England were always ahead of the rate after Jonny Bairstow’s savage innings of 43 from 23 balls. It looked like they might run out of wickets at one point, but Moeen Ali calmly guided them over the line.
ENGLAND WIN BY TWO WICKETS AND DRAW THE SERIES 1-1!
43.2 overs: England 257-8 (Ali 17, Jordan 0) That’ll do! Moeen Ali drives Sipamla for four to bring the scores level, then pulls a single to complete a laboured but ultimately deserved victory for England.
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43rd over: England 252-8 (Ali 12, Jordan 0) Jordan survives the last four balls of Ngidi’s over. That’s another wicket maiden, Ngidi’s second of this spell; it’s been quite the turnaround. England still need five to win.
WICKET! England 252-8 (Rashid c de Kock b Ngidi 2)
England are doing their best to mess this up. Rashid has gone, caught behind as he tried to turn to leg. England need five to win.
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42nd over: England 252-7 (Ali 12, Rashid 2) Nearly done.
41st over: England 251-7 (Ali 12, Rashid 1) A wide yorker from Ngidi is penalised, perhaps a little harshly, by the umpire. Moeen gets two more with an unconvincing heave over midwicket - but then he pulls confidently through mid-on for four. Six to win.
“Oi, McMahon! says Mac Millings. “The This is Your First and Only Warning XI:
- Cyril Watchout
- Menace Compton
- Mark Rampracaution
- Colin Cow-drey
- Admonish Prabhakar
- Dean Horse-Headley
- Warning Morkel
- Kumar Strongarmasena
- Stinkhaya Ntini
- Intimidate Alam
- Threat Lee
- GBH Willis.”
40th over: England 244-7 (Ali 6, Rashid 1) Adil Rashid is beaten, trying to uppercut a ball from Hendricks that follows him from around the wicket. Three singles from the over; England need 13 to win.
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39th over: England 241-7 (Ali 4, Rashid 0) A wicket maiden from Ngidi, who has taken two for nought in his last nine deliveries. Before that he had figures of 5.3-0-56-0.
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WICKET! England 241-7 (Curran c Bavuma b Ngidi 5)
A marvellous over from Ngidi ends with a deserved wicket. Curran, who was worked over throughout, lifted the last delivery of the over miles in the air and was calmly taken by Temba Bavuma.
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38th over: England 241-6 (Ali 4, Curran 5) Tom Curran thumps his second ball through the covers for four. Shot! Moeen also gets off the mark with a boundary, in his case a gorgeous push-drive through cover point. Sixteen to win. Jofra Archer will bowl to Jimmy Neesham.
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WICKET! England 232-6 (Banton c de Kock b Hendricks 32)
England have lost another one! Banton snicks an excellent, lifting leg cutter from Hendricks through to the keeper to end a promising innings of 32 from 32 balls. England still need 25 to win.
37th over: England 232-5 (Banton 32, Ali 0) Assuming they don’t make complete fools of themselves in the next hour, a 1-1 draw will extend England’s unbeaten run in bilateral series (of two matches or more) to 12.
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WICKET! England 232-5 (Denly c Phehlukwayo b Ngidi 66)
Lungi Ngidi gets a consolation wicket. Denly drives high towards deep cover, where Phehlukwayo takes a nice running catch. It was a soft dismissal, and Denly was filthy as he walked off.
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36th over: England 228-4 (Denly 62, Banton 32) Denly decides to have a bit of fun during Shamsi’s last over, slog-sweeping consecutive sixes in an over that costs 19. The first six brought up his second fifty of the series, another immaculately judged innings.
35th over: England 209-4 (Denly 47, Banton 27) This hasn’t been the most memorable one-day series. England have at least had the chance to look at a few young players like Banton and Saqib Mahmood. I suspect the T20 series will be a little livelier.
34th over: England 206-4 (Denly 46, Banton 26) England have played Shamsi pretty well, Denly in particular. Shamsi was South Africa’s likeliest matchwinner and England decided from the start that they would not take many risks against him. He has figures of 9-0-39-1.
33rd over: England 205-4 (Denly 45, Banton 26) Banton is beaten by a jaffa from Beuran Hendricks that lifts and straightens from around the wicket.
32nd over: England 201-4 (Denly 43, Banton 25) Ngidi’s desperate day continues when he drops Banton. It was a straightforward chance when Banton reverse swept Shamsi, but it went through Ngidi’s hands and ran away for four. Two dropped catches, five overs for 52: the poor bloke has had a beast.
31st over: England 195-4 (Denly 43, Banton 19) Banton flicks Sipamla through midwicket for four, a superbly timed stroke. He has raced to 19 from 16 balls.
30th over: England 189-4 (Denly 42, Banton 14) “Permission to get a bit of dust in my eye about Naseem Shah,” says Guy Hornsby. “SIXTEEN. It beggars belief. I don’t know what you were all up to when you were that age, but I wasn’t taking hat tricks in Test cricket. I think I was staggering through my GSCEs, listening to music my parents didn’t approve of.”
29th over: England 187-4 (Denly 41, Banton 13) A rare poor ball from Sipamla is clipped crisply for four by Denly, who is playing another beautifully judged innings. England need 70 from 21 overs.
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28th over: England 182-4 (Denly 37, Banton 13) A long hop from Shamsi is pulled into the crowd by Tom Banton.
“Hi Rob,” says Pete Salmon. “Not sure why there is all this fuss about Naseem Shah. I got my first (and only) hat trick at the age of 13, for the Bluebirds Cricket Club U/14s against Ferntree Gully - taking 7/29 with my soon to deteriorate leg spin. I was awarded a McDonald’s voucher as Knox-Sherbrooke Cricketer of the Week, and, as a special highlight, was presented the mounted ball at season’s end by The Bearded Wonder, Bill Frindall, who was on a speaking tour of Australia. Stuff that young Shah can only dream about. Still, it’s nice to welcome him to the club, albeit a little later than me.”
