called ‘The Lovely Debbie McGee’. Could not love her more.
Next up it’s Debbie and Giovanni! This week they’re dancing the Viennese Waltz to ‘She’s Always A Woman’ by Billy Joel, because there’s nothing more twirly and romantic than a John Lewis ad with passive/aggressive lyrics.
Last week Royal Ballet graduate Debbie stunned the nation with her unexpected dance skills (insert side-eye emoji here), then left Giovanni slightly shellshocked with a snog at the end. I really want this showmance to happen, is that wrong?
Scores: 6,7,8,8 -a total of 29 for Jonnie and Oti.
Darcey loved cowboy Jonnie too – great stamina and no fear from Jonnie. Shirley loved the kicks and flicks, it was fantastic. Bruno gets weird and pervy, and Craig thought it was great despite lack of energy in Jonnie’s arms.
Cowboy Jonnie (B Good – DRINK) absolutely works for me, and this Jive is all kinds of fabulous. Great pace, fab timing, a bit lacking in control from Jonnie, but really good fun. LOVED that.
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It’s time for Jonnie and Oti! This week they’re dancing the Jive to Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry (DRINK), a dance that inevitably presents challenges for Jonnie because of the heavy emphasis on lower leg kicks and flicks. Fair play to him and Oti for diving straight into the tough dances; these two are one of my favourite couples this year and I’m really looking forward to seeing what they can do.
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Scores: 4,6,8,7 - a total of 25 for Mollie and AJ.
Craig bitches about the illegal lift and Mollie’s shoulders weren’t great, but it had attack and intent. Darcey loved the character and passion and Mollie’s posture was great. Shirley was impressed with the fundamentals, but Mollie needs to get softer in her knees. Bruno thought it was sparkling and Mollie had great connection with her partner.
Well Mollie looks AMAZING, no? Has AJ been at the Just For Men? This is a very decent Tango, although Mollie’s footwork gets a bit shaky in places and she loses the attitude towards the end and it all gets a bit limp. Nice shaping, however.
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And there it is. Strictly, never change.
(also DRINK)
Next up it’s Mollie and AJ! This week they’re dancing a Tango to Tina Turner’s version of Robert Palmer’s ‘Addicted To Love’. Last week they did a Jive that was fine, but totally overshadowed by Joe and Katya’s better effort. It’s hard to imagine Mollie or AJ ever being passionate enough for a Tango, but hopefully their journey to fierceness will have all been captured in a comedy VT.
ONLY FIVE LEFT, and I really hope they’re saving the best for last. At no point in this series will we have to watch this many dances again, so that’s something to hold on to.
Scores: 4,4,6,5 - a total of 18 for Simon of Karen. Are we scoring the band now?
Bruno thought Simon scrubbed up very well, but he went wrong. Darcey thought it was strong and elegant, but he didn’t recover from his mistake and Simon couldn’t control the emotion. Shirley gives Simon a hug and is crying, because the music meant so much to so many people.
Right, but a) the music wasn’t his choice and b) he really didn’t do it justice.
I think I might be getting grumpy. Can you tell?
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Karen is dancing this really nicely, and Simon is mostly showcasing this. When he does actually start Waltzing, it’s really not that bad, with some nice rise and fall from Simon. His free arm is a bit bonkers, however, and it feels a bit wooden. Simon then messes up and the final spin looks like he’s dragging a bag of turnips. It was better than last week, that’s the best I can do.
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Next up it’s Simon and Karen! This week they’re dancing the Waltz to ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ by Rodgers and Hammerstein, from the musical Carousel. Simon’s Paso last week showed he has a really long way to go to get out of the danger zone. Still, if anyone can turn him into a dancer, it’s Karen.
Scores: 3,5,6,6 - a total of 20 for Ruth and Anton.
Shirley thought it had great timing and coordination, and Ruth nailed it. Bruno thought it needed a few cocktails to be a bit crazier, but a big improvement on last week. Craig thought it needed 80% more energy – it was limp, lame and lacklustre. Darcey believes in Ruth.
