So that’s it for the launch, and the countdown to Christmas is ON. Thank you so much for joining in down below - I’ll be back here in two weeks, gravy tanned and rested from Spain and ready to push through for the rest of the Strictly season. In the meantime you can find me on Twitter @heidistephens, so feel free to swing by and say hello. Have a good weekend! Hx
I think this year is going to be notable for the absence of ringers - right now most of them look like their legs have been put on backwards. See? Be careful what you wish for.
Based on this performance I’ve got a good feeling about Karim with Amy, Chris and Karen and Alex and Neil – let me know what your Strictly gut is telling you in the comment box below.
All that remains is the final group dance! It’s time for our celebs to bust some moves for the first time, so we can if any of them have any semblance of rhythm. This is always awkward and terrible, but for me it officially marks the beginning of Strictly season so let’s overcome the cringe and embrace it with hip-thrusting gusto.
Apparently Jamie and Karim already have a special handshake. Knowing the outcome of this bromance makes it all the more tragic.
So all our couples are now paired! Apologies for the lack of insight into this year’s celebs – I don’t watch soaps or football or YouTube or Breakfast TV, so I’m somewhat at a loss.
And finally JAMIE is partnered with OTI, which would have been epic had Jamie not knackered his leg. Very much hoping Oti gets another partner, because she is a goddess and I can’t imagine this show without her.
DEV is partnered with DIANNE, so he’ll be roped into her and Joe Sugg’s YouTube madness in no time. I have high hopes for these two – Dianne has proved she can unleash the inner dancer in the most awkward of men.
WILL has been partnered with JANNETTE, who is married to Aljaz, who has free safari park tickets for life. Absolute win.
MIKE is partnered with KATYA, no doubt as part of her ‘do not give her a man under 50’ Strictly redemption arc. Mike looks delighted and terrified in equal measure.
And finally it’s JAMIE LAING, who was in Made In Chelsea. I’m guessing he’s done other things too, but I have no idea what they are.
Don’t get too attached to Jamie - he was part of this pre-recorded launch show, but has since injured himself and won’t actually take part. Hey, a week is a long time in a TV.
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Next is DEV GRIFFIN, who is a Radio 1 DJ. Whilst I may be somewhat outside their target market, I have been known to listen to his weekend show with Alice Levine, and he seems like a good egg.
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Next is WILL BAYLEY, who won Paralympic table tennis gold at Rio 2016, then jumped on the table in celebration and got told off. By his own admission he really can’t dance, and his friends actively tell him to stop when he heads onto the dancefloor. For this alone I love him already.
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Time to pair up the final four men! First up is MIKE BUSHELL, who is this year’s Obligatory BBC Breakfast Presenter. I know nothing about him other than there was a video of him hilariously falling into a swimming pool that briefly went viral. Oh, there it is.
I feel like Mike deserves more on his CV, hopefully Strictly will provide.
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I just used that Paso as an opportunity to pop to the loo – was it any good?
Time for a Stacey/Kevin dance interlude, just to remind us who won last year. They are now all loved up, because that’s how Strictly rolls.
Which leaves ANNEKA paired with KEVIN, which is unexpected and also good news – I think the nation fully expected Anneka to end up with Anton, but hopefully Kevin will help her shine.
RHINO EMMA is partnered with ALJAZ, who celebrates like a man who has just secured himself free safari park tickets for life.
“I don’t know who’s happier”, says Tess, which is a massive lie.
EMMA B has been partnered with ANTON, which is excellent news for Anton.
And finally for the ladies it’s ANNEKA RICE, who is the celeb I’m most familiar with this year – I have fond 1980s memories of watching her be-jumpsuited rear end leap in and out of a helicopter. Have a bonus drink whenever anyone yells ‘STOP THE CLOCK’.
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Next up is OTHER EMMA WEYMOUTH, who is a model, chef, writer, philanthropist and Viscountess, which is QUITE the CV. She is married to the son of the joyfully bonkers Marquess of Bath, so is technically heiress to Longleat House, some lions, a heavy-duty title and possibly Centerparcs.
Apparently she spends her day ‘scrubbing a Rhino’ which is the post-Gladiators story that needs to be told.