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27th over: England 173-4 (Denly 35, Banton 6) Banton, surprised by some extra bounce from Sipamla, edges just wide of the diving Reeza Hendricks at slip. The ball runs away for four. Another quick wicket would make this very interesting.
26th over: England 167-4 (Denly 34, Banton 1) That was a stunning catch from Bavuma, who was going the wrong way and then changed direction to reach down by his right ankle and grab the ball.
“Afternoon Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Good to see Ali and Rashid back in the the England team, and Mahmood getting a game too. They seem like nice lads, as do most England cricketers. Most cricketers, in fact. So, with apologies to Mac Millings, here’s a ‘nice’ XI. Well, XII actually.
- W. G. Gracious
- Dennis Amiable
- AB de Civil-liers
- Neil Fair-brother
- Glenn Max-swell
- MS Dainty
- Dominic Cordial
- Sim-Pat-ico Pocock
- Ishant Charming
- Devon Welcome
- Demure-ali Muralitharan
- Courteous Ambrose.”
You’re a brave man, moving in on Millings’ turf like that. If I were you, I’d start getting my affairs in order.
WICKET! England 162-4 (Root c Bavuma b Shamsi 49)
Joe Root has been caught at leg slip. He turned Shamsi round the corner and was beautifully caught, just above the ground, by Temba Bavuma. South Africa really needed that.
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25th over: England 162-3 (Root 49, Denly 30) Sipamla replaces Phehlukwayo, whose two overs went for 23, and almost gets the breakthrough when Denly drives just short of extra cover.
24th over: England 162-3 (Root 49, Denly 30) Root sweeps Smuts flat and hard to the midwicket boundary. England are strolling to victory; they need 95 from 26 overs.
23rd over: England 154-3 (Root 42, Denly 29) Denly hooks Phehlukwayo towards deep square leg, where the backpedalling Ngidi palms the ball over the boundary for six! He came in too far; had he stayed on the rope it would have been a comfortable catch.
22nd over: England 140-3 (Root 36, Denly 22) This has been an eminently sensible partnership, just what England needed after that skittish spell when they lost three wickets in five overs. South Africa urgently need a wicket or four.
21st over: England 137-3 (Root 35, Denly 20) Shamsi is replaced by Andile Phehlukwayo, whose collection of slower balls might grip on this pitch. If he manages to land them on the relevant part of the pitch, that is: his first over includes four wides. Doofus.
20th over: England 128-3 (Root 31, Denly 20) The left-arm spinner JJ Smuts comes into the attack. He looks harmless but can be tricky to get away, as England found in the first ODI. His opening over costs just one. England need 129 from 30 overs, and should win comfortably.
19th over: England 127-3 (Root 30, Denly 20) Root and Denly have brought some sobriety to England’s batting. Denly blasts a half-volley from Shamsi through extra cover for four, a good example of this pair waiting for the bad ball rather than forcing things.
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18th over: England 122-3 (Root 29, Denly 16) A short ball from Ngidi is swivel-pulled elegantly for four by Denly. Another expensive over from Ngidi, who is having a miserable day: 5-0-52-0.
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Here’s more on the news that the Pakistan cricket team remains the greatest thing in the history of the world.
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17th over: England 113-3 (Root 25, Denly 11) England continue to treat Shamsi with respect, dealing almost exclusively in low-risk singles. They will be very happy if he finishes with figures of 10-0-40-0.
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16th over: England 110-3 (Root 23, Denly 10) Root opens the face to steer Ngidi for four. He has raced to 23 from 24 balls with the usual unobtrusive excellence, though he survives a possible run-out chance when Bavuma’s throw hits him as he scampers to the non-striker’s end.
15th over: England 103-3 (Root 17, Denly 9) Five from Shamsi’s over, all in ones and twos. That’s drinks.
14th over: England 98-3 (Root 13, Denly 8) Ngidi, whose first two overs disappeared to all parts, returns to the attack. He’s a touch too straight to Denly, who flicks behind square for four. England need 159 from 36 overs.
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13th over: England 91-3 (Root 11, Denly 3) “The left-arm wrist-spinner Tabraiz Shamsi comes into the attack. He should be a threat on this pitch, and England might decide to sit on him for a while rather than take any risks. That’s what they do in his first over, which brings three singles.
12th over: England 88-3 (Root 9, Denly 2) “Pink Day is always a wonderful occasion, and I am so pleased that we have a great atmosphere here at the Wanderers yet again - for the first time this series (including the Tests), the South African fans seem to be in the majority,” says Eva Maaten. “The pink ODI is also very fitting occasion for my last OBO contribution from South Africa - we’ll be moving on again soon, this time to a less cricket-mad country where, as in the past, I shall definitely have to rely on the OBO for my cricket fix! I shall miss the Bullring.”
Safe travels! We’ll be waiting to provide a cricket fix once you’ve moved.
WICKET! England 86-3 (Morgan ct and b Hendricks 9)
England are officially embroiled. Morgan charges Hendricks, is surprised by a bit of extra bounce and pops the ball back to the bowler.
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11th over: England 86-2 (Root 9, Morgan 9) Morgan pulls Sipamla just short of the diving Phehlukwayo at deep midwicket. England’s innings has been a peculiar mix of frantic risk-taking and clinical strokeplay. Root demonstrates the latter with a delightful straight drive for four later in the over.
10th over: England 77-2 (Root 2, Morgan 7)
Morgan is not out! It was umpire’s call, so South Africa retain their review. It was a good delivery from Hendricks, which came back off the seam to hit Morgan on the pad.
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South Africa review for LBW against Morgan! It looked a bit high to me - I think it will be umpire’s call at best for South Africa.
9th over: England 76-2 (Root 2, Morgan 6) Morgan gets off the mark with a confident clip off the pads for four.
