We’ll be back very soon – the ODI series starts a week tomorrow. Ta-ra.
So there we are: England beat South Africa again, and in fine style. What an enjoyable series that was – intense, hard Test cricket with plenty of skill and momentum shifts. There is nothing like it.
Here’s our report of the day’s play.
Silverwood will talk to Moeen when he comes out about whether he’s available for Tests, and with Sri Lanka coming, there’s a chance for him.
He’s very happy with his pool of bowlers, and says he can rotate if he needs to. They’re trying to make sure Wood doesn’t waste deliveries in the nets, because he’s so wholehearted all the time. He goes on to mention Jamie Overton and Ollie Stone, along with yer Andersons, yer Broads and yer Woakeses (of this world).
Chris Silverwood is very pleased. He says that illness in Centurion pulled the side together, and he’s not surprised by how well they played subsequently. He’s happy that the team have made big first innings runs, and the bowlers are learning to take 20 wickets with the Kookaburra. He’a slo learnt about conditions - when the clouds come over pitches go flat, which affects who you bring on when.
Wood says he’s had some “horrible days” where he doubted himself. Can he get back, does he want to get back, is he as good as he thinks he can be? He’s felt an England player since St Lucia but then had to come back again. Well done him; it is impossible to overstate the joy in typing, reading and thinking about that.
Stokes is encouraged by the development of the team, says Pope is at the start of a “very long international career”, and praises Sibley for facing down a quality attack.
Stokes then says that the side is better with Wood in it and the dressing room will be noisier with him in it - and that his nervous energy explains the batting.
Stokes comes over to say that the team were relentless, and they knew that South Africa were allowed to play well at times. Wood then laughs at Stokes’ “TV accent”, saying he’s not a “northern lad”, which was what Root called them. He says he was bowling cross-seam, trying to hit on a length but short rather than full.
Root goes on to say that now the team have seen that the strategy works, they can deploy it with greater confidence.
“It always felt like it was a bang bang sort of wicket,” Root tells Sky. Ward notes that all he has to do is throw the ball to Stokes and Root agrees; Stokes wanted a day off tomorrow, and made sure he got one. He then notes that when the ball went soft, his team persevered and this is an example of what’s changed this series: the mental strength to persevere. The team were told very clearly what the strategy for the winter was: big runs, then moving the game forward with the ball. He says the fitness calls were taken out of players’ hands, and by batting first they gave Wood the best chance to succeed.
He goes on to praise Crawley and Sibley, then goes back to Wood, who was sore but able to deliver his skill. Also, with five seamers, there was a chance to nurse the injury, and given the confidence he has, it was an easy decision.
“Very special; very special indeed,” says Joe Root. He’s especially happy with the reaction to losing the first Test, and very grateful to the support from the crowd. He says how pleased he is with how well his players have responded to opportunities they’ve been given through injury and such, and is excited by the blend of youth and experience in the changing room. He says South Africa is a great place to tour and that the cricket is always of a high standard – hmmm, not sure we can say that about the home side’s batting – and that’s pretty much that. I fancy he and his mates might need to take on board fluids round about now.
Man of the series is ... ach, come on, you know this one. It's Ben Stokes!
It’s pretty emotional watching epochal talent fulfil itself, but make no mistake, this is it - we are privileged to be living in his time. He says the main thing is that England won the series and says he hopes his dad, sat in a hospital bed, will be proud. Team-man that he is, he then references his mates, especially the younger ones, and says how proud he is of them.
Man of the match is ... Mark Wood!
He says he wasn’t sure if he was going to make it, but “boy am I glad I played now”. “I’ve had a lot of dark days,” he says, and thanks the medical staff, his team-mates and Chris Silverwood, who told him to go out there and have fun. “Give it everything I’ve got,” he says, when asked what his job in the team is. “Let if fly”. It’s beautiful to hear.
