Vic Marks’ match report has arrived, so I’ll leave you with that. Thanks for your company - night!
Stumps: England lead by 312 runs
England will have to work exceptionally hard to mess this up. They are in total control after a brilliant second half of the day. At one stage, when England were 318 for nine, the match was nicely poised. Then Mark Wood and Stuart Broad larruped 82 in just 8.2 overs before the bowlers squeezed the life out of South Africa with a relentless performance.
South Africa could only manage 88 runs in 41.5 overs, and they lost six wickets as well. Three of them went to Wood, who is having a helluva time right now, while Chris Woakes bowled beautifully and deserved more than one wicket.
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WICKET! South Africa 88-6 (Nortje c Denly b Wood 6)
England end a brilliant day with another wicket. Wood jumps wide on the crease and squares Nortje up, with Denly taking a smart catch in the gully. South Africa are in disarray, it’s true, but England bowled with ferocious intent after tea. Woakes and Wood, in particular, were brilliant.
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“Never mind Wood’s bowling figures,” says Tom Adam, “he’s averaging 77 with the bat this series!!”
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41st over: South Africa 87-5 (de Kock 31, Nortje 6) There should be time for two more overs. Stokes continues to de Kock, who helps a poor delivery round the corner for four more. He is South Africa’s best batsman by a mile, and is just ahead of Stokes as the leading run-scorer in the series.
40th over: South Africa 82-5 (de Kock 26, Nortje 6) In his last two and a bit appearances, Mark Wood has shaved seven runs off his Test bowling average. It was 41.73, it’s now 34.82 - and it almost drops to 34.00 when Nortje is beaten outside off stump. Wood is bowling really sharply, with everything between 89-93 mph in that over.
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39th over: South Africa 81-5 (de Kock 25, Nortje 6) Nortje does extremely well to repel a couple of really nasty lifters from Stokes, who is also now hitting 90mph. England are all over South Africa like a cheap metaphor.
38th over: South Africa 78-5 (de Kock 24, Nortje 4) This has been a ruthless bowling performance from England. Anrich Nortje, who doesn’t deserve this, comes in as nightwatchman and flicks his first ball for four. It’s been such a miserable series for South Africa but they have at least discovered a gem in Nortje.
WICKET! South Africa 74-5 (Bavuma c Stokes b Wood 6)
Another one gone! Bavuma edges a sharp delivery from Wood to second slip, where Stokes takes a smart low catch. The umpires go upstairs to check, with a soft signal of out, and replays confirm it was a clean take.
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37th over: South Africa 74-4 (de Kock 24, Bavuma 6) Stokes replaces Broad, whose figures of 9-3-13-0 are slightly flattering. He tries to tempt de Kock with a few fuller deliveries angled across him; de Kock declines the offer.
36th over: South Africa 74-4 (de Kock 24, Bavuma 6) Mark Wood replaces Chris Woakes. Quinton de Kock is beaten, chasing a very wide half-volley, and then gets off strike with a single to fine leg. There’s just over half an hour’s play remaining.
35th over: South Africa 73-4 (de Kock 23, Bavuma 6) Bavuma is beaten, chasing a wide one from Broad. If South Africa lose any more wickets before the close they will struggle to draw this match, never mind win it.
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34th over: South Africa 70-4 (de Kock 21, Bavuma 5)
33rd over: South Africa 70-4 (de Kock 21, Bavuma 5) Broad, who hasn’t been at his best today, goes wider on the crease to beat de Kock with an extravagant leg-cutter. That was beautifully bowled. It feels like there has been a play-and-miss in almost every over of this innings.
“Can I select myself in a What-Might-Have-Been XI (RH Medium-Fast)?” asks Matt Dony. “Had things panned out slightly differently, growing up in different circumstances in a different place with a different level of ability, who knows? Sliding doors, and all that...”
You really should be a philosophy teacher.
32nd over: South Africa 69-4 (de Kock 21, Bavuma 4) South Africa are in all sorts. Their only hope is to counter-attack and try to unsettle England’s bowlers, who currently have complete control. The best/only man for that job is de Kock, who drives Woakes delightfully through mid-off for four. He has 21 from 20 balls; the rest have scored 48 from 172.
“It must be annoying for some to see Root doing good captaining,” says Ian Copestake. “A bit too much pleasure is taken writing people off. Buttler seems next in the firing line.”
Bloodlust is the new empathy.
31st over: South Africa 63-4 (de Kock 16, Bavuma 3) There’s a whiff of Joe Denly* about Bavuma’s Test career. He looks an accomplished player, very neat and tidy, yet he averages 31 and has only one century from 39 Tests.
* this, coincidentally, is also the title of my upcoming memoir about writing OBOs for a living
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30th over: South Africa 63-4 (de Kock 16, Bavuma 3) The recalled Temba Bavuma square drives his first ball sweetly for three.
WICKET! South Africa 60-4 (du Plessis LBW b Woakes 3)
Chris Woakes gets the wicket he deserves. He shaped one back sharply to Faf du Plessis, who was hit high on the pad and given out LBW by Rod Tucker. I thought it looked high, and du Plessis reviewed almost straight away, but it was just Umpire’s Call. du Plessis, who was batting with intense determination, has gone for 3 from 29 balls. That ball from Woakes came back a long way; I’m not sure there was much he could have done.
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29th over: South Africa 60-3 (du Plessis 3, de Kock 16) Broad replaces Curran. An attempted yorker to de Kock is flicked crisply through midwicket for four. As usual, he is making batting look very easy.
“Hi Rob,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Has the jury reached a decision on Joe Root’s captaincy, yet?”
Ach, I was really enjoying a couple of Tests without talking about Root’s captaincy. My feeling, since you didn’t ask, is that he’s not a natural captain and will never really understand it, even though he has been better in this series. The last couple of victories and especially the emergence of a young side deserve to buy him more time.
England might even win all four series this year (SA and SL away, WI and Pak home). But then they play India away and home (both five-Test series) before going to Australia. I suspect that, at some point during those 14 Tests in 2021, matters will come to a head.
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28th over: South Africa 56-3 (du Plessis 3, de Kock 12) Chris Woakes replaces Ben Stokes, who bowled a relatively loose spell of 4-0-19-1. Not much happens, and that’s drinks.
