With references to Star Wars, Star Trek and, er, Grange Hill, they threw everything at the Strictly launch and completely indiscriminately. Are we on Starship Strictly or is this the Class of Strictly 2016? Make up your minds! Heaven knows that seems ill-advised as a strategy, but it worked: a record audience of 10 million, almost 1.5 million up on last year. All the glitz, all the glamour, six new pro dancers (many of them looking barely legal) and a former shadow chancellor all added up to an opener which came across, although only just about, as poised and exciting.
Welcome to Monday’s Strictly Judgewatch. When things kick off in three weeks’ time (they’re currently on a break for training), we will be analysing the show from the point of view of each of the judges. Oh yes. Who does Darcey secretly hate? Who is always the subject of tellingly patronising platitudes from Len? Who will be first to bring Bruno to his feet? And who will finally crack the veneer of Craig’s barely-concealed contempt for the whole enterprise?
The launch show is the moment for the judges to practise their “I’m not bored, really” face (mostly unsuccessfully) and for the professional dancers to practise their “I really love my partner!” face. This was particularly dramatic in the case of Katya Jones, the feline-faced new pro dancer paired with Ed Balls. It’s worth watching this series for Katya’s accent alone: the natural successor to Ola Jordan, her voice is a truly extraordinary and inimitable blend of Russia and Croydon. I do hope we hear a lot of it.
The Strictly launch is always tricky. There is an awful lot of information to impart and nothing to actually judge, except for the wisdom of the pairings which can often be guessed by virtue of a) the height of the participants and b) the poorly-concealed Strictly reward system which means that favourite pro dancers like Kevin and Karen get paired with likely audience favourites like Louise Redknapp and Will Young.
The judges were keeping their cards close to their chest with non-comments and random alliterations (a nod to the much-missed Arlene Phillips school of judiciously juicy judging). “We’ve yet to see them strut their stuff ...” “The girls are frisky and risky. The boys are powerful and perky.” “I think they will do very well.” Close your eyes and it could be Crufts. But the best comment of the night? Bruno’s enigmatic utterance: “I know them in the temperament.” What?
Meanwhile Len looks rather tired of it all in this, his final series. I quite fancied Darcey as Lieutenant Uhura in the nightmarish Strictly Starship opening sequence. But Craig dancing Gangnam Style after a brief stint as Darth Vader brought us all crashing down to earth. Whose idea was this? I’m minded to imagine that Craig has now stipulated in his contract that he must dance as much as possible. Every episode seems to feature more Astaire-style cameos. It’s generous of him – who doesn’t love to critique his finger placement? (Which is, irritatingly, usually utterly perfect. He does love a beautifully-splayed hand, does Craig, and he practises what he preaches.)
Early audience favourites? Melvin Odoom (although there are already rumblings of a dance background), EastEnders’ Tameka Empson and singer Anastacia: all with the charisma to match their enthusiasm. But beware the gymnast paired with the tiny new baby-faced boy. And I would never underestimate the combination of Natalie “Terminator” Lowe and the Olympian. Her face when she realised she had access to world-class athleticism in the training room ... Images of the glitter ball were shining in her eyes. My early fave? Judge Rinder. It’s about time someone challenged Craig to a camp-off.
