Have a read of Mike Selvey’s report on day four at Newlands …
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Summing up
A frustrating day for England, what with more drops, and another restorative one for South Africa, for whom Amla and then Bavuma were magnificent, the latter meriting the bulk of the day’s attention for a delightful maiden hundred. But in truth not much changed from the morning’s situation: a draw looked likely then, and looks even likelier now. Thanks for your emails and tweets, which were enormously entertaining. Bye.
Stumps on day four. England 2nd innings 16-0 (lead by 18)
6th over: England 16-0 (Cook 8, Hales 4). Lead by 17. “Afternoon Tom,” writes the internet’s Simon McMahon. “I think England have missed a trick here. Stokes should have opened, made 1,010 not out before lunch tomorrow, thus giving Broad and Anderson ample time to take 10 wickets.” But they haven’t, and Cook and Hales are intent instead on seeing out the day. Rabada concedes two no-balls after overstepping, the second of which Cook cracks at Bavuma’s arm and yields an additional single, and one more off the bat as Hales glances through the onside for a single. The final ball of the day is pushed through the covers by Hales for one – they’ve performed with competence to get through without the loss of a wicket. That’s stumps.
5th over: England 11-0 (Cook 7, Hales 3). Lead by 13. Morkel continues to test Cook outside off stump, and the England opener has to show his best skill and judgment to resist the temptation to nibble. We’ll have one more over today, I’d have thought.
A suggestion, from Kevin Mitchell: “When two teams get to this stage - immovable after more than a thousand runs and four days of cricket - run rate should apply in final two innings to determine a winner.”
4th over: England 11-0 (Cook 7, Hales 3). Lead by 13. A half-chance, as Stokes fends off Radaba awkwardly and it doesn’t miss the diving Bavuma at short leg by much. They run one, bringing Cook on strike, and he pulls emphatically square on the legside for four. Cook then takes a risk in leaving a straighter ball that bounces just over the stumps. Another pull brings a single.
Amid all the backslapping and bonhomie at the various individual achievements racked up in this Test, in thunders George Rogers, slamming his glass down on the table and challenging the assembled with this: “The reaction to this test match has been all a bit smashy and nice for my liking. I feel as if watching Ben Stokes make history has tattooed a tint of rose over the whole thing. In short, this pitch is clearly awful and has no place in Test cricket. The fact that it made us look good for two minutes should not allow us to forget that it has basically made for a massive waste of everyone’s time. By all accounts the bowling has been superb throughout and yet for days now the prospect of taking a wicket has been practically unthinkable. Two teams making 600+. An average of over 100 per wicket taken for the match. These are not good statistics. They don’t imply a good contest between bat and ball.” And yet, if catches had been held we might have been playing 350 v 350 over the first innings.
3rd over: England 5-0 (Cook 2, Hales 2). Lead by 7. Morkel whistles a few across Cook’s watchful defence, but the England captain knows how to leave. And mostly does, but he’s discomfited by a lovely away-swinger, which jags off the seam and leaves Cook’s tentative forward-defensive nudge looking a bit silly. A fine over and a maiden.
Back to the 90s, Nick Lewis asks “Am I allowed Pulp? Good band and everything, but overrated just a weeeeeeeee bitty? Old Jarvis, love him, voice like a lump of coke stuck under the door.” Which is a good thing, right? Pulp towered above the 90s really, a decade that didn’t deserve them.
2nd over: England 5-0 (Cook 2, Hales 2). Lead by 7. Rabada opens up at the other end, and digs one in short at Cook, who just manages to nudge past the hero of the day, Bavuma, at short leg, who scurries back to prevent the single. It’s a demanding over from Rabada, fast and mostly just short of a length, requiring Cook to leave or defend judiciously, which he does, until the final ball, which Cook works away through midwicket for one.
1st over: England 4-0 (Cook 1, Hales 2). Lead by 6. Morkel begins with a short sharp lifter but it’s harmlessly down the legside and Cook leaves well alone. He’s off the mark second ball, with a push off his hip for a single. Hales is away too, flicking through the onside for two. The new-ball bounce remains sharp and true, even if there remains minimal movement. A no-ball completes the over’s scoring.
Fact: this is the fifth time in history that both sides have made 600+ in the first innings of a Test. The players are back out. Morkel is poised to bowl.
Between-innings email:
“If it makes you feel any better,” says Dan Maggs on the subject of 90s pop, caressing the ego of a weary OBO-er at the end of a long day. “I paid to see Sleeper. Twice. I’m also scarred from one of these gigs. As moshing was all the rage at all 1990’s gigs (regardless of the style, tempo or intensity of the music) I found my (16 year-old self) in the barely believable position of crowd surfing at a Sleeper gig. The heavies at Brixton Academy hauled me over the barriers at the front, my leg catching the metal railings and dragging a big cut into my shin that is still a prominent scar today. This is the first time that I’ve told the whole truth about this incident. Whenever I tell the story, I always substitute Sleeper for Rage Against the Machine.” I wouldn’t have bothered myself. RATM are right up there in the annals of Over-rated Things About The Nineties.
Meanwhile, the match situation, summarised:
South Africa declare at 627-7
211th over: South Africa 627-7 (Bavuma 101, Rabada 2) Root continues, Bavuma adds a single, Rabada gets off the mark with a driven two, which proves the cue for Amla to declare, a whole TWO RUNS behind. So England must negotiate a tricky little 20 minutes or so.
Hundred for Temba Bavuma!
210th over: South Africa 624-7 (Bavuma 100, Rabada 0) Bavuma edges at Finn, but it’s past slip and down to the boundary for four, and his maiden Test century. There’s understandable euphoria all round Newlands, starting with his watching father. And why not? It’s been a properly classy innings, let-offs notwithstanding, full of lovely drives and pulls. Another single keeps him on strike.
In less edifying stat news:
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209th over: South Africa 619-7 (Bavuma 96, Rabada 0) Root comes round the wicket at Bavuma, who sweeps for two. Another push takes him within a boundary of his century. Rabada just has to see out the over, which he does, though he’s almost undone with the last ball of the over, which rips fractionally past his off stump after he’d opted for a risky leave.
208th over: South Africa 616-7 (Bavuma 93, Rabada 0) Michael Holding scoffs heartily at the idea of an evening declaration – the Proteas should get 70 or 80 ahead first, then have a go, he says. Morris wants to have a go anyway, regardless of what the plan is, and pulls the returning Finn in front of square on the legside for four. But then he’s gone, as England hold a chance at last, Morris throwing himself into an uppish cover drive that Root hangs on to. The new batsman, the left-handed Rabada, sees out the over.
Wicket! Morris c Root b Finn 69, South Africa 616-7
England have held a catch! Morris ends an excellent innings by driving firmly straight to Root at short mid-off. Finn deserves that too.
207th over: South Africa 612-6 (Bavuma 93, Morris 65) South Africa should just go for it now - blast 70 off the next five overs, declare and give England five or six overs tonight. Bavuma does his bit by reverse-sweeping Moeen for four. He’s now nought for 150+. A single puts Morris on strike, and he reverse-sweeps for four more. One more single makes it ten from the over. Might we see that declaration this evening yet?
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206th over: South Africa 602-6 (Bavuma 88, Morris 60) There’s still 15 overs left in the day, and spin at both ends, perhaps in a bid to expedite the close. There’s scoreboard excitement as the 600 comes up, courtesy of three wides. It’s all getting tired and sloppy, as Root, round the wicket, serves up another wide down the legside.