This is what we’ve been waiting for: Mac Millings’ What Might Have Been XI.
- Farokh Engineer-miss
- Mark Regretbatch
- Cyril Washout
- Dud-ley Nourse
- Derek Also-randall
- Kusal Mendisappointment
- Hardik Flash-in-the-Pandya
- What Might Have Ben Foakes
- Derek Underachieverwood
- Sanjay not with a Bangar but a Victor Trumper
- Don Flopley
OBO: Alternative Timeline de Lisle
27th over: South Africa 56-3 (du Plessis 3, de Kock 12) Quinton de Kock back cuts Curran for four more. It looks like he has decided to hit his team out of trouble, which makes sense in the circumstances - not least because a similar approach effectively won South Africa the first Test.
“I’d like to suggest Graham Onions for your XI,” says Scott Roberts. “I felt so sorry for him that his international career was so cut short by injury, as in his pomp he had a beautiful action, sending down pitched up 90mph beauties from very tight to the stumps, zipping either way off the deck. He could/should have matched Philander’s international record. Also worthy of a mention is Chris Tremlett, whose career was also hugely curtailed due to injury. At his best he must have been a nightmare to face. Poor lads.”
Yes, both are excellent shouts. I’m not sure Onions would have matched Philander, whose record is extraordinary, but in a different era I’d have fancied him to take 152 wickets at 29.82. Also, imagine him nipping it both ways off the bowler-friendly Test pitches we have seen in the last 3-4 years.
26th over: South Africa 49-3 (du Plessis 2, de Kock 6) de Kock gets his first boundary with a sumptuous cover drive off Stokes. His timing is quite something.
“Hi Rob,” says Eva Maaten. “I am sure you’re familiar from the Sky coverage with pictures of happy groups of South African fans singing traditional songs - today, one such group is situated straight behind us and while the atmosphere is indeed electric, it feels a bit like one is watching the cricket as a silent movie - nothing can be heard but the singing. I think, I prefer them slightly further away from me... all great fun, though.
“On the topic of Buttler: I really feel for him, he seems an intelligent perfectionist which means one he can be his own worst enemy in situations when you should simply trust your instincts and go with the flow.”
Tell me about it rofl.
25th over: South Africa 43-3 (du Plessis 2, de Kock 0) Faf du Plessis, who has started watchfully, defends throughout another maiden from Curran. du Plessis knows that, if he doesn’t make a century, South Africa will almost certainly lose the series and he will probably lose his job. It’s a great life being an international sportsman.
24th over: South Africa 43-3 (du Plessis 2, de Kock 0) Quinton de Kock, promoted to No5, is greeted by a nasty lifter from Stokes that hits him on the glove. This pitch is starting to look a little uneven.
That Elgar dismissal, meanwhile, was almost surreal. Stokes looked embarrassed that such a bad delivery had taken a wicket. Elgar stood still for ages, trying to work out what the hell he had just done.
WICKET! South Africa 43-3 (Elgar c Woakes b Stokes 26)
This is one of the softest dismissals imaginable. Elgar waves his bat at a short, wide delivery from Stokes and loops it straight to Woakes at point. “No way,” says Mark Nicholas on commentary. “No way. Of all the men in all the world, Dean Elgar has presented England with his wicket.”
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23rd over: South Africa 42-2 (Elgar 26, du Plessis 1) The ball is doing more than enough to keep England’s seamers interested. Sam Curran beats Elgar with a sharp lifter to complete another fine over; he has figures of 5-2-4-1.
“OK then,” says Felix Wood. “Here we go. Hameed; Knight; Trott; Hick; Root; Taylor; Buttler; Tudor; Jones; Finn; Panesar.”
It’s interesting that a few of you have mentioned Knight. I thought he was a marvellous ODI opener, almost criminally underrated in fact. But though he was a little unlucky to be dropped in 1997, he never felt like a lost Test batsman.
22nd over: South Africa 41-2 (Elgar 26, du Plessis 0) Elgar edges Stokes between third slip and gully for four. He is beaten later in the over, fishing instinctively outside off stump. It feels like another wicket could fall at any moment.
“My humble contribution,” says Romeo. “Milburn, Jones A, Romeo (in batting guise), Smith E (so we could fully appreciate his genius), Donald A, Jesty, Kieswetter, Sainsbury, Chapple (aka HSA), Shepherd, Romeo (in bowling guise).”
Chapple is an interesting one. It seemed certain he’d play Test cricket after that incredible series against India A in 1994-95.
21st over: South Africa 37-2 (Elgar 22, du Plessis 0) This has been an excellent bowling performance from England, and South Africa are in a deal of trouble now.
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WICKET! South Africa 37-2 (van der Dussen c Stokes b Curran 0)
Sam Curran replaces Mark Wood, who is hooked despite taking the wicket of Pieter Malan. I think that’s fair enough after a five-over spell, however tempting it must have been to give him one more. And it’s another good decision from Joe Root, because Rassie van der Dussen has gone for a duck!
He curtain-railed a good-length delivery from Curran to the right of second slip, where Stokes took a nonchalant and vaguely brilliant two-handed catch.
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20th over: South Africa 37-1 (Elgar 22, van der Dussen 0) Woakes off, Stokes on. His second ball to Elgar is too straight and fizzed through midwicket for four; the fifth is steered to third man for another boundary.
“The struggles of Buttler make me really sad,” says Phil Harrison. “Partly because I love watching him and am convinced there’s a Test player in there somewhere. But also because there’s a subset of English cricket supporters who, I suspect, have been looking forward to being proved right about this. But it’s easy to rewrite history - for about the first year he was back in the team, he was superb. One of the biggest single factors in England’s 2018 win over India and very good against SL later that year too. I think it’s probably time for Foakes - I feel like Buttler’s lost confidence in his defensive technique which partly explains that shot earlier. But my overriding feeling is disappointment about what might have been.”
Yes, same here. He was extremely good against India in 2018 and decent against Sri Lanka and West Indies the following winter - but on reflection, I think that, even when he was doing so well, he had made an uneasy peace with himself about his Test-match tempo. He then played in the Ashes when mentally shattered, had a few soft dismissals and started to overthink his batting again.
