Ben Fisher was at St Mary’s. Thanks for reading today.
Barney Ronay was at the Colosseum.
Jacob Steinberg was at Vicarage Road.
David Moyes speaks to Amazon.
It was a really good result, we did some really good things we could do some things better. [No Declan Rice] We won quite a few games without him last season when he got injured with England. We have got a good team, it’s not just Declan. On VAR: it looks like we have gone back to where we were a year and half ago when they have gave soft free kicks. I can’t believe that third goal wasn’t given.
Some stats from today’s matches.
10 – Fraser Forster managed 10 saves this afternoon against Tottenham, the first goalkeeper to make 10+ saves in a Premier League game and not end up on the losing side since Karl Darlow (11) in September 2020, which also came against Spurs. Barrier. #SOUTOT pic.twitter.com/GtqnVlcn9f
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 28, 2021
8 - Norwich have scored just eight goals in their 19 Premier League games this season, the joint-lowest tally in a top-flight season after 19 games alongside Leicester City in 1977-78. Foregone.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 28, 2021
22 - West Ham earned their 22nd Premier League win of 2021; only in 1959 (23) have they enjoyed more top-flight league wins in a single calendar year in the club’s history. Resolution. #WATWHU
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 28, 2021
Despite the complaints, that was an exciting afternoon of football, no matter what your Tuchels, your Klopps and your Rangnicks might say about the scheduling. Just ask football man Sean Dyche.
The table, as it stands ahead of Leicester v Liverpool tonight. West Ham step ahead of Spurs, while Norwich fail to take advantage of that Newcastle draw last night. Watford look in big trouble should Burnley put a run together.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Man City | 19 | 38 | 47 |
| 2 | Liverpool | 18 | 35 | 41 |
| 3 | Chelsea | 19 | 29 | 41 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 19 | 9 | 35 |
| 5 | West Ham | 19 | 9 | 31 |
| 6 | Tottenham Hotspur | 17 | 2 | 30 |
| 7 | Man Utd | 17 | 2 | 28 |
| 8 | Wolverhampton | 18 | -1 | 25 |
| 9 | Crystal Palace | 19 | 0 | 23 |
| 10 | Brighton | 17 | -1 | 23 |
| 11 | Leicester | 17 | -3 | 22 |
| 12 | Aston Villa | 18 | -4 | 22 |
| 13 | Southampton | 19 | -9 | 21 |
| 14 | Brentford | 17 | -3 | 20 |
| 15 | Everton | 17 | -8 | 19 |
| 16 | Leeds | 18 | -18 | 16 |
| 17 | Watford | 17 | -13 | 13 |
| 18 | Burnley | 15 | -7 | 11 |
| 19 | Newcastle | 19 | -23 | 11 |
| 20 | Norwich | 19 | -34 | 10 |
Full-time: Watford 1-4 West Ham
Claudio Ranieri’s prospects of seeing out the season don’t look too strong. West Ham ran them ragged after an early Dennis goal to set themselves back on track.
Updated
Full-time: Crystal Palace 3-0 Norwich
It was done in the first half, though it probably happened even before kick-off. A fifth straight loss for Norwich and Dean Smith - already - looks beleaguered.
Updated
Full-time: Southampton 1-1 Tottenham
Dogged rearguard stuff from Saints, who survived Salisu’s red card in the first half. Tottenham’s goal came from a penalty and they were not great in attack. James Ward-Prowse scored a beauty for the opener.
Updated
90+5 min: Two Tottenham chances. Son has a shot saved by Forster. Sanchez has a header deflected behind. Saints clear...and that’s it/
90+4 min: Tottenham queue up to try and score but once again it’s Kyle Walker-Peters who stops the danger, cutting off the angle from which Kane shoots.
Goal! Watford 1-4 West Ham (Vlasic 90+2)
That’s it for the Watford resistance. The excellent Jarrod Bowen sets up Nikola Vlasic for his first-ever Hammers goal.
Updated
90+2 min: Winks finds space, and his cross looks made to be headed in. Son, rather than Harry Kane, gets the chance and makes a mess of it.
Updated
90 min: Southampton will see a draw as a win, and with four points from their last two matches they have had a decent Christmas period. Tottenham seem to have too many attackers on the field; their attacks have lacked coherence. Five minutes added on at St Mary’s.
Updated
The word from Vicarage Road is that Watford are giving it a go but remain 3-1 down to West Ham. Norwich are still losing 3-0 but at least it’s going better in this half.
88 min: Nathan Redmond scampers back and hooks the ball away from Moura just as the Brazilian shaped to shoot.