205th over: South Africa 598-6 (Bavuma 88, Morris 60) Moeen is back in the attack, round the wicket at Bavuma. It’s a maiden, on the off-chance that anyone is interested. “May I venture to suggest that if Tony Lock were asked to bowl on this pitch, his nickname by tea would be ‘Dead..’” writes Luke Williams. “On the other hand, if he were called upon to bat in the South Africa situation, his captain would change it to ‘Pad..’”
204th over: South Africa 598-6 (Bavuma 88, Morris 60) There’s been a drop every 20 overs of this innings, though the sheer length of this innings would have made some missed chances inevitable, so maybe we should cut England a little slack. And these most recent two aren’t really going to be significant. Even so, they must sharpen up for the next two matches. Morris straight-drives Root for two.
203rd over: South Africa 595-6 (Bavuma 88, Morris 58) Morris drives Broad for two as Bairstow’s keeping and footwork regarding that recent dropped catch comes under commentary-box scrutiny. He almost takes a similar catch from a similar ball, but this one doesn’t carry. Bavuma pulls square on the legside for another single, and then follows drop No10 in this innings, as Morris edges fast to Root’s right, at catchable height, but he can only parry it onto the deck.
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Drinks break email: “Other over rated things from the 90s? - Euro 96,” writes Patrick O’Brien. Fun though it was at the time, it’s hard to disagree. Desperately mediocre, with a baleful delusional legacy (but that’s a row for another time). Warming to his theme, Patrick continues: “I recently revisited Echobelly on a nostalgic youtube evening in, and you can’t really call them over rated as they weren’t rated that highly in the first place (apart from by Morrissey). I give you the Verve, Dodgy, Ocean Colour Scene for true over rated-ness…” Yup, all dull, with the exception of Bittersweet Symphony.
202nd over: South Africa 591-6 (Bavuma 87, Morris 55) Morris rocks back and cracks Root square through the offside for four. And that’s drinks. Which the England players will enjoy more than any of the cricket in this session.
201st over: South Africa 587-6 (Bavuma 87, Morris 51) Chris Morris brings up his first Test 50 with a thumping cover drive from Broad for four. He’s the ninth of the 15 players to have taken guard in this match to pass 50. James Taylor may not remember this match affectionately, though he does dive impressively as I type that to cut off another four with a fine stop at mid-on. Morris adds another single before Bavuma is well beaten by an in-swinger.
“The problem with suggesting nicknames like ‘Lock-keeper’,” complains John Starbuck, “is that they’re not very effective, being based on people’s actual names and weak jokes. All very well for generic team-bonding and all that, but to be really good for cricketers they need to build confidence, like Deadly, Fiery, Whispering Death, the Wall etc. Except Slasher.”
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200th over: South Africa 582-6 (Bavuma 87, Morris 46) Root comes back to bowl over No200 of this innings, which is beginning to feel interminable. Bavuma carves him square on the offside for two. The verbals of earlier aimed at Bavuma have largely ceased. Why bother, after all? A sweep brings another single before Morris pushes down the ground for one more.
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199th over: South Africa 578-6 (Bavuma 84, Morris 45) Morris moves closer to his half-century with a firm on-drive off Broad for four. The offside line is persisted with but to no avail.
“I note that the savvy Anderson has seen where this innings is going and has already picked up two warnings, meaning he is only one more away from not having to bowl again,” notes Phil Russell. “Broad has also taken note and gathered his first. Might we see a competition where the players all try to get themselves warned out of the attack and the last two left standing have to bowl out for the rest of the match? I dare say it would be more interesting than the current fare.”
“I thought Echobelly were alright,” counters Nick Lewis firmly with the sort of bleeding-edge hard-hitting cultural commentary that makes the OBO what it is.
198th over: South Africa 574-6 (Bavuma 84, Morris 41) Anderson continues hanging it outside off in an attempt to induce Bavuma into doing something rash, which he has been doing a little, with a couple of examples of loose playing and missing in this over. When the batsman finally nails one, Root dives sharply at point to cut him off.
Spin may not be doing much in Cape Town, but our own The Spin is in: read Andy Bull on the boy of the moment, Pranav Dhanawade:
197th over: South Africa 573-6 (Bavuma 84, Morris 40) Broad tries to tempt Bavuma outside off-stump, as he did with almost-success in the previous over, but the batsman’s having none of it this time. This has been an excellent knock, because it hasn’t quite come with the pressure off – England had their tails up when he came to the crease; those tails are well and truly trailing in the dust now.
Back to the 1990s: “Ooh, overrated things from the 90s,” slobbers Colin Walker. “There’s a theme. I’ll start with Echobelly (remember them? God they were awful) and, controversially, the whole Oasis-Blur thing. And petrol green bomber jackets. And global hypercolour T-shirts. And, at 36, can I get away with saying I’m in my mid 30s?.”
For reasons that I now can’t quite fully fathom, I went to see Echobelly three times. Don’t think I’ve even listened to them this century.
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196th over: South Africa 573-6 (Bavuma 84, Morris 40) Bavuma cuts Anderson for one, Morris does likewise with a push in front of square on the off. Amid weary English sighs, Bavuma nudges down to the vacant fine leg area for four more, and keeps the strike with another single. He should become the fourth centurion of this match now.
Back to 1956: “I made a mistake,” confesses Ed Taylor. “Looking at the scorecard, Lock’s figures for the first innings were 14-3-37-1; in the second innings, he had 55-30-69-0. This means 33 maidens, not 55, I got carried away. Anyway, his overall economy is 1.54, or without the maidens as Paul Wakefield suggests, it’s 2.94. While this is double the first innings, and I may have remembered reading this wrong, but I’m fairly certain England bowled with all their fielders around the bat, in the name of chasing wickets irrespective of how many runs they conceded. This suggests that anything evading the fielders would have been easy scoring.
Also, if Lock was playing now, I would suggest his nickname would be ‘Locksmith’, ‘Locker’ or ‘Locket’. If he’d taken up the gloves, he could have been ‘Lock-keeper’.”
195th over: South Africa 566-6 (Bavuma 78, Morris 39) Root’s spell didn’t last long – he’s hauled off to be replaced by Broad, who finds an edge from Bavuma, but he shows good hands to get on top of it and deflect it to first slip via a couple of bounces. Then – another drop! - Bavuma nibbles at a leg-cutter and Bairstow, diving low to his right, can’t scoop it up. England look, collectively, to have the hump now, with Broad kicking the turf in frustration and receiving a warning for his pains. A good, unrewarded over.
194th over: South Africa 564-6 (Bavuma 77, Morris 39) Anderson is still trying to attack, but Bavuma’s above it all, and finds the gaps with a firm square drive for one.
“That is a spectacularly weak cracker joke that Dom Smith suffered,” writes David Hopkins. “Presumably the ‘gag’ is that a pear, bulging out at the base as it does, is shaped somewhat like a Christmas tree?” Michael Russell-Yarde’s not having it though. “Surely it would be a pineapple?” he protests, as does Ed Smyth, who had a variant of the same joke over his Christmas dinner, to which the answer was actually pineapple.
