Calm down, calm down everyone - the results are in for LiS' annual "Best euphemism for drugs" competition are in at last and, I don't mind telling you, this has been one hard fought contest.
In fourth place it's Peter Doherty, who never usually makes an appearance in this list, due to just making his drugs references pretty baldly as opposed to euphemistically. Anyway, we greatly marvelled at the poetic and linguistic leaps made by this Byron of our times when he claimed he was late for a concert because he was "burying one of my cats by the roadside." What could this mean? Is it a spoon reference? We've been puzzling on it for months.
Third place goes to the lucky PR for Paris Hilton who, when her client was photographed with some suspicious white powder around her nose, blithely insisted that her client had been eating "glazed and powdered donuts", at 3am, inside a club. Big up the PR!
Second place is my favourite magazine of all time, Tatler, for an article investigating why ketamine is so popular at posh parties (perhaps because, for a few blissful hours, it allows them to forget that they are trapped in Hertfordshire at some dire party with a bunch of people who seem to be called Piggy, Wink and Ally with nothing to do to pass the time but crack racist jokes and discuss their hedge funds - just a thought.) In this piece, the 'writer' discusses the joys of "the Royal Borough." Well, yes, Kensington High Street is just marvellous in a kind of overpriced chain store sort of way - but what does this have to do with horse tranquilisers? It turns out the "the Royal Borough" is the new name for mixing up your ketamine with your cocaine - geddit? K & C, like Kensington & Chelsea. Simply peerless.
Or so I thought. Until today's news that Amy Winehouse has been carted off to some clinic because she fainted last night "doing her admin." "Doing her admin"! Oh, Amy. Going out with friends and being seen in "high spirits" in the middle of the night is one thing - but coming home and then doing your taxes? Now THAT really is a sign of sickness.