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19th over: South Africa 29-1 (Elgar 13, van der Dussen 0) That was a sizzling delivery from Wood to dismiss Malan: 94mph, perfect line and length and with just enough movement to find the edge.
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WICKET! South Africa 29-1 (Malan c Buttler b Wood 15)
Wood is given a fifth over, which is fair enough given how menacing he looked in this fourth. And what a good decision it was! He has picked up the wicket of Pieter Malan, who edged a beautiful delivery through to Buttler. It was very close to a no-ball, but Wood just landed behind the line.
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Ben Stokes update As expected, he has been fined 15 per cent of his match fee and given one demerit point for yesterday’s contretemps with a South African fan.
18th over: South Africa 28-0 (Elgar 13, Malan 15) Although England would have liked a wicket or two with the new ball, the scoring rate is such that they will feel pretty relaxed. They have bowled pretty well, with excellent discipline, and Woakes (6-3-7-0) has been the pick of the attack. He beats Malan with a fine full-length delivery that straightens past the edge. England went up for caught behind without success. The noise that got them excited was bat on pad.
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17th over: South Africa 26-0 (Elgar 12, Malan 14) Malan gets his first boundary, slapping Wood up and over the slips for four. He was hit on the chest by the previous delivery. Wood’s rhythm is much better now, and later in the over Elgar inside-edges a very sharp delivery for four. It brushed the fingertips of Buttler, diving low to his right, but I doubt even Ben Foakes’ No1 fan would call that a chance.
“Bob,” says Mac Millings. “Not a bad shout, that XI, but I have a couple of questions. I get why you’ve got Trescothick in there, but he did play (from memory) 76 Tests, scoring a little under 6,000 at a little under 44, so does he really count? As for Hick, he played (off the top of my head) in 65 Tests, scoring 3,383 runs at 31.32, earning him a place in a different side - the What Actually Was XI. Now Tufnell is a different matter. He played 42 times for England (121 wickets at 37.68), but how different that might have been if he’d had a single captain who trusted him. Also, stick SF Barnes in there, and put Graeme Pollock and Barry Richards in your World XI.”
Millings, shut your mouth and send me a comedy XI. (Okay, I think Trescothick counts because he missed at least five years of Test cricket, and in a different culture could have been selected just for home Tests; Hick because I wonder what would have happened had he started against, say, New Zealand rather than an affronted Curtly Ambrose.)
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16th over: South Africa 17-0 (Elgar 8, Malan 9) Oh my. The ball after being edged for the first boundary of the innings, Woakes beats Elgar with a brutish lifter. Then he does it again to complete a superb over.
“Alas,” says Gary Naylor, “I fear Moeen for Tufnell in that XI.”
Really? I think Moeen has overachieved in his Test career, certainly with the ball. I suppose we’ll never know what would have happened had he not been the designated utliity batsman, though I don’t think he would have averaged more than 32-35.
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15th over: South Africa 13-0 (Elgar 4, Malan 9) Wood suddenly jumps wide of the crease to beat Malan with a lovely delivery that straightens sharply off the pitch. It’s another maiden, the seventh of the innings, already.
Here’s Richard Firth’s WMHB XI: “Knight, Stewart (because if he had just been left to be an opener, he would have been amazing), Hick, Fairbrother, Crawley, Ramprakash, Buttler, Headley, S.Jones, Bicknell, Tufnell.”
Stewart is a good shout – from memory he scored 2943 runs at 45.98 when he opened the batting and didn’t keep wicket.
14th over: South Africa 13-0 (Elgar 4, Malan 9) “Not to be too maudlin,” says Felix Wood, “but Ben Hollioake probably deserves a spot in the What Might Have Been XI.”
In a one-day team, almost certainly, although I never thought he’d make it in Test cricket. That sounds a bit callous, I realise, but there’s no room for sentiment when you’re picking a hypothetical sentimental XI!
13th over: South Africa 13-0 (Elgar 4, Malan 9) Malan, falling over to the off side, inside-edges Wood behind square for a couple. Nothing else to report. Wood’s pace, since you asked, didn’t appear in that over. It felt like he was in the high 80s.
“If Buttler is dropped for the Sri Lanka Tests, does it mark the swiftest unravelling of a coach’s legacy in history?” asks Gary Naylor. “It will be, in Tests anyway, as if Trevor Bayliss never happened. Some of us are not entirely displeased with that.”
I know what you mean, but wasn’t Bayliss one of Foakes’ biggest fans in the England set up? I do agree that, for whatever reason, the Gerrard/Lampard era of English cricket finally seems to be coming to an end.
“I’ve enjoyed this series immensely, even if Buttler seems destined to join Hameed in my team of what might have been,” says Felix Wood. “Presumably South Africa’s best chance here is to put England’s fragile attack into their fifth spells and then cash in and post 600?”
Oh go on then, here’s my What Might Have Been England XI (off the top of my head, since I started watching Test cricket in 1988): Hameed, Trescothick, Lathwell, Hick, Ramprakash, Maynard, Buttler (wk), Headley, S Jones, Finn, Tufnell.
Tea
12th over: South Africa 11-0 (Elgar 4, Malan 7) That’s tea. It was a session of two distinct segments. England biffed 100 from 16.2 overs, including a last-wicket partnership of 82 in 8.2 between Mark Wood and Stuart Broad. Then South Africa’s openers calmed everything down by adopting the oldfangled method of leaving as many deliveries as possible. See you in 15 minutes for the evening session.
11th over: South Africa 10-0 (Elgar 4, Malan 6) Mark Wood replaces Stuart Broad, who bowled an adequate spell of 5-2-5-0. His first over looks a little stiff, although the speedgun has him peaking at 91mph. Two singles from it.
“That England scorecard - featuring the lowest highest score in a total of 400+ - might be my favourite since this beauty,” says Tom Bowtell. “England scored 304 in the second innings with no fifties and the highest score being Harmison’s 42 at number 11.”
Was Harmison’s really the highest score? Morally? But yes, I love scorecards like that. The one burned on my brain is England’s second innings at Trinidad in 1986. Go on, extras lad!