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193rd over: South Africa 564-6 (Bavuma 76, Morris 39) Bavuma turns Root round the corner for a single. Two more quick ones follow. Nothing much else happens. Re Tony Lock’s nickname, Mike Selvey informs us that it was, apparently, “Bo”.
192nd over: South Africa 561-6 (Bavuma 74, Morris 38) Anderson is back, as is a fairly assertive offside field, with mid-off brought into a catching position. Bavuma takes a single before Morris plays and misses twice, first with a lusty but misjudged attempted drive that he gets nowhere near before being beaten for pace outside off.
But there’s Nothing really doing though. Anyone know any good jokes? Dom Smith doesn’t, foxed as he still is by his Christmas cracker gag: “If we have time in this session to discuss matters other than cricket can I ask for help on a Christmas cracker joke that has been causing us some concern?
The joke is -
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
Answer =A pear
Please can anybody help us understand this?”
At this late stage Dom, I’m not sure I can.
191st over: South Africa 560-6 (Bavuma 73, Morris 38) Spin for spin, as Root replaces Moeen. He’s round the wicket at Bavuma, who misjudges one and induces a quarter-hearted stumping appeal from Bairstow, but the batsman’s foot was well grounded. A quick single is the only run from the over.
190th over: South Africa 559-6 (Bavuma 72, Morris 38) Bavuma brings up quintuple Nelson with a flicked single off Stokes. Morris drives to mid-off for another. Bavuma hooks just in front of square on the legside for two. It’s old-school middle-overs of an ODI stuff now, though Stokes is still hurrying the batsmen up with the odd zesty bouncer. Five from the over.
“Ed Taylor’s point that Lock bowled 55 maidens is all well and good,” sniffs Paul Wakefield, “but that means his other 14 overs went for 106 runs at a rate of 7.57 runs per over. Rather a case of feast or famine.” Well quite - line and length, Locky*, line and length.
*Almost certainly not his actual nickname, to re-open yesterday’s nickname-themed blether.
189th over: South Africa 554-6 (Bavuma 68, Morris 37) Moeen finds some turn, jagging one in sharply at Morris, who punches it clear on the back foot before adding two after a misfield from the following delivery. Emboldened, Morris reverse-sweeps for four to bring up the century partnership that has, for sure now, finished this match. As if to mark it, Morris airily lofts Moeen high in the air, Root scampers after it, puts out his left hand but can’t quite catch it. Four more.
188th over: South Africa 544-6 (Bavuma 68, Morris 27) Bavuma continues to play beautifully, swivelling to pull Stokes to the square leg boundary for another four – all timing and technique again. Two easy singles follow.
Here’s Ed Taylor on unrewarded bowling spells with a stat-gasm so thrilling I’m surprised Rob Smyth hasn’t emblazoned it on a t-shirt: “:I understand that at Old Trafford in 1956, across both innings Tony Lock finished with 1-106 from 69 overs, of which 55 were maidens. I can’t understand for the life of me why this tidy bowling has not been more widely celebrated. Oh ...”
187th over: South Africa 538-6 (Bavuma 63, Morris 26) Bavuma drives Moeen on the offside for two. Another single follows before a review! after Moeen raps a sweeping Morris on the pads. There was no bat – it was outside the line, kissing the top of the bails, so stays with the umpire’s not-out call. A particularly tuneless sing-off is going on in the crowd in which the respective sets of fans set Moeen Ali and Hashim Amla’s names to the uniquely dirge-like “tune” of Two Unlimited’s alas-not-forgotten No Limits (another one before 20-somethings’ time – you missed nothing, the Nineties were over-rated).
186th over: South Africa 535-6 (Bavuma 60, Morris 26) Ben Stokes resumes from the other end, and induces a rare play and miss from Bavuma, who dangles his bat out at one that keeps low and moves a fraction off the seam. No such dangling from the following delivery, however, which is exquisitely timed through the covers for four. Another cover drive brings a single and the retention of the strike.
So should I really, but it was such a crazy old Sunday morning after all.
185th over: South Africa 530-6 (Bavuma 55, Morris 26) Moeen Ali starts us off, round the wicket at the on-song Bavuma, who slightly mistimes a pull off a short ball that drops just wide of Alex Hales at deep midwicket, and they run two. Bavuma adds a single before Morris drives elegantly down the ground and along it for two.
“In total contrast to Tom Carver (11:22), the first cricket match I ever took my (sceptical) girlfriend to was at Lord’s (I figured we could take in a bottle of cava each and everyone would be relatively happy even if the cricket was a disaster) against New Zealand in 2013. We were there on the fourth day when Broad took an amazing 7 wicket haul to skittle the Kiwis after lunch and we spent the rest of the afternoon drinking and eating our picnic in the sun. We’ve mutually agreed to leave it at that and never go to the cricket again!” I was there that day too when, if I may riff on Ali Martin’s earlier theme of great relatively unrewarded spells, Anderson bowled fantastically for his two-fer.
More stunning – frankly cruel – details on Dhanawade’s 1009 not out, which certainly don’t deserve to be buried. KC Ghandhi won it by an innings and 1382 runs! with Kamath taking 8 for 16 in the second innings – he’d be man of the match for me, on that pitch. But alas, it’s a batsman’s game.
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Hello again everyone. Well, I could be uncharitable and say that Smyth’s return halfway through the last session brought the restoration of intrigue to this match to a shuddering halt, but to be honest Bavuma (especially) and Morris have looked well set from the start. It’s difficult to see the draw being avoided now, which would mean – for the third England tour of South Africa in succession – the visitors go into the third Test of a series 1-0 up. And commentary box talk suggests Dale Steyn’s still moving pretty gingerly in practice so the chances of South Africa’s talismanic bowler being back look in the balance, to say the least.
Will South Africa declare to try to make a game of it? It’s the subject of much discussion, but never mind the hosts declaring, Martin French reckons England were wrong to do so in their first innings. “With the benefit of hindsight, England should have not declared so early, “ he writes. “At the very least they would have broken a few more records; largest ever test partnership 411 runs, and largest number of 6s scored in a single player innings, 12 (vs 311 and 11 respectively when England declared). Stokes could well have also gone on to the fastest 300 in Test history. People will remember this game far far more for the innings records rather, than the statistics of a draw.”
That, I am very happy to say, is tea
South Africa trail by 104. Tom Davies has the considerable pleasure of describing the evening session. Bye!
184th over: South Africa 525-6 (Bavuma 52, Morris 24) Finn is still bowling, the poor chap. They should just save his legs. Since you asked, the last time a team batted 200 overs against England was in 2004. I say ‘a team’: it was mainly Brian Lara. I’ve missed an over, which is easily done when so much is happening. Sorry. Now, on the subject of high-scoring games, the Guardian’s own Gary Naylor was at this match in 1990. How must Grahame Clinton have felt?
182nd over: South Africa 524-6 (Bavuma 50, Morris 23) “Imagine having to explain to a seven-year-old nephew that his own Test debut on Day 3 was in fact a form of “art”,” says Faisal Islam. “Still, advantage of the torpor was that the autograph hunters have had a v good run at Newlands – including one from a very friendly Ben Stokes for Robin yesterday afternoon. Reminds me about when I ran on the pitch at Old Trafford in the mid 80s to get Viv Richards’ autograph. And it does seem far far more interesting than a) waiting for the Labour reshuffle... and b) going to the other Old Trafford this season.”
