And here is Sachin Nakrani’s match report for your enjoyment.
Full time: Stoke City 1-4 Manchester City
A really good win for Manchester City, who have scored 11 goals in their first week under “Pep” Guardiola. They were not at their best – Willy Caballero gave the ball away at least twice - but they had too much for a muted Stoke. Raheem Sterling caught the eye, as did Mike Dean. Thanks for your company; you can now follow the 3pm games with Niall McVeigh via the link below. Bye!
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GOAL! Stoke 1-4 Manchester City (Nolito 90+5)
Iheanacho’s brilliant dummy allows Sterling to run through on goal, and he unselfishly gives the goal to Nolito. That’s Nolito’s second, and it puts City ahead of Manchester United in the early Premier League table.
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90+3 min Stones ever so slightly tarnishes an excellent performance with a yellow card for a foul on Diouf.
90 min Of added time there will be five minutes.
88 min A substitution for both sides: Delph replace De Bruyne and Ramadan comes on for Arnautovic.
GOAL! Stoke City 1-3 Manchester City (Nolito 86)
Game over, unless you’re Leonard Sandae. The impressive Iheanacho plays a one-two with Silva and goes round Given. The angle is too tight to shoot so he looks up and squares it for Nolito to pass it into the open net from six yards.
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85 min Iheanacho’s classy la-y-off allows Silva to burst into the box on the left, from where he drills high and wide of the near post.
84 min Walters breaks promisingly into the City half and then plays a terrible pass straight into touch. He’ll never make a goalkeeper.
83 min A City substitution, with Iheanacho replacing Aguero.
81 min Stoke are going down with a whimper at the moment, though of course it’s not easy to have sustained pressure against a Guardiola team.
80 min Walters goes down in the box after a challenge from Sterling. Mike Dean gives the universal sign for ‘get up’. It wasn’t a penalty.
77 min “I hope you eat humble pie for writing Stoke off after only 39 minutes of play,” writes Leonard Sandae. Coincidentally, I’ve just lost another bar on my will-to-live battery.
76 min There has been no flow to the game in the last 10 minutes or so. Stoke can’t get any momentum and even City’s passing has lacked rhythm and urgency.
74 min “It seems to me that the more assertive Mike Dean, the worse his decision making,” says Roy Allen. “The surer he is, the more wrong he is.”
Maybe, but the world is a better place when Mike Dean is giving penalties for no apparent reason.
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73 min “I hope this makes a lie of the pundits’ favourite ‘if he gives that, they’ll have to give 10 penalties a week,’” writes Norrie Hernon. “Well, no. We’ve already seen in the same game that players have stopped holding in the area. Who’d have thought it?!”
Quite. Same with diving. Give retrospective life bans and it will soon get rid of the problem.
72 min The match has become a bit stop-start, and that continues with Jonathan Walters replacing the underwhelming Imbula.
71 min Allen is booked for a foul on Zabaleta.
70 min Diouf plants his studs down the back of Silva’s leg. I suspect it was clumsy rather than malicious, but he still fortunate not to be booked.
69 min A Manchester City substitution: Nolito on, Navas off.
68 min Fernandinho’s straight pass almost puts Sterling through on goal, but Bardsley is just able to usher it back to Given.
67 min After an iffy 10-minute spell, City are starting to control the game again. Stones brings the ball out of defence confidently; Diouf hares after him determinedly, only to stub his foot, lose a boot and fall over in the comedy style.
66 min De Bruyne is booked for a late tackle on Wollscheid.
64 min “Give Mike Dean a medal,” says David Goldstone. “Grappling is a plague which has got much worse in the last few years and makes it almost impossible to score from corners. Referees completely ignore it as though the rules of the game don’t apply in the penalty box. If a few more referees do the same as Mike Dean then corners might actually become valuable and interesting again.”
And England might finally win the World Cup.
