Posh Spice (@victoriabeckham) – when you joined Twitter I thought you might have finally found your "thing". An indiscreet Spice Girl with insider scoop on the Tom-Kat marriage has a Twitter account? Sign me up!
But your tweets have been a mix of overexcited weather reports ("Sun is shining in London!!!!!! X vb x") and dull fashion blurbs ("I want Prada nails!!!!! X vb").
Nearly 900,000 followers have signed up to see a show, Posh. Let's give them what they came for.
Trial by Twitter
You and David seem to spend a lot of time taking legal action to quash one rumour or another. This must be eating into valuable hours that could otherwise be used to nibble on a salad with Eva Longoria. Follow the example of Lily Allen (@lilyroseallen) in dealing with showbiz journalists: "I THINK you're a cunt, leave me out of your shitty column, you know nothing about the intimate details of my life." Tweet sent. Case closed. Time to buy some shoes.
Cull the #fashionbunnies
You're nobody these days if you don't have a name to call your followers by. But #fashionbunnies? Change it to #goldenballers immediately. You can have that one on me, V.
Chill out with the "!!!!"
Nobody is this "OMG!!!!a visitor just arrived!!!!Guess who????!!!!! X vb" excited.
Lots of love, @scouserachel