181st over: South Africa 522-6 (Bavuma 50, Morris 23) This is a perfect situation in which to make easy, low-key runs. But even so, Bavuma is playing beautifully. He premeditates a lap for four off Moeen and drives the next ball thrillingly through the covers to move to 49. A quick single takes him to a 52-ball 5o and prompts the biggest cheer of the day. It’s been a charming cameo that has achieved something magical: it has stopped us all falling asleep at our desk.
South Africa should get to around 575 and then declare in arrears, like Graham Gooch at Sydney in 1991. Games like these are always more perilous for the side batting in the third innings, so there is scarcely any risk for South Africa.
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180th over: South Africa 512-6 (Bavuma 40, Morris 23) Finn drops Morris off his own bowling, a very sharp return catch. My personal statistics assistant tells me that’s the 491st catch England have dropped in this innings.
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179th over: South Africa 511-6 (Bavuma 40, Morris 22) Bavuma is playing such a jaunty, stylish innings, and he moves to 40 by sweeping Moeen for four. “Was there any point playing Anderson on a wicket this dead and flat?” says Christopher Dale. You saw how he bowled against Pakistan, right? And even ignoring that, Cape Town usually swings, and there’s nobody better in such conditions.
When figures don't reflect how well a bowler has bowled: Steven Finn 34-4-119-1 so far in this South Africa innings and yet has been superb
— Ali Martin (@Cricket_Ali) January 5, 2016
Flintoff took one of the great nought-fors in India in 2001-02. Any others spring to mind? Anderson and Broad at Brisbane in 2010-11 is another example.
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178th over: South Africa 505-6 (Bavuma 35, Morris 21) “No offence taken Bill (over 172),” says Ian Forth. “Though you might like to know that I’m sitting on the decking of my Melbourne home, enjoying a cheeky dry white after another beautiful day. Who’s winning life’s contest now, eh? Eh?”
177th over: South Africa 505-6 (Bavuma 35, Morris 21) Moeen replaces Stokes, who was starting to engage the wick of Aleem Dar with his sledging. For the second time today, we can officially pronounce this game dea.d
“I pretend I don’t like Starbucks for ‘hatred of corporate imperialism’ reasons,” says Adam John Simpson, “when in fact I missed that period in recent history when younger folk learned how to ask for something other than just ‘coffee’ and am too scared to go in and try and order anything from their utterly baffling menu.”
(Warning: the clip below contains adult language.)
176th over: South Africa 504-6 (Bavuma 35, Morris 20) Morris, who was picked partially for his lower-order batting, moves into the twenties with a confident clip through midwicket for three off Finn. Then Bavuma times a sumptuous extra-cover drive for four, and follows up with an even better back-foot drive through backward point for another boundary. Make that three boundaries in a row, the third with another cracking pull stroke. I don’t know about Bavuma’s defence, but his attacking strokes in this innings have been gorgeous. He has 35 from 34 balls.
“Rob, hope your second spell is more productive than your first,” says Steve Hudson. “And please can you tell Tom to stay loose?” My first? I haven’t taken a bloody wicket since Saturday!
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175th over: South Africa 488-6 (Bavuma 22, Morris 17) Stokes is trying to intimidate Bavuma via the medium of the filthy mouth, and the two umpires come together to have a word with Alastair Cook. Bavuma plays another confident pull, this time for a single. He has a nice chance to make his second Test fifty here and secure a place for the next Test at least. That said, South Africa may want to play four seamers, in which case JP Duminy might have to come back into the top seven as the spinner.
“Welcome back Rob,” says Anthony Hulse. “Whilst you were away, the position of the match caused me to ponder the merit of 1st innings (when batting first) declarations, and I concluded that most of the time I don’t think they are particularly helpful, at least when playing a competent team. The reason is that there’s every chance you’ll have to bat again, seeking quick runs, but it’s very unlikely you will have the freedom to just smash it around from the off due to the fear of being rolled over and leaving a chaseable target, plus the pitch is inevitably going to be less good for batting by then.
“Another 45 minutes of Bairstow, Ali and Broad could easily have added 100 more runs which would significantly alter the current balance of the match. Worst case scenario is they get out quickly trying to achieve that and you’re no worse off than you are having declared. The rule for 1st innings when considering declaring should be simply smash it to all parts until you get out in the process. Take that approach and Adelaide never happens either.”
Yes I agree. There are some times when it’s certainly worth declaring, but I’d have batted on here, and felt the same at Adelaide too.
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174th over: South Africa 487-6 (Bavuma 22, Morris 16) Make it stop. Or make it start. I don’t care which. I can’t believe Tom Davies got three wickets in an hour and I’ve had none in two days. Bavuma is looking really good against the short stuff, of which he is receiving more than India’s 1981-82 side, and pulls Finn for four more.
“In response to Ian Forth (172nd over) - another pretty sure sign of being old is thinking that a 10-year chunk of your life is a ‘short sweet spot’ (in which to win pub quizzes),” says Neil Withers. “Rude, I know, but I’m going to assume I can get away with being mildly abusive, I mean gently joshing to your aged reader because he’ll be having a nice nap after lunch around now.”
173rd over: South Africa 482-6 (Bavuma 17, Morris 16) Stokes tries to bounce Bavuma, who slams a withering pull in front of square for four. South Africa trail by 147, and that brief window of opportunity has probably gone. I blame myself.
“Don’t know if anyone else has picked up on this, but the lad who made the 1009* did it in 327 balls (129x4, 59x6) and the whole innings was less than 100 overs,” says Phil Russell. “Can someone tell Ben Stokes that he needs to up his game a bit?
“Also spare a thought for Ayush Dubey, the most successful bowler who took 2-352 in his 23 overs. Don’t know if there were any maidens but I’m guessing not. Think T20 aka the infinite monkey experiment to see if a 9-ball 50 is possible has a lot to answer for!”
I blame Stick Cricket.
172nd over: South Africa 475-6 (Bavuma 12, Morris 14) Hello again. Is something brilliant happening? Probably not, but three wickets in four overs is good reason for excitement after three in the first 163. Steven Finn, back in the attack, beats the No8 Chris Morris with a storming legcutter. Morris responds with a deliberate steer to third man for four and then edges just short of Root at second slip.
“The thing I’ve discovered where age triumphs – possibly the only thing – is trivia quizzes,” says Ian Forth. “It’s a short sweet spot though, somewhere between 45 and 55 and you can clean up in the right pub. After mid-50s though you start to forget.”
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171st over: South Africa 471-6 (Bavuma 12, Morris 10). Stokes digs one in short and Bavuma reacts well to hoik it down to the fine leg boundary for four. The next bouncer is fiercer and better, but unfortunately it sails over Bairstow’s head as well as Bavuma’s and it’s four byes in the blink of an eye. A fortuitous inside-edge brings four more from the final ball of the over.The scoring rate is well up in this session too, but it’s probably a price worth paying for England at this stage in the search for wickets, which do now look a bit more likely. But that’s drinks, which signals a return to the OBO for Rob Smyth, which should calm things down. See you all later you lucky people.
170th over: South Africa 459-6 (Bavuma 4, Morris 10). Morris, perhaps in the team for his batting, creams Broad through the covers for four. He then gets four more with a sort of late bottom-edge past the slips to the boundary. Broad is bowling well though, mixing up his short and length balls and keeping Morris on his back foot. What makes this match winnable for England? South Africa all out by tea? By halfway through the next session? England would need two sessions to bowl the hosts out in the second innings, you’d think.