Faf, who has very bald legs, says his team played well in the first Test but England were “better in every compartment” and gives credit to them for that. He namechecks Anrich Nortje and his skill in landing the ball in the same areas, at pace, before noting how hard it is to replace the “Dale Steyns and Morne Morkels” of this world. He also says that Van der Dussen was close to one of the great innings, and thanks Bigvern for his service and for being a “champion guy”. The team will sit in the dressing room and share the memories he’s bestowed and sacrifices he’s made.
Bigvern is honoured with a presentation and says this isn’t the way he’d like to go out, but appreciates the response of both teams to his final Test. He says it was an honour to play for South Africa and wants to find young talent to mentor. “Vernon, you’ve been a treasure,” says Mike Haysman, and so say all of us.
“Unless my maths is dodgy, in the space of three tests, Wood’s bowling average has fallen from just under 42 to just over 31!” says Kevin Wilson.
It’s absolutely mad, is this: Athers, Nasser and Ian Ward are going through the England team bigging up nearly all of them. I don’t know where to put myself!
Nasser rhapsodises Root’s improving captaincy, before reverting to the old cliche: Ben Stokes is the main man. He’s right, of course: at the key moments he made the key interventions, and it’s thrilling to consider that we’ve got at least four more years of him putting eejits in their places.
Looking again at the England celebrations, it’s actually quite moving to see Mark Wood held aloft. To haul yourself back from injury as many times as he has requires a phenomenal amount of mental strength, and he must’ve thought that his chance of being a top Test-match bowler had gone. That’s hard enough for the likes of us to take, never mind for someone who actually has the talent to do it. His performance in St Lucia might’ve given him more joy because no one saw it coming, but to do what he’s done here must be more satisfying because he’s shown it was no fluke, that he can do it in consecutive Tests, and established himself as key man in a side who can feel something happening. On top of that, he’s very clearly an absolutely lovely man, who fully deserves everything he’s getting.
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Souh Africa have a lot of expertise on which they can call and which they’re now retaining – Smith, Kallis, Langerveldt. Whether they’re as good at organising as they are at playing, who knows – and they’ll need to be because the problems are structural. On the other hand, Markram has missed the whole series and they’ve found one in Van der Dussen, so it’s not all misery. But no attack can lose Steyn, Philander and Morkel and simply carry on winning Test matches.
WICKET! Nortje c Buttler b Wood 4 (South Africa 274 all out) ENGLAND WIN THE TEST BY 191 RUNS AND THE SERIES 3-1!
Nortje Nortje, very Nortje! Another short one, leg side again, and Nortje can’t get his hands out of the way. England have been absolutely brilliant these last three Tests and for the first time in a while look a serious proposition. South Africa have problems.
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78th over: South Africa 274-9 (Nortje 4, Paterson 0) Wood goes short again and gets a wide for his trouble; just what Nortje wants, another ball to face. And the next one seems to flick something ... England appeal ... no says the umpire ... and England review!
77th over: South Africa 268-9 (Nortje 4, Paterson 0 ) And that’s drinks.
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WICKET! Hendricks run out (Sibley) 4 (South Africa 273-9)
Oh dear. Nortje knocks to mid on and Hendricks sets off without paying attention to the existence of the world around him. Sibley collects well, hurls to the striker’s end, and Buttler does the rest.
76th over: South Africa 268-8 (Nortje 2, Hendricks 1) Wood will be smelling another fifefer, and sets a field that suggests he’s going either short or full, with one slip and one leg slip. Hendricks gets off the mark with a pull behind square on the on side.
WICKET! De Kock c Woakes b Wood 39 (South Africa 267-8)
De Kock’s batted beautifully here, but he takes one liberty too many, trying to shmice a full one down the ground. But he’s a little late on it, splicing high behind the bowler where Woakes takes easily.
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75th over: South Africa 265-7 (De Kock 39, Nortje 2) In commentary, KP reckons De Kock can’t go higher than five, while Athers suggest finding another keeper; I’m not sure. Why would they want to, if he’s batting well doing both?
