So that’s IT for Week One! Some great performances over the last couple of nights, this is lining up to be a corker of a series. Next week’s show kicks off at 6.20pm, and it’s a two hour dance marathon so bring plenty of supplies.
Thank you everyone who joined in this evening, am off to drink wine and read your comments. Come and say hello @heidistephens on Twitter if you’re passing, otherwise I’ll see you on Wednesday for Bake Off, or next Saturday for Strictly! Have a great week, Hx
Goodness there’s a lot of them. The beginning of a new Strictly season always feels a bit overwhelming, can’t we just ditch four or five couples in Week 2?
So after Week One, Daisy and Alijaz are at the top of the leaderboard, with Ed and Katya at the bottom. No vote to leave this week, but the scores will be carried over to next week.
Time for a recap! I’ve already forgotten what happened last night. Ah yes, Rinder and Ore’s trousers.
Scores: 8,8,7,7 – a total of 30 for Will and Karen.
Len thought the hold was a bit wide, but an excellent performance. Bruno loved the mood and Will’s acting – really focussed and intense. Craig thought Will’s feet were turned out in places, but he loved the intent. Darcey loved the attack and power – but the boys are right about Will’s frame (DRINK).
Will and Karen are playing chess, with bonus arm wrestling. Despite his too-short trousers and pussy-bow tie, this is a pretty decent Tango, with some nice footwork and a commanding presence from Will. His butt sticks out and he looks a bit knock-kneed, but not bad at all. Go Will.
And finally for tonight, it’s Will and Karen! Their first dance is the Tango to ‘Let’s Dance’ by David Bowie. In many ways I think Will Young stumbling through a Tango in Week One of Strictly is definitely what Bowie would have wanted. Next week Will plans to dance the Argentine Tango to Prince’s ‘When Doves Cry’, and after that is anyone’s guess. Cilla? Wogan? Maurice White?
Scores: 6,6,7,7 - a total of 26 for Claudia and AJ. The scoring paddles are meaningless now, aren’t they?
Darcey thought they were great to watch, but needs to be more dynamic. Len didn’t like the gymnastics, but it was a great job. Bruno gets all patronising about how cute Claudia is, which I’ve got zero time for. Craig thought it was stompy (DRINK), but was impressed with gymnastics in heels.
Claudia is tiny, so copious fringing in horizontal stripes makes her look like a frumpy lampshade. Claudia is anything but frumpy, so please no more fringing for Claudia. THANKS!
Well this is fun – great hip action from Claudia and some nice shaping. Her footwork lacks precision and is a bit sluggish in places, but a great job (with bonus gymnastics)
Only two left! It’s time for Claudia and AJ! Their first dance of the series is a Cha Cha to ‘That’s What Makes You Beautiful’ by One Direction. I’m guessing this might include the odd cartwheel and backflip, as is traditional in the Cha Cha.
AJ in VTs is more wooden than a wooden carving of Pasha. Excellent.
Updated
Scores: 5,5,6,6 - a total of 21 for Ed and Katya. Something something Jeremy Corbyn.
Updated
Craig thought it was pedestrian and lacked rise and fall, and he went wrong at the beginning. Darcey could feel Ed’s nerves, and there were glimmers of an elegant gentleman. Len thought it had a nice hold and he was pleasantly surprised by Ed’s dancing (basically he thought he was going to be shit). Bruno thought it was prim and proper, overall very politically correct.
Ed Balls has dispensed with the usual sparkle-and-spandex Strictly look, in favour of the kind of suit you’d wear to meet your accountant. That said, I’m not sure the nation is ready for Ed Balls in butt-huggers and a slashed-to-the-waist shirt, so be careful what you wish for.
Ed is wrestling an umbrella, whilst Katya is wearing an ugly hat. If you imagine a Waltz danced by a Lego Ed Balls, this would be it, but his timing isn’t terrible and this is by no means the worst dance we’ve ever seen on Strictly. I’m almost excited for his Latin (I’m not really).
HOORAY, it’s time for Ed and Katya! Tonight they’re dancing the Waltz to ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight’ by Elvis Presley. This is the slowest song ever written, so I think it’s reasonable to assume this is going to be a fairly ponderous affair – a Laboured Waltz, if you will.
On the upside, we’re all expecting this to be 100% terrible, so it can only exceed our expectations. Look, I’m doing my best to be a ray of sunshine here, let’s just hold hands and get through it.