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169th over: South Africa 451-6 (Bavuma 4, Morris 2). Anderson, having been warned for running on the pitch at the end of his previous over (his second such), is replaced in the attack by Stokes, who’s probing and accurate at Bavuma, and begins this spell with a maiden.
168th over: South Africa 451-6 (Bavuma 4,Morris 2). Broad reduces his slip quotient back to one as he tilts his field in a legside-ward direction, but De Kock plays him neatly off his hips for two – it would have been four had Root not dived athletically to cut it off on the boundary. Two more follow in the same area, involving the same fielder. Broad brings midwicket in to a catching position but then loses his radar with a stray bouncer that’s called wide. But the plan pays off, when De Kock miscues and it loops up to Anderson at square leg – six down. Game almost back on again? Chris Morris – a player whose very mention induces Day Today earworms (something else that those wretched 20-somethings wouldn’t have seen, first time out) – is in on debut and is off the mark with a polished shot for two. He looks rather more awkward when rapped on the side of his helmet with the final ball of the over.
Wicket! De Kock c Anderson b Broad 5, South Africa 449-6
Broad’s leg theory works. He bangs one in short, De Kock doesn’t get hold of it properly and pulls it to Anderson at square leg.
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167th over: South Africa 444-5 (Bavuma 4, De Kock 1). Bavuma gets off the mark with an absolutely delicious cover drive off Anderson for four, and the bowler responds by digging one back in at his stomach. Bavuma has to be watchful for the rest of a probing over. This is more like it.
Smyth explains how OBO plans work: it’s all about the set-up.
166th over: South Africa 440-5 (Bavuma 0, De Kock 1). Broad has slips in now alright– three of them – as he comes round the wicket at de Kock. He looks a tad discomfited in playing a bottom-edged hook off a short ball which dribbles behind to the keeper. But he survives. A nice, mixed-up maiden.
Jinxing one’s own team isn’t the sole preserve of England supporters, as Mbulelo Totose has just demonstrated with two emails in quick succession: “Amla and the team has a long way to go, too much pressure on Amla still believehe shouldn’t be the captain just yet, Go Proteas Go.” Followed by: “THINGS TURNING SOUR, OUCH WAS GETTING EXCITED.”
165th over: South Africa 440-5 (Bavuma 0, De Kock 1). So Temba Bavuma is at the crease, having hitherto had perhaps one of the most inactive of Test matches. Three and a half days in, he has his chance. Appropriately, he starts off at the non-striker’s end, from where he sees Du Plessis dismissed, well held by Stokes – who else? – off Anderson. The left-handed De Kock is off the mark straight away with a flick off his pads for one. Bavuma then gets off to a shaky start by setting off for a single that was never on, but recovers quickly enough.
Phil Withall attempts to sow discord in the office:
Wicket! Du Plessis c Stokes b Anderson 86, South Africa 439-5
And another! Anderson finds a thick outside edge and Du Plessis is snared smartly low down by Stokes at third slip.
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164th over: South Africa 439-4 (Du Plessis 86). Broad continues, and continues being Old-school Broad by going short. He’s punished with a wide first off. And then … a chance! Amla flicks him sharply towards Taylor at short leg, who gets some fingers to it but can’t react quickly enough to hold it. Few would have, to be honest. It was a very tough one. It hardly feels pivotal anyhow. But what’s this? Broad castles Amla, and a fine, fine innings is ended.
Wicket! Amla b Broad 201. South Africa 439-4
A beauty. Amla’s long, brilliant vigil is brought to an end by a cracking inswinger from Broad, which takes his inside edge and deflects onto the stumps. The crowd rise as one for Amla, who receives handshakes from England players too. Well deserved.
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163rd over: South Africa 438-3 (Amla 201, du Plessis 86). David Lloyd apparently has a theory that South Africa might declare 70 or 80 behind but this is no County Championship Division Two match with both sides still in the promotion shake-up, and the suggestion gets short shrift from his fellow commentators. Anderson finds a little bit of inswinging movement off the seam but is unable to discomfort these now set-in-stone batsmen. Anderson changes angles, coming round the wicket at du Plessis, only to concede four leg-byes as it’s nudged off pads past the diving Bairstow to the boundary, so he reverts to over-the-wicket for the final ball of the over. There’s no lack of effort there.
“Just did some maths and found that Stokes would have crossed 600 if he had faced as many balls as Amla had to get to his 200(461)!” writes Shankar Mony.
162nd over: South Africa 434-3 (Amla 201, du Plessis 86). South Africa have avoided the follow-on. Match officially over. Broad returns, with only the one slip and a fine leg and deep square leg set up for the short ball, which indeed comes down straight away, fractionally outside off, and Amla squats underneath it. The SA captain then adds a single by smartly fending off a testing shortish ball past short leg. Du Plessis goes on the attack and gets on top of the short one with a brilliantly timed pull through square leg for four. Another pulled single follows.
“We get older but some things remain reliably consistent,” writes Tom Carver. “ The first
cricket I took my then girlfriend to watch was Sunday at Lords, England v.s South Africa 2008. Hashim Amla batted out a draw in one of the most boring days’ cricket ever witnessed. Today, history repeats itself (except on a Tuesday in South Africa, obviously), with Hashim Amla once again batting out a draw.” I was at that one too. Amla was superb that day but dear Lord, yes, it was dull. A good series in general though.
161st over: South Africa 428-3 (Amla 200, du Plessis 81). Anderson has the new ball and finds some movement! – swing and seam – with his first ball, which du Plessis lets pass through to the keeper. There’s a nice shape too to his fourth ball, another outswinger, but it gets the same respectful shunning from the batsman, and even a bit of lift off the final delivery, but another maiden is played out.
“Wouldn’t it be great if Pranav’s opposition had gone back in after his knock and survived for a draw with nine wickets down?” salivates John Cox. “It could be true, you know. Maybe somewhere in an OBO in India the readers are roasting the captain of K C Ghandi School for his late declaration?”
A bit of late lunchtime reading from Gary Naylor, with some decent suggestions on improving cricket (though I’m not sure about four-day Tests meself):
Meanwhile, Swiss Tony out of the Fast Show Tom Morgan emails with more ruminations on the ageing process: “I’m mid-40s. I was recently talking to a 30-something friend about my new girlfriend who’s considerably younger than me. When we next spoke, I referred again to my ‘young girlfriend’ to which 30-something replies ‘you didn’t say she was young, just much younger than you’. Does that make sense? It was very funny. Maybe you had to be there.”
Anyway, players are coming out in a bit.
Talking of youth, and its sickening potential:
I’d like to know a bit more about the mood music of young Pranav’s innings. Were there irascible old moaners on the boundary ropes sounding off about the iniquities of too-heavy bats, short boundaries and the importance of digging in and building an innings? Was there a clamour for a declaration? Were the oppo ruing that missed sharp chance in the gully when Pranav had only made 564? Whatever, hats off to him. Extraordinary stuff.
Elsewhere, Sky is now showing highlights of the 2003 Oval Test between England and South Africa, one of the great unsung cricket matches of this millennium, for my money.
