Esther Rantzen makes a timely appeal for older people to engage with the safer parts of the internet in order to offset loneliness (If you feel old, lonely and wary of the internet, do what I did – learn Zoom, 10 March). As a bereavement volunteer listener, could I offer a further suggestion, to be undertaken before one finds oneself alone? Do not allow your whole source of company and socialising to depend on your partner. One of you will die first – a hard thing to face, but inevitable. Ensure that you have hobbies and interests that involve interacting with others outside of your relationship, now, while you are still together, and which you can sustain once you are alone.
It is very hard to start up those activities when older and grieving, but if they are already in place it is much easier to continue with them and be supported by friends already securely made. So many devastated widows and widowers say to me “we did everything together”, which was lovely while it lasted but leaves them entirely alone in bereavement.
Jill Wallis
Aston Clinton, Buckinghamshire
• Some of Esther Rantzen’s suppositions need qualifying. At 81, for me the human face will never be replaced by “a click on a screen”, even in lockdown. Put some dog treats in your pocket; go for a walk. I met new friends who are a joy.
Jan Mortimer
Lewes, East Sussex
• In 2000, I joined an adult education computer class, never dreaming that, 22 years later, seriously deaf and unable to use a phone, it would become a lifeline for me to the outside world. This week I’ve had my Zoom tai chi class, and a Zoom call with US friends; I chatted online to my Northumbrian friend in our dialect, discussed The Great Gatsby, had my monthly “ramblings” from an old university friend, and connected with another. Often, as is natural, the loneliness is still there, but as Robert Frost said, “way leads on to way”. Take it.
Jean Jackson
Seer Green, Buckinghamshire
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