63 min “Hi Rob,” says Luke Stevenson, “given Caballero’s questionable distribution in this match. Is the ostracising of Joe Hart really about that? I have given it at least 7 seconds of thought, and remembered the episode of Friends where Monica hires Joey just so she can fire him to show she’s in control. Could this be Pep’s way of telling a squad which has blown hot and cold throughout the last few years that none of them are safe, while secure in the knowledge he has the funds to replace the keeper if he wants to?”
I think the distribution is important to him - he’ll get a better keeper this week - but yes, definitely. He’s done it in the past as well.
61 min Thanks to my colleague Dan Lucas for pointing out this delightful Freudian tweet.
Benteke’s Twitter accidentally reads that he went to Burnley, not Crystal Palace https://t.co/pKld3Si2ZQ pic.twitter.com/KSaYOGuggT
— VICE Sports (@VICESports) August 20, 2016
60 min There’s a strong wind in Stoke this afternoon, and Allen’s hanging, inswinging corner is flapped behind unconvincingly by Caballero. But he does superbly to claim the next corner under significant pressure from Shawcross.
59 min Caballero passes the ball straight into touch again. CAN SOMEBODY GET ME HIS EFFING PASS-COMPLETION STATS PLEASE? Stoke are back in this game, and it takes some diligent defending from Navas to deny Arnautovic a shooting chance at the far post.
58 min “I may have missed something by coming to the game slightly late,” says Shaun Wilkinson, “but is there any word on why Shaqiri isn’t in the Stoke squad?”
An ankle injury.
56 min Both sides will complain about the penalty given against them - and, in fairness to Mark Hughes, he looked equally bemused by the one Stoke were given - but they were legitimate decisions according to the laws of the game. It’s like moaning if you get caught diddling your tax return.
55 min Oh, Sterling was booked for his part in the penalty as well.
54 min A corner to City, which is a big opportunity in a match refereed by Mike Dean. Nothing comes of this one, not even a penalty.
52 min Navas skins Pieters and hits a dangerous ball right across the face of goal.
50 min Just before the penalty, Zabaleta was booked for taking a shortcut through the back of Arnautovic.
GOAL! Stoke 1-2 Manchester City (Bojan 49 pen)
Bojan sends Caballero the wrong way and curls it high into the net.
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It’s another fair decision. Raheem Sterling was marking Shawcross (!) and put hands on him. There wasn’t much contact but he wasn’t looking at the ball and he impede Shawcross, or least he attempted to do so.
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PENALTY TO STOKE!
Mike Dean has given another penalty for holding at a corner.
47 min “Mike Dean is famously from the Wirral, a peninsula parts of which are leafy and nice and another part of which is Birkenhead,” says Ian Copestake. “The leafy parts attract the homesteads of some of Merseyside’s footballers and I like to think Mike Dean trains in those areas, stopping his jog before winding driveways to practice hand out yellow cards or waving away imaginary players appealing to him with their hands respectfully behind their backs.”
46 min Stoke kick off from right to left.
“Hey Rob,” says JR. “I was wondering if you are aware of the reputation of Philadelphia sports fans. I can’t believe it took me this long to piece together but Stoke fans are essentially the English version of Philadelphia fans. Makes them quite hard to root for. Maybe Stoke fans are extra angry right now because they have to wait until the second to last day of the season, May 13th, to celebrate ‘Boo Aaron Ramsey for Getting his Leg Broken Day’.”
I wasn’t, but I am now. It was worth coming to work today after all.
A precis of the first half
Half-time reading
Half-time: Stoke City 0-2 Manchester City
So much for a difficult trip to Stoke. That was a stroll for City, who lead through two goals from Sergio Aguero and could easily win by four or five. See you in 10 minutes.
44 min Bojan is booked for kicking the ball away. Mike Dean exhales like a disappointed teacher as he shows the yellow card.
42 min The scariest thing about City’s start to the season - nine goals already - is that you know they will get significantly better once Guardiola has had more time to work with them in training.
40 min That appeal for a Stoke penalty ... I’m not sure. Davie Provan on Sky says it was a penalty, and it was a bumbling tackle. I can see why Mike Dean didn’t give it, though on balance it probably was a foul.