8th over: England 69-2 (Root 1, Morgan 0) “Language is an organic, ever-changing entity,” says Matt Dony. “But, according to the Guardian Style Guide (which I assume you are forced to commit to memory on Day One), ‘brutalise - render brutal, not treat brutally; so soldiers may be brutalised by the experience of war’. Storm Ciara might be ruining my day, but it can’t dampen my pedantry.”
Yes, but you haven’t seen Ngidi’s behaviour since that Bairstow assault.
WICKET! England 69-2 (Roy c Ngidi b B Hendricks 21)
Jason Roy has gone for a run-a-ball 21. The ball after driving a sweet six, he top-edged a wide short ball straight to Ngidi at fine leg. England need to be a bit careful, or they could become embroiled.
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7th over: England 63-1 (Roy 15, Root 1) Bairstow’s decision to go off like a pacemaker means that England should - should - be able to control this run-chase. They need 194 from 43 overs.
“Surely England’s approach is traditionally the reverse of the sub-ontinental teams (4th over),” says John Starbuck. “We do try youngsters but discard them pretty soon (or overwork them to destruction), as hauling in people on the verge of retirement instead is practiced. Ironically, Brian Close fits the latter pattern too, being the only guy tough and experienced enough to stand up to the West Indies speed merchants in 1976.”
We never try them at 16 and 17, though, which I think is the point Ian was making.
WICKET! England 61-1 (Bairstow c Phehlukwayo b Sipamla 43)
Bairstow’s savage cameo comes to an end when he drags Sipamla straight to midwicket. It was a memorable assault: 43 from 23 balls with six fours and three sixes.
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6th over: England 61-0 (Roy 14, Bairstow 43) This is astonishing hitting from Bairstow, who has made 39 from his last 14 balls. He smears Hendricks over midwicket for six more to bring up the fifty partnership - that ball wasn’t even that short - before chipping the next ball down the ground for four. He’s batting like it’s a T10 game. And now Roy has decided to join in: he charges the last delivery of the over and clubs it down the ground for six.
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5th over: England 43-0 (Roy 7, Bairstow 32) Ngidi, whose first two overs disappeared for 29, is replaced by Lutho Sipamla. His second ball is a beauty, straightening past Roy’s outside edge, and he concedes only one from a good over.
Chris Schofield asks whether Naseem Shah, aged 16, is the youngest to take a Test match hat-trick. He sure is.
4th over: England 42-0 (Roy 6, Bairstow 32) Bairstow is cut in half by a sharp nipbacker from Hendricks. He looks in stunning touch, though, and scrunches the next ball through mid-off for four more. He has 32 from 15 balls.
“Where do Pakistan and India get these great young cricketers from?” asks Ian Wilson. “When was the last time England unearthed a teenage cricketer and put him in the Test team. Was it Brian Close in 1949?”
It was Sam Curran in 2018. England have picked more young players of late, though as you say the culture is much stronger on the subcontinent.
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3rd over: England 37-0 (Roy 5, Bairstow 28) Absurd brilliance from Jonny Bairstow, who has just brutalised Ngidi for 16 in three deliveries. He chipped six off the pads, smashed four through extra cover and then pulled flat and hard - viciously hard - for six more. After a bit of a famine, one dot ball, he pings a pull for four more to make it 21 from the over. Awesome stuff from Bairstow, who has 28 from 13 balls.
2nd over: England 16-0 (Roy 4, Bairstow 8) Beuran Hendricks shares the new ball, and generously gives Jonny Bairstow another throwdown: short, wide, larruped through extra cover for four.
In other news, Pakistan’s Naseem Shah has taken a Test hat-trick against Bangladesh. He’s 16 years old. Pakistan cricket: the best thing in the world, always and forever.
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1st over: England 8-0 (Roy 1, Bairstow 4) Ngidi’s opening over includes three wides and a long hop that Bairstow slaps contemptuously for four.
The players are back out on the field. Lungi Ngidi will bowl the first over.
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Thanks Daniel, hello everyone. “What did Mahmood do wrong?” asks Ian Wilson. “Jordan’s last three overs were pathetic and Mahmood bowled really well early on. We could have kept the score down by at least a dozen runs.”
Well, Jordan’s a specialist at the death, and I didn’t think be bowled particularly badly – he just got tagged by a very good death hitter. I suspect Morgan didn’t want to expose a debutant to such a dangerous player. I’m sure the plan was for him to bowl during the middle overs, but the spinners were doing well enough that the opportunity didn’t arise.
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That, then, is the end of me. Thanks all for your company and comments; please bestow both upon Rob Smyth, who’ll narrate the glorious collapse. You can email him on rob.smyth@theguardian.com, or tweet @AsIf. Ta ra.
That was a lot of fun. England bowled really well, and would absolutely have taken 257 to win. But the pitch isn’t the belter it looked – there’s just enough movement for the quicks, and just enough turn for the spinners – so if South Africa bowl and field well, they’ve a chance. But a sensible batting performance from England – yes, I lived through the 80, 90s and all the rest, I know exactly what those words mean – will be enough.
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South Africa set England 257 to draw the series!
50th over: South Africa 256-7 (Miller 69, Sipamla 10) Jordan begins with a slower ball and miller waits for it, hauling him around from well outside off for six over that short midwicket boundary! Here we go! So Jordan goes again but this time lands it fuller and Miller misses, then can only dig out to point; surprisingly, he takes the single, but he knows more about Sipmala’s batting than I do. So Jordan offers some width outside off and Sipmala slashes over mid off for one; they run one, giving Miller his strike back. And he connects well with the penultimate delivery, but picks out the man at long on; this time he refuses the single ...and rightly so! He sees Jordan’s last ball out of the hand, immediately shuffling across his stumps; he waits, then annihilates another six over midwicket!
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49th over: South Africa 242-7 (Miller 56, Sipamla 9) South Africa might just be getting to something defendable here (or might be posting something that looks defendable that England chase in 35 overs ). Anyway, Curran’s first ball is a top-spinner that Sipmala reads like a drunk with a paper bag over his head, knocking it up in the air only for Roy to arrive late for the catch, in a world of his own. He is quickly roused from his reverie by the bowler’s disbursement of choice Anglo-Saxon then, when Sipmala gloves his next ball into the ground, further sentiments follows. Sipmala then takes two over mid off, the throw hitting Miller, and when another single arrives the throw hits Curran, already absolutely loving life. He finishes with 0-38 off nine; Miller has strike for the final over.
