SOUTHUMPEDTON
Manchester United didn’t get off to the best of starts when they visited the Dell in January 1987. After 85 seconds, their inexperienced midfielder Liam O’Brien carted notorious Southampton hard man Mark Dennis into the Solent and was sent for the earliest of early baths, a Football League record at the time. Nick Holmes put Saints ahead two minutes later. But sometimes it’s harder to play against 10 men, isn’t it, eh, yep, you’ve heard that one, and United looked deep within themselves, dug in, drew level after 11 minutes through Jesper Olsen, and resolutely hung on for a well-earned point.
It’s fair to say that when the boot was on the other foot at Old Trafford on Tuesday night, Southampton’s response was not quite so staunch as United’s all those years ago. Their wet-behind-the-ears midfielder Alexandre Jankewitz was sent packing after a mere 79 seconds, his full Premier League debut perhaps not the best stage to showcase a contemporary dance routine based on the flag of the Isle of Man. A nightmare beginning, but at that stage a rout wasn’t inevitable. Except it sort of was, because while nobody was saying it, everybody was thinking about it. Leicester. Ralph Hasenhüttl went green around the gills, eyes firmly fixed on an undetermined object exactly 1,000 yards ahead. Beads of ice-cold sweat danced on Southampton foreheads various, glistening under the floodlights. It was on.
To be resolutely fair to Southampton, they should have had a consolation to make it 4-1, but VAR spotted that Fred and Harry Maguire were offside, or something, we don’t know any more, and it might not be too much longer until nobody cares. Also, the penalty that sparked the late three-goal flurry that turned a mere garden-variety thrashing into Thundering Humiliation II was fairly soft, while the second red, for Jan Bednarek, was a Mike Dean speciality. But none of that has anything to do with United, who set about their prey with verve and panache, a performance of potential champions, the title gauntlet thrown elegantly down. How will leaders Manchester City respond on Wednesday, against opponents they routinely beat 5-0? God speed, Burnley.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
28 January: “I think we have to be pleased with where we are. We have got players coming back and I think we’ve got every chance of going up” – Bournemouth boss Jason Tindall, with a breezily positive outlook on things.
3 February: “We would like to place on record our thanks to Jason for his services to AFC Bournemouth over the past 22 years” – ah.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
It’s another Football Weekly Special: has Fifa really changed?
FIVER LETTERS
“Having seen the picture of Ben Davies in yesterday’s Still Want More? section, I couldn’t help thinking, aren’t the Anfield toilets posh?” – Alistair Moffat (and 1,056 others).
“Outside of the Premier League there was activity all day on deadline day. Rotherham got a new wideman from Boro (Lewis Wing), Burton have a new sweeper (Ryan Broom) and Cambridge borrowed West Ham’s Aji Alese (but it’s only short term). Lanell John-Lewis, Grimsby’s new defender, loves to shut up shop, Daryl Dike is Barnsley’s new last line of defence and Rochdale are missing an angel as Fabio Tavares has been sent to Coventry. And finally, Spurs have sent out Troy Parrott on loan to Ipswich. Spurs have sent out Troy Parrott …” – Michael Madders.
“As Ralph Hasenhüttl has ‘RH’ on his right-hand glove, does he have LH on his other one?” – Tim Allen.
“I suppose that the signing of Romano Floriani Mussolini by Lazio (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) will mean that club staff now have to make the training run on time?” – Justin Kavanagh.
“Sunderland’s motto makes more sense than Matthew Richman thinks (yesterday’s Fiver letters). Their ‘In pursuit of excellence’ calls to mind Wile E Coyote in pursuit of the Road Runner. A Sisyphean existence, punctuated by hilariously dodgy purchases and failures to overcome gravity. This is the very reason why coyote and club exist. If the pursuit was ever successful, it wouldn’t be a pursuit any more. Failure is the prerequisite for survival. Every loser wins. Unless they ship a late equaliser” – Adrian Armstrong (and others).
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day prize is … Tim Allen.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Paul Canoville, Chelsea’s first black player, is critically ill in hospital after complications that arose after emergency surgery.
João Félix has become Atlético Madrid’s third player to test positive for Covid-19 in the last week.
Sam Allardyce has his calculator out after West Brom’s 2-1 defeat at Sheffield United and is trying out how many points he needs to be a Black Country hero again. “It’s simple maths,” he blabbed. “We have to focus on getting 38 points.”
Every tree’s best friend Héctor Bellerín reckons the Gunners need to stop shooting themselves in the foot. “Teams are not beating us,” he honked after Wolves came back to beat nine-man Arsenal. “We are losing against ourselves. It’s for us to learn.”
The Queen’s Celtic are now just 20 points adrift of the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers after a 4-0 win at Kilmarnock. “People were criticising me for jagging the team but they needed the jag to be honest,” whooped Neil Lennon.
And Sean Dyche has gone off on one in a rambling discussion about Mick Hucknall, Chris Evans and his preference for b@ntz over chat about 4-4-2. “We’re just having a natter and trying to show humanity in the world,” parped the Burnley boss. “Boring questions … I’ll bat them off. I love lookey-likeys. It’s brilliant fun.”
STILL WANT MORE?
There’s a lot to like in this Knowledge on players punished for scoring provocatively.
“That’s not a bad thing. It is about having an identity and if people coin this phrase then I am happy, regardless of whether it is right or wrong” – Robbie Fowler gets his chat on with John Duerden about “Fowlerball”, the “chickens of this world” and managing SC East Bengal from a locked-down hotel.
Like Cannon and Ball, Dzeko and Grafite were a brilliant duo. According to Jason Humphreys, they were the Bundesliga’s last great strike partnership.
The winners and losers in the WSL transfer window. By Suzanne Wrack.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