39 min Last year, Leicester could have won the title with 72 points. With the way the two Manchester clubs have started, I think it’s reasonable to opine that it will take more than 72 points to win it this season.
38 min Three opportunities for Stoke in one attack. Bardsley’s superb volley is well saved by Caballero; then Allen is shoved over by Kolarov, which might have been a penalty; and finally Diouf makes a mess of an excellent headed chance.
37 min So that’s six goals in a week for Sergio Aguero. He could - could - reach Ronaldo/Messi levels this season.
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GOAL! Stoke 0-2 Manchester City (Aguero 36)
That should be three points for City. It’s a superb goal. De Bruyne curled in a beautiful free-kick from the right, and Aguero got between Whelan and Wollscheid to flick a superb downward header across Given and into the net.
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35 min It’s tempting to say Stoke have been poor but I think it’s more a case of City making them play poorly. Pieters sends Navas flying, a clear foul that prompts the Stoke fans to chant cheat at either Navas or Mike Dean, possibly both.
32 min Navas slides in late on Wollschied, who jumps out of the way of his tackle. Mike Dean gives a foul; the Stoke fans wanted a yellow card.
30 min Arnautovic is a bit lucky to get away with a studs-up challenge on Zabaleta. The Stoke players and crowd are in a bit of a funk over the penalty.
28 min Almost a second goal for City. Aguero plays a neat one-two with Navas and drills a low first-time shot that is kicked behind for a corner by Given. The corner is curled to the weirdly unmarked Navas, whose flying header hits Whelan on the six-yard line.
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GOAL! Stoke 0-1 Manchester City (Aguero 27 pen)
Sergio Aguero scores, sidefooting high to the left as Given goes the other way. That’s five goals in a week for Aguero as well as two missed penalties. The decision has annoyed Stoke fans. You can understand why, in that they aren’t always given, but he did have his hands all over Otamendi. It was a penalty in accordance with the laws of the game, and Mike Dean enforced those laws immaculately.
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PENALTY TO MANCHESTER CITY!
Mike Dean rarely misses the chance to give a penalty and he has acted decisively here. Shawcross was tugging Otamendi’s arm at a corner, so it’s hard to argue.
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26 min Sterling is starting to look very dangerous now. He has started the season well after his, erm, Pep talk.
25 min Caballero kicks the ball straight into touch #justiceforJoe.
23 min Sterling receives the ball just outside the six-yard box to the left and tries a clever effort, deliberately placed through the legs of Bardsley. But he doesn’t get enough on it and Given saves comfortably to his left.
22 min Stoke have a free-kick 25 yards from goal, a fair way to the left of centre. Arnautovic wallops it into the wall.
21 min Stoke’s best move of the game. Bojan waits for Allen’s late run and plays a fine angled pass into the box. Caballero comes to meet Allen, whose square pass across the six-yard line is put behind for a corner by Otamendi.
19 min City win their first corner after Bardsley’s challenge on Sterling. Silva’s outswinger is headed clear. It’s been a decent start to the game, albeit without many clear chances.
17 min Arnautovic’s dangerous cross is diverted to Imbula, who sidefoots feebly towards goal from just inside the box. It’s blocked by a defender and rebounds to Allen, who drives over from 25 yards. That was a great chance for Imbula. We’ve just seen a replay of the Allen/Sterling challenge, and although it’s not entirely clear-cut, it looked fair at second glance.
16 min Navas plays a good pass down the right to De Bruyne, whose low cross towards Aguero is excellently defened by Shawcross. Sterling follows up and falls over after a challenge from Allen just inside the box. There was no appea for a penalty though I wouldn’t mind seeing it again.
14 min Stoke win the first corner of the match down the left. It’s curled in and headed clear by the big centre-back David Silva.
12 min The diligent, still bearded Joe Allen makes a vital interception to stop Silva running int the area onto De Bruyne’s angled pass.