Scores: 8,7,7,6 - a total of 28 for Anastacia and Brendan.
Bruno thought it was hot and sexy, but she went wrong quite a few times. Craig thought it was filth, and he loved it. Darcey thought it had plenty of attitude, and she can’t wait for the Argentine Tango. Len enjoyed it too, and thought he saw the Rocky Mountains when Anastacia bent over. Len’s clearly lost it, but I LOVE Anastacia.
Anastacia’s dress is dreadful, like a giant squid coughing up an Ann Summers corset. It’s a Cha Cha of filth, and she’s actually a very decent dancer. Ooh those splits!
Oh, she just fell over, and now it’s more stripper routine than Cha Cha. A good recovery at the end (sort of), that felt like quite the emotional rollercoaster. Terrible, but also kind of amazing.
Updated
Next up it’s Anastacia and Brendan! Their first dance is a Cha Cha to ‘Lady Marmalade’ by Patti Labelle. Week One is always Cha Cha heavy, can we not have a Salsa? I need a party dance.
In their VT, Brendan takes Anastacia on a bus tour of London. Whatever.
Tess and Claudia have lost it over an elfish/elvis joke. Terrible dresses aside, they are both amazing.
Updated
Are we there yet? Oh lord, still four to go. Say with me, people.
Scores: 6,6,7,7 - a total of 26 for Tameka and Gorka. The scoring has already fallen off the rails, and it’s only Week One.
Len thought it was a corker - he loved the attack and impact, and it was still fun. Bruno loved Tameka’s character, but she needs to extend her shaping. Craig thought Tameka owned the stage, and Darcey loved Tameka’s moody senorita.
Tameka is looking fabulous in red and pulling off a very commanding and serviceable Paso, but I think we all know that Gorka’s arms are the star of this show.
Plenty of passion, bit hunchy from Tameka and it all fizzles out a bit at the end. In any other year that would probably be a stand-out performance, but welcome to 2016.
Who’s next? It’s Tameka and Gorka! Tonight they’re dancing the Paso to ‘Y Viva Espana’ by Manolo Escobar. I salute Tameka for tackling a Paso in Week One, and also salute Gorka for shamelessly ditching his shirt so early on in proceedings, like Gleb never happened.
Scores: 8,8,7,8 - a total of 31 for Danny and Oti. I guess Craig liked it, then.
Darcey thought Danny nailed it - it was packed full of everything. Len thinks Danny is a contender, but it was too much stagey-dancing for his liking. Bruno loved the performance power and Danny’s Michael Jackson moves, and we haven’t got time to hear what Craig thinks. I guess his score will tell us.
I’ve no idea whether Danny is another Stage School ringer, but he’s definitely got some moves. They’re a bit out-of-control, however - great footwork but all a bit frantic and thrusty for a Cha Cha. Definitely one to watch, let’s never speak again of this terrible song.
Updated
It’s time for Danny and Oti! Tonight they’re dancing the Cha Cha to ‘Cake By the Ocean’ by DNCE. This is one of my favourite songs of the summer, please can the Dave Arch Singers be kind to it?
Scores: 7,8,9,8 - a total of 32 for Daisy and Aljaz. I think Len’s going to need extra paddles.
Craig thought it was a bit sickly and mawkish, but Darcey thought it had wonderful atmosphere and flow, albeit she could do with more extension in her long limbs. Len thought Daisy was an English Rose, and has never seen a better Week One dance. Bruno thought Daisy was dazzling, and the dance had old-school glamour - she made it look easy.
Daisy Lowe looks quite the fairy princess in oodles of chiffon. She and Aljaz are a bit Barbie and Ken, no? Nobody should be that good looking, it’s not normal.
This is a lovely romantic Waltz, with some nice lines and great rise and fall from Daisy. Great spinning too, and all very lovely. Did I mention it was lovely? I need a lie down, too much sugar.
Updated
It’s time for Daisy and Aljaz! Their first dance is the Waltz to ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole. Clearly any attempt to match the song with the celebrity has been sacked off this evening, not that I’m complaining.
Can we leave out the X Factor-style emotional manipulation please? It’s not the Strictly way, and I don’t like it. Thanks.
Updated
Score: 4,6,6,6 - a total of 22 for Melvin and Janette. Only Craig is sober, clearly.
