Calamity has befallen Television Centre – Bruce Forsyth, the stalwart of Strictly, the bulwark of the BBC, the leader of light entertainment, is off sick with flu. Which means Tess Daly, normally confined to backstage where she subjects the contestants to her own very special personal brand of interviewing, is stepping out on to the dance floor to present the main show.
So who is going to take her place backstage, to provide consolation, congratulation and interrogation? I'm presuming it will be a man, so he can dance with Tess at the start of the show in the excruciating little skit that has become part of the weekly routine. So here are my suggestions (or fears) – let us know who you would put in Bruce's place:
Matthew Cutler
Former champion alongside judge Alesha Dixon. Given the opportunity, he's lots of fun. He may be a little shy to marshal the mob with authority, though.
Darren Gough
Also a former champion, he'd be full of personality but again he wouldn't be able to keep the contestants in line — not because of timidity, but because he simply wouldn't care about running to time or preventing obscenities before the watershed.
Gethin Jones
An outside bet. Third-placed with Camilla Dallerup in 2007, he's suave, debonair, can dance a bit and he's used to presenting on prime-time BBC One, having hosted the live lottery draw.
John Sergeant
It's a possibility. One of Strictly's most notorious alumni left the competition early last year, but he's ever-present as the punchline to Bruce's gags. He's never been the most natural autocue reader (as demonstrated on Dave's peculiar quiz Argumental) but it would pull in the audience, who rallied behind this particular cause celebre.
Vernon Kay
I have a sense of foreboding that this is the obvious last-minute choice. He's Tess's fella, he's an ardent Strictly fan, and he does at least know the rudiments of presenting.
Darren Bennett & Lilia Kopylova
My personal preference. Have the husband-and-wife duo sharing the role. Both are bubbly and good with talking to camera, as they've demonstrated on their "At Home" VTs on It Takes Two. And more importantly, they can do the dance at the beginning of the show and save Tess from having to do it – for which I'm sure we will all be thankful.