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48th over: South Africa 238-7 (Miller 55, Sipamla 7) Sipamla gets Jordan’s first ball to midwicket and they run one, then Miller stations himself right in front of the stumps so Jordan targets them, and finds a full toss dug out for four to cow corner. That’s ugly as hell but timed beautifully, and a bunt to cover gives Miller his fifty; he’s batted very well here, tempering his inclination for violence to ensure his team use all available deliveries. Two singles and a wide follow before a high, wide full toss gets almost everything it deserves, clumped to wide long on for a one-bounce four.
47th over: South Africa 225-7 (Miller 44, Sipamla 4) Curran returns to finish off and Miller badly needs to find a way, problem being Curran is bowling so well that he can’t. Right from the first over, he’s been on the money, bowling straight and full, and his variety of slower balls allow for just four singles.
46th over: South Africa 220-7 (Miller 42, Sipamla 2) Back comes Jordan to serve up a diet of slower balls, his first three deliveries yielding three singles. But Miller picks up his fourth perfectly – it’s short, and he rocks back in the crease to cream over midwicket for six. The next effort goes for two to the cover fence, Denly running round to prevent the boundary, but the charge is on, and a single from the final go allows the retention of strike.
45th over: South Africa 208-7 (Miller 25, Sipamla 0) Miller gets down on one knee to smash Rashid’s final delivery for four at deep backward square. Still, that’s a great morning’s work for yerman, 10-0-52-3.
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WICKET! Hendricks B run out (Rashid & Morgan) 4 (South Africa 208-7)
Miller knocks into the leg side and they run one. There’s never a second but they try for it anyway, Rashid chucking to his end where Morgan, in front of the stumps, fields and drags onto them in one movement. South Africa’s running between the wickets has been dismal.
45th over: South Africa 203-6 (Miller 27, Hendricks B 3) Rashid will finish off; Miller will be looking to hit with the spin into the leg side. Four singles follow.
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44th over: South Africa 199-6 (Miller 25, Hendricks B 2) Hendricks dabs Root into the off side and pauses before setting off; if morgan hits he’s gone, but he doesn’t. This brings Miller onto strike and he gets down on one knee, right out to the ball, absolutely cleansing Root out of the ground over midwicket; there’s a brief pause while a new ball arrives and Sia belts out the tastiest cheese of the last bit.
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43rd over: South Africa 190-6 (Miller 17, Hendricks B 1) That was not a good shot Phehlukwayo played, given the state of the match and the state of his team’s tail. Hendricks gets down the non-striker’s immediately, knocking to long on, and Miller adds one to the same area, but that’s it for the over. Rashid now has 3-43 off 9.
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REVIEW REJECTED!
Umpire’s call on stump impact; it was clipping leg, says ball-tracking.
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REVIEW!
South Africa have a review left and hardly any batting to come. That’s all I can say for this.
WICKET! Phehlukwayo lbw b Rashid 14 (South Africa 188-6)
Rashid pitches in line as Phehlukwayo mows across the line and misses by plenty. That looked extremely adjacent.
43rd over: South Africa 188-5 (Miller 16, Phehlukwayo 14) Back comes Rashid, and the batsmen have to ask themselves a question: do you knock it about, trying to stay in the match, or do they try to post something competitive?
42nd over: South Africa 187-5 (Miller 15, Phehlukwayo 14) Root has bowled so well here, keeping the ball just outside off with the threat of occasional spin. This over yields just two runs, which means this spell reads 3-0-18-0. He’s bowled 15 dots in his six overs, while Curran has 27 in 7.
41st over: South Africa 185-5 (Miller 14, Phehlukwayo 13) Into the last 10 overs and Phehlukwayo chips T-Cuzz over the infield, just wide of an already wine mid on, for four. Can he build on that? Not really is the answer, Curran keeping his line tight to cede just three singles.
“The best half hour of Test Cricket wasn’t that long!” says Ian Andrew. “From Wiki: ‘Trueman produced a sensational opening spell in the second innings and, after only 14 balls had been bowled, India were reduced to none for four, Trueman taking three of the wickets.’”
Presumably he ended his spell chuntering about how lucky the batsmen had been not to score fewer.
40th over: South Africa 178-5 (Miller 13, Phehlukwayo 7) This sounds a strange thing to type, but the last thing South Africa need now is Joe Root rattling through, because they daren’t give him the treatment. An over sent down in roughly 0.0056s yields three singles.
39th over: South Africa 175-5 (Miller 12, Phehlukwayo 5) After some hassles getting in, we’ve now got almost a full house; I daresay it’s a more pleasant place to spend a day than north London, which is proper minging. Anyway, Tom Curran returns for his sixth over and if he can find the line and, most particularly the length he hit in his first spell, these batsmen are in trouble. In the first instance, he can’t, ceding leg bye, wide, single, wide, single; but, as Ryan Giggs would say, he’d’ve took it. Five off the over, and South Africa need to channel Alexander Hamilton, batting like they’re running out of time, because they are.
38th over: South Africa 170-5 (Mille1 10, Phehlukwayo 4) Root returns for a go at the left-handers and rushes through another tight over. I wonder just how good a bowler he could become; he’s got enough on his plate already, but with hard work, I think we’d be looking at a genuine all-rounder. The problem is that his batting is so good, ought he to spare the time?
“One of the best film openings is, in my view, one which lasts over three minutes in a single shot, in Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil (1958),” says Romeo. “There’s another long single shot later in the film which is 12 minutes long.”
Talking of single shots...
