Preamble: Well, folks, here we are. I'm going to write this in the style of one of Guardian Unlimited's famous minute-by-minute commentaries. I'll try updating live as we go along, but Apple are always pretty bad at providing us hacks with Wi-Fi connections, and the perks at Guardian Towers don't stretch to 3G data cards. (note: the arena's ubiquitous wireless internet disappeared as soon as I entered the hall - apologies)
More preamble: So what are we expecting? If rumour is correct, updates to the iBook, Mac Mini, and potentially a tweak to the iPod shuffle, Apple's first Intel-based machines - plus a possible line of extremely large and extremely expensive screens. Last year the rumour mongers were on the money - maybe not this time around, though. Oh, don't forget you can always play Stevenote Bingo!: our handy cut-out-and-keep guide to what St Eve of Jobs may be rolling out today.
9.07: Here we go - Jobs has just walked on stage. And guess what - he's wearing a yellow shirt and green trousers. Only joking, of course. Just like always, he's dressed head to toe in the only clothes that exist in his wardrobe: black turtle neck, jeans. I hope he doesn't get dandruff.
Matters of scalp clearly aren't fazing the crowd, though: as usual, they're going crazy. This man's the closest thing that the tech world has to a rock star. Thank god he doesn't wear tight leather trousers, though. Standing ovation is now finishing and he's getting ready to speak.
9.08: Retail update: 135 Apple retail stores. "I am really pleased to announce that last quarter we had 26m visitors during the holiday quarter to our stores. Our retail stores had their first billion dollar quarter." [claps]
Shocker - now he's telling us revenues (he never does this). "A record for Apple, we sold around $5.7bn. [claps] This is one for the record books."
9.10: Music. "We went into holiday quarter with best music players on the planet. We sold 4.5m iPods a year ago in the holiday quarter of 2004. Some of estimates for this year were getting high - 10m, 11m, 12m. But last quarter we sold 14m iPods." [whoops, clapping] "That is over 100 every minute, 24/7 throughout the whole quarter."
"That brings the total number of iPods sold to around 42m. 32m were sold in calendar year 2005."
"iTunes has passed 850m songs. We're selling 3m a day, which is well over 1bn a year run rate. 83% market share [laughs and claps from audience]. And since we launched on October 12, we have sold over 8m videos."
9.14: "Today we're putting up some great content, including Saturday Night Live" qua qua qua. [this is all for Americans, of course].
9.17: New iPod accessory: remote control/FM tuner (amazing backup for the firm, considering the amount of times that Apple have said people *don't* want to listen to radio on their iPods). Apparently when it plugs into your pod, a special radio interface comes up on screen. Priced $49.
9.18: Talking of Jobs the rock star, I wonder which musician we're going to see come on stage today. Last year, if I remember rightly it was John Mayer, and at the launch of the iPod nano in September, Kanye West came on for a cameo. What's the betting this time? Or will we see a movie star?
9.19: He's showing off a new advert, featuring Winton Marsalis. Jaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Nice.
9.20: "But it's Macworld, so we're going to spend the rest of the day talking about the Mac" [whoops and cheers]. Does this mean no new shuffle?
Aperture, long video promoting the photography application. "Stanley Kubrick would be jealous," says the vid.
9.24: Widgets. "Between the ones we've created and third party ones, there are over 1,500 widgets available for OS X Tiger." New widgets (yawn): Google, sports widgets etc etc. Come with new update of Tiger, 10.4.4, which is out today.
9.25: iLife. "We're introducing the next revision - and it's a giant." Now he's going through the different products. Anyone else find software incredibly tedious?
9.26: Weird language alert: apparently iPhoto "scrolls like butter". He's clearly been smoking some of the wacky stuff. He then mentions "photocasting" - podcasting for photos. Basically sharing via .Mac for specific photo albums.
9.32: While Jobs prattles on about features of iLife, I'm fixating on movie stars. We saw quite a few at CES; Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Morgan Freeman, Robin Williams, Danny DeVito. Justin Timberlake, too. Oh, and Ritchie Cunningham. But will Jobs want to get upstaged by Hollywood? I doubt it. But I suppose the most likely appearance, if it did happen, would be someone from a Pixar title.
9.33: Product demo. I won't bore you with details.
9.41: Product demo. I won't bore you with details.
9.42: Hold on - sorry for the repetition: I think we're caught in an Infinite Loop. (that's one for all the Macheads out there)
9.46: Garageband - with integrated podcast studio, including sound effects and jingles that are royalty free and integrated voice recording over iChat.
Demo. "Hi, I'm Steve and welcome to my weekly podcast, Super Secret Apple Rumours." [laughs - Jobs has to start over]. "I've got some pretty good sources inside Apple and this is what I'm hearing: the next iPod will be huge: an eight pounder with a 10 inch screen."