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74th over: South Africa 265-7 (De Kock 38, Nortje 1) Wood bangs one into to Nortje and he edges, but it drops short, in front of square on the off side. This brings De Kock onto strike – he’s batted beautifully today, again – and when Wood bangs in again from around, he simply watches it onto his bat that he positions at the diagonal, but with the toe at ten o’clock as he looks at it, feathering four through backward point. He has some of the greatest eyes I’ve ever seen - looks do not deceive us.
“If you plot ‘batting average to two decimal places’ against ‘Number of innings played’,” says James Debens, “the pattern is so unreadable that you might as well just draw a chain of Dickie Bird heads on sticks. And if you do that, an interesting thing happens: the Dickie Bird heads flash, and the phrase “Let’s have a cuppa tea instead” forms above the head of the second Dickie Bird portrait in a cottonwool speech bubble. I believe this is the correct conclusion to be drawn.”
And that’s that on that. And I don’t even drink tea.
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WICKET! Philander c Buttler b Wood 10 (England 260-7)
What a player Vernon Philander has been, an absolute mainstay of one the greatest, toughest sides we’ve loved in recent times. De Kock hugs him and as he emerges from the tunnel his team-mates form a guard of honour. Oh, and he gloved a leg-side bouncer behind.
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73rd over: South Africa 260-6 (De Kock 34, Philander 10) Let’s talk about Big Vern. I remember when he first toured England thinking that his stats might not survive! Shaaaame on me. You have to be so skilful to be so successful bowling his pace. Anyway, Root continues and Vern adds one then De Kock clouts six over cow.
72nd over: South Africa 253-6 (De Kock 28, Philander 9) Wood replaces Broad – I’m surprised they managed to prise the ball out of his death grip. Perhaps he’s just changing ends, but he was doing quite nicely previous. Anyway, Philander pounces on one that’s short and wide, humping four through cover, then picks up a short one and monsters it through midwicket for four more. A single then brings De Kock onto strike and when Wood goes around the wicket, he picks him up from outside off and deposits him over mid on. He strikes me as one of those who’s good at everything. Incidentally, there look to be a lot of insects out there.
71st over: South Africa 240-6 (De Kock 24, Philander 0) Root fancies finishing this so brings himself on. De Kock plays ot a maiden.
“Thoroughly enjoyed ‘WICKET! Bavuma c Buttler b Broad 27 (South Africa 235-5)’’ says Kim Thonger. “I wonder when the next most recent alliterative dismissal was?”
70th over: South Africa 240-6 (De Kock 24, Philander 0) Out comes Big Vern for his final Test go-around. De Kock takes another single, and he sees away the final delivery of the over.
Pretorius c Curran b Broad 2 (South Africa 239-6)
Have England ever had a better fourth-innings bowler than Stuart Broad? He goes short again and Pretorious hooks higher than the sun. But Broad has lived, he has tasted, fantastical places, his soul an oasis, and Curran takes the catch, running in and diving forward.
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70th over: South Africa 238-5 (De Kock 22, Pretorius 2) Broad looks serious, and after De Kock gets himself down the other end Pretorious almost loses his throat to another bouncer.
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69th over: South Africa 235-4 (De Kock 22, Pretorius 2) That Broad bouncer though, my absolute days. It was the perfect line and the perfect length, forcing the batsman to engage - Bavuma actually did pretty well to a glove to it. Stokes’ next over is pretty much a non-event – that’s how good it was. It yields a leg bye and two to Pretorious.
WICKET! Bavuma c Buttler b Broad 27 (South Africa 235-5)
STUART BROAD! STUART BROAD! STUART BROAD! Broad charges in and bangs in a monster that spits and screeches at Bavuma, lifting him off his feet as he tries to get out of the way. He cannot, and the ball flicks his gloves before knocking him over, Buttler taking the catch easily. Brilliant.