10th over: South Africa 8-0 (Elgar 3, Malan 5) Woakes beats Malan with a fine delivery. He has started well, with a fullish length and a soupçon of outswing. Jeez I love that word. South Africa are going nowhere at the moment, though I doubt that will bother two openers as temperamentally sound as Elgar and Malan.
9th over: South Africa 8-0 (Elgar 3, Malan 5) Broad continues, in fact, and tempts Elgar into a loose stroke well wide of off stump. The ball whistles past the edge through to Buttler.
“I’m an unabashed Foakes Fan,” says Stephen Brown. “In terms of your point about Ed Smith having the reflected glory of Buttler’s 2018; Jos didn’t have the gloves in most (any?) of those games. Surely selectors might be tempted to regain that glory by taking the gloves off him and giving them to Foakes?”
Yes you’re right, he played as a batsman, but I still don’t think it will be an easy decision to leave him out – especially as the next time Buttler is dropped will probably be the last. Nobody wants to die wondering about his Test career. But my feeling is that, barring a good spell in 2018, he has never quite got his head round how to bat in first-class cricket.
8th over: South Africa 6-0 (Elgar 2, Malan 4) Chris Woakes comes on for Sam Curran, who bowled a good spell of 3-1-3-0 and might switch ends to replace Broad. His first over, to Malan, is a decent range-finder. A maiden.
7th over: South Africa 6-0 (Elgar 2, Malan 4) Malan, tempted into the drive by a fuller delivery from Broad, drags the ball back onto his pads. It’s been a quiet start to the innings - a bit of movement, especially for Curran, but it’s not exactly going off alarming.
6th over: South Africa 5-0 (Elgar 2, Malan 3) The South African openers, Elgar in particular, are playing as little as possible. Curran gives him plenty of opportunity to shoulder arms in that over.
5th over: South Africa 4-0 (Elgar 2, Malan 2) A good over from Broad, who found a better line from round the wicket. His last delivery jagged back to cut Elgar in half; that could easily have found the inside edge and gone back onto the stumps.
“Many thanks to Ian Forth for the Georgics (over 65),” says Stuart Middleton. “The piling of Pelion upon Ossa also appears in The Odyssey (XI.315-16) where the giants Otos and Ephialtes threaten war against the gods ‘and were minded to pile Ossa on Olympos, and above Ossa/ Pelion of the trembling leaves, to climb the sky.’ (trans. Richmond Lattimore).”
4th over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 1, Malan 1) Malan shoulders arms to a ball that jags back to hit him on the thigh pad. It was a very safe leave on length. The movement is encouraging, though, and later in the over Malan digs out a lovely inswinging yorker. With the new ball swinging Curran looks a threat, and if Broad has one more poor over I would replace him with Woakes.
3rd over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 1, Malan 1) Another maiden from Broad, with Elgar able to leave almost everything. He hasn’t started brilliantly.
“Regarding Ben Foakes and The Ongoing Argument, I guess that if your keeper is only going to score 20 runs, whoever you pick, you might as well pick the best keeper,” says David Horn. “I think whoever gets the gloves in Sri Lanka will be quite revealing of Ed Smith’s flexibility of thought, as much as anything else.”
I think it should be Foakes, but I suspect Buttler will be given one more series. Ed Smith enjoyed the reflected glory of Buttler’s success in 2018, so it won’t be easy to leave him out.
2nd over: South Africa 2-0 (Elgar 1, Malan 1) Curran’s first ball, wide of Malan’s off stump, curves encouragingly through to the keeper. His fifth is even better, zipping slightly the other way to beat Malan’s crooked defensive grope. That’s an excellent start.
“Helllo,” writes Vigasini Senthil. “I absolutely love following Guardian for live cricket matches. I started watching cricket from last May (starting with the World Cup) and was hooked. Being a typical Indian cricket fan, I don’t know how I switched lanes to England. During the finals, I spent half of the matches at my prayer room. I still vividly remember myself saying to God about how I would stop watching cricket if England didn’t win the World Cup. (I still can’t believe I did this). When they did win, I was way more than happy and a tiny bit emotional too. Now I never miss any T20s, ODIs or Tests. Getting to watch England play (let alone win) makes me so, so happy. Seems like I came at the right time. I’m 15 years old btw.”
If this isn’t the sweetest email we’ll receive all year, I don’t know what is.
1st over: South Africa 0-0 (Elgar 0, Malan 0) Stuart Broad will open the bowling, on the ground where he demolished South Africa to win the 2015-16 series. He starts with a quiet over to Elgar, a maiden. It looks like Sam Curran will share the new ball.
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It’ll be interesting to see who takes the new ball for England. I’d go with Woakes and Broad, since you didn’t ask, although it’s also tempting to give it to Mark Wood while he’s still high on his own batting.
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Let’s look at those two innings in all their statistical glory:
- Wood 35*, 39 balls, 2x4, 3x6
- Broad 43, 28 balls, 2x4, 4x6
Nothing will ever make up for the pain of Dave Richardson and Paul Adams’ 10th-wicket partnership at Cape Town in 1996, but that still felt pretty good. It has probably finished South Africa off in the series.
There have been 15,330 partnerships of fifty or more in Test cricket. At 9.82 runs per over, that was the 11th fastest.
WICKET! England 400 all out (Broad c Malan b Paterson 43)
Broad holes out to deep square leg to end a riotous tenth-wicket partnership of 82 in just 8.2 overs.
98th over: England 396-9 (Wood 35, Broad 39) Thanks Tanya, hello everyone. The fun continues after the drinks break, with Hendricks disappearing for another 19! Broad pulled his fourth six over midwicket, Wood lashed his second over extra cover. South Africa’s bowling in the last half hour has been execrable at best.
97th over: England 377-9 (Broad 31, Wood 28) Paterson, stocky, with a Maradona-Aguero-esque low centre of gravity, trundles in and England’s flair boys only manage a couple. That’s drinks, and time for me to hand over to Rob Smyth. Thanks for all the messages this morning, ta-rah!
96th over: England 374-9 (Broad 29, Wood 27) Hendricks finds some control, but they still knock three singles and a wide from the over. You can feel the frustration oozing out of every South African bowler. Broad can’t bat. But yet here he is.
