Leo,
It’s been a minute. How are you? You look so fresh-faced. You’ll be pleased to know that doesn’t change much over the years. Be sure to thank Mama for those good genes.
The first thing I should let you know is that Mama and Baba know you’re gay, and they support you 100%. They bring houseplants to the flat you share with your partner – who’s in all the photos at your sister’s wedding, by the way. I know you don’t think Mama and Baba are open-minded, but they are going to surprise you, and coming out is going to bring you closer to your family than you could have ever imagined. I’m so excited for you, because you really have no idea how much better it’s going to get.
Many of the things you thought weren’t possible now are. Not just in terms of being out; you don’t know this yet, but all those hours you spend singing George Michael and Mariah Carey in your bedroom and dreaming about a music career are leading you to writing, producing and singing your own music and performing it in cities across the world, from Austin to Shanghai. Music is going to help you form your second, chosen family. It’s going to connect you to LGBTQ south Asians across the world that feel just like you do now – confused, unsure, afraid to live authentically – and it will help them feel less alone. All of this will keep you on your path when it feels easier to give up. And you will feel like giving up. A lot.
That’s all well and good for me, but I know that you’re not out yet, and you’re living between London and Lahore, which isn’t ideal. I don’t blame you for resenting it, but trust me; there is so much to appreciate right now. You are soaking up culture that will help you see the world from multiple perspectives and dream in different languages. When there’s no English word to convey how you feel, you’ll find it in Urdu or Hindi, and your music will celebrate every sound, taste and view from an adolescence spent hopping back and forth from east to west.
Appreciate home-cooked food, and the comfort of having a proper meal made for you. Every night. It wouldn’t hurt to learn Mama’s dal recipe, although I know for a fact that you won’t. Soak up the lessons in the books you love, as they’ll help you understand the real world in the future (especially Animal Farm). And those friends you’ve made in Lahore? They’re still some of your closest you’ll have all these years later. You’ve explored the world together, and you still stay up late chatting to one another; you’re there for each other through every success and failure, and they’ve kept you grounded in the person you’ve always been – you still all call each other by the silly nicknames you have now. Be present, and appreciate all the time you have with them, because, while you’re still close friends, in the future you’re all scattered across the world. Luckily, in the future you can make video calls on your mobile phone to people halfway across the planet. For free! Honestly, it’s like Star Trek nowadays.
You want to escape right now, and you’re wishing away the time you have while you think about what lays ahead. But your present is important – you’re building me out of the experiences you’re having every day. Embrace all of them, both happy and painful.
Finally, don’t let your feminine side shut down, as it’s part of what makes you unique. Experiment with clothes, play with makeup, and don’t wait too long to wear Mama’s jewellery outside the house. She’ll let you wear it. Nurture and defend this part of who you are with everything you have, because as much as society has evolved, there’s still a lot of pressure out there to conform. Resisting conformity gets easier with each passing year, thankfully.
Don’t change. The future is ready for you, even if today isn’t.
Leo.
PS You will dye your hair blond, but you’ll see the light soon enough and dye it back. Sorry about that.
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