87 min: Walker-Peters, against his old club and recovered from that smash to the chops, stops a Gil cross. Then he heads away when Dier tries a header himself. Man-of-the-match material from KWP.
Paul gets out the tinfoil: “Do you think the ref establishment has secret discussions after every matchday where they actually change the interpretation of how particular scenes should be judged? It would seem that during certain weeks it is very difficult to get a penalty, but now we seem to be in a period where there is a far more generous view of what constitutes contact. Next week they might decide that they have given too many penalties and decide to be stricter about what they consider ‘soft’ penalties. Likewise fouls on the goalkeeper: Forster gets protected although he clearly makes a mess of handling the ball and collides with the back of the Spurs player’s head. I think the refs and their superiors need to educate us on how they interpret the rules by coming out after matches and explaining.”
84 min: Ben Davies wallops the ball and Kyle Walker-Peters shows real bravery in getting in its way. He looks very dazed and falls to the ground where he receives some treatment.
83 min: Spurs are still pushing on, and still don’t look like scoring. Adam Armstrong leaves the field for Saints, and on comes Nathan Redmond.
Some emails:
Phil Haran: “Hi John, The goalkeeper did what every defender does every time the ball is heading off the pitch including in the penalty area, he blocked the opposition from getting it. That should not be a penalty.”
Phil Grey: “Is it already time for sports journalists to wheel out the old analogy of Norwich looking like the orchestra on the Titanic? (determined to carry on playing even though they know they’re going down) “
Charles Antaki: “I had wondered whether there was going to be a Bachmann Turner Overdrive gag. so thanks for that; and it makes people of a certain age remember that the zenith of pop music was indeed BTO’s You Ain’t seen Nuthin Yet, according to expert popsters Smashy and Nicey.”
Eric Peterson again: “Question out of curiosity from across the Atlantic: do they have the same infomercials in the UK? There’s a frequent host of those here who looks just like Darren England. The sight of him in charge of Watford - West Ham wearing his headset microphone and waiting for VAR to do its thing makes me want to buy a ShamWow or a Slap Chop or something.”
79 min: Son gets a chance from a Gil cross. Spurs push on and on and on but without looking too likely.
Bryan Gil has huge "drummer in a Brooklyn funk-punk band" vibes #SOUTOT
— Eddie Robson (@EddieRobson) December 28, 2021
77 min: Off goes Emerson Royal, and on comes Bryan Gil for Spurs.
76 min: Son is crowded out as he is in the vanguard of a counterattack. Doherty is again caught on the wrong foot when a ball into the middle finds him in space. He ends up shanking the ball into the stand to jeers from the home fans.
74 min: All Tottenham, all Southampton on the defensive. Spurs do seem to be running a little out of ideas. Bryan Gil, who looks like a small boy, is set to come on.
71 min: Sub for Saints: Broja on, off goes Long.
70 min: St Mary’s is the game still in the balance, and Tottenham continue to plough on. Forster redeems himself by closing the angle as Doherty speeds on to a Son flick. In truth, it was also on Doherty’s wrong foot.
67 min: Tottenham have the ball in the net. Winks dinks in the ball and Forster makes a terrible mess. He drops the ball under the breath of Matt Doherty, but is lucky the ref’s whistle blows. Goalkeepers are different.
Updated
66 min: The witching hour for Tottenham? Son is thwarted down by the byline. They are pushing and pushing but Saints have been defending well and with plenty of the discipline they lacked in the first half.
At Selhurst, Angus Gunn is keeping the score down for Norwich with a couple of saves. Rob Green, on Amazon, reminds that the son of the Norwich legend Bryan has let in 17 goals in his last 2.5 matches. Ouch.
62 min: Off goes Dele Alli, and on comes Lucas Moura for Spurs. He was a surprise omission in the first place, the Brazilian flier.
61 min: Southampton claim handball when Armstrong’s shot comes off what looks like a Tottenham hand. It was ball to hand, a natural position and all that jazz.
60 min: Spurs continue to press on at St Mary’s with Southampton defending manfully. That Kane ‘goal’ still looks onside to these tired eyes.
Goal! Watford 1-3 West Ham (Noble, 58 pen)
Noble, the skipper, steps up and send Bachmann the wrong way. The Turner Overdrive gags will have to wait for now.
Updated
Penalty to West Ham!
Bachmann, the Watford goalie, clatters into Jarrod Bowen after a bad back pass. Mark Noble, of course, will take.