Some wise thoughts from Nat Godden: “It may be hard to precisely measure the Boycott boredom factor (though he was widely regarded as peerless in that area), but those of us with long memories might wonder how these two compare in respect of batting partners run out (for which Sir G was also rather well-known). The figures must be there somewhere. I’d bring that to the equation.
“Broad and Wood, what a warming partnership, please keep brightening our (London, grey, gloomy) day!”
95th over: England 370-9 (Broad 27, Wood 26) With legs miles away from bat, Broad thwacks the off-cutter straight back off Paterson’s head for six and that’s the fifty partnership off 27 balls. It’s Bambi on steroids.
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94th over: England 361-9 (Broad 20, Wood 25) Faf spares Nortje’s figures, but spoils Hendricks’. Four, Four, Six as Wood goes big and bootiful over third man, straight and square leg. I think this might be a job for Philander. The partnership is 44 off 24 balls!
93rd over: England 347-9 (Broad 14, Wood 10) Well, fancy that. Broad dispatches Paterson for two sixes. Arms and legs slightly wild, but over the ball goes, this way and that. Thanks very much and Faf looks cross. On the telly, they’re blaming the altitude.
92nd over: England 333-9 (Broad 6, Wood 10) . From nowhere, Broad rediscovers his mojo, purring through the covers off the back foot for four. Off Nortje. Nortje!
Thank you, Chris Howell, “Almost certainly the ‘batsman’ with the worst conversion of fifties to hundreds will be a bowler who could bat a bit, played a load of matches, but never made a hundred. Without looking, it’s probably someone like Warne. Amongst batsmen, the one who comes to mind for this is former NZ captain Stephen Fleming, who made 9 centuries and 46 fifties in 111 tests, averaging just over 40.”
91st over: England 328-9 (Broad 1, Wood 10) Wood takes one look at his teammate quivering in the face of Paterson and slog-swings the ball for six. Axe chop.
90th over: England 318-9 (Broad 0, Wood 1) Rapid stuff from Nortje, including one that surprises Woakes, rearing up from near his toes and ricocheting from glove to leg, before the 91mph wicket-taking ball. Nortje has a broad smile as he is mobbed by his teammates and wanders off to the boundary, floppy hat on head.
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WICKET! Woakes c du Plessis b Nortje 32
A superb catch by du Plessis falling with both hands to his right at second slip and grasping on. Woakes prodded at one that jumped. And just rewards for Nortje, South Africa’s bowler of the series.
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89th over: England 315-8 (Woakes 30, Wood 1) Wood somehow survives a beauty from Philander.
Back to Lord’s and that MCC pass fraud:
Declaring an interest as a member (who ‘only’ waited 17 years), my initial reaction is that he could have waited for the Hundred games and got in without even having to put on a tie. 😂
— Brian Carpenter (@brianc576) January 25, 2020
88th over: England 316-8 (Woakes 30, Wood 1) Woakes gets to play the Buttler role, but with less pressure. Which is silly really - why does being a bowler let you off the hook more than being the wicketkeeper? At least the bowler gets a rest. Woakes clips Nortje off his pads for four; Wood evades a bounce by crouching low, rabbit style
Brian Poole has the numbers: “Root is closing in on Boycott’s total Test runs but:
Boycott 22 hundreds 42 fifties
Root 17 hundreds 46 fifties
Maybe Root should keep in mind what the score would like if two wickets fell quickly (as can always happen) a la Boycott?”
I would argue that Root has brought more pleasure. But what price joy?
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87th over: England 310-8 (Woakes 25, Wood 0) Ooof, by inches, the ball flies short of Faf at second slip off the bat off Wood.
85th over: England 309-8 (Woakes 24, Wood 0) It doesn’t give me any pleasure to write this but in six innings this series, Buttler has not passed 30. However the man many mention in dispatches, Ben Foakes, didn’t have a great season for Surrey last summer - averaging 26. Nortje bowls a rapid maiden.
84th over: England 309-8 (Woakes 24, Wood 0) Reward for Philander in his last Test; not the shot that will give Buttler back his batting bounce. Pressure, what pressure?
WICKET! Buttler c Elgar b Philander 20
Buttler has a wretched hoik and Elgar catches him in the covers, one that billows high into the air and lands over his shoulder.
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83rd over: England 307-7 (Woakes 24, Buttler 18) Nortje is hauled back into the attack after his mammoth effort this mornin. Faf using him, as Root has used Archer. The burden of being the best. Five dots then a wristy ruffle to the boundary by Woakes .
82nd over: England 300-7 (Woakes 20, Buttler 18) Philander with the still-new ball, England nurdle three from it.
David Hindle is feeling schoolmasterly: “Nasser Hussain getting to grips with Root. Changing the way he plays after he reaches 50. Show him a video of before and after, from all his failures to convert. Sounds good. For me, Root’s problem is that he thinks he’s better than he actually is. If he could rein it in appropriately, like all the other batsmen in the world who get the hundreds and average over 50, who knows what might happen?”
I’m not sure he thinks he’s better than he is. Does he? I feel like it’s more of a mental tick, that he’ll get over. I don’t know which batsman in history converted fewest fifties to hundreds proportionately, but he must still have a pretty good average. Is a hundred worth double a fifty or, because of its significance, more than that?
So many emails! Apologies in advance if I don’t get round to yours.
“Thanks for the mention,” writes Daniel Forman (over 62). “ I should dedicate it to the late Ian Ackland Snow who was one of my companions that day and whose birthday it would have been this week had he not passed away tragically early last year. Ian was a late convert to cricket who got more into the game because his son Ben became obsessed around 2005. He got himself to a decent village standard so that they could spend more quality time playing together. I always find the way it allows parents and kids to play on the same side one of the great and under appreciated pleasures of recreational cricket. Anyway, rest in peace Ackers and happy birthday.”
That’s lovely. Here’s to you Ackers.
Woakes and Buttler stroll back out. Will it be 320 all out or a lofty 450? Philander has the ball.
