One is black and white and can hit its target with deadly accuracy, the other is a stormtrooper.
This is how Glen Fredericks, of Adamstown Heights, compared a Star Wars character from the dark side with a magnificent Aussie native bird.
We are, of course, talking about the majestic magpie.
Given it's the first week of spring, Glen suspects the natives will be getting restless.
"I just got myself a motorbike - a motortrike to be exact - and my learner rider's license. My primary mode of transport has always been a car," he said.
"I'm wondering if any Topics readers who are motorcycle riders have any experience with swooping magpies? I know the helmet will protect me, but I'm not sure how I'll react with a dive bombing 'mad-pie'."
And oh, don't you just love the sign warning about the dangers of magpies at Speers Point?
"Warning ... warning," it states, channelling the robot in Lost in Space.
"Birds swooping! Magpies and other birds. If you come too close they may swoop."
Thankfully, the stormtrooper was well protected.
Something Fishy
Topics reported on a sign that Col Maybury spotted at Aberdare Road in Cessnock that said "All Glory to God. Praise My Lord. Sold."
The sold part apparently related to real estate.
Anyhow, Glen Fredericks said he "misread the sign in the photo".
"I thought it said, 'All glory to Cod'. I thought someone had found their porpoise in life."
Glen can make jokes every day of the week, barramundi.
Someone will make us walk the plankton for these jokes. Fair enough, they are eely bad. We can't help it, it's a great oppor-tuna-ty. We're hooked on jokes. They're kraken us up. Some probably think our jokes are fin-tastic. And it's better to spread jokes that fish-ious rumours.
Hey, let's all just clam down a bit.
Father's Day
Carrington's Neil Pitt asks whether ties and socks are "now not deemed suitable as a Father's Day gift".
With Father's Day on Sunday, this is a timely question.
Topics should first declare an interest. We think ties should be banned from the face of the Earth.
They are, we proclaim, uncomfortable, pretentious and stupid.
We must say, we find it hilarious that there's this weird concept - this social programming - that a person who wears a tie is somehow magically bestowed with respectability, professionalism and virtue.
Some folks protest over wearing masks. We'd prefer they turn their attention to ties.
As for socks, we reckon they're a great Father's Day pressie. You can never have enough socks.
