Strictly Come Dancing 2009: the contestants

Former Wimbledon tennis champion Martina Hingis is sure to be, ahem, a smash hit. Will the judges give her more than, er, forehand out of 10? New judge Alesha Dixon partnered Hingis's partner, Matthew Cutler, to the title in the fifth season of Strictly Come Dancing. She will, of course, be entirely unbiased in the new series. Come on Matthew! Photograph: Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images

No, not the chap on the right - that's Yorkshire Edition, who's been signed up for a new ITV2 series, Dancing on Hooves, presented by Harry Hill. It's the fella in the middle, Richard Dunwoody, former winner of the King George VI chase (twice on Desert Orchid) and double winner of the Grand National. On the left is a Grant Bovey lookalike. Or possibly Grant Bovey Photograph: John Stillwell/PA

Three out of 10? Take that, Revel Horwood! It's undefeated former world boxing champion Joe Calzaghe. He was quick on his feet round the ring, but will he be light as a feather on the dancefloor? His dancing partner Lilia Kopylova partnered Darren Gough to the top prize. Remember, Joe, it's not 'left, right, left, right, uppercut!' It's 'quick, slow, quick, quick, slow.' Uppercut! No, Joe, no ... Photograph: Nick Potts/PA

Coronation Street star Craig Kelly looks like he's just been told he's going to partner Kate Garraway. Don't worry, Craig, she's gone! Kelly, who stars as – Google, Google, Google – Luke Strong in the ITV1 soap, will be accompanying Flavia Cacace. She previously danced with Phil Daniels only to be knocked out in the very first round. Better luck this time, Flavia Photograph: ITV

Yes! I've made it onto Strictly Come Dancing! Unusually for a long-jumper, Jade Johnson is allergic to sand, according to the BBC sport website. She will dance with Ian Waite, whose previous partners include Denise Lewis, Zoe Ball and Penny Lancaster, but is still looking for his first Strictly win. She also had a habit of wearing fishnet stockings at the Olympics, so she's halfway towards her Strictly Come Dancing outfit already Photograph: Christof Koepsel/Bongarts/Getty Images

Two former England cricketers, Darren Gough and Mark Ramprakash, have both won Strictly Come Dancing. So why does it feel that Phil Tufnell, former king of the jungle in ITV1's I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here... will not make it a hat-trick? Look closely at this picture. Now do you see? He's partnering Katya Virshilas, making her Strictly Come Dancing debut Photograph: Clive Mason/Getty Images Europe

This dance looks easy, I'd look to do this one please. It's former Oxo mum Lynda Bellingham, performing – it says here – in Sugar Mummies at the Royal Court. She's partnering Darren Bennett, who won the first series with Jill Halfpenny, but hasn't made too much of a splash since then. Mmmmmmmm ... Strictly! Photograph: Tristram Kenton/PR

How unusual not to have any EastEnders act ... would you believe it, it's EastEnders star Natalie Cassidy! It has become obligatory for Strictly Come Dancing to feature at least one current or former Albert Square resident, occasionally two and if you're really lucky, even three. Cassidy, who played Sonia Fowler, is partnered by Vincent Simone, who finished second with Rachel Stevens last year, unaccountably losing out to Tom Chambers and Camilla Dallerup Photograph: BBC/BBC

Would you Adam and Eve it? It's someone else from EastEnders. Ricky Groves is best known for playing Garry Hobbs in EastEnders and is married to Dennis Waterman's daughter, Hannah. He will partner Erin Boag, who looked odds on to win Strictly in 2005 until she did the comedy puppet thing with Colin Jackson. What odds Ricky will dance to Dennis's Minder theme, I Could Be So Good For You? Probably quite long Photograph: BBC/BBC

Teen soaps are a rich source of celebrity reality TV contestants, and Hollyoaks star Ricky Whittle is no exception. You may also know him from Sky 1's Dream Team – how we miss that show – or BBC1's Holby City. He has a bit of previous with another of this year's Strictly contestants, Crimewatch presenter Rav Wilding, who beat Whittle in the final of a Weakest Link special. This time it's personal! Ricky will be dancing with Natalie Lowe Photograph: Mersey Television Company

'This is The Bill and Hollyoaks star Ali Bastian calling control. Bastian calling control. Send back-up. My agent has got me on Strictly Come Dancing. I need assistance immediately!' Bastian, better known to some viewers as Sally Armstrong from the Bill, will partner Brian Fortuna, who made his debut in Strictly's sixth series with M People's Heather Small. They'll be dancing the Foxtrot, obviously. The Alpha Romeo Foxtrot. Roger and out Photograph: ITV

Laila Rouass is used to appearing on TV alongside dinosaurs – she starred in ITV1's Primeval. No that wasn't a Bruce Forsyth joke! The very thought. Rouass also played Amber Gates in Footballers' Wives and will partner Anton Du Beke, who has carved out a niche for himself in BBC1's Hole in the Wall and may or may not also be known as Tony Beak. Just not as exotic, is it? Photograph: ITV

It's a Footballers' Wives face-off! Laila Rouss will be joined by her former co-star Zoe Lucker, who also starred in BBC1's Holby Blue. She also once made an ITV2 documentary, A Date with the Dalai Lama. No, we didn't see it either. She will partner the fearsome James Jordan, who is married to fellow Strictly Come Dancing dancer, Ola Jordan. So that makes her a dancer's wife, rather than a footballer's one Photograph: ITV

Bill Turnbull hasn't look back since appearing on Strictly Come Dancing, so his BBC Breakfast colleague and former TV sports reporter Chris Hollins will be hoping for more of the same. Not exactly a household name – I just spent 10 minutes looking him up on the Hollyoaks website – he will partner James Jordan's wife, Ola. Could be a surprise package! Saying that, he could also go out in the first round. At least it will give the people on Breakfast something to talk about Photograph: BBC

When they said they had a presenter of Crimewatch, thoughts immediately turned to Nick Ross. Alas, no. He's not on Crimewatch anymore, and neither is he on Strictly. Never mind, we've got former police officer – and Crimewatch presenter – Rav Wilding instead. You might also have seen him on The One Show. Is anyone not on The One Show these days? He will partner Aliona Vilani and is apparently a bit of a hunk, according to the show's website, which promises 'tight sexy trousers and shirts slashed to the waist'. Don't have nightmares Photograph: BBC

She's the estranged wife of Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood and – it says here – the coolest grandmother in rock'n'roll, it's Jo Wood! She will partner arguably the best known of all the Strictly professional dancers, Brendan Cole, who won with Natasha Kaplinsky and struck out on his own with an only slightly ill-advised appearance on ITV1's Love Island, when the show had dropped the word 'celebrity' from its title. Expect fireworks! Photograph: Richard Young/Rex Features

Ten quid to Comic Relief to the first dancer who makes a gag about the £99.99 bottle of champagne bought by the BBC director general Mark Thompson – at the licence fee payers' expense – to celebrate Bruce Forsyth's 80th birthday. On air, obviously! Here's Bruce – still king of Saturday night TV – pictured with the never knowingly undersmiling, Tess Daly. 'Keeeeep presenting!' Photograph: BBC

Former winner Alesha Dixon (right) controversially replaces Arlene Phillips as one of the judges on this year's series, and will be joined for the last three shows by ballet star Darcey Bussell (left) as a guest judge. I'm not sure how that's going to work either, but if the voting goes as smoothly as last year, it'll be a disaster! Look at the size of that glitter ball. It's fracking massive! Photograph: BBC