Lunch
The first hour belonged to the glorious batting off Pope and Root, the second hour to the persistence of Nortje. The next hour could decide the Test. Time for a quick stretch before anyone else piles Pelion upon Ossa. See you soon.
81st over: England 300-7 (Woakes 19, Buttler 16) Hendricks has the last over before lunch. Woakes goes to cover drive but gets an outside edge and the new ball flies to the backward point boundary. And another one, Buttler this time, who gets an edge that flies a broadsheet wide of second slip. In its short life, the new ball has proved expensive for South Africa. And that is lunch.
81st over: England 291-7 (Woakes 14, Buttler 12) After three deliveries with the old ball, Pretorius takes the new ball, and immediately Woakes shuffle pulls him through mid-wicket for four.
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80th over: England 283-7 (Woakes 7, Buttler 11) England playing for lunch, scuffle a couple from Hendricks.
“Always eat fruit when blagging your way in to somewhere you’re not supposed to be, “writes Mark Hooper. “Security always wave through people eating fruit.”
Pretending you have issues with a contact lens works quite well too.
79th over: England 281-7 (Woakes 6, Buttler 10) Buttle watchful, Pretorius accurate. Who will break first? A maiden.
78th over: England 281-7 (Woakes 6, Buttler 10) With the second new ball just two overs away, Nortje gets a (brief?) rest. Faf summons Hendricks, and Woakes dispatches a half-volley through mid-off for four.
“No disrespect to Sam Curran, writes Matthew Doherty, but how comes he comes in before Woakes?”
Good question, though they both have their moments. Style before substance?
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77th over: England 275-7 (Woakes 1, Buttler 9) Buttler eyes up Pretorius and with stout thigh urges the ball down to long-leg for four.
76th over: England 271-7 (Woakes 1, Buttler 5) The hat-trick ball passes without incident as Woakes ignores it. What tactics now I wonder?
Robert Lewis has the purple swagger of a SW19 blag, “I used to blag my way into the Wimbledon tennis players bar when I sold ice creams at the championships. Easier in those days, almost no security. I’d like to say that I was hoping to meet Anna Kournikova. but Im afraid to say it was a bit longer ago, and so it was Sue Barker.”
75th over: England 269-7 (Woakes 0, Buttler 4) Buttler survies a Pretorius maiden.
Phil Russel writes: If the gods were piling up the mountains to get to heaven then maybe it wasn’t because they were making things harder for themselves but because they like a challenge?
Trying to think of the cricket equivalent - guess it is Ben Stokes batting left-handed because it is too easy for him otherwise.
Maybe England throwing in a cheeky collapse from what looks likes an impregnable position?
74th over: England 269-7 (Woakes 0, Buttler 4) Nortje stranded on that hat-trick ball actually till the next over. He now has career-best figures of 4-91 - on the hunt for his first Test five-fer. England have suffered a mini-moment, something Jos Buttler is wearily familiar with.
WICKET! Curran c de Kock b Nortje 0
Curran flashes at his first ball outside off stump and de Kock snaffles it. Thanks very much. And Nortje is on a hat-trick!
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WICKET! Root c de Kock b Nortje 59
Root drives at one close to his stumps, and this time Nortje, into his seventh over on the trot, gets his man, neatly caught by de Kock. A delighted bowler and a relieved du Plessis join a happy huddle.
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73rd over: England 265-5 (Root 55, Buttler 4) Just one off Pretorius as England take a breather.
72nd over: England 264-5 (Root 54, Buttler 4) Oh gosh. Head in hands emjoi. Nortje steams in, Root drives with an open face and the ball flies towards Faf du Plessis at a kind of second/third slip, but the ball slips into his grasp and, somehow, imperceptibly, slips out again. Much wringing of hands.
Morning Tanya, writes David Horn. “As sad as I am to not be able to witness another Pope century, I’ve got high hopes for Buttler this innings. It felt that in the last test, it was too perfectly set up for him. Runs on the board, license to attack, play your natural game, etc. I always think he’s better - in test matches - when he has to think a bit more. Here, he’s got runs on the board - but not so many as we’re out of sight - he has to support his captain, play himself in, and just think a little bit more. I think we’ll see a classic Buttler innings today. (I’m crossing things to prevent mockers, obvs, but y’know, we’re not a superstitious bunch - we’ll be fine).”
I’m absolving myself from all blame for this one David. This one is yours.
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71st over: England 263-5 (Root 53, Buttler 4) Buttler faces three balls from Pretorius. Leaves a couple and shoulders arms to another. It’s making me nervous. C’mon Jos.
A rugby blag to join the collection.
@collinsadam @tjaldred a Welsh friend managed to blag his way into the into a 'Lions Legends' party in Melbourne on the 2013 @lionsrugby tour claiming to be a squad SH from the 80s. Fortunately a few ex-players heard the blag and backed him up to the sceptical security.
— James Austin (@JamesDAustin) January 25, 2020
70th over: England 262-5 (Root 52, Buttler 4)What a shame for Ollie Pope, he played like a dream. Buttler gets off the mark by creaming Nortje through the covers. The King is dead, long live the king!
On the sofa next to me, my son has stolen my phone and is creating my personal emoji. “ A big nose and facial hair.” Neville Cardus never had to deal with this.
WICKET! Pope b Nortje 56
No! The very first ball after drinks is a cracker and Pope dithers, managing only to get an edge onto his stumps which explode in relief.
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69th over: England 258-4 (Root 52, Pope 56) Just one run to Pope off Pretorius, thank god of small mercies. Drinks? It must be drinks. England going at an easy just-over-4.5 an over in the first hour.
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68th over: England 257-4 (Root 52, Pope 54) I’m afraid I didn’t see a ball of the over, I was too busy reading your emails. Ok, a last word on Pelion upon Ossa - it seems Virgil was quoting Homer - over to you John Starbuck.
“You don’t need a classical education to work out this one, just access to Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase and Fable, which states:
“‘Heaping (or piling) Pelion upon Ossa is taken from Homer’s Odyssey, meaning adding difficulty to difficulty, or embarrassment to embarrassment .... When the giants tried to scale Olympus (Heaven) they placed Mount Pelion upon Mount Ossa, two peaks in Thessaly, for a scaling ladder.’”
