So that’s it for the first live show! The other nine contestants are giving it full glitter and jazz hands at 6.30pm tomorrow, so join me then and we’ll do it all again (repeat every weekend until Christmas).
In the meantime you can find me on Twitter/Insta @heidistephens, or if you’re up early I’m on BBC5Live at 6.50am-ish tomorrow chatting all things Strictly. Thanks for joining in, it’s great to be back. See you tomorrow!
Scores: 6,7,7,7 - a total of 27 for Greg and Natalie, putting them joint top of the leaderboard. Inexplicable, but that’s why we love Strictly.
Bruno shouts a bit about Greg could go all the way - it didn’t have precision, but Greg gave it plenty of welly. Craig thought it was flat-footed and stompy and he was pigeon-toed, but he enjoyed it enormously. Darcey thought Greg looked like a blue frog jumping around, and Len thought it was was full on for “a bloke who larks around in a sandpit” (never change, Len).
Greg comes out with a big jump, and it’s a jive with great pace and personality (and bonus leapfrog). His feet turn in and his arms and shovel-hands are a mess, however - all a bit of shambles after a good start. Boo, but still love him and I reckon Nats can mould him into something fabulous.
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And finally for tonight’s show, it’s Greg and Natalie! Their first dance is the Jive to ‘Get Ready’ by The Temptations. I’m disappointed that they didn’t pick ‘Jump’ by either Van Halen or The Pointer Sisters, such a wasted drinking opportunity. Still, a Jive in Week One is quite a big ask, so let’s see if Greg has moves (please have moves please have moves).
Scores: 7,7,6,7 - 27 for Ore and Joanne, puts them top of the leader board so far.
Len thought it took too long to get started - too much larking about. Bruno loved the cheeky spin, it was fresh and something he hadn’t seen before. Craig loved the storytelling, and it was dramatic and confident. Darcey thought it has ease and attack, and Ore kept his focus to the end.
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So Ore is a nerd in a bad shirt, and this all takes a very long time to get going. But once they’re doing some actual Tango, it’s really not bad - a bit shuffly and lacking commitment from Ore in places, but a confident effort. Dear lord those beige trousers are tight.
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Loving all the training footage in the VTs, by the way. Can we stick with this throughout this year instead of the comedy skits please? THANKS.
Ore’s already introduced us to his beautiful wife. Harrumph.
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Next up it’s Ore and Joanne! Tonight they’re dancing the Tango to ‘Geronimo’ by Sheppard. I’ve got no idea what this has to do with Ore, but it’s an absolute banger. A Tango in Week One is quite a big ask, but at least he can’t get voted out, so might as well get it out of the way early. If I’ve been in any way unclear on this matter previously, I’ve got a tiny crush on Ore and I’d appreciate it if he could not let me down please. Thanks.
Scores: 5,6,6,6 - a fair-to-middling 23 for Lesley and Anton. It’s usually Week 7 before Anton hits 23, don’t knock it.
Darcey thought it was sophisticated, romantic and elegant, but Lesley needs to watch she doesn’t get lost in Anton’s chest and her shoulders were too high. Len enjoyed the traditional Waltz - clean and precise footwork but Lesley’s posture was a little high. Bruno thought it was touching and well-acted, but Craig thought Lesley’s posture let her down - she danced it with ease, however.
Ooh, we’ve gone all black and white! Well this is charming - Lesley’s footwork is actually rather lovely, but her shoulders acting as earmuffs rather spoils things. Still, delightful.
Who’s next? It’s Lesley and Anton! Their first dance is a Waltz to “What’ll I do?” by Alison Krauss, an Irving Berlin song that was of course the theme to Birds of A Feather, just in case you’re wondering where the hell you’ve seen Lesley before (DRINK).
Lesley is another celeb I really want to be amazing, rather than another comedy turn for Anton to manhandle around the dancefloor like a sack of parsnips. She looks amazing, I’m rooting for her. Parsnips? Rooting? Oh never mind.
Also Lesley is finding the Waltz hard. DRINK.
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Scores: 6,7,6,6 - a total of 25 for Judge Rinder and Oksana.
Craig thought it was frenetic and Rinder had an open-mouth trout pout, but he had great rhythm and plenty of reckless abandon. Darcey thought it was extraordinary and outstanding, she loved it. Len thought it put the “boy in flamboyant” (eh?), and Bruno loved how Rinder gave it great gusto.
Judge Rinder has a sparkly gavel and everything, and starts with some manic spinning. His footwork has some impressive pace, albeit with a gangster lean so his butt sticks out. But SOMEBODY’S been in the gym, and his hip action and face-pulling is amazing. LOVED that.
