RED ALERT
There were Liverpool a couple of weeks ago, merrily whipping Bayern Munich in the Allianz Arena and rehearsing for another rousing rendition of: “We’re going to win the league” when Daniel Sturridge stepped on another metaphorical rake and … Bash! Whack! Fugg! Sturridge’s lob crossing the line in Munich was the trigger for Jürgen Klopp’s versatile face to be slapped by stinging and unwanted reminders of every one of his team’s vulnerabilities: Sturridge himself immediately pulled up lame; Adam Lallana knacked his thigh; Barcelona tried to claim droit du seigneur on Phillipe Coutinho; and Georginio Wijnaldum’s head fell off as he was about to clear a corner at Watford. And now here Liverpool are, back in Germany. Will they break the cycle? Or will the cycle break them?
The answer to that will depend on Liverpool themselves more than Hoffenheim, the Bundesliga side who are aiming to mark their very first appearance in European competition by preventing one of the continent’s woozy giants from reaching the Big Cup group stages. Klopp insists the challenge posed by Hoffenheim should not be underestimated: “If anybody thinks because they don’t know about German football or the quality of Hoffenheim – and a lot of people only know two names [Bayern and Carl Zeiss Jena? – Fiver Ed] – it is clear we have to do the job.”
Klopp is right, of course. But the challenge posed by Hoffenheim should not be overestimated, either. Here’s a key fact: Liverpool have better players. Say what you want about Dejan Lovren, for instance, but The Fiver would much rather rely on him than on Havard Nordtveit, who joined Hoffenheim this summer after an unsuccessful stand-up career at West Ham. Nordtveit and his new sidekicks could elicit many laughs today as they try to keep up with Mohamed Salah and Sadio Mané. So really all Klopp has to do is break the cycle and ensure that his players’ superior quality prevails as they get the basics right in midfield and at the back. Oh …
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Twenty five years ago today we helped spark a football revolution. Happy anniversary us!” – the one and only Richard Keys, ladies and gentlemen.
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FIVER LETTERS
“I have frequently been puzzled by your weird choice of ‘prizeless’ letter of the day. So I was pleased to see that, for once, with Simon Cherry’s account of his stalking of Mr Conte in a suburban grocery store, you and I agreed on what was the letter o’ the day. I do wish you would let your wide readership, rather than your own perhaps befogged 5pm mind, decide on the winner. A simple box at the bottom of the letters would be sufficient. The sole criterion for success would be: did this letter induce in me the merest curl of the lip or the slightest expiration of breath?” – Trevor Williams.
“Has Liverpool’s descent into mediocrity finally been admitted by their board and marketing teams after admitting they are no longer looking for ‘superstars’, ‘explosive strikers’ or ‘dominant defenders’ but alas have confirmed their interest in a ‘Nice midfielder’” – Graham Haslam.
“Can’t believe Jon Millard (yesterday’s Fiver letters) didn’t include Roger De Courcey and Nookie Bear in his list of Palace fans” – John De la Cruz.
“Jürgen Klopp – or ‘Yaay-gin’ in scouse (surely it’s ‘Yer-gen’ – Scouse vernacular Ed) – needs a small child to teach him the rudiments of the jigsaw. Sort out the corners and the rest is easy. Until then, Reds fans can watch their defence go to pieces in the box” – Mark McFadden.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … John De la Cruz.
BITS AND BOBS
“I can’t wait to play in front of one of the best fans in the world, Kerala. See you soon!” Wes Brown knows more about the supporters of Indian Super League side Kerala Blasters than us, clearly. And it’s a good job, too, as he’s just signed for them.
Diego Costa is a naughty boy. But unlike many naughty boys, Chelsea don’t want him to sit in the corner and think about what he’s done, but instead want him to return to training and get himself fit.
Real Madrid, displaying a hitherto well-hidden sense of humour, are going to appeal against His five-game ban for shoving a referee at the weekend.
Ooof! If you heard a nasty noise in the south-east London area on Saturday, it might have been Wilf Zaha’s knee getting knacked. He’ll be out for four weeks.
In other knack news, Newcastle will be without Florian Lejeune and Paul Dummett for the disconcertingly vague ‘weeks, rather than months’ after suffering ankle-knack and hamstring-twang respectively at the weekend.
This sounds familiar dept: Carlos Tevez has done one back to Argentina from his club Shanghai Shenhua, who belatedly said it was fine as long as he comes back.
Billericay Town’s owner, Glenn Tamplin, has defended his dressing room makeover, which includes, erm, classy spray painted lions and hands cupped in prayer at the entrance to the ‘Gaffa’s Room’. “Hundreds of changing rooms like the ones being posted to me. Mine’s a one off. Crack on all you sheep, lions don’t lose sleep over sheep’s opinions,” roared Tamplin, before wrestling a gazelle to the ground.
STILL WANT MORE?
David Squires on the opening weekend of the Premier League season. You know what to do.
Want to know more about Hoffenheim großer käse Julian Nagelsmann? Marcus Christenson has the skinny, and if you understandably don‘t listen to us, Gary Lineker says it‘s good, so it must be.
“Lewes FC is a parent, why would you invest more in your boy than your girl?” It’s a reasonable question: Suzanne Wrack tells us why the Dripping Pan is blazing a trail when it comes to funding for women’s football.
Nick Miller isn’t sure about this plan to move the Premier League’s transfer deadline day to before the season. Before you wade into the comments section, allow him to explain why.
There’s a reason Paulinho’s at Barcelona – he’s good, writes John Duerden.
Kyle Walker-Peters isn’t just the star of Eric Dier’s Instagram account, you know. He’s also a very impressive young defender. Nick Ames tells you all you need to know.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