So this Charleston is inspired by The Great Gatsby, apparently – clearly F. Scott Fitzgerald is a big fan of the toffee finger. Ruth is doing her best and has a very decent swivel going on, it just needs more welly. Great fun though, and a nice effort at cheeky character. Quite enjoyed that.
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It’s time for Ruth and Anton! This week they’re dancing a Charleston to ‘The Charleston’ by Bob Wilson and his Varsity Rhythm Boys. Ruth is clearly lovely but not one of life’s natural dancers, I feel her pain. Also she’s got Anton, so her prospects aren’t that great.
Scores: 3,4,5,5 - a total of 17 for Richard and Diane.
Darcey thought it was lumpy and lacked glamour and style, but she will never bore of watching Richard. Shirley loved the music and Richard’s timing, but the technique was lacking. Bruno thought it was a feast of entertainment in a technical drought. Craig thought the boiling kettles had more grace.
Dianne is wearing a cork hat, and Richard is dressed as dung. It’s a bit skippy (the bush kangaroo), and includes a chicken dance interlude, and the lifts are dreadful, and it’s not really a recognisable American Smooth. But other than that it’s pretty great.
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Another comedy VT. Just keep drinking.
Next up it’s Lord Of The Dance Rev. Richard and Dianne! After their (kind of) heavenly Cha Cha last week, they’re tackling the American Smooth to ‘Love Really Hurts Without You’ by Billy Ocean. I suspect the next two minutes are going to be anything but smooth, but nobody really cares – we’re here for the holy LOLs.
Scores: 6,6,7,7 - a total of 26 for Gemma and Aljaz.
Craig thought it was an improvement on last week, but Gemma got a bit lost coming out of the standing spin. Darcey thought it was classy and elegant, with lovely control and balance. Shirley thought it had beautiful footwork and Gemma stayed with the pace, very impressive. Bruno thought it was self-assured and Gemma needs to let it flow.
Gemma’s dress is boobylicious, and I love it. This is a welcome relief from the madness – a stylish and elegant Waltz, albeit with some gapping issues and a wobbly top line from Gemma. All gets a bit clunky towards the end, sadly, but by no means the worst dance we’ve seen this evening.
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It’s time for Gemma and Aljaz! Tonight they’re dancing the Waltz to ‘Un Giorno Per Noi (A Time For Us)’ by Josh Groban. I can remember literally nothing about their Cha Cha last week, mostly because they were up first and it all gets a bit scrambled by the end. But as I recall Gemma definitely has potential if she can get her limbs in order, so let’s see what her ballroom has to offer.
Incidentally this is the Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet, but fingers crossed won’t end in a dreadful misunderstanding and a double suicide. Anything is possible this evening.
Scores: 3,5,5,6 - a total of 19 for Brian and Katya.
Poor Charlotte, just when she thought she couldn’t feel any worse.
Bruno thought Brian’s footwork was stuck in the 70s, but it was entertaining. Craig thought it was stompy and lacked hip action. Darcey thought Brian gave it his all, but the technique was missing. Shirley would make Brian a front runner if this show was all about entertainment.
Shirley and I will have to agree to disagree on this one.
And there it is. Lots of disco cheese, very little Cha Cha, disastrous footwork and timing. Amy’s tie-dye fringing is quite hypnotic, however, so let’s focus on that. Oh god, Brian Conley is doing the moonwalk. Noooo.
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Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, it’s time for Brian and Amy! They’re dancing the Cha Cha to ‘Shake Your Groove Thing’ by Peaches and Herb. If I’m thinking of the right song, this is a bongo-heavy disco classic – I’m a bit worried that Brian is going to bust out his inner Travolta, which literally nobody needs to see.
This week isn’t going terribly well so far, is it? And we haven’t seen Brian, Simon or Ruth yet. Send help.
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Scores: 5,6,5,6 - a total of 22 for Joe and Katya.
It took too long to get started for Shirley, and Joe’s frame wasn’t steady and he lost the pace. Bruno thought Joe spent too much time in the wardrobe, and there was too much skipping and not enough control. Craig thought it had too much attack and energy, and he knows Joe can do better.