"Pretty cool, huh?" [the application, not the 8lb iPod]
9.52: No celebs so far... though I just realised that Tom Hanks - who came on stage for both Sony and Intel keynotes in Las Vegas - voiced Woody in Toy Story. If we see Forrest Gump on stage here this morning, it will be a triple whammy. Imagine the courtesy gifts that guy's stacking up.
9.53: New website building iLife app, iWeb. He claims it makes it "super easy" to create lovely looking websites. Very impressive, but does it only publish to .Mac? I can't tell. Includes Ajax photo viewer, RSS feeds, blogs, podcasts.
9.57: Product demo. The keynote's been going for nigh on an hour now, and there's been nothing truly remarkable - and not a sniff of hardware. We're all waiting for the moment when he turns and says "One more thing". Come on Steve, don't break the habit of a lifetime - I've come all the way to San Francisco for this bugger.
10.05: Still talking about iWeb. Is the site he's built really live? Apparently it's at web.mac.com/sjobs/Web/Site. Update: Doesn't seem to exist on the live web.
10.06: "We've got more than 1 million subscribers to .Mac." Jobs pauses. But the applause he's probably waiting for only ripples through the crowd. My word: are these people getting a bit restless?
10.07: "Now let's talk about computer systems themselves." The crowd whoops - this is what they're here to see.
10.09: Intel Macs. "I want to give you an update", says Jobs. In comes Paul Otellini, the Intel boss, dressed as a space man. Yes, you heard me. A space man. (actually it's a suit used in those chip factories, but there's load of dry ice, so I think it's more like 2001). PO: "Steve, I want to report that Intel's ready." SJ: "I can report to you that Apple's ready too."
10.12: "Today we're going to roll out the first Mac with an Intel processor." The iMac - a surprise, most thought it would be a laptop. "We're going to put an Intel processor inside a new iMac." Same sizes, same design, same features, same prices. "So what's different? It's two to three times faster than the iMac G5." It's got the Intel Core Duo chip set inside. Are these on sale today? He says not only does Tiger 10.4.4 run natively on core duo, but so do all the Apple applications. Update: European prices start from £929/€1399, on sale as of today.
10.17: No surprise, then, when Steve reveals he's been using an Intel iMac to demo everything this morning. Some developers have already made universal products (Quark Express, for example). Rosetta will run Power PC programs inside Intel iMacs (including, he says, Microsoft Office) - Roz Ho from MS comes on to tell us that updates will be available in March.
10.23: The Intel demos continue. In other news, these seats are getting more uncomfortable as the morning goes on. I am numb in several areas I didn't even realise I had.
10.26: Confirmation: these Intel iMacs are shipping today. "We could not be happier with this," chuffs Jobs. He then shows off an advert. Essentially: "For years Intel chips have been trapped inside PCs doing boring tasks. Today the Intel chip will be set free and get to live inside the Mac." Crowd goes crazy.
10.28: ONE MORE THING!
10.29: Turns out they're *also* rolling out Intel-based laptops, replacing the PowerBook. "Today we are introducing a new notebook computer called the MacBook Pro. We're kind of done with power, and we want Mac in the name of our products." It's four to five times faster than the PowerBook G4, he says. Claps all round. A man in front of me is yelping like a dog. I'm seriously concerned about him.
10.32: :"The fastest and thinnest Mac notebook ever". 15.4 inch display. And it's got a built in iSight cam. Quick demo with Phil Schiller, who's sitting in the audience. It also carries an infra-red sensor and remote, so it can run Front Row. Plus a new "Magsafe" magnetic power connector that plops out if it's yanked from its source.
10.36: Price? $1999 for 1.67GHz Intel Core Duo, half gig of memory and 80GB drive. And a $2499 one which is faster (they removed the speed from the screen before I could jot it down) 1GB RAM and 100GB hard drive. Update: European prices start at £1779/€2729. Update the second: Commenter Macker points out that the prices have changed - and they have. Since earlier, the numbers of Apple's website have altered to from £1429/€2179. I'm going to find out whether they had a sudden change of heart or cocked up.
Proviso: it's not shipping until February.
Now he shows the Intel ad again. Crikey, the people here are watching it again with added gusto.
10.39: Jobs thanks all the workers at Apple, they stand up and he leads the crowd in giving them a round of applause. "These folks did an incredible job." He then points out that Apple will be 30 years old this year.
10.41: So what did we see? A little bit more than we expected, but a little bit less too. Intel PCs, yes - anything else, no. The software looks sweet, as usual. Intel's a big development, of course, but on the surface nothing looks substantially different to non-Mac users.
And, with the flashing of cameras popping around my ears, Mr Jobs sweeps off the stage. Thank you and goodnight. Or good morning, if you're over here. I'm off to get my hands on some kit and write some more.