11 min Sterling, still being booed, runs across the line of the area past two defenders and curls a fine effort just over the bar. Given was beaten.
10 min “Your point about why Sterling is being booed,” begins Shaun Wilkinson. “Remember, this is the set of fans that booed Demba Ba for not passing a medical.”
Quite right too. He needed to man up.
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9 min Silva jumps out of the way of a dangerous, vaguely two-footed tackle by Bardsley. He was low to the ground but some referees would have sent him off for that; Mike Dean did nothing. Silva probably did Bardsley a favour by avoiding the tackle.
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8 min “Joey Barton should know a thing or two about disgusting, but I think he has not gone far enough,” says Ian Copestake. “The treatment handed out to England’s own Hart is not just disgusting, it’s absolutely disgusting. Hart on the bench? Sitting? Watching someone else in goal? Absolutely and utterly disgusting.”
A visitor hasn’t shown such an appalling lack of respect since Paulie Walnuts got hold of Valery’s universal remote.
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7 min Aguero goes on a fine, muscular run down the right, but then overhits his cross towards Sterling, who would have had an open goal from about four yards out.
6 min Stoke have started with an extreme caution that suggests a damaging excess of respect for City. Fernandinho almost puts De Bruyne clear with a superb drilled 50-yard pass. It had just too much on it.
4 min Raheem Sterling is being booed by the home fans, presumably for the crime of being talented and thus wealthy. Stoke have barely had a kick so far.
2 min A lot of early possession for City, as you would expect. Allen shoves Silva over 30 yards from goal but Mike Dean plays the advantage.
1 min City kick off from right to left.
An email! “Are you starting to feel like one of those lonely Japanese soldiers who used to emerge tired and hungry from a Pacific island jungle in the 1970s, having stuck to their task despite the Second World War having ended decades earlier?” asks Hubert O’Hearn, rhetorically. “It seems that you’re the last man standing for MBM reports while the rest of the crew is covering dancing horses, Jamaican runners, dubious petrol station antics, or indeed covering themselves in sunscreen while *ahem* working on Copacabana Beach. They’d never manage a rainy Saturday in Stoke, by George! Bash on, you!”
It’s the readers I feel for.
Pre-match reading
“Remember when is the lowest form of conversation” - Tony Soprano
There was some bad news for Pep Guardiola this morning, with confirmation that Christian Benteke is now off the market.
Team news
Stoke City (4-3-3) Given; Bardsley, Shawcross, Wollscheid, Pieters; Imbula, Allen, Whelan; Bojan, Diouf, Arnautovic.
Substitutes: Haugaard, Muniesa, Adam, Walters, Cameron, Crouch, Ramadan.
Manchester City (4-1-2-3) Caballero; Zabaleta, Stones, Otamendi, Kolarov; Fernandinho; De Bruyne, Silva; Navas, Aguero, Sterling.
Substitutes: Hart, Fernando, Maffeo, Nolito, Delph, Clichy, Iheanacho.
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Preamble
Computers are like Germans: everyone thinks they have no sense of humour. But the Premier League fixture computer had a rare old laugh when it decreed that Pep Guardiola’s first away game in England should be at Stoke. It’s not a wet, windy night, to be sure, and Stoke don’t play like Stoke anymore, but there is a certain culture shock in the story of Pep’s Big Day Out at the Rule Britannia Stadium. And, frankly, I’ll take anything that interrupts yet another discussion of Joe Hart’s pass-completion stats.
Stoke have a number of players who have worked under Guardiola at Barcelona or Bayern: Bojan Krcic, Marc Muniesa, Xherdan Shaqiri, Ibrahim Afellay and Jonathan Walters. Both sides started their season with reasonable results but relatively disappointing performances – City beat Sunderland 2-1, while Stoke drew 1-1 at Middlesbrough. Then, on Tuesday, City splattered Steaua Bucharest 5-0 in the Champions League. Stoke have already finished this season in ninth place, but today should give us a big clue as to how Pep’s City are going to fare.
Kick off is at 12.30pm.
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