Fifty for Root!
67th over: England 254-4 (Root 51, Pope 53) A tap to mid-on and Root raises his bat after a charming fifty; master and apprentice slap gloves in the middle. South Africa rue four leg byes. England laidback and on top.
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66th over: England 247-4 (Root 49, Pope 52) Joe Root steals from the Ollie Pope playbook, leans back and ramps Nortje down to third man for four. And that’s after pulling him earlier in the over for another boundary. Leaks springing up all over HMS South Africa.
65th over: England 237-4 (Root 40, Pope 51) Paterson is toothless, Root slides him through backward point for four.
Ossa on Pellion part XI: All yours OBOers. Ian Forth: Shakespeare though is quoting Virgil in the Georgics:-“Imponere Pelio Ossam Scilicet, atque Ossae frondosum involvere Olympum.”
Which translates as“In sooth...to pile Ossa on Pelion and roll leaf-crowned Olympus on Ossa.”
Pope fifty!
64th over: England 232-4 (Root 35, Pope 51) A change of tactics from South Africa, who fancy they can bounce England out - a fly slip comes in and sure enough Nortje boom-bounces Pope first ball, which he whips away. And then, the most dreamy pull, if you can imagine such a thing, all soft angles, down to the boundary to bring up his fifty. Gorgeous. Root then top-edges but the ball falls safely.
63rd over: England 223-4 (Root 33, Pope 45) A double change as Paterson replaces Hendricks and it’s a maiden.
To all those who’ve pointed out that Pelion upon Ossa comes from Hamlet, thank you!
- @tjaldred - Pelion and Ossa turn up in Hamlet:
— Adam B (@adambcqx) January 25, 2020
- Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead,
Till of this flat a mountain you have made,
To o'ertop old Pelion
...
- And, if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
Millions of acres on us, till our ground,
Make Ossa like a wart!
62nd over: England 223-4 (Root 33, Pope 45) Nortje replaces Philander and metaphorically rolls up his sleeves. He sends down a swift one third ball, and Pope does well to avoid edging it. But, this boy laughs in the face of snorters, and next ball pings Nortje through the onside for four.
More blagging rights!
@tjaldred @collinsadam two friends and I once blagged our way into the old players’ bar at Highbury. For about two blissful minutes I was stood having a post match pint next to the centre halves union of Adams, Bould, Pallister and Bruce, before security intervened
— Daniel Forman (@dannyforman) January 25, 2020
61st over: England 216-4 (Root 31, Pope 40) Pope outscoring his captain this morning, though not without the odd small hiccup. He cracks Hendricks to third man, where Paterson fails to spot the ball and it goes through for four.
60th over: England 208-4 (Root 28, Pope 35) Philander solidly reliable this morning, on a length, thundering in. A maiden.
David Gaskell emails in. “Seneca said “ Anger is brief insanity”.
Or maybe it was Minnie Caldwell in the snug at the Rovers Return.”
I feel a bit out of my depth with this Corrie talk. It never graced my TV growing up - it was all Dynasty/The Colbys. Cristal didn’t talk cricket much, though I’m sure she’d have had a soft spot for England’s Blake Carrington, David Gower.
59th over: England 208-4 (Root 28, Pope 35) Another moment of Pope gorgeousness as he shapes his bat at an angle to please geometrists and sends Hendricks’ ball skimming back down to the point boundary. A slight hiccup between the wickets but Pope beats Bavuma’s thrown home.
58th over: England 202-4 (Root 27, Pope 30) Philander fining a good line this morning, nipping the ball in to Pope, who scrambles a couple off his pads, and that’s the England 200. Some chaps off pitch relax in a hot tub. It looks a bit of a squeeze. I once read a report about faecal matter in jacuzzis and hot tubs and it put me off for life.
57th over: England 199-4 (Root 27, Pope 27) A snorting lifter from Hendricks, that Root rocks back and avoids gracefully. A maiden.
“Morning Tanya! “Morning Daniel Silverstone! “Looking forward to an interesting day’s play.
“Just wanted to chip in regarding Nasser’s defence of Stokes and Nick Hoult’s tweet about England staff being abused yesterday... it’s not acceptable behaviour, no, but I hope we’re not kidding ourselves that it doesn’t happen here in England too...
“I was sat this summer on the upper deck at Old Trafford for the Ashes test, and some of the so-called banter shouted across to the Aussie balcony to their coaching staff and players was totally out of order and over the top.
It’s probably something that needs addressing all over the place...”
56th over: England 199-4 (Root 27, Pope 27) Ollie Pope leans backwards as if he’s going to take the scythe to the long grass and cuts Philander through gully for four. The ball skips away over the green outfield.
From rainy Venice, Nicholas writes, “Piling Pelion upon Ossa? I remember Howard Hodgkin saying the same thing about his art to Susan Sontag, which prompted me to try and locate paints with these names in order to improve my work. Serves me right for not paying more attention during my 4 years of Greek at school!”
But what a lovely fruitless search! There’s a gem of a play right there.
Play!
55th over: England 195-4 (Root 27, Pope 23) Hendricks finishes off his over from yesterday. Root’s feet get in a bit of tangle early on, but a couple come from a laid-back cut over point.
Adam Collins isn’t the only blagger on the OBO, “Hi Tanya,” writes Zaph Mann, “I’m still stranded in The Empire of The Senseless (Mekons) but seeing Adam Collin’s comment brought to mind my only time I ever saw England live - The Oval - Gower times - after the morning session, watching how people came and went I hung about the members stand and wedged myself between two portly members and engaged in conversation - sure enough I floated in with them - -I then had to adopt the strut of a lawyer (Mark E. Smith) and went up to the top tier and persuaded a camera man to let me look through the -then incredible-zoom lens at Gower. Heaven. Now it’s all vicarious.”
And the players are out in the middle...
From somewhere not in front of the television, Dave Summerfield taps away, “I’m not watching Sky at the moment. If I were, it sounds I’d be taking issue with Nasser. I know he likes defending Rabada, but surely the in-your-face celebration is the kind of inflammatory act that feeds aggressive spectator behaviour ? I guess Nasser is saying that cricketers are human and that you can’t expect them to hide their emotions. Stokes was provoked. Root only provoked by refusing to be out (up to that point).”