Morning/afternoon everyone. This is my first OBO stint of the series, and – wouldn’t you know it? – its least anticipated session of cricket. I already feel like Alan Partridge explaining BBC commissioning policy to a dwindling audience of village fete-goers: “You’re not listening are you … you people” etc. What can we look forward to? The new ball? Probably not. Amla outscoring Stokes? Possibly. The continuation of meandering discussions about the passing of time, and all its sickening crimes, and how old we’re all getting? Certainly. As someone who struggles to get his head round meeting people who weren’t even born when the great West Indies pace attack was in its pomp, I can at least empathise with that. People in their twenties – they disgust me. Anyway, send emails and jokes as per, and we’ll see what entertainment we can find.
The luncheon interval
160th over: South Africa 428-3 (Amla 200, du Plessis 81)
That’s the end of a session we’ll forget for the rest of our lives. But for all the tedium and hilarity, this has been a very important innings for South Africa and has changed the mood of the series. Thanks for your company and emails. Tom Davies will be with you for the first hour after lunch. Bye!
Notes made this morning pic.twitter.com/K4TdrJv7uA
— mike selvey (@selvecricket) January 5, 2016
BREAKING NEWS: SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED!
159th over: South Africa 428-3 (Amla 200, du Plessis 81) Amla has reached his fourth Test double hundred! He was almost dismissed on 197, when he miscued an attempted drive over midwicket off Moeen. The ball looped high over Root at mid-on, who was a bit slow to react, and the ball plopped safely. A single off the next ball took him to a marvellous double-century, an innings of class and character that represents the most emphatic return to form after he made only 251 runs in Tests in 2015.
Hashim Amla is the first player to bat for over 11 hours three times in Tests
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) January 5, 2016
“On the rare occasions that I don’t feel old,” chirps David Hopkins, “I tend to remind myself that we’re marching ever closer to a time when not a single member of the England football team will remember the apotheosis of all life disappointments for our generation, namely the Italia 90 semi-final.” That’s a point: how many of England’s ODI team remember the 1992 final?
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158th over: South Africa 425-3 (Amla 197, du Plessis 79) There’s been an average of 116.88 runs per wicket in this Test. That’s the second highest of all time. Fans of Virender Sehwag will know which game sits top of the list.
“Much like you, I am in my 30s and will die in the future,” high-fives Neill Brown. “During the last twelve months I have habitually left venues (i.e. the same two pubs and restaurants I feel comfortable visiting because of noise-levels) at least 30 minutes before my friends and I have planned, as I don’t want it to be my turn to book an Uber car. Not that I’m tight, it’s just that I am too embarrassed to reveal that I don’t know how to install, let alone use, an app on my phone. I am at the stage where I’m more comfortable to behave antisocially than to simply admit that I don’t know something.”
158th over: South Africa 423-3 (Amla 197, du Plessis 79) Amla jumps from his bunker to cuff a Moeen full toss down the ground for four, and flicks another boundary to move within three of an immense double hundred.
“I was walking through a car park with the kids recently and there was a little wall, about a foot or so high, at the end,” says Matthew Round. “They hopped on and off it and I looked at it and then decided to go round. I knew then that it was over for me, in my very late 30s.”
Heh. At least you have a surname that becomes more apt as you get older. That’s a consolation, eh? Oh.
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157th over: South Africa 415-3 (Amla 189, du Plessis 79) The third new ball is due in a few overs’ time. I’m not sure I’d bother taking it. England should just rotate their spin triplets for the next hour or two.
As Mike Summers-Smith points out, the heading at the top of this OBO is wrong. It should read: “South Africa v England: second Test, day four – dead!”
156th over: South Africa 414-3 (Amla 188, du Plessis 79) Hello again. My computer crashed, so I missed a du Plessis boundary in the previous over. Ordinarily when a computer crashes mid-OBO, there is a mad panic, but this time I had a hunch we might not miss too much important action.
@robsmyth0 If you can remember some/all of these people/events then you are old. If not, then move on: https://t.co/6ilZCnIQnJ
— Steve Pye (@1980sSportsBlog) January 5, 2016
153rd over: South Africa 406-3 (Amla 187, du Plessis 72) “It’s amazing how this pitch hasn’t disintegrated at all,” says Shaun Pollock on commentary. If anything it’s integrated – it did more on day one than it has since.
“Before you lament the wicket too much, remember how captivating days 1 and 2 were,” says Robert Speed. “Or what happened in Nagpur and then Delhi on South Africa’s recent tour of India. Or the great couple of matches played between SL and NZ recently. Even the day night test in Adelaide. There is so much variety in test cricket, which is why it is such a great format. This type of play is part of that rich tapestry.”
No you’re right. And growing up I loved bore draws. But that was because I could watch them on Teletext once a day and marvel at the scores, rather than watch every delivery and fail to find something to say about them.
152nd over: South Africa 404-3 (Amla 187, du Plessis 70) And another one goes, and another one goes by.
“A couple of years ago I was a cool, youthful DJ of 32ish, down with the kids, zooming up the motorway on a Saturday night, on my way to a gig, surfing the radio channels for something decent to listen to,” says Ed Bayling. “I find a station playing Basement Jaxx. This’ll do. Get me in the mood for later. Then it turns out I am listening to - oh no - Radio 2. It’s only Dave Pearce’s golden oldies throwback show for aging ravers. Playing 1990’s classics and talking about the old days. I knew the day would come that I would find myself listening to Radio 2 and enjoying it. But that didn’t make it any easier...”
On a slightly more serious note: SA get close(ish) to England by the close and strange things can happen on a 5th day. Abu Dhabi? #SAvENG
— Andrew McGlashan (@andymcg_cricket) January 5, 2016
151st over: South Africa 404-3 (Amla 187, du Plessis 70) “It’s still doing plenty lads!” says Jonny Bairstow. “I think he’s gone delirious...” says Bumble on Sky. He’s not the only one. This morning session has been a kind of hypnotic dead-batted torture.
150th over: South Africa 403-3 (Amla 186, du Plessis 70) Faf du Plessis drives Root lazily down the ground for a one-bounce four, and brings up the 400 in the process. “Yeah, well I remember rationing and the Coronation,” writes Mike Selvey. At least you remember it. When I’m your age I’ll be happy if I remember basic bodily functions. If I’m your age. I might die beforehand. We all might. You can’t rule out the apocalypse.
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149th over: South Africa 399-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 186, du Plessis 66) Both spinners are bowling around the wicket to the right-handers, in an attempt to bring the slip catch and LBW into pla- oh I can’t be bothered. A maiden to Moeen to Amla.
“Hi Rob, and greetings from Beijing.,” says Richard Woods. “This was a recent entry on my Facebook page. ‘So I am interviewing parents and children for entry to the school today. One particular three year old seems drawn to to me. He keeps saying the same word in Chinese. His father says, “He really likes you. He is calling you grandpa.”’
What’s a Facebook page? LOL out loud.
148th over: South Africa 399-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 186, du Plessis 66) Joe Root comes on for Stuart Broad. I suspect both captains would call this a draw now if they could. Never mind Alex Hales; at this rate we might see Alastair Cook try to improve his Test bowling average of 7.00.
147th over: South Africa 398-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 185, du Plessis 66) Amla laps Moeen for four. The pitch is the winner, it’s true, but that shouldn’t detract from the courage Amla has shown to produce an epic like this with his captaincy on the brink.
