More than anything, Apa Twidle wishes he could thank his late coach Paul Brown for setting him on the journey to an emotional NRL debut with Parramatta.
Five years before scoring two tries against Wests Tigers on Easter Monday, Twidle was a homesick 16-year-old who'd moved from New Zealand to Queensland to chase his NRL dream.
"My first weekend I called my mum and said, 'Get my flight back'. It was tough," Twidle said.
Twidle's manager had put him in contact with local footy coach Brown, but the young Kiwi knew no one else in Brisbane.
Brown coached Twidle in the Queensland Rugby League's Cyril Connell and Mal Meninga Cup competitions, as well as at local club Souths Acacia Ridge Magpies.
On the side, Brown stood in as a father figure for Twidle during what the 21-year-old now calls "one of the hardest times" of his life.
"I lived with him in Brisbane, he trained me hard, he looked after me, didn't ask for anything in return," Twidle said.
Brown remained in Twidle's life after he moved to Sydney to take the next step in his career, joining Parramatta's SG Ball team and eventually graduating to NSW Cup.
But in late August last year, in the week his daughter was born, Twidle's world was shaken when he received news Brown had passed away after he had been privately battling cancer.
"I didn't even get him to have a photo with my daughter. That hurt me quite a bit," Twidle said.
"He didn't tell anyone how sick he was. That's just the type of guy he was, he didn't make anything about himself."
Seven months on and Twidle was named on the Eels' six-man bench to face the Tigers in round five, though had appeared a long shot to actually take the field.
Twidle even told his mother not to bother flying over from New Zealand for the game given he'd likely only play in the event of multiple injuries.
But when Sean Russell (head knock), Jonah Pezet (hamstring) and Bailey Simonsson (ankle) all went down, Twidle heeded the Eels' call.
Twidle scored from his first touch as an NRL player with a freakish put-down on the right wing, before helping the Eels draw level with a second try.
Luckily, Twidle's mother Pura hadn't listened to him and booked a last-minute ticket to fly to Sydney on Monday morning.
"When I went to my mum (after full-time), we didn't even say anything, we just started crying," Twidle said.
"Tears of joy, obviously. It was pouring out, that emotion. It was like, this is what we done it for."
An AC joint injury will prevent Twidle from lining up against Gold Coast on Sunday.
But each time coach Jason Ryles gives him another first-grade game, Twidle will write Brown's initials on the strapping tape around his wrist, just as he did against the Tigers.
It'll mean the coach will always be with him on game day, just as he was from the moment Twidle arrived in Australia to take a chance on himself.
"That's why I write his name with me. He's with me everywhere. He's with me all the time," Twidle said.
"I just want to do everything for him. He's the reason why I'm here."