Bruno thought Melvin captured the mood, but failed to deliver the hips. Craig thought it was stiff and square - not Melvin’s dance. Darcey thought Melvin is a natural cheeky chappy, but it needs to translate to the hips. Len thought it was fun, and more loose than stiff.
Quote from my daughter “the comment box hates Melvin’s trousers. I don’t read your blog, but the comments are really funny”. THANKS.
So the story seems to be that Janette is a frilly lamp, and Melvin is a bucket of sick. Together they are dancing the world’s most ponderous Cha Cha, packed with weird staccato moves, zero hip action and horrible stomping. Please make this stop.
Updated
Next up it’s Melvin and Janette! Tonight they’re dancing the Cha Cha to ‘Loco in Acapulco’ by The Four Tops. Melvin’s shirt-and-trouser combo looks like he went loco during a closing down sale at a clown shop. My EYES.
Top family points for Melvin’s first VT - his entire family in Week One. Where does he go from here?
Scores: 8,7,8,8 - a total of 31 for Louise and Kevin. The staff at Italia Conti must be so proud. Oh come on, everyone’s thinking it.
Updated
Len loved the content - it really floated his boat, and had plenty of high energy and high performance levels. Bruno thought Louise scored big time (obscure husband-related football reference) and he loved her style and dainty footwork. Craig thought it was clean and crisp, albeit there was a messy turn at the end. Darcey (AVATAR HAIR KLAXON) loved it too - she can’t wait to see more.
I really want to know what Kevin has done to upset the wardrobe department, as Louise appears to be suffering the same outfit punishment as Kellie Bright last year. I bet she longs for a pair of Eternal cargo paints and a crop top, rather than that dreadful Shirley Temple horror.
Louise has great timing and nice technique, it’s a very tidy Jive by anyone’s standards, never mind in Week One. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have ourselves a contender.
Updated
Is it time for some dancing? First up it’s Louise and Kevin! Their first dance is the Jive to ‘Jump, Jive and Wail’.
In the VT, Louise aims to get Louise in the mood for a navy theme by taking her to dance on a ship. Okaaay then.
“If I went on Strictly I’d want Kevin”, the daughter informs me. She’s no child of mine.
Here come the judges! Darcey has swapped the Pat Butcher earrings for a grey crimplene garden umbrella. Out come the celebs - we did all this last night, the outfits haven’t got any less alarming.
Tess and Claudia Dress Watch! Tess in another white shroud, Claudia in a Halloween bat costume. 4/10.
Time for an opening dance! It kicks off with children and old people, apropos of nothing. They soon get shoved off the dancefloor in favour of our pro couples, who do lots of whirling. Then the judges! And Tess and Claudia! Wait, the children are back. A a choir! Crikey, it’s busy on that dancefloor.
Ooh, our first chance to see the couples in the credits. Get used to this, it will be on every day until Christmas.
And we’re off! Last night on Strictly – six couples took to the floor, with actually very decent results (for week one, at least). No serious comedy turns as yet, although Judge Rinder’s blow-up doll face will be imprinted on my eyeballs until at least Tuesday.
The BBC continuity man has already dropped an “Ed Glitterballs”. DRINK!
It’s time for tonight’s Strictly Come Bingo! A swig of bargain holiday Cava for any occurrence of the following:
- Darcey agreeing with the boys
- Craig bitching about stompy footwork
- Messin’ abaaaaht
- Dangerously tight trousers
- Some kind of rubbish wordplay on Ed Balls/Ed Ballroom/Ed Glitterballs
Updated
Evening all, and welcome to tonight’s Week One Part Two liveblog! After the first six dancers took to the floor last night, the other nine will be shaking what their mamma gave them this evening - we’ve officially dubbed it Ed Balls Night, but let’s cast a look over the other eight since we’re here.
Last night was QUITE the opening show, with plenty of dancers promising some great performances once they’ve got rid of their pigeon toes, clompy feet and hunchy shoulders. One thing’s for sure – personality and performance is not going to be in short supply this year, which can only be a good thing.
Tonight’s second half kicks off at 6.30pm, so join me then for a minute-by-minute evisceration of every stumbled step and shoulders-for-earmuffs top line. Your contributions in the comment box are always welcome – I don’t have time to read the comments during the show, but I always have a read afterwards and you are all brilliant and hilarious. Don’t stop now, we’re just getting started.
See you at 6.30!
Updated
