Oh no! Not Claudia! I had a little weep. Well, it has to be someone at this stage, doesn’t it? But why her? Sigh. It was a strange semi-final, especially the bit with the glitterball conveyor belt which made no sense whatsoever. The Saturday show felt curiously underwhelming, perhaps because the preparation for two dances meant they were tired. Or perhaps because the last four contestants have all ended up being of a very similar level. I have to say I was surprised with the result on Sunday, though. I thought Ore was for the chop.
In the end the constant weeping and gurning have not cost Ore as much as they could have. In fact, it was a lack of emotion that lost Claudia her place. I love the way the voting public changes its mind about the contestants the whole time. No one in the final has been in as many dance-offs as Ore. But in the end, more people voted for him than Danny. What does it mean for the final? According to Strictly history, pretty much nothing. Next week they’ll start again from scratch and have to re-earn every single vote.
Sunday’s show was far more entertaining, featuring Sting singing a song about two penguins and a bear during which Oksana used Pasha as a pole. There was also much hilarious and fascinating rearranging of facial expressions during the “red light” announcements. And much attempting to articulate things that are very difficult to articulate. (“What would you like to say to your partner?” “I’m very proud. Er ... I’m so proud ... Er ...”)
Regular readers of this column will know that I like to gripe about the music choices. This week’s were utterly dire. Who is responsible for this? With a few exceptions, most of the music was obscure or unrecognisable. That is no fun for the audience and hasn’t helped the weird lack of feel-good factor post-Ed Balls. I mean this as no disrespect to Dave Arch and his wonderful band because they are excellent. But they come into their own when they have to perform things like Gangnam Style. And all that kind of fun has been lost in the latter part of this series.
But what most mystifies me about this whole series is the success of Louise. Yes, I see that she’s gorgeous and has worked bloody hard. But she keeps on looking down – and the judges haven’t even mentioned it for weeks. There’s no need to build up a whole conspiracy theory here but ... something doesn’t quite add up. Logistically, she ought to now win it easily, as she’s never been in a dance-off and it has been proven that Ore has more voters than Danny. But we’ll see. Meanwhile, what did it look like from the judges’ chairs?
Darcey: woman of a thousand hairstyles
Darcey is perhaps the biggest fan of Louise. (Bruno doesn’t count; he’s the biggest fan of everyone.) “The joy in your face! Heaven!” And she is the harshest on Danny, so harsh that Bruno fell off his chair. “Needs more wildness and attitude ...” I feel Darcey is the one who will miss Len most of all. She was clinging to him proprietorially throughout Len’s Lens this week.
Bruno: the jack-in-the-box
Vintage Bruno-isms: “How tutti frutti was that?” “The world around him belong to you and that what he did.” “You craddle her like a loffly pet.” Bruno has had the most fun this series. He clearly doesn’t want Len’s job because he probably already thinks it’s enough work to do what he does and also do the American show. Plus, he is Bruno so he never really worries about such things or plans for anything. At some point, I wish he would just give in and go and join them on the dance floor. It will happen.
Len: the diamond geezer on a farewell tour
It was the last ever Len’s Lens. Let’s hear it for the Maypole! His face when Craig was demonstrating his figure of eight was priceless. I don’t think they will miss each other much. In fact, a fight nearly broke out between Craig and Len this week: “You were dancing too much with your leading arm.” “What are you on about?” I feel like Len has had enough now; he’s probably booked in an extra golf lesson for next Sunday already. He did allow himself one vintage Len quote, though: “You’ve come dressed as my favourite Quality Street.”
Craig: the great choreographer trapped inside a pantomime dame
Craig had an incipient Conchita Wurst look this week. Let’s hope he goes Full Wurst for the final. His audition to be head judge continues and surely it is going over well? Honest-but-fair Craig is the judge we’ve had this series, with not a mention of “Dis-ah-stah.”
This week’s verdict
It’s hard to know whether this week’s result makes Danny’s win less or more likely. I do now think, though, that despite the maths (which would indicate Louise), it’s between Danny and Ore. So the vote will either be for The Non-Dancer’s Journey (Ore) or The Dancing Excellence (Danny). Having previously assumed it had to be Danny, my money’s now on Ore. My own vote goes to Danny. Not that I have one, except on speed-dial on my phone.