“My impending doom was brought home to me over Christmas when my sister-in-law needed a 3.5mm headphone jack cable to connect an iPad to an amp in order to save her New Year’s Eve party,” says Adam Horridge. “It only seems like yesterday that you had to have one of these permanently in your back pocket. The wireless generation don’t know what we went through. This was further compounded when I was looking for said cable and I stumbled across a cobweb-covered box with my old minidisc player in it. It wasn’t that long ago that I was convinced they were an alien technology gifted to us.”
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146th over: South Africa 393-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 180, du Plessis 66) I could tell you that was an eventful over from Stuart Broad, but I don’t want to lie to you. Since Joe Root was dismissed late on day one, the bowlers have taken two wickets in 203 overs.
“You’re a horrible man,” says Abhinav Dutta. It’s the right answer but let’s see your working. “I just wanted to tune into the cricket but here too I am bombarded by the exploits of a 15-year-old. This is even worse than watching (and loving) Harry Kane and Dele Alli before realising that the two are younger than I am, and what a waste of a life I have led. BTW, is it healthy to suffer from a mid-life (or should it be a quarter) crisis at 22?”
Of course it’s not. But I know what you mean. I was consumed with nostalgia in 1999, and now I’m consumed with nostalgia for 1999. In 2031 I’ll be wistfully recalling the happiness of 2016, when I was a young whippersnapper in my thirties, my whole life ahead of me. That’s if I’m not dead in 2031. You realise we’re all going to die, right?
145th over: South Africa 390-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 178, du Plessis 65) Moeen continues after the drinks break. Might as well give him a long bowl now. There’s a 10-day break until the next Test but, even so, it makes no sense to flog the seamers. At this rate we might see Alex Hales again. Moeen almost takes his first wicket of the match when du Plessis edges a drive through Anderson at slip for four. He was a bit slow to react, though it would have been a blinding catch.
@robsmyth0 I might be proven wrong but you can probably do away with the follow on score now...
— phil withall (@phil_withall) January 5, 2016
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144th over: South Africa 384-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 178, du Plessis 61) Amla defends another maiden from Broad, and has now faced 415 balls. The art of batting time is dying – just like us and everyone we know – but Amla is a master of it. That’s drinks.
143rd over: South Africa 384-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 178, du Plessis 61) “Last year the OED made an emoji the word of the year,” says Stephen Brown. “Not the word emoji mind, an actual bleeding emoji. What has happened, where has my youth gone — I’m only thirty!” I feel your pain Stephen, I’m in my thirties too.
Here’s a question: has growing old always been this painful, or is the generation gap more acute because we now live in a digital world?
142nd over: South Africa 382-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 178, du Plessis 59) A thick edge from Amla off Broad is well stopped by the diving Root at a kind of short fourth slip. This pitch is dead. We’ll all be dead one day.
“With regard to the first time you realised you might be getting on a bit: for me it was when I saw Worcestershire play the Netherlands at Rotterdam in June 2013,” says Marc Jeffery. “Brett D’Oliveira was playing; ‘Hells bells’, I thought, ‘I saw both your father and your grandfather play for Worcester’.
1009* not out in a school match. I hope some students are working on a piece about the disgusting flat pitches of their school. #Dhanawade
— Jarrod Kimber (@ajarrodkimber) January 5, 2016
Really fascinating interview on sexism in sports journalism. Stunning radio. @theanalyst @danwaddell @charlottermcd https://t.co/wxFC43ln35
— Richard Vadon (@richardvadon) January 5, 2016
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141st over: South Africa 380-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 176, du Plessis 59) A maiden from Moeen to du Plessis. I really don’t know what else to say. We’ve got five and a half more sessions of this!
“My niece, who is 10, had to do a school project on ‘What life was like in the 80s’,” says Karl Gibbons. “I nearly fell off my chair. Also, this is a good mortality checker.”
140th over: South Africa 380-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 176, du Plessis 59) Stuart Broad replaces Steven Finn, who was excellent once again. Nothing happens. This is frustrating for England, but it’s good for the series. The third Test, on a Jo’burg green top, with Steyn and possibly Philander fit again, is going to be a stonker.
“I’m the exact same age,” says James Debens. “I started feeling old when I realised that by 39, Bob Dylan had written and performed at least a dozen classic albums, fathered five children, squired Nico, Edie Sedgwick and Francoise Hardy, spent three years as a recluse, toured the world three times, jumped up and down on a bed with Johnny Cash, and still had time to torpedo the fest of changing the world through song by releasing a charmless born-again Christian album telling sinners to expect fiery death for eternity.”
Yeah but we saw Trevor Franklin’s hundred at Lord’s in 1990. I think I know who’s winning.
Congrats #PranavDhanawade on being the first ever to score 1000 runs in an innings. Well done and work hard. You need to scale new peaks!
— sachin tendulkar (@sachin_rt) January 5, 2016
139th over: South Africa 380-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 176, du Plessis 59) Breaking news: South Africa and England have drawn the second Test match at Cape Town. It’s not going to happen, is it? England’s bowling has been largely beyond reproach, and I’m not sure they would have won this match even if they had taken all thei catches.
“Proudly showing off my Duncan Fearnley Magnum (that’s a bat and not an ice cream young Mr Smyth) which I received for my 18th birthday in 1986,” says Arnab Bannerjee. “‘I was a month old then ...’ chirped the nice young man.”
Hearing your favourite songs from university on Radio 2 is good for heightening awareness of your own mortality.
@robsmyth0 Listening to Radio 2 is good for heightening awareness of your own mortality.
— Paddy Tully (@tr1ckster) January 5, 2016
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138th over: South Africa 375-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 173, du Plessis 57) Amla plays the most beautifu, wristy, whirling back cut, and he has just produced another off Finn for his 24th boundary. This is now Amla’s sixth Test score in excess of 170.
@robsmyth0 My excuse for buying my motorbike was that, at a mere 49 years old, people were calling me "Uncle" on the trains. Not to be borne
— Ravi Nair (@palfreyman1414) January 5, 2016
Hang on, people were calling you Uncle on the train? Strangers? Do you like in some kind of David Lynch universe?
137th over: South Africa 370-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 168, du Plessis 57) Moeen is on for Anderson. Might as well have a look early on to see if there is any turn. There isn’t. A maiden to du Plessis. It’s hard to know what England can do here. One wicket might precipitate a collapse; they have to keep that in mind. But I’m increasingly glad I wasn’t selected for OBO duty tomorrow, as it could be a long and pointless day.
“Is scoring 1,000 runs off 300 balls not just the slightest bit unsporting?” says Christopher Dale. I think Barry Richards made that point on social-networking disgrace Twitter. I don’t really mind, not at his age. Didn’t some Competitive Dad figure in New Zealand pump an unbeaten 300 in a teachers v pupils match a few years ago?
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136th over: South Africa 370-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 168, du Plessis 57) Finn’s bounce is England’s main hope of a wicket at the moment. But there’s a Groundhog Day feel to proceedings. If England do somehow win this match, it will be an outstanding effort. Finn tries to surprise Amla with a full, straight delivery; it almost works, but Amla gets a late inside edge to fine leg for a couple.
@robsmyth0 when snow stops becoming fun and starts becoming a pain. That's the point when you begin to get old.
— MisterKM (@kevinmarkmoo) January 5, 2016
You become old at the age of 12?