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Time to pair up the rest of the women! First up is EMMA BARTON, who is apparently in Eastenders. She is one of two Emmas this year, which is frankly inconsiderate for the beleaguered liveblogger who also has an Emma for a daughter. She will henceforth be known as Emma B, not to be confused with the Magic FM DJ or the Spice Girl.
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Time for a ‘celebs and pros meeting for the first time!’ VT. I’m getting hungry, can we move this on a bit?
What we’ve learned from this segment is that whilst our pros can definitely dance, none of them can sing for toffee. Please don’t give up your day job.
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Incidentally, the sleeves on Claud’s jacket looks like the ventilation hose on the back of my tumble dryer.
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Time for a second musical interlude, courtesy of Mark Ronson and Yebba, who is a US singer and songwriter. Yebba is Abbey backwards, which is her actual name. She’s also done some stuff with Ed Sheeran, and has a lovely voice. Here all series for your musical facts and trivia.
And finally, and unfeasibly tall DAVID has been partnered with NADIYA, who has been in this show for a couple of years but I somehow always forget about. Didn’t she dance with Davood a couple of years ago? That would explain why I might not have noticed Nadiya.
CHRIS has been partnered with KAREN, who is great at the character stuff – a good pairing, I think.
A very excitable KARIM is partnered with AMY, who looks delighted at the prospect of earning extra babysitting cash on weekdays.
JAMES is partnered with LUBA, by virtue of him being extremely tall and Luba being slightly taller than all the other women. I think James might have hips even he hasn’t discovered, and Luba is the woman to unleash them.
And finally we meet DAVID JAMES, who is a former England footballer. This is everything I know about David James - if you any other interesting facts about David James, please add them to the comment box below.
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Time to meet CHRIS RAMSEY, who is a stand-up comedian. I’m not familiar with his work, but he is apparently very funny and a very nice man, and there is absolutely no reason to compare him with that other one from last year.
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Next is KARIM ZEROUAL, who is a presenter on CBBC, apparently. It’s been 10 years since I last watched CBBC so I’ll have to take your word for it - I’m assuming he will be relentlessly perky, which is never a bad thing. Apparently Karim is 19 and went to Sylvia Young’s Theatre School. He also once worked on a TV show with the word ‘dance’ in the title, so he’s perfect runner-up material.
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Time to pair up some men! First up is JAMES CRACKNELL, who is famous for rowing – both the Olympic kind, and *checks notes* possibly naked across the Atlantic with Ben Fogle. He also was part of the winning Cambridge team at the Boat Race earlier this year. A Samba to ‘Rock The Boat’ by Hues Corporation is crushingly inevitable.
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Time to find about a bit more about Motsi - essentially she has stellar dance credentials, an incredible wardrobe and a bucket full of sass; I love her. We now get to see the pros dance with the judges - Shirley still has ALL the moves.
Bruno and Craig dancing to La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin is...quite something. But Motsi is incredible - LOVED that.
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I rather like the top half of Tess’s dress, but the bottom half looks like it’s been torn off in a horrible combine harvester incident. Why can’t she wear a whole dress?
Incidentally lovely to see a few new faces in the pro dancer lineup this year – Ginger Neil, Johannes and Luba are all in the starting 15 (hooray, about time etc.), whereas Gorka has been relegated to the bench (BOO).
And finally ALEX has been partnered with NEIL, who looks delighted to have a partner who absolutely looks the part. The internet is a bit vague about Alex’s relationship status, and Neil is newly single (bye Katya), so as the kids say, this whole partnership is a MOOD.
MICHELLE is partnered with GIOVANNI, which is an incredible pairing. I have such high hopes for these two.
SAFFRON has been partnered with AJ, which is an adorable coupling for the kids. AJ is 24, Saffron is 19, and I’ve just realised I’m older than both of them put together. WOE.
CATHERINE has been paired with JOHANNES, which is a stellar first pairing for this year. I can’t wait to see his routines, we’ve seen snippets of his moves in the pro dances, but now he’s finally centre stage.
And finally in this section is ALEX SCOTT, who is a former England footballer. She won Comic Relief Strictly, which makes her the bookies’ favourite until the public declares her a ringer and systematically crushes all her hopes and dreams.