Martin Scorsese #BOTD developed a long creative partnership with German cinematographer Michael Ballhaus who acted as DOP for Goodfellas (1990). Together they designed its stunning shots such as this legendary steadicam long take through the Copacabana nightclub. pic.twitter.com/WPkdyT1RhL
— Tico Romao (@TicoRomao) November 17, 2019
37th over: South Africa 167-5 (Miller 10, Phehlukwayo 2) After a wide, Ceej cedes four byes, straying onto Phehlukwayo’s pad, and only a single follows it. Given the batting, or lack of batting to come, chances are that both these two have to come off if South Africa are going to be in any way competitive.
“Quick shout out for 2001 Space Odyssey as best first half hour of a film,” emails Peter Salmon. “You know you’re not going to be watching Flash Gordon, that’s fo shizzle. Can I throw into the mix the best first half hour in cricket - just 14 years after Dave defeated Hal in deep space, Stuart Broad had Australia 7-38 at Trent Bridge.”
Fetch that segue!
36th over: South Africa 161-5 (Miller 10, Phehlukwayo 1) Moeen keeps going and after a single apiece, Miller rams a sweep that drops just shy of the rope, earning a much0needed four. From here, six an over gets 247, eight an over 271. Any less than that second total and England should breeze it.
WICKET! Smiths run out (Banton) 31 (South Africa 155-5)
Oh dear oh dear! Smuts turns to midwicket and Baton dives to stop, but the batsmen have already gambled on him missing! So when the ball goes keeper’s end, Smuts is stranded and that’s a ridiculous error at a crucial moment.
35th over: South Africa 155-4 (Smuts 31, Miller 5) The last thing South Africa will want to see now is Chris Jordan back into the attack, but here’s CJ; after Smuts takes a single to cover, he forces one through Miller’s gate, narrowly missing the stumps, before another single brings Smuts back onto strike.
34th over: South Africa 153-4 (Smuts 30, Miller 4) Another tidy over from Moeen, two singles from it. It’s hard to see where the big overs are coming from, given how well Curran and Mahmood bowled first up. Drinks.
33rd over: South Africa 151-4 (Smuts 29, Miller 3) A much-needed decent over for South Africa, Smuts taking two over mid on then a single into the off side, before Miller takes one to mid on allowing his partner to slice hard past slip to the fence.
“Yes, that phone ringing scene is indeed the best one in world cinema history” begins Rob Lewis, “because I was in it. I was standing behind de Niro and you can just about catch a glimpse of half of my face. Was living in Montreal at the time and called up to be in the Jewish scenes in the movie. But they were short of bystanders, so off came the long beard and locks, and voila, I was a 1920s dude in a hat. Sergio Leone himself adjusted my hat.
I went to see the film with a dozen mates, and the scene comes about five minutes in. Nobody saw me. For the rest of the three hours, all the dozen kept stage whispering, and asking me when I’d appear......”
Amazing, that has got to be the greatest call-up of all-time. Ya’amod!
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32nd over: South Africa 143-4 (Smuts 22, Miller 2) Moeen rustles through another tight over, two from it; his last ball is a nut, beating Miller who goes back, but missing the stumps by a nasal hair.
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31st over: South Africa 141-4 (Smuts 21, Miller 1) Miller plays away three dots before taking a red buller to midwicket; Roy shies and misses ... just.
“As noted by a Guardian reader recently, the Pythons didn’t do the Four Yorkshiremen sketch, except as an occasional live performance,” says John Starbuck. “It was in 1969, Do Not Adjust Your Set. Trying to recall older films for best openings too. The Wizard of Oz, Rebecca, the Italian Job, the Pink Panther, Zulu, and several Bond films could all be contenders, chiefly for the ability to establish a tone at the outset. Psycho was the opposite, deliberately, so you also have to think about films with an early twist.”
The Wizard of Oz is one of my favourites, though the last time I watched it I wondered if it wasn’t the change into glorious technicolour, rather than the set-up that I loved. There’s a new version of Rebecca coming, directed by Ben Wheatley, which should be brilliant.
WICKET! De Kock b Rashid 69 (South Africa 140-4)
Three for Rashid, but what was Quinton quontempltying! He has an enormous hoik at a straight one that spins in, misses by a fortnight, and South africa are in all sorts!
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30th over: South Africa 139-3 (De Kock 69, Smuts 20) Smuts takes one to mid off and Jordan hits with a shy ... but he was in, just. Then De Kock flicks to midwicket and Curran is there on the fence ... only to field fresh air! The crowd love that and rightly so; who doesn’t love a misfield. Sensational. Curran shakes his head, doubtless pondering Adam Smith’s invisible hand theory.
29th over: South Africa 134-3 (De Kock 65, Smuts 19) South Africa are starting to move, Smuts chasing Rashid outside off to zetz him for six over cow corner. A single follows, then De Kock bangs back over the bowler’s head and they run two; two more singles follow.
“The ODI playing conditions allow for a failure of DRS technology, but read the small print here (section 3.6.8 of Appendix D),” emails Romeo.
“‘A Player Review categorised as ‘Unsuccessful’ may be reinstated by the ICC Match Referee at his/her sole discretion (if appropriate after consultation with the ICC Technical Official and/or the television broadcast director) if the Player Review could not properly be concluded due to a failure of the technology. Any such decision shall be final and shall be taken as soon as possible, being communicated to both teams once all the relevant facts have been ascertained by the ICC Match Referee. A Player Review categorised as ‘Unsuccessful’ shall not be reinstated if, despite any technical failures, the correct decision could still have been made using the other available technology. Similarly, a Player Review categorised as ‘Unsuccessful’ shall not be reinstated where the technology worked as intended, but the evidence gleaned from its use was inconclusive.’ You could see the gap between bat and ball.”
Can’t argue with that.
28th over: South Africa 123-3 (De Kock 62, Smuts 11) De Kock has a massive heave at Moeen and Jordan looks like he’s underneath it, but bails at the last second after deciding he can’t quite get there so should save the boundary. For more singles from the other.