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68th over: South Africa 235-4 (De Kock 22, Bavuma 27) Broad returns for a burst before, presumably, returning again - can one return again? – for the new globule. His second ball is full and straight, pitching not far off where he’d like it to pitch, but De Kock is so nimble and leans into it, driving four down the ground. He then pokes to gully, bringing Bavuma on strike, and what a shot he plays, rocking back to square cuts hard to the fence.
67th over: South Africa 226-4 (De Kock 17, Bavuma 23) Bavuma has a plan: if it moves, hit it. Stokes drops short and wide, so he zetzes him over square leg, then gets off strike with one square on the off side. De Kock then adds a single, before a little more bounce surprises Bavuma, who goes back, goes hard, and sends the ball flying over the hand of the leaping Crawley at slip. Ten off the over.
“A Wikipedia wormhole during tea informs me that six lads made their Test debut for England in the 2010s without going on to play another one,” writes Darrien Bold. “Kerrigan was probably the most painful. Which of them do you reckon was the most unlucky?
Shahzad
Kerrigan
Borthwick
Rankin
Crane
Stone.”
Stone will be back, but I don’t think any of these were unlucky not to be invited back. The ill-luck that resonantes with me was suffered by those who played in the 80s and 90s - either never getting a run because the team kept losing so management kept fiddling, or only getting a game or two because management kept fiddling.
66th over: South Africa 216-4 (De Kock 16, Bavuma 14) England complain about the ball again and this time it doesn’t pass through the hole so they get a new one with magic swinging powers. Woakes can’t find them though, and after De Kock cracks a drive to mid on, he pulls four to square leg then cleanses four more through cover. That’s a lovely shot - not aesthetically so, but in terms of hand-eye, it’s perfection.
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65th over: South Africa 208-4 (De Kock 8, Bavuma 14) After De Kock takes a single, Bavuma adds two to fine leg then, when Stokes finds bounce off a length, he half-commits to a drive and gets nowhere near it. He’s not hanging about here, because next ball, he goes again and this time finds it, but well away from his body and without a semblance of control. It gets him four through backward point, but too many more of those and it’ll get him back to the hutch.
“I had something similar last season,” says Carl Jones of my pulsating tale related earlier. “Opening the batting for my village team and going well. The opposition captain set a 9-1 onside field to which I made a suitably disparaging remark about the obviousness of the ploy. Got caught out at long on two balls later. Departed, with suitable chagrin, to a rather smug ‘Worked though didn’t it…’”
Yes, but not because you fell for it.
63rd over: South Africa 202-4 (De Kock 7, Bavuma 8) After De Kock cuts a single, Woakes gets four balls at Bavuma, who’s yet to score. Not anymore! He doesn’t just stands there, he gets to it, striking a pose, there’s nothing to it ... or something. A luscious cover drive goes to the fence for four, and so does a fence through third man which elicits a response from the normally mild-mannered Woakes. In the meantime, we see footage of Du Plessis and Buttler jostling after the former’s dismissal, along with the exchange of sentiments. It’s not hard to plot a narrative of stress for either of those two chaps.
62nd over: South Africa 192-4 (De Kock 6, Bavuma 0) Stokes continues – of course he does. It’s funny really, that however many seamers they pick, partly to limit his workload, he invites it upon himself. How many overs might he have bowled before they invented the internet? Anyway, a maiden.
“This feels like the series where Root’s captaincy has come of age, do you think that’s fair?” asks Mark Hooper. “I’ve not been a huge fan, but I don’t think he can be fully blamed for coming into the England side in an era – under first Strauss and then Cook – where an over-cautious, no-risk, no surprises approach was the norm. So fair play for mixing things up, being proactive in the field and looking to make things happen and take the initiative. Oddly, Faf du Plessis seems to be captaining like an English man this series…!”
The main problem with Root’s captaincy was the effect on his batting - England couldn’t afford to be without the best of it. In this series, there’s been a virtuous circle in which his numbers have improved, those around him have stepped up, and he’s made better decisions. I’m not making assumptions just yet, but the signs are positive.