There is a wardrobe, apropos of nothing. Oh I seen, it’s Narnia (where’s the lamppost?). It’s a super-fast Tango, but Joe’s frame is all over the shop and his feet seem to be doing a stumbly Cha Cha. It does get better towards the end, but not his best effort.
Ed Sheeran should sue for this, seriously.
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Well on that bombshell, who’s next? It’s Joe and Katya (oh thank god). This week they’re dancing the Tango to ‘Castle On The Hill’ by Ed Sheeran – a song that failed to reach number one this summer because another Ed Sheeran song was there instead. Christ, it’s tough being Ed Sheeran.
I loved Joe and Katya’s Jive last week, and have a really good feeling about this partnership – fingers crossed for an equally classy Tango.
Scores: 2,4,3,3 - a total of 12 for Charlotte and Brendan. See, BRUTAL. Brendan is spitting.
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Darcey was disappointed, Charlotte failed to add any flirty character and lost her timing. Shirley can’t find anything that was well-danced (SHADE), and the routine needed to be simpler. Bruno thought Brendan was sweeping the floor with Charlotte, and she needs to regroup for next time. Craig thought it was a complete dance disaster, but at least she’ll never have to do that dance again.
(Apart from tomorrow, possibly).
Charlotte is ridiculously beautiful, but she’s definitely the designated driver at this Cha Cha party – no sass, no fun, and no shaking what her mamma gave her. The timing is all off too, but bonus drinks for the long-awaited return of the Strictly lamppost.
Latin is absolutely not Charlotte’s thing, sadly. I fear the judges are going to be BRUTAL.
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Next up it‘s Charlotte and Brendan! This week they’re dancing the Cha Cha to ‘Sugar’ by Maroon 5. Charlotte’s Foxtrot last week was super-stylish and elegant, so I’m intrigued to see whether she can do Latin dance goddess. If so, she could be a contender. If not, meh bye.
Scores: 3,6,7,6 - a total of 22 for Susan and Kevin.
Craig thought it was missing basic swivel, but Darcey thought Susan made it her own and sold it. Shirley loved the coordination, and Bruno thought it was “Pan’s People gone demented”. Has he had his meds?
Susan is rocking a miniscule bathrobe, whilst Kevin is pretending to act in a barrister’s wig. It’s got bags of slapstick character and Susan is clearly having a ball, but there’s very little by way of actual Charleston technique. Am I bothered? No, she’s entirely fabulous.
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It’s time for Susan and Kevin! Tonight they’re dancing the Charleston to ‘If You Knew Susie’ (DRINK IN HOMAGE TO LAST WEEK’S BINGO) by Enoch Light and The Charleston City All-Stars. Susan’s Viennese last week was actually pretty decent, and I have high hopes that she might come into her own in the more character-driven dances. So really looking forward to this.
Scores: 7,8,8,9 - a total of 32 for Aston and Janette.
Bruno thought Aston was a snake-hipped wonder, and has never seen such a difficult Salsa. It was almost perfection, apart from the last bit. Craig thought it was a bit wobbly and there was a lack of figure eight in the hips, but it had great rhythm and timing. Darcey thought it was a fast, compact and tight Salsa, with incredible speed and control. Shirley loved it, even though there were a couple of stumbles.
Oh Aston – have you learned nothing from previous Strictlys? If you want to win, you need to pretend to be a bit shit until at least Week 4
Aston and Janette are glamping to off-key Bieber. It’s a pacy Salsa with some weird crotch-rubbing from Aston and plenty of tricks, but it lacks flow and Aston’s timing is patchy. Also Janette’s raggy dress is highly distracting. It’s all a bit much for me, but I bet the judges love it.
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Ridiculous comedy VT. DRINK.
Next up it’s Aston and Janette! This week they’re dancing the Salsa to Despacito by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee ft. Justin Bieber – if you’re not up to speed with chart music, this spent a billion weeks at number one this summer. Keep an eye out for a Merrygold Wink, he’s contractually obliged to slip one in.