27th over: South Africa 119-3 (De Kock 60, Smuts 9) Shaun Pollock reckons South Africa shouldn’t have got that review back on the basis that Bavuma definitely didn’t edge. I guess the umpire could use discretion in such circumstances, but also understand the need for a standardised approach: if the tech fails, you get another go. Four singles off Rashid’s over.
“This is a great way to follow cricket while worrying about my fences and tiles surviving these Oxfordshire winds,” says Gerry Flynn. “Re beginnings of films, Inglourious Basterds is pretty good. Harrowing, but brilliantly written and acted.”
Agreed. I wouldn’t say the first half-hour, but that first scene is an absolute masterclass in sustaining drama.
26th over: South Africa 115-3 (De Kock 58, Smuts 7) After De Kock takes two to point, Moeen drags one down and he doesn’t miss out, using the crease to move backwards and get underneath it, monstering six over midwicket.
25th over: South Africa 107-3 (De Kock 50, Smuts 7) De Kock gets to his 50 with a single, one of three and a bye from the over. South Africa will be happy with 270 here.
“I totally agree about ‘Once ...Hollywood’, boring and self-indulgent in its references,” says David Gaskell, presumably not the former Manchester United goalie. “As for Brad Pitt as supporting actor, he was no different from every role he ever plays. I think he knows this by a double bluff he employs of self-deprecation about his role. Best intro for me is Gladiator.
How refreshing to have a cricket commentator who is a cineaste at the same time. Neville Cardus would be delighted, especially with the Python Yorkshireman discussion of Fiery Fred. These cricketers today don’t know they are born. Brian Statham had to get up early, tailor a pair of flannels, knit a pullover and make the potted meat sandwiches for Old Trafford.”
I thought Brad Pitt was still one of the better things about Once Upon A time, which isn’t saying much. He does though, suffer from OBOer’s curse – also known as being distractingly handsome.
24th over: South Africa 103-3 (De Kock 48, Smuts 6) The Wanderers might have the best track in cricket now, offering something for everyone, though I also like Old Trafford. Four singles off this Moeen over, and predictions of a 320 total – rife pre-match, with good reason – look extremely hopeful now.
23rd over: South Africa 99-3 (De Kock 46, Smuts 4) Suddenly De Kock needs to play the anchor, which is not why he’s out there. He needs the lads at the other end to do that, so he can blaze away. But here’s Smuts, getting off the mark by sweeping Rashid to the square leg fence.
“I don’t know about half an hour but Rushmore gets my vote for ‘most amusing opening montage’” says Brian Withington. “In passing, I wish I was as technically flawed as Jonny Bairstow, but I take your point.”
Well yes, but I also wish I was as technically flawed as Devon Malcolm.
22nd over: South Africa 94-3 (De Kock 45, Smuts 0) Phew! What a ludicrous passage of play that was; you love to see it.
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Van der Dussen b Ali 4 (South Africa 94-3)
Review that! Moeen pushes one through a bit quicker, diddling Van der Dussen in the flight, and hilarious as it would’ve been for him to go on and score 502*, a hint of turn through the gate sends him on his way. Suddenly England are right back on top, and its the spinners who’ve done it; well done Eoin Morgan.
21st over: South Africa 90-2 (De Kock 45, Van der Dussen 1) Ultra-edge wasn’t working, apparently, so South Africa retained their review. Fair enough, I guess.
The full technology wasn't available for South Acrica's first review, so they've been allowed another!
That is extremely fortunate; that first one was out out out.
The ball was missing the stumps! Van der Dussen is reprieved!
Er yes, but no one knows why there was a review when South Africa just wasted theirs. The umpire seems to have decided to take another look; I hope they don’t go back to the World Cup final.
Van der Dussen has been sent back in!
You what?! The umpire has decided to review, but no one knows why!
WICKET! Van de Dussen lbw b Rashid 0 (South Africa 89-3)
The wicket-taker is on a hatty! He’s bowling so straight, and this one spins back in – I’m not sure the batsman picked that – and Van der Dussen has to go! That might’ve missed leg stump, but there’s no review!
NO BAT! BAVUMA GOES!
That was not a good review at all, though I’d blame De Kock rather than Bavuma.
REVIEW DENIED!
The ball was hitting, but what’s this?! Bavuma has been called back as Aleem Dar thinks there may have been a hint of bat!
REVIEW! Bavuma goes upstairs, presumably hoping it was high.
The ball hit Bairstow in the chest, but I’m not sure where it was going pre-pad, other than into the pegs.
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WICKET! Bavuma lbw b Rashid 29 (South Africa 89-2)
The wicket-taker does it again! Bavuma gets a big stride in, but a big stride in for him, and his bat, well away from his body, invites the ball to snake into his pad! Up goes the finger!
21st over: South Africa 89-1 (De Kock 45, Bavuma 29) De Kock takes a single and Bavuma plays all around one, which hits the pad; they appeal but nothing doing and no review.
20th over: South Africa 88-1 (De Kock 44, Bavuma 29) “Top-edge central lads,” says Bairstow as Bavuma misses a mow; I think the 29 goes there after Techniquegone West. And yes, the 29 is the greatest London bus, thank you for playing; Wood Green, Green Lanes for kebabs, Finsbury Park, Holloway Road, Camden, Goodge Street, Leicester Square, Trafalgar Square.
19th over: South Africa 85-1 (De Kock 42, Bavuma 28) It’s nice to see Rashid back too, playing his hundredth ODI, and England could use his wicket-taking capacity. De Kock takes his first delivery for a single, then Bavuma cuts; Root flings out a hand and though it’s ultimately a drop, he in fact does really well to slow the ball down enough so that Moeen can do really well to slide on the fence, saving one as they run three. Meanwhile, in Pochefstroom, India are 57-1 off 17, playing Bangladesh in the men’s world under-19 final.
18th over: South Africa 80-1 (De Kock 40, Bavuma 25) Moeen repaces Root – it’s really great to see him back. A quiet over cedes four singles.