To be fair, I don’t think was particularly defending Rabada, just saying he shouldn’t have been punished so harshly . He was almost more exercised by football fans screaming abuse at Raheem Sterling - and he wasn’t talking racist abuse - just the general abuse that people seem to feel is a right when they buy a ticket. He’s right, the combination of a sports ticket and alcohol seems to make people behave in a way they would never consider otherwise.
Revised timings
Play due to start at 845 GMT
Session 1: 8:45-10:45
Session 2: 11:25-1:40
Session 3: 2:00-4:00
From Nairobi, Tim writes:
Full disclosure right off the top-- I’m originally from the US and only started watching cricket about 6 months ago towards the end of the group stage of the World Cup. My girlfriend went back to Canada for all of July and day after day of World Cup Cricket was pefect to fill the void... By the end of the Super Over I was hooked and watching the Ashes just cemented cricket as my 3rd favorite sport (behind the real football and ice hockey). What a time to start following English Cricket eh?
I now watch every Test/ODI/T20 I can fit in to my schedule-- the honeymoon phase is lovely isn’t it?
All of that preface is to say I likely have no idea what I’m talking about but figured I’d chime in. This seems like the perfect time for a young guy like Pope to really make a name for himself and solidify his place in the squad. A century in your last innings to take control of the Test and now a chance for a big partnership here with the captain to stabilize the ship and possibly seal the series for England...that to me seems like it could have perennial member of the squad written all over it.
Too right Tim. And hope you’re ok, difficult times for Kenya at the moment - plagues of locusts of biblical proportions.
My old mucker Adam Collins is incredulous about the tale of the little red book fraud... Jail for that? In 2009, I blagged into the Lord’s members. It was the second day of the Ashes Test and I had a suit on. At lunch, the Queen was being presented to the players so the stewards were distracted. Walking in like we were meant to be there, it turned into quite the afternoon on the tonk when we up in one of the dining rooms by the tea interval, tucking into wine we didn’t pay for. Lock me up! Lock me up!
Naughty Adam. But jail does seem a little harsh...perhaps the judge is still on the waiting list.
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Three left-handed openers (Knight, Cook, Burns) chew the fat. Cook points out that because there wasn’t social media and instant judgement when he first started in Test cricket, “I had a year’s grace while people tried to work me out, then I struggled, then I really understood my game.”
“Hi Tanya,” writes Ian Forth. Morning Ian! “I wonder which ‘classic mountain’ Sir Alastair Cook had in mind. Table Mountain, I suspect. When I was young I used to watch Coronation Street with my mum. One night Ken Barlow, supping his pint in the Rover’s Return, commented on a character facing a sequence of difficulties that fate was “piling Pelion upon Ossa”. Annie Walker, the landlady, smiled approvingly and they exchanged knowing looks. I don’t want to come over all Boris Johnson, but it is hard to imagine such a phrase getting past the script editor today.”
Ian, I’ll run that past Vic Marks who did classics at University...
A passionate defence of Stokes and Rabada by Nasser on Sky who puzzles over why people turn up at football and cricket match to scream abuse at the pros: “Why would you pay good money to abuse someone you admire?Why would you abuse someone doing something you can only dream of doing?”
A little diversion - who knew that you could buy a fake MCC membership card off Ebay? (a link to the original Bournemouth Echo story.)
Man could be jailed for faking Lord's Cricket Ground membership card https://t.co/piApuRFnxx
— tanya aldred (@tjaldred) January 25, 2020
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Start delayed by rain
So please send me your Saturday morning ponderings over a coffee, or perhaps before a parkrun. Apparently Ben Stokes had a meeting with the match referee this morning , but no news yet. Sir Alastair Cook calls it, “a classic mountain out of a molehill.”
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This is pretty depressing
England have asked for increased security at the Wanderers. Ashley Giles said: “members of our support staff were subjected to personal abuse during and after the day’s play. We have requested to the venue to ensure security and stewarding are enhanced”
— Nick Hoult (@NHoultCricket) January 24, 2020
...ah, we’re on at The Wanderers - it is overcast and has been raining, but isn’t any more. The covers have been taken off and there will be an inspection at 8am - the pitch is a bit damp where it has sweated under the covers. Best guess is a 9am GMT start. In the studio, Rory Burns is in the hot seat with SirAlastair. Poor Rory is being asked how well the openers are batting, then has to listen to Atherton waxing lyrical about Crawley and Sibley: “I’ve never seen an England opening pair looking so good here.”
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I’ve stumbled downstairs to find the television has already been taken over by Sydney Sixers v Melbourne Renegades.
While we wait for news from Jo’burg, a bit of reading. This was the interview with Kevin Pietersen where he said England needed to treat Jofra Archer better, here is Vic on yesterday’s play
and here is the Stokes mea culpa.
— Ben Stokes (@benstokes38) January 24, 2020
Preamble
Good morning Johannesburg, Ed Sheeran and anyone else in the frame for some Saturday morning cricket.
By the time you read this, Ben Stokes will have spent a long night of the soul chewing over his “foul-mouthed altercation” with the mouthy glasses wearing fan he invited outside, after having a thrash at Nortje and being caught for two.
Thoughtfully, Sky replayed the incident for the benefit of their viewers, so the match referee will have had plenty of time for a good look - and the look isn’t great if we’re honest.
How big Stokes’ punishment, will be down to the whim of the ref - for reference, Kagiso Rabada got a demerit for his too-close-for-comfort celebration after dismissing Root at Port Elizabeth, and Jos Buttler was handed a demerit and fined 15 per cent of his match fee for chucking some abuse at Vernon Philander at Cape Town.
Aside from that, England finished the day in jaunty enough spirits after a wonderful opening partnership - of 100+ for the first time in a first-innings for over a decade - between Dom Sibley and Zak Crawley, followed by a small but perfectly formed collapse, followed by Root and Pope handing out cocoa-dusted chocolate truffles to finish a rain and light-affected day. South Africa’s bowlers were cock-eyed after losing the toss until after tea, when line and length regrouped.
And it all starts again at 8am. See you then.
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