Stephen Colbert: ‘He gave the storm a boob job’
On the Late Show, Stephen Colbert continued to focus on Hurricane Dorian, starting with an update from his friend, the chef José Andrés, working to feed those devastated by the storm in the Bahamas. “Please, be generous – do not forget these people,” Colbert said, pointing to a directory of disaster relief charities on his website.
Meanwhile, he continued: “Donald Trump is trying to help the only way he knows – by being an old man yelling at wind.” On Wednesday, the president doubled down on his incorrect claim – which was refuted by the National Weather Service – that Hurricane Dorian was projected to hit Alabama. In a press conference, Trump showed reporters an outdated map of Dorian’s projected path with one glaring edit: a Sharpied-on dome to include part of Alabama.
In other words, Colbert said, “he gave the storm a boob job”.
“I don’t think I’m talking out of school when I say that’s an insane thing to do,” he continued. “But it literally could be a criminally insane thing,” because, as many people online pointed out, the inaccurate and doctored map technically violated a US law which forbids knowingly misrepresenting a forecast or warning issued by the Weather Bureau.
It all amounts to a ridiculous scandal which Colbert termed “Watergate” – because “the president misinterpreted where the water would go”.
Regardless, Colbert said, the powerful storm “is another reminder of the urgent need to take action on climate change”. But on Wednesday, the Trump administration rolled back rules requiring more energy-efficient lightbulbs; the change will, according to the Hill, increase US electricity use by 80bn kW hours, which is roughly the amount needed to power all households in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
When asked at the infamous map conference on the rationale for the change, Trump replied: “We’ll give you a report on that. We’re doing a report on all of that, but there’s a very good rationale when you hear it.”
Colbert translated this response, imitating the president: “I’m telling you, it’s a fantastic rationale. We had the report already but unfortunately the report was in Alabama – it was hit by the hurricane. Such a sad loss of rationale.”
Jimmy Kimmel: ‘We’ll now have a wall. His Taj Ma-wall’
Jimmy Kimmel recapped the day in political news, starting with the Pentagon’s decision on Wednesday to transfer $3.6m of its military budget to help pay for Trump’s border wall, the signature, if yet unfulfilled, promise of his campaign (though he repeatedly insisted that Mexico would fund it).
“Nancy Pelosi today said canceling the military construction projects they’ll now have to cut is going to undermine our national security and the quality of life of our troops, which may be true,” Kimmel explained. “But on the other hand, now we’ll have a wall. His Taj Ma-wall.”
Trump’s proposed border wall, whose expense and unpopularity led to the country’s longest-ever government shutdown earlier this year, is “like Donald Trump’s sex life: he talks a big game but in the end, he will not be able to get it up”.
Kimmel also summarized the bizarre episode of the hurricane map doctored by Sharpie, which he found indicative of the fact that the president is “not even trying to hide the lies any more. Not only do we have fake news, we now have fake weather, too.”
Trevor Noah: ‘He just wanted to give the hurricane bigger boobs’
TONIGHT: Did Trump think he could change the path of the hurricane with a Sharpie and we wouldn’t notice? pic.twitter.com/GFtXIEvYbF
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) September 5, 2019
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah also mocked the fake hurricane map Trump showed at his press conference, particularly his addition by Sharpie. “Guys, what is life right now?” Noah marveled. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m impressed that Trump can locate Alabama on a map, but still: the president of the United States just changed a map with a Sharpie to make himself look right.”
As if people wouldn’t notice, Noah wondered. “Everything else, all the lines are in white, and then there’s this one black line. Like it was either that or he just wanted to give the hurricane bigger boobs.”
Noah imagined a staff member informing Trump that Hurricane Dorian is a category 5 storm. “Uh, actually?” Noah imitated the president. “Now it’s a 10.”