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It’s time for Judge Rinder and Oksana! Tonight they’re dancing the Cha Cha to Mercy by Duffy, because he’s a judge/mercy/oh god kill me now (DRINK).
Terrible song choice aside (and it feels like it crops up in every Strictly somewhere, despite it being a song we’d all totally forgotten ever happened), I really want Rinder to be amazing, and Oksana to be a total Ukranian bombshell (note to self, rethink metphors), like Kristina squared.
Scores: 5,6,6,6 - a solid 23 for Naga and Pasha. Good start.
Bruno thought it was elegant and ethereal, and Naga showed a natural poise for ballroom, but something went horribly wrong in the middle. Craig thought it lacked flow as her rise and fall was a bit bumpy, but Naga has wonderful potential. Darcey (just noticed her dreadful Pat Butcher earrings) loved Naga’s neck, but she needs to drop her shoulders. Len thought it had fumbles in places, but it had great potential and elegance.
Naga is looking splendid in a floaty mint number, and it’s all a very romantic affair, although Naga’s frame looks a bit of a shambles. But it’s week one, when did you last do a waltz? Yeah, me neither.
Next up it’s Naga and Pasha! Tonight they’re dancing the Waltz to ‘Run To You’ – alas not the Bryan Adams soft-rock banger, but Whitney’s wind tunnel warble-fest from The Bodyguard. I’m not sure what this song has to do with Naga, unless she needs Pasha to hold her in his arms and keep her safe from harm. Which we all need, in many ways.
As an aside, have the Dave Arch Singers warmed up their vocal chords enough for Whitney? *worried face*
Naga is struggling. DRINK.
Scores - 5,6,7,7 - a total of 25 for Laura and Giovanni, not bad for week one. Please note there is no vote tonight, but the judges’ scores will be carried over to next week.
So what did the judges think? Len thought it was a lovely start to the show, although she lost time at the end and her legs needed to be straighter. Bruno needs a fire extinguisher, it had wonderful musicality and plenty of sparkle. Craig didn’t like Laura’s flexed knees and it was all a bit unstable, however turns were clean and Laura looked good. Darcey thought it was sweet and sassy, and she only lost character at the end - a great first dance.
Laura is wearing a frayed tissue that does nothing for her, whilst Giovanni has got his chest out already in a shirt that appears to be several sizes too small. It’s a pretty decent Cha Cha for week one - a bit tentative and bendy-knees from Laura but bags of personality. Nice.
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Right, let’s get this dancing show on the road, shall we? Breaking the 2016 Strictly seal is Laura Whitmore and 2015 runner up Giovanni! Their first dance of the season is the Cha Cha to ‘Venus’ by Bananarama. Because she’s a goddess on a mountain top, presumably – right now I’m imagining Georgia weeping into a bucket of Pinot Grigio and bitterly snapping breadsticks into tiny pieces.
Apparently dancing is harder than Laura thought. DRINK.
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Out come the judges! It’s good to have everyone back, and Darcey is looking fabulous. The stars do their first parade down the stairs, looks like Louise has drawn the shapeless short straw again. She’s clearly this year’s Kellie, I wonder what she did to upset wardrobe?
Tess and Claudia Dress Watch! Tess in a shapeless white bandage, Claudia in two dresses, both of which are horrible. Everything is as it should be.
And we’re off! Cue emotional soft-focus opening of motivational Facebook posts, recorded in an echo chamber. Ed Balls parts the Strictly curtains in slow motion. Nope, no idea.
Time for this tonight’s Strictly Come Bingo! Have a slug of whatever tickles your fancy for any occurrence of the following:
- Celebs wanging on about how much hard work dancing is
- Mentions of it being Len’s last series
- Craig and Rinder trying to out-panto villain one another
- Early signs of partnerships under pressure
- Song/routine choices that endeavour to reflect why the celeb is famous (usually in a painful and laboured fashion)
Evening all, and welcome to the first proper weekend of Strictly liveblogs! I had it in my head that this first show was tomorrow, which is why I was still merrily driving around France until this afternoon. But I made it home in time, albeit with no time to slip into something sparkly. I’ve got about 30 bottles of Cava in my car though, so that should see us through until Christmas.
Tonight six of our new dancing couples will perform their first dance, with the other nine taking to the floor tomorrow evening. There’s no vote to boot someone out this week, so think of this weekend as easing us in gently before the shows get insanely long and ridiculous.
I’ll be up here keeping a beady eye on the frocks, the footwork and the fledgling partnerships, whilst you are all positively encouraged to add your wit and wisdom to the comment box below. Kick off is at 9, so warm up those hips with a few lunges and stock up on snacks and booze. Strictly’s BACK, woo hoo!
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