135th over: South Africa 368-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 166, du Plessis 57) Anderson hangs a few outside off stump to du Plessis, who has no interest in playing out there. The inevitable result is a maiden.
@Swannyg66 hey mate hope you're well. Just wondering what your test match economy rate is?
— Alex Hales (@AlexHales1) January 4, 2016
134th over: South Africa 368-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 166, du Plessis 57) Ben Stokes made 258, Steven Finn has 1 for 80-odd. Yet in a way Finn’s performance in this match has been more encouraging. That Stokes innings was coming – okay, not 258, but certainly a huge hundred at more than a run a ball – whereas this is arguably the best Finn has bowled for three or four years. England look a completely different side when he is bowling like this. When Amla flashes a back cut for four, Finn responds with a trampolining bouncer. He is extracting what life there is from this pitch.
“I realised just how old I have become when following a discussion with my eldest daughter it was decided, by her I may add, that I would get an earring for the first time in twenty years,” says Phil Withall. “When my wife was informed of this she commented ‘Are you going to become one of those men?’” I suddenly felt suitably chastised, old and shamed even though it wasn’t my idea and I had no intention of doing it.”
I’ve always wondered why people have their crisis – motorbike, earrings, using phrases like “Netflix and chill” – in mid-life. Why not store it up as a retirement retirement? Obviously it’s a gamble as you might wheeze your last at the age of 59, but the idea of a stonking late-life crisis, and embracing your inner Hefner, does appeal.
133rd over: South Africa 364-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 162, du Plessis 57) Amla flicks Anderson for the first boundary of the day, and then du Plessis drives him through mid-off for the second. That was a gorgeous stroke. The ball has moved barely a millimetre in the three overs so far.
“Can empathise with you on the age thing,” says Dave Adams. Thanks, but I bet nobody’s offered you a bloody seat on the tube! “Late thirties is a depressing time when you suddenly realise you’re older than all the players, you see the sons of players you watched as a kid playing professionally, and former players becoming umpires/coaches. On the plus side, you’ve seen (or hope you’ve seen) every conceivable way England can fail, which acts as an emotional anaesthetic.”
132nd over: South Africa 355-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 157, du Plessis 53) Steven Finn, England’s best bowler yesterday, is given the ageing ball ahead of Stuart Broad. du Plessis has plenty of time to pull for a couple to deep midwicket. It was in the air but perfectly safe and fielded by Samit Patel, who is apparently on the field for Ben Stokes.
Finn then gets one to spit from a length, forcing du Plessis to pull his hand away from the bat handle, and then beats him with a gorgeous fuller leg-cutter. This has been a terrific start from England.
@robsmyth0 buying a mid life crisis mobile/ motorbike, then hurting my hip climbing on it last night. Oh, and emojis/ tween lingo. WTF?!
— Harry (@FactDeJour) January 5, 2016
FMLLOL
131st over: South Africa 353-3 (need 430 to avoid the follow-on; Amla 157, du Plessis 51) Right, let’s you and me get this done. Jimmy Anderson bowls the first over from the Kelvin Grove End to Hashim Amla, who – shock, horror – plays a series of accomplished defensive strokes. A good start from Anderson, who made him play every delivery. England can still win this, but surely they need to get Amla in the first hour.
“Pranav Dhanawade’s innings is all well and good,” says Ian Copestake, “but how many times did England players drop catches off him?”
Look, “Ian”, the Union Cricket Club is not a great seeing ground.
Seriously though: one thousand and nine!
I bet he doesn’t drink Carling Black Label.
Things that make you go: hmm, I’m old
This morning, on the tube, somebody offered to give up their seat for me! I know the beloved gout was playing up a bit, but come on, I’m 39 years old in my thirties! At around the same time, it struck me that very soon we will be watching/cheering/blutacking posters to our wall of sportsmen who were born in the 2000s. Like Pranav Dhanawade.
This made me wonder if you, dear reader, had experienced a similar moment that made you think: you cheeky cu I’m old. Past it. A has-been. A never-was. It’s over.
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The first disappointment of 2016
Watching Making A Murderer. Not as funny as promised.
— Alexander Netherton (@lxndrnthrtn) January 5, 2016
“I have a shameless plug – or two,” writes Simon Brereton. “As the regional woman’s officer for German cricket (west region), I’m on the search for English women’s teams who’d like to host a mixed club side in Norfolk/Suffolk for a T20 or two the last weekend in June.
“Obviously, I’ve done my own research on play-cricket and crichq, etc. But I imagine the combination of “German”, “cricket” and “women” has triggered all sorts of filters! Please lend me some legitimacy. We’d be very open to hosting any British women’s teams as well, if they fancy a weekend in Cologne/Düsseldorf.
Speaking of which, the OBOccasionals should also get in touch and put it on their itinerary. We might not be able offer all the delights of Vilnius, but the beer is excellent.”
If you’re interested let me know and I’ll forward your email to Simon.
@robsmyth0 I lost one of my best friends to cancer & running London Marathon in his memory. Please retweet, donate: https://t.co/laVcMp69KZ
— John Silk (@JSilk) January 4, 2016
Play the Jaws music
Start bowling again today 👊🏼 #lekker
— Dale Steyn (@DaleSteyn62) January 5, 2016
I wonder what he was like in the nervous 990s
@robsmyth0 1009 not out. Makes you wonder what the lad could score on this Cape Town pitch?!
— Steve Pye (@1980sSportsBlog) January 5, 2016
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Reprise: One thousand and nine!
Summarising Pranav Dhanawade's innings.. Read more: https://t.co/FdTyjtYb4k pic.twitter.com/9L1Bf5f43c
— Sportskeeda (@Sportskeeda) January 5, 2016
What was Sachin Tendulkar doing at 15? This interview, in which he was preposterously calm at the notion of facing the greatest bowler of all time, on concrete Caribbean, at an age when most of us couldn’t get the better of puberty, never mind Marshall, Ambrose and Bishop.
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One thousand and nine!
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Pranav Dhanawade? Bloody hell
Mumbai youngster Pranav Dhanawade has scored 1009*, the highest score in school cricket, first-class cricket, and Brian Lara Cricket.
— Alt Cricket (@AltCricket) January 5, 2016
1002 not out. 15-year-old Pranav Dhanawade has just made history in India https://t.co/WawavqsTNI
— FOX SPORTS Cricket (@FOXCricketLive) January 5, 2016
It’s a good thing he’s not Indian, or the expectation could really become too much for a teenager. Oh.
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Preamble
Rise and shine! If you, dear reader, think it’s hard to drag your groaning limbs out of bed this morning after reacquainting your body with the gym and non-alcoholic beverages for the first time since November 30, then spare a thought for England’s bowlers. They endured over six hours of physical futility in Cape Town, attempting to dismiss Hashim Amla on a shirtfront, and may have another six hours ahead today.
It’s hard to see how even England’s admirable pace attack can force victory here. South Africa will resume on 353 for three, needing a further 77 to avoid the follow-on. If they do that, the game will be done, and you can head back to bed with our blessing. (Legal disclaimer: Guardian Media Group is not responsible for the lost earnings of anybody who does actually bugger off back to bed at 9.54am and is sacked as a consequence.)
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Rob will be with you from 8am to take you through the morning session. In the meantime you can enjoy Mike Selvey’s report of an enthralling day three...
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