Updated
55 min: Spurs are flying now, and Son has a shot blocked. In the dressing room at half-time does Antonio Conte simmer or does he explode? Both would probably work.
Harry Kane goal chalked off for offside!
Harry Winks’ pass is a pearler, and Kane surges on, taking it down with a neat touch. The finish is even better...but here’s a VAR call. Kane went too early. That was marginal.
Updated
Richard Arthur gets in touch: “On your “Norwich are mathematically relegated.” If Norwich win all their remaining games after this one, they would finish on 48 points. If Mac City lose all their remaining games, they would be on 47. If Liverpool beat City, draw with Chelsea, and lose all the rest, they would have 45. Then if Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs, and the rest also cooperate in turning the table upside down, Norwich could still be champions. Mathematically. If my maths is correct.”
West Ham goal ruled out by VAR!
Soucek from the left gets the ball in, and then it comes across to Bowen, who slots home. Then there’s a VAR monitor call for a foul by Soucek earlier in the move, and as soon as the referee makes his way to the screen we all know what follows. Harder to overturn than an FA charge, those things.
47 min: Shane Long, as willing a workhorse as is in the game, will have to do plenty of running for Southampton.
We are back underway at St Mary’s, and soon enough the same will be true at Vicarage Road and the Selhurst Colosseum.
The half-time emails are in:
Neill: “It’s nearly 3am in Melbourne & I started drinking when, apropos of nothing at all, my afternoon plans were depressingly canceled & I had an early lunch. But even I can see that Ranieri isn’t going to get the best out of these Watford players. This team should be aggressive, front-foot, pressing etc. Since taking over, Claudio has had them playing a passive, compact style; the players have looked lost during transition and I wouldn’t be surprised if Claudio loses his job this week. Watford lose their best attacking players to AFCON shortly, so if they fail to win today, they’re in as much trouble as Norwich & Newcastle.”
Peter Crosby: “I get prioritizing the fitness of Son and Kane for 2 games in 2 days but I’d say Lucas is just as, if not even more important to preserve - he’s in a real hot streak and until the pen, we’ve looked like we really missed his energy.”
Eric Peterson: “I have a neutral’s fondness for the Saints. Far from the most talented team out there from top to bottom, but I always see endeavor, and I see quality often enough that they can be dangerous on their best day. Those days don’t happen all the time, but they happen often enough. And, “often enough” will keep you in the Premier League. Other than a healthy Everton, I see no club under them in the table that’s capable enough of that to be worth fearing in the long run.”
Half-time: Crystal Palace 3-0 Norwich
Boos from the away fans; their team has been - and will probably remain - hopeless. Norwich’s has been a case of poor finishing and poor defending, all adding up to another heavy defeat and the near-certainty of going down.
Updated
Half-time: Watford 1-2 West Ham
An early goal from Dennis gave Watford hope and then West Ham attacked in waves and and scored two well-taken strikes through Soucek and Benrahma. Watford can’t defend.
Updated
Half-time: Southampton 1-1 Tottenham
Saints were edging things and ahead after that Ward-Prowe goal, only for Salisu to lose the run of himself in conceding a penalty and a second yellow card.
Updated
45+2 min: Three minutes were added on at St Mary’s, where it’s been a pulsating encounter, Christmas spirit a distant memory.
45 min: Tottenham now piling on the pressure on Southampton who are hanging on until half-time when they may be able to regroup. Reguillon is booked himself for a lunging tackle for which he complains, though has no case.
Goal! Crystal Palace 3-0 Norwich (Schlupp, 42)
Oh Norwich, oh no. They fail to clear their lines and then Will Hughes and then Eduoard have chances, only the ball to land with Schlupp, who wallops home. It’s offical: Norwich are mathematically relegated.
Updated
Goal! Southampton 1-1 Tottenham (Kane, 41)
Harry Kane makes no mistake, smashing the ball home. And now Tottenham are level and have a man advantage. Salisu has been a walking yellow card all game, and eventually they added up to a red.
Updated
Penalty to Tottenham!
Salisu is red-carded for his foul on Son, too. All change?
Updated
Goal! Crystal Palace 2-0 Norwich (Mateta, 38)
At one end, Norwich miss a golden chance and in ten passes, Palace score with Mateta slotting home.
Updated
Update from Selhurst. Tierney was just about to sing his version of Livin’ La Vida Loca but ended up doing a Norman Collier.
A seven minute delay at Selhurst Park while we wait for the referee Paul Tierney's microphone to be fixed
— Barney Ronay (@barneyronay) December 28, 2021
35 min: Ward-Prowse whips in a corner that Spurs struggle with. Harry Kane clears. Spurs are bad again, it seems. Though a counterattack from Reguillon and Son lifts matters only for Son to be too ambitious with his shot.
