A NEW $39 million art gallery ... how lucky are Novocastrians?
Since Thursday's announcement that a joint funding arrangement would ensure the completion of a project 17 years in the making, I've scarcely been able to contain my excitement.
But then, as is so often the case, a lightbulb flashed inside Sporting Declaration's head.
Without wanting to sound like Oliver Twist, greedily requesting another bowl of gruel, here's a random idea from outside the square.
How about instead of spending the best part of $40 million at No.1 Laman Street, that cash was directed towards building a new grandstand at No.1 Sportsground?
But what about the art gallery, you ask?
Don't worry, I'm not saying we just give those cultured types the Basil Brush.
I reckon you'd build a pretty decent grandstand for $40 mill, which would presumably include at least one level specifically for corporate entertainment.
That floor could be divided by those fancy retractable walls, creating a host of smaller function rooms.
Then, when we're not hosting Test matches, one-day internationals, Big Bash League clashes and AFL blockbusters, the walls would be retracted to create a spacious art gallery.
Of course, there would be a bit of work before sporting fixtures in boxing up all the artworks (careful with the sculptures) and stashing them temporarily in storage downstairs, alongside the groundsman's heavy roller. But where there's a will, there's a way, and sharing is caring.
OK, OK, I know what you're thinking. This bloke is obviously a neanderthal with no appreciation of the finer things in life.
Well that's where you're wrong. I'm actually an award-winning artist. True story.
The precise details of how I ended up studying (for want of a better word) art in high school for a year or so have faded over the course of time.
But I have vague recollections of being a dismal failure in the technical-drawing elective that my father insisted I enrol in, and by the time I dropped out, there were no vacancies in woodwork (which might explain my home-handyman skills, or lack thereof).
Somehow I ended up in the art class, in which I was required to submit a major project.
I settled for a painting of a rugby league player, funnily enough, which basically involved using tracing paper to copy the centre-spread poster in Rugby League Week (Manly's try machine Phil Blake).
My art teacher then suggested dividing the initial etching into thirds, so that it was two parts black-and-white, with the middle in full colour.
The finished product at least bore some vague resemblance to what was originally intended, and on a whim, I submitted it in that year's Bathurst Show.
I finished (controversially) runner-up in whatever category it was I entered, and received a ribbon and $2 prizemoney for my efforts. (In those days $2 was nothing to be sneezed at.)
So to cut a long story short, I feel eminently qualified to comment about art and culture and, for mine, you could turn a decent-sized tin shed into an art gallery. All you really need is a bit of space and some walls on which to hang the paintings.
A stadium capable of hosting top-level cricket, on the other hand, needs a certain standard of facilities for both players and fans.
And despite Newcastle City Council claiming to have spent $8 million on a yet-to-be-completed upgrade at No.1 Sportsground, it still doesn't measure up.
I ventured in to inspect No.1 the other day with my own eyes, and I can't help wondering if council have spent $8 million polishing a you-know-what.
Sure, there are new sightscreens and new floodlights (apparently not up to broadcast requirements), and a new concrete slab on which spectators can sit, if indeed there are any events that attract spectators.
Apparently the playing surface has been expanded, the drainage improved and a new wicket square installed, although I wasn't aware that these were pressing issues.
Unfortunately we won't be hosting any big-time cricket here until the change rooms have been given at least a fresh coast of paint.
Anyway, I guess beggars can't be choosers and local cricketers and AFL players will be able to enjoy the benefits when it eventually re-opens, after almost three years as a construction site.
Those weekend warriors, however, might again have to vacate the premises if council decides No.1 is the perfect venue to stage another rock concert during the Supercars weekend.
The big race has been postponed because of COVID, but I see the Supercars CEO is "100 per cent" certain it will return later in the year.
I'm not 100 per cent certain 100 per cent of Novocastrians will welcome that news.
I'd be intrigued, incidentally, to establish how many of the 14,000 tourists per year who the powers-that-be are predicting will flock to visit our new art gallery also attend the Supercars.
What's the cross-over ratio?
I guess what it goes to show is that Newcastle is a multicultural metropolis, catering for all demographics.
Unless, that is, you're a cricket fan. In which case Coffs Harbour is only a four-hour drive.