“I feel moved to point out, as a fact rather than an opinion,” opines Geoff Wignall, “that the best opening to an English-language film is that of Once Upon A Time In The West .”
That is good, which also reminds me of the phone ringing in Once Upon A Time In America”. There’s a lot once upon a timing going on here, which reminds me how dull, joyless and self-indulgent I found its latest iteration, which I hope wins nothing tonight. Conversely, i hope that Parasite wins everything.
17th over: South Africa 76-1 (De Kock 38, Bavuma 23) You know when it’s well cold, a penny floater hits you on the thigh, and you experience the most severe pain known to mankind? Well Bavuma knocks one to mid on and Curran throws at the stumps, whacking him a right sair yin just below the hip. He’s lucky cricket’s played with a corky. Ceej then offers a wide and four dots before De Kock punishes the error, flicking – yes, flicking – the extra delivery over midwicket and into the crowd. That’s drinks, and he looks set.
16th over: South Africa 68-1 (De Kock 32, Bavuma 22) I thought Root’s last over would be the end of his spell but Morgan tries to finagle one more and it doesn’t work out. After a single to each batsman, De Kock waits for him and plays a cut so late it’s almost extinct – a dodo cut – for four, before another single apiece. England need a wicket.
15th over: South Africa 60-1 (De Kock 26, Bavuma 20) Just a single, to De Kock, from a useful Jordan over.
“Best first half-hour in a film,” says Henri du Périer. “The Pixar film Up wins that contest hands down, surely.” I’ve not seen it, but it occurs to me that I didn’t make my cases either, so: White Men Can’t Jump is all about the dialogue and pace; the Godfather is all about the magnitude, in that you know you’re watching something epic and important; and Pulp Fiction is dialogue, pace and originality.
14th over: South Africa 59-1 (De Kock 25, Bavuma 20) After three singles, Bavuma steps down and into Root, gliding four through cover. That’s a lovely shot, fully deserving the rich reward of early-morning Avicii.
13th over: South Africa 51-1 (De Kock 23, Bavuma 14) Bavuma looks comfortable out there, knocking the ball about – I was surprised he didn’t start the Test series, given how few South African batsman had proved themselves capable at that level. He takes two singles from this latest Jordan over, De Kock adding one. Suddenly, South Africa are consolidating a promising position.
12th over: South Africa 48-1 (De Kock 22, Bavuma 12) Root comes on for a twirl against his rabbit and De Kock nicks him ... but there’s nee slip! Then, the ball after next, he cuts four more through point, and that’s South Africa’s first big over, nine from it.
“Speaking of burnout,” says Guy Hornsby, “permission to heartily salute Barney Ronay for his excellent article yesterday on Jofra Archer. Aside from the selfish management of his injury, which if it’s been around since the World Cup, is unforgivable, the language used when referring to his work ethic, or character, or application, suggests something far less palatable. Conscious or not, he’s been treated very poorly indeed, while being undermined all along. As it’s been said, if you don’t think he’s trying, you don’t know anything about bowling. I hope they see the error of their ways.”
Agreed. Also, fast bowling is hard; finding rhythm is hard; elite sport is hard; Archer is young and inexperienced; people are foolish.
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11th over: South Africa 39-1 (De Kock 14, Bavuma 11) Jordan replaces Curran – who bowled a nifty spell, beating De Kock’s bat as many times as anyone can have done in a similar number of balls bowled. A wide and two singles from the over, the second sprinted as Roy shied at the striker’s; had he hit, De Kock was in trouble.
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10th over: South Africa 37-1 (De Kock 13, Bavuma 10) Bumble notes that in Durban, they knew it was going to rain after they started, so why did they not try for a T20 in the time? A good point. Back in the middle, Bavuma drives four down the ground to close the powerplay, which has gone well for England.
“Talking of not picking the strongest team,” says Smylers, “England have, sadly, often done that against Ireland. That may have seemed the case in those countries’ 2009 ODI , when they tried out a couple of uncapped players. But both Adil Rashid and Joe Denly played in the following ODIs against Australia. And here they are 10½ years later, still again in the team together.”
It freaks my absolute nut out that England are thinking about binning Denly for Sri Lanka to get Bairstow in. Bairstow isn’t out of form; he needs to solve a technical flaw. They need to help him sort it, which isn’t going to happen out in the middle, nor carrying drinks.
9th over: South Africa 31-1 (De Kock 12, Bavuma 6) How on earth do England go about picking a side for the T20 World Cup? It ain’t easy being this good. Talking of which, is there a better first half-hour or so of any film? Pulp Fiction and the Godfather, maybe – feel free to send in other selection. In the meantime, after a single to De Kock, Bavuma flicks four to midwicket, following up with a single.
8th over: South Africa 23-1 (De Kock 11, Bavuma 0) Mahmood’s final ball swings well away from Bavuma, who lets it by.
“I suspect you’re right about QdK being ‘one of those boys’,” says David Horn. “I went to school with Rob Henderson (played for the Lionsand Ireland, in rugby). We once opened the batting for our school’s ‘old boys’. I watched from the non-strikers as he belted 20 odd from the first over, before succumbing to a second-ball duck myself. However, he never once beat me at table tennis. Not sure we ever played, but I was briefly school champion. So.”
We’re all feart of something.
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WICKET! Hendricks b Mahmood 11 (South Africa 23-1)
This has been a dayboo spell from Mahmood, and what a meteorite this is, beating Hendricks with a bit of in-duck off the seam and caressing the top of his off-bail, leaving the other intact!
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8th over: South Africa 23-0 (De Kock 11, Hendricks 11) Mahmood donates width, overpitching too, and Hendricks doesn’t need to be asked twice, clouting four through the covers.
Incidentally, contrary to information previously supplied, Rob will be with you later. Please send aggravation to daniel.harris.casual@theguardian.com or @DanielHarris.
