Strictly Come Dancing Contestants

It’s a brand new dance, Gillian. It’s called the 'Nick Nick'. Gillian Taylforth, pictured in ITV1’s The Bill with co-star Gary Lucy, is likely to wear something rather more glamorous for Strictly Come Dancing Photograph: ITV

Jessie Wallace’s fixed smile was fooling no one – she was gutted when Bruno gave her six out of 10. Here is the former EastEnders star in Queen of the Music Hall. No, I didn’t see it either Photograph: BBC

Ramping up the 'Phwoar!' factor on this year’s celebrity dance show will be swimmer Mark Foster, pictured here at the Beijing Olympics. Carrying the flag at the 2008 games will be nothing in comparison to the thrill of being interviewed by Tess Daly Photograph: Mike Hewitt/Getty

Rehearsals have not gone well for Austin Healey, who is pictured here being tackled by Anton du Beke after nicking the rugby ball he uses to warm up. No, of course not, it’s the former England rugby union star in action for Leicester in 2004 Photograph: Chris Young/PA

'That’s good Rachel, but you really need to find yourself a dance partner. And what are you doing with your hand?' Former S Club 7 star Rachel Stevens at the annual T4 beach part in Weston-super-Mare in 2005. Her life is about to get even more glamorous Photograph: Matt Cardy/Getty

Don’t get me wrong, I rather like Don Warrington, but I would much rather have seen his Manchild co-star Anthony Head or - even better - Nigel Havers take to the dancefloor. Here they are pictured with the fourth star of the BBC2 comedy drama, Ray Burdis Photograph: BBC

Given her career trajectory to date, it will be another 20 years before Billie Piper will be considering an appearance in a show like Strictly Come Dancing. So her Secret Diary of A Call Girl co-star Cherie Lunghi will take to the dance floor instead Photograph: ITV

Lots of people have a tough time on Holby City, but tap dance fan Tom Chambers, as Dr Sam Strachan, has the hardest time of the lot. No space to list all the misfortunes that have befallen the Holby hunk - let’s hope he doesn’t flatline on Strictly Photograph: BBC

'No, I told you, I don’t want to do any bleedin’ celebrity reality bollocks!' This is either Phil Daniels confronting his agent after just being told he is going to make a fool of himself on BBC1 Saturday teatime TV, or a scene from EastEnders. Vote now! Photograph: BBC

Heather Small will have to search for the hero inside herself if the M People singer is to triumph on Strictly. Sometimes the river flows but nothing breathes. A train arrives but never leaves. It’s a shame. Yeah, Heather, but not as bad as getting 3 out of 10 from Len Goodman Photograph: EPA

We're not saying Gary Rhodes is a hard taskmaster or anything, but after a 72 hour marathon practice session on the dancefloor, this is all that was left of the original partner he was given on the BBC1 show. Let’s hope Karen Hardy fares better Photograph: David Sillitoe/Guardian

John Sergeant weighs up his options. Hmm. Strictly Come Dancing or a guest spot on Channel Five’s Extreme Fishing with Robson Green? I think I’ll go with the dancing. No offence to the veteran news man, but what odds Sergeant is the first one to go? Photograph: Murdo Macleod/Guardian

Adrian Chiles in Strictly Come Dancing! Alas not, it’s his One Show co-presenter Christine Bleakley – no she was not married to Billy Joel – who will be taking part. Good job too – pictured is Chiles attempting the tango. Ade - where’s the passion? Photograph: BBC

That rarest of pictures – Lisa Snowdon alone at a movie premiere (in this case, I, Robot). Poor George Clooney stayed at home that night playing his PS3. No word on whether the Hollywood actor will turn up to cheer his occasional squeeze on. I’m guessing probably not Photograph: Richard Young/Rex Features

Some company for Lisa! Yes, it’s her Strictly Come Dancing partner, Brendan Cole. Clooney is going to be furious! Keep your hands off my on-off girlfriend, Cole! Or you can kiss your Hollywood career goodbye. Likely to be the tabloids’ favourite couple Photograph: BBC

Andrew Castle wonders whether his dancing efforts will hit the heights of his tennis career. One word of advice for the GMTV presenter – don’t try to smuggle that hidden microphone onto the dance floor – it’s just not hidden enough. Only joking – he’s pictured at Wimbledon Photograph: BBC

To be read in the style of Bruce Forsyth: Jodie Kidd can swing a club, but can she swing her hips? Will her performance be below par tonight? Er, she can do golf balls, but can she do ballroom? Will her performance hit the fairway or end up in a bunker? Tell you what – it’s not as easy as it looks Photograph: Chris Jackson/Getty

It’s the man himself, Bruce Forsyth, and his Strictly Come Dancing co-presenter, Mrs Vernon Kay – as she is surely always destined to be known – Tess Daly! Brilliant. It is surely only a matter of time before he is knighted. Vernon, not Bruce Photograph: BBC

Crystal ball time: several of these people will enjoy a minor career boost thanks to Strictly. Two will end up in a West End musical and one will present a show on ITV2. One will be humiliated, destined to spend their rest of their career on reality TV shows rather less high profile than this one. But who’s who? Photograph: BBC