Scores: 3,5,4,5 - a total of 16 for Chizzy and Pasha.
Shirley was disappointed; it was all a bit lumpy for her tastes and it needed more sophistication. Bruno loves Chizzy’s sassiness, but she lost the technique. Craig wanted more Foxtrot and less musical theatre, and it needed more grace. That said, Craig loves Chizzy’s musicality and it was fun to watch. Darcey (very low-key earrings) loved the enthusiasm and doesn’t want Chizzy to lose it.
So what will the judges make of that? Bonus drink if the judges attempt to rhyme anything with Chizzy. Busy? Grisly? Misery?
Chizzy is dressed as a purple Quality Street, and appears to faff around the breakfast table for several weeks. Finally she and Pasha get into hold – this Foxtrot has plenty of attitude, but very little my way of technique and frame. Bit too much theatre, be careful what you wish for Heidi.
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Right, let’s crack on with some dancing. First up tonight it’s Chizzy and Pasha! This week they’re dancing the Foxtrot to I’m A Woman from ‘Smokey Joe’s Café’ – loved their disco Cha Cha last week, so hopeful she can bring some character and theatre to this Foxtrot.
Time to meet the celebs – Janette has been at the toddler craft box again.
Out come the judges! I missed the earrings, we’ll check those out later.
TESS AND CLAUDIA DRESS WATCH: Ghastly flesh-coloured flared pantsuit for Tess, rather lovely black number for Clauds.
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And we’re off! Last week - SO much dancing, but no public vote. The judges’ scores have carried over, and tomorrow the first couple will go home. Nobody wants it to be them, obvs.
That cheesy thumbs up from Brian Conley in the opening titles is going to annoy me until Christmas, it’s like the missing raspberry in the Bake Off titles.
“Who will mistake the Viennese Waltz for a refreshing dessert?” says the BBC continuity person. Not going to be troubling my job any time soon.
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I have never seen these two men on Pointless before. One of them looks like Julian Assange.
This week’s Strictly Come Bingo: dig out that bottle of Hungarian Chardonnay nobody drank at your barbecue in June, and take a swig every time the following occurs:
- Mouth kissing (this year’s theme, I fear)
- Comedy VTs featuring wooden acting and crap specials effects
- Garden furniture (one swig for a bench, two for a gazebo and three for a flower-festooned swing)
- Pat Butcher earrings
- Winking
Ah, it’s a sporting special, that explains my lack of wisdom in this field. If he/she isn’t holding a tennis racket, I’m a bit lost.
Are these people on Pointless celebs, or are they normals? Because I don’t recognise any of them.
Evening all, and welcome to this week’s Strictly Come Dancing liveblog! After last week’s bumper ballroom dance marathon, we’ve got exactly the same number of dances to battle through this evening, but somehow squashed into two hours. No idea how, last week sent my brain into meltdown. Still, this week at least I’m back on my sofa in the shire with tea and biscuits on tap.
So now we’ve seen our dancers shake their thang for the first time, I’m perfectly qualified to make wild and uninformed guesses about how the next twelve weeks are going to pan out:
- Straight to the final: Aston, Alexandra, Debbie and Joe. They’re the four best dancers based on Week One, so even if they’re in the bottom two, chances are the judges will save them.
- UNLESS Gemma, Mollie, Davood, Charlotte or Jonnie have a massive Journey and build up lots of public support, thus ensuring they’re never in the bottom two (this will almost certainly happen to at least one of the above, my money’s on Jonnie).
- Staying in for LOLS and dance joy until the second half of the series (please): Rev. Richard, Chizzy and Susan.
- First three out: Brian, Simon and Ruth – no Halloween treats for you.
Disagreements on a postcard please, I’m here all season.
Kick-off is at 6.45pm – as usual I’ll be shamelessly passing judgement on every wonky waltz and quirky quickstep up here, while you all spread joy and glitter down below. Put on your dancing trousers, grab your loved ones, and I’ll see you in a bit!
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