Updated
Paul Done replies to Gary Naylor. “He didn’t specify a league starting 11 without a shirt from 1 to 11, so here’s the U-23 lineup Liverpool fielded in the League Cup when the first team was competing in the Club World Cup. Lowest jersey number? 51 for Ki-Jana Hoever.”
31 min: At St Mary’s, Ralph Hasenhuttl has been booked for having a go at the fourth official. So far, this has been breathless stuff across the board.
Goal! Watford 1-2 West Ham (Benrahma, 29)
Typical power and skill from Antonio who looks up and picks a pass to his teammates who slides the ball in. Wasn’t Claudio supposed to tidy up the Watford defence?
Updated
29 min: Free-kick chance for Spurs, from 28 yards or so. Harry Kane fancies this one but it’s a scrubber and is saved by Forster.
Goal! Watford 1-1 West Ham (Soucek, 27)
Coufal’s ball inside and Soucek cuts in from the edge of the box and slots home. The pressure telling from West Ham.
Updated
Goal! Southampton 1-0 Tottenham (Ward-Prowse, 25)
Dele Alli makes a mess of clearing a corner and that’s a deadly finish from the cultured right foot of Saints’ star man. Great goal.
Updated
22 min: Emerson Royal has something of a limp after tacking a whack. He should be fine to continue on. Kane forces a corner at the other end. It’s wasted on a training-ground routine gone wrong.
Updated
19 min: At St Mary’s, there’s a camera shot of David Pleat in the stand with Michael McIntyre. One of them is one of the most amusing people I have ever made the acquaintance of, a raconteur par excellence. I have never met Michael McIntyre.
Up at Vicarage Road, West Ham have been piling on the pressure, with Benrahma thwacking the bar with a rasping shot, though it looks like Watford keeper Bachman made a decent save with his fingertips.
Updated
17 min: Plenty of defensive work for Tottenham, though Southampton look to lack a bit of quality.
16 min: Gary Naylor is in: “Some high numbers around, but has a starting XI ever started without a shirt from 1 to 11?”
15 min: Kyle Walker-Peters is booked for a tactical foul on Reguillon, who looked to have escaped down the left for Tottenham. Free-kick chance for Spurs. Son chips in, Davies heads in...but four Spurs players offside. Good defending from Saints.
11 min: Southampton look up for this one at St Mary’s. Spurs caught a bit cold? You never know what Saints you are going to get. Ralph Hasenhuttl certainly doesn’t seem to know.
Goal! Crystal Palace 1-0 Norwich (Édouard, 8 pen)
After Kenny McClean fouls Will Hughes for a clear penalty, Édouard coolly sends Angus Gunn the wrong way, winning the battle of wits. Norwich: oh dear.
Updated
7 min: Down at St Mary’s, Shane Long has just missed a header for Saints. Not like him, and I say that as a big Shane Long fan.
Updated
Goal! Watford 1-0 West Ham (Dennis, 6)
A lovely finish from the Nigerian, who times his run and shoots back across goal. That was superb. If anyone keeps Watford up, it’s him.
Updated
4 min: Dele Alli, one of those players revived by Conte, is into the action early at St Mary’s. On the sideline, Conte is already raging.
Seems like a lively enough atmosphere at St Mary’s, though the game has been slow to get moving.
Kick-off! We are go across the three matches actually being played - yes, actually - in the Premier League. Those rather odd selections suggest there could be a random factor at play.
And before we kick off, how about some David Squires?
Our news story on the death of Hugo Maradona.
There was football last night, too. A great game though one to forget for Manchester United. They were absolute rubbish and got very lucky. Newcastle were not so lucky with injuries stacking up, and look even more in need of spending that Saudi loot than ever.
Crystal Palace fact: they have lost 18 of the last 24 matches that didn’t feature Wilfried Zaha.
Norwich fact: they have scored eight goals all season, and Teemu Pukki, dropped today, scored five of them.
And some very sad news from the world of football. Hugo Maradona was just 52.
Sad news about the death today of Hugo Maradona, brother of Diego. RIP 🙏 pic.twitter.com/A1S77oR2S9
— Newell's Old Boys - English (@Newells_en) December 28, 2021
Some more detail on that Ferran Torres move.
No Conor Gallagher for Crystal Palace, which is a blow, while Wilfried Zaha is suspended after his silliness against Spurs. Marc Guehi is back, though, in place of James Tomkins. Dean Smith has made six changes from the team that lost 5-0 to Arsenal though he probably wanted to make more than that.