“Given the introduction of central contracts, isn’t it odd that so many England cricketers suffer burnouts?” asks James Debens. “Playing for Yorkshire, England, his local pub team and the factory side of his favourite woodbine manufacturer, I am certain that Fiery Fred Trueman sent down 76,000 overs in the 1957/8 season, fuelled by nothing more than stout, pickled eggs and the momentum of his heavily pomaded thatch of hair. People were just tougher in the 50s, marinaded like conkers by their rudimentary diets and toiletries. There’s no real evidence for this, but it is scientific fact.”
Eee I’d love a Woodbine.
7th over: South Africa 18-0 (De Kock 11, Hendricks 7) Curran pins De Kock on the crease with length, then slings down a yorker which swings late and diddles him all ends up. Then it’s back to seam, another delivery leaving him as he plays and misses again! But after five dots, the final delivery is too straight and is flicked off the pads for a sprinted two.
6th over: South Africa 16-0 (De Kock 9, Hendricks 7) This is impressive stuff from Mahmood, who’s not threatening especially but who’s line and length are making scoring hard. My guess is that the batsmen are waiting for the spinners, but in the meantime this is a useful maiden.
5th over: South Africa 16-0 (De Kock 9, Hendricks 7) De Kock is warm, moving into another full one for Curran – it’s ever so slightly overpitched – and straight-pushing – straight straight-pushing – three down the ground. He strikes me as one of those kids who was mortifyingly good at everything – though pretty sure I’d have had his measure at leyning.
4th over: South Africa 10-0 (De Kock 4, Hendricks 5) Mahmood finds some away movement, but Hendricks plays with soft hands and gets a single to third man. Another follows to De Kock, but that’s it for another quiet over.
Adil Rashid is playing his 100th ODI today 👏 #SAvENG pic.twitter.com/ckoBjB9hWw
— ICC (@ICC) February 9, 2020
3rd over: South Africa 8-0 (De Kock 4, Hendricks 4) Cuzz T is bowling beautifully here, his first ball slanted across De Kock then beating him with bounce and a soupcon of movement. Lovely stuff. De Kock then puts bat on one! What a player! But he gets no run, only for Curran to drop a little shorter; that one, he eases away for four through backward point. He’s quite good.
2nd over: South Africa 4-0 (De Kock 0, Hendricks 4) Here comes Mahmood for his first over in ODI cricket, and he’s into his stride quickly, sending down three dots. But then he strays wide, and Hendricks is onto him immediately, timing a square drive to the fence. That came on very nicely, but this is still a decent start for him and England.
1st over: South Africa 0-0 (De Kock 0, Hendricks 0) Curran starts well, his second ball beating De Kock with some away movement, then his third doing likewise off the seam. That’s a lovely length, and in commentary Mark Nicholas notes that Woakes would fancy these conditions. Oh yes! Curran beats the outside edge for the third time in a row, and completes a maiden.
Right, here we go!
Alastair Cook is, unsurprisingly, really good in the studio. He says that under Eoin Morgan, the principle has been established that if you want to play limited-overs cricket for England, you have to be good enough to win a game on your own.
No rain.
On Sky, David Lloyd rhapsodises Saqib, who he says is an “international cricketer”. He was only ok in New Zealand, but James Anderson also speaks highly of him. Quite how he breaks into the Test side from here, who knows, given England’s sudden strength in depth, but the best players have a way of forcing the issue.
The pitch looks a belter, and I kind of wonder why England have played two spinners. Well, I know why they’ve played two spinners because Morgan told us: with the T20 World Cup coming up, the T20 series is the priority, but there’s doesn’t look to be much in the pitch for them, and the short boundary square of the wicket will be testing.
Teams!
South Africa: De Kock, Hendricks, Bavuma, Van der Dussen, Smuts, Miller, Phehlukwayo, Hendricks, Ngidi, Sipamla, Shamsi.
England: Roy, Bairstow, Root, Morgan, Denly, Banton, Ali, Curran, Rashid, Jordan, Mahmood.
Quinton de Kock would also have fielded, on the basis of overhead conditions, but doesn’t think the pitch will change too much. Lungi Ngidi comes in for Bjorn Fortuin.
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England win the toss and will field!
He says it’s a decision dictated by conditions. It’s cloudy now and there’s one very short boundary, plus it’s hard to break partnerships when they get set. He also think its a privilege to participate in pink day – South Africa are in all pink, England in oink shoulders, in aid of breast cancer – and that Saqib, Moeen and Rashid come in, the former making his dayboo and the latter to get some cricket before the T20 series. Dropping out are Sam Curran, Parkinson and Woakes.
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It’s not raining, but it is cloudy.
Which brings us onto an imminent problem: is T20 in the process of becoming close to a separate sport?
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Which brings us back to the original point, really: it’s great to see young players – I mean who doesn’t want more Tom Banton – but the reason we’re seeing England play who they’re playing is because they’re not that bothered whether they win or lose. That doesn’t feel right.
State of play: South Africa lead the three-match series 1-0, with this match to play. The chances of rain - and storms – are less than they were last night, but still well in the game.
Preamble
Like all normal people, I have a preternatural obsession with elite sport that means I can watch as much of it as there is and more – never mind more elite cricket. But this here series raises a very obvious and significant question: what is the point of it?
Obviously it passes the time, and there’s a lot to be said for that. But when one team has deliberately not picked its strongest squad nor its strongest teams, it makes you wonder. England want to win, but they don’t want to win that much. Which is why Ben Stokes and Jos Buttler are absent, having played too much, and why Jofra Archer is absent, having played way too much.
Ultimately, for those talented enough, it is no longer possible to play every series in every form of the game, which doesn’t sound right at all. The spectacle is still worth plenty, because nice to see young players given a go, but the point of this whole rigmarole is to identify the better team, not to identify a star of the future. Being really good at something oughtn’t to be punished by burnout, FOMO or the absence of any time at home.
Obviously we must still enjoy things for what they are, but I’ve not a clue how we work them out from here.
Play: 10am local time, 8am GMT.
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