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She’s followed by MICHELLE VISAGE, who is this year’s Random American. She’s a judge on the US version of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and will soon join the UK panel too. She was also briefly in a pop/dance band in the 1990s, which hopefully means she’s got a few moves alongside being 100% fabulous.
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Next is SAFFRON BARKER, who is this year’s YouTuber. After Joe Sugg last year, I’m guessing this is now A Thing.
I have no idea what Saffron vlogs about, but the blurb says “in 2017 Saffron’s book ‘Saffron vs Real Life’ reached number one on the Sunday Times bestsellers list, and her popularity has also gained her three successful homeware ranges with Primark”. Wait, Primark do homeware? I’ve never made it past the rainbow beach towels.
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Time to pair up some dancers! First up is CATHERINE TYLDESLEY, who apparently is/was in Corrie, which I haven’t watched since Hilda Ogden died. She looks quite tall, so she could be paired with Aljaz or Johannes.
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Time to meet our Strictly stars! Full disclosure: I’ve heard of three of them this year, which is an all-time low. However it’s reasonable to assume they’ll all be our best friends by Christmas, so let’s go with it.
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Ooh I’d forgotten we have new judge this year! Darcey has swanned off into the sunset with her Pat Butcher earring collection, to be replaced by professional dancer and Strictly Germany judge Motsi Mabuse. Her being Oti’s sister has caused much carping about favouritism blah blah blah, which is of course nonsense because they’re both professional dancers and also not 14 years old.
Motsi’s launch frock is an absolute winner. I already love her.
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TESS AND CLAUDIA DRESS WATCH: Tess in a navy velour coffin lining, Claudia in wet-look scarlet. OKAY.
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Much as I love a pro dance, can we just get on with it now? If this intro goes on much longer I’ll be putting the Christmas decorations up.
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Time for highlights from the Red Carpet launch event. Everyone’s overwhelmed and very excited.
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Could this medley be any more camptastic? Kylie emerging from a giant glitterball, Love At First Sight, Better The Devil You Know, All The Lovers, Dancing. Kylie’s singing live, everyone’s dancing and having a lovely time, and I’m so happy right now. Strictly’s BACK!
And we’re off! Glitterballs are go! It’s a new series, so we need a high energy opening pro dance sequence. This year it’s white outfits all round, accompanied by undisputed Queen of Pop Kylie Minogue. She’s singing a medley of her greatest hits, because she’s Kylie and knows how to give the people what they want. Other Strictly musical acts, take note.
OMG Eurovision Lyrics is a Pointless category and they HAVEN’T PICKED IT. I’m devastated, this was my moment to shine.
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Canada, Ace, George Clooney, Chancellor of Exchequer, Elf. Daughter and I are nailing Pointless. She might join the comment box later.
Do we usually do a bingo for the launch show? No idea, but since I make the rules we’ll have one anyway. But let’s keep it simple - have a swig of whatever you fancy (me: gin) whenever a pro/celebrity pairing displays disingenuous levels of enthusiasm.
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Evening all, and welcome back to a brand spanking new series of Strictly Come Dancing! It seems like only a few weeks ago we were firing the glitter cannons for Christmas, but apparently nine more months have passed and we’re back for a 17th series. And since the world is both literally and figuratively on fire, a bit of sparkle-tastic escapism seems like a good way to get us all through the autumn.
I usually miss the launch show due to an annual tennis trip, but this year the ladies have offered to move it back a week so I can be here for tonight’s launch and back for the first live show in two weeks’ time. If it rains in Spain next weekend, it will be all your fault.
Tonight is all about meeting this year’s presenters, celebs, pro dancers and judges, pairing up all 15 couples, then waving them off to get ready for the first live show. Clearly this could be done in about 20 minutes, but that’s not the Strictly way – we need montages, tension pauses, musical performances, convoluted explanations of who all these people are, weak jokes, group dances and enough superfluous padding to upholster your own sparkly sofa.
The comment box is open for your wit and glitter; if you’re an old comment box hand, welcome back, and if you’re new to this liveblogging lark, a huge welcome. We’re a friendly bunch, so say hello down below and get involved.
Grab wine, snacks and your favourite sequined blanket for a 7.10pm kick off. See you then!
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