Antonio Conte has shuffled his pack at St Mary’s for Tottenham, Ben Davies is in for Japhet Tanganga. Oliver Skipp out, Harry Winks in. Dele Alli returns in place of Lucas Moura, bench despite being very good against Crystal Palace on Boxing Day. Six changes for Ralph Hasenhuttl, which must be reaching into the depths of his squad, and despite beating West Ham 3-2. Tino Livramento, Oriol Romeu, Theo Walcott, Armando Broja, Nathan Redmond and Mohamed Elyounoussi are dropped as Yan Valery, Romain Perraud, Ibrahima Diallo, Stuart Armstrong, Adam Armstrong and Shane Long come in. No Che Adams, either. No party?
Some decimated squads out there in those teams. Watford can’t name a full bench, even if their team is not wholly dissimilar to that which lost to Brentford all those years ago. Tom Cleverley, William Troost-Ekong and Jeremy Ngakia are all wholly absent from the squad. Mark Noble has stepped in for a suspended Declan Rice for West Ham, though Ben Johnson and Michail Antonio return.
And some transfer news: Ferran Torres has left Manchester City to join Barcelona, taking the Eric Garcia route.
🤙 @ferrantorres20 calling ... #BenvingutFerran pic.twitter.com/78DP3qjB8i
— FC Barcelona (@FCBarcelona) December 28, 2021
Some football news ahead of the action. And it’s bad news for Chelsea.
Watford v West Ham teams
Watford: Bachmann, Femenia, Sierralta, Cathcart, Masina, Tufan, Sissoko, Kucka, Hernandez, King, Dennis. Subs: Angelini, Louza, Pedro, Sema, Gosling, Fletcher, Morris, Conteh.
West Ham: Fabianski, Coufal, Dawson, Diop, Johnson, Soucek, Noble, Bowen, Lanzini, Benrahma, Antonio. Subs: Areola, Yarmolenko, Vlasic, Fredericks, Masuaku, Kral, Alese, Ashby, Oko-Flex.
Crystal Palace v Norwich teams
Crystal Palace: Guaita, Ward, Andersen, Guehi, Mitchell, Hughes, Kouyate, Schlupp, Ayew, Edouard, Mateta. Subs: Butland, Matthews, Milivojevic, Tomkins, Benteke, Kelly, Ferguson, Riedewald.
Norwich: Gunn, Byram, Gibson, Sorensen, Giannoulis, Lees-Melou, Gilmour, McLean, Tzolis, Idah, Placheta. Subs: McGovern, McCracken, Dowell, Kabak, Williams, Sargent, Mumba, Rowe.
Southampton v Tottenham teams
Southampton: Forster, Walker-Peters, Valery, Salisu, Bednarek, Perraud, Diallo, Ward-Prowse, S. Armstrong, A. Armstrong, Long. Subs: Caballero, Romeu, Redmond, Small, Broja, Tella, Walcott, Simeu, Elyounoussi.
Tottenham: Lloris, Reguilon, Royal, Davies, Sanchez, Dier, Hojbjerg, Winks, Alli, Son, Kane. Subs: Gollini, Doherty, Gil, Rodon, Tanganga, Moura, Ndombele, Skipp, White.
Preamble
There will be football. Though maybe not much of it. Even if the fixtures either side of the 3pms have gone the way of the Great Unpleasantness (Arsenal v Wolves and Leeds v Villa), there will be some actual games played, and - as it stands - three of them.
Crystal Palace v Norwich: Palace attempted to get their Boxing Day game with Tottenham called off and yet named what looked suspiciously like a full team. They lost 3-0 and their Covid outbreak was described as an ongoing process. Norwich meanwhile played a full team against Arsenal and got done 5-0. So far, Dean Smith has been unable to arrest their inexorable slide.
Southampton v Tottenham: Spurs are cooking along nicely under Antonio Conte, and demolished Palace with Lucas Moura to the fore and Harry Kane scoring. Southampton won a first game in seven in beating West Ham, and continue to be one of the Premier League’s mystery teams.
Watford v West Ham: Watford were last seen on 10 December, losing in the last minute at Brentford. Covid has done for their fixture list since, and they have been left teetering over the relegation zone. West Ham meanwhile are on the crest of a slump, and looked tired in that loss to Southampton. Their Champions League dream is dwindling but there’s still a good season to be rescued.
Red-hot soccer awaits. Hopefully. Join me.