61st over: South Africa 192-4 (De Kock 6, Bavuma 0) England will feel that one more wicket and they can finish this tonight; in that regard, Chris Woakes has the ball. De Kock sees away for dots, then fends at one with soft enough hands, sending four through gully.
“In a bid for cognitive harmony, I like to put the kettle on when they stop for ‘tea’” says Bill Hargeaves. “Would a slice of Battenberg cake, spirit of intermarrying royal families, help cricketing detente in the changing rooms, almost as First Nation people shared the peace pipe?”
I had my lunch, partly because I’m not yet mature enough to enjoy hot drinks. However, I’d love some ... Battenballberg. I don’t think I properly appreciated cake until I was in my 30s, but now have this plan to make a jam sponge, with that sour sugar they stick on Astrobelts sprinkled on the top. Did you know: that same sour sugar can also be used as dishwasher salt?
Right, we go again...
What a session that was. South Africa batted brilliantly, but then Ben Stokes benstoked them and here we are. England need six wickets, South Africa need 278 runs. See you shortly.
60th over: South Africa 188-4 (De Kock 2, Bavuma 0) Stokes scrapes his foot on the ground like a bull – he’d prefer to go at Bavuma, not De Kock, I shouldn’t wonder – but De Kock plays away two dots, then nudges a single before Bavuma sees it through to tea.
60th over: South Africa 187-4 (De Kock 1, Bavuma 0) “Brilliant captaincy”, who ever supposed to type those words about Joe Root? He’s been much, much better in this series – might it be that having a balanced team is helpful? Anyway Bavuma plays out three dots and we’ve got time for one more over before tea.
WICKET! Van der Dussen c Broad b Wood 98 (South Africa 187-4)
Oh, Rasssie! Oh, Rassie, Rassie, Rassie! Wood goes around the wicket and Root puts in a man at short extra; Wood sends down a ball that looks driveable, here comes the maiden Test century ... AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! It’s a little short, so Van der Dussen has to stretch and picks out the man at short extra! Brilliant innings, brilliant captaincy. The walls are closing in on South Africa.
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59th over: South Africa 187-3 (Van der Dussen 98, De Kock 1) De Kock has been good this series and immediately gets off the mark to backward square. So Stokes finds some lift off a full one and Van der Dussen only just gets it away and down, before gliding the next, shorter one, to the fence at long on. Stokes is furious with himself, shouting about bowling full, and Van der Dussen then adds a further single; he’s so close. Stokes is making him think, though.
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WICKET! Du Plessis b Stokes 35 (South Africa 181-3)
Cometh the hour, cometh the Superman! Stokes tells the pitch it wouldn’t dare be so unresponsive outside so it keeps one low and Du Plessis plays a tentative prod, sending the ball racing into the stumps! Is that the last we see of Faf in Tests?
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58th over: South Africa 181-2 (Van der Dussen 93, Du Plessis 35) South Africa might just have batted like this in their previous five innings. Van der Dussen, though, is exempt from much of the criticism, and he opens the face away from his body – it’s not a great shot, but his hands are soft enough – inching into the 90s with four through the slips. So Wood keeps charging in, and when he offers a short one, Van der Dussen sways but can’t evade, wearing it on the chest.While he recovers, I should add that I missed some aggravation in the previous over, a throw from Curran hitting Du Plessis’ handle and initiating some fervent pleasantries between him, Broad and Pope. Exactly what no one likes to see.
“If a batsman has played n innings,” says Andrew Milligan, “you would expect a 1/n chance of them having an exact average (where their total runs is an exact multiple of their innings, such as Wessels mentioned earlier). To get into the top 50 run scorers you’d to have played at least 150 innings, so out of those 50 you’d expect less than 1/3 of a player to have an exact average (and none of them do). As the number of innings decreases it becomes be easier for a player to have an exact average.
For batsmen with fewer than 100 completed innings, it is impossible to have a decimal part starting .00 (where it is not exact), as there will always be part of the decimal expansion of the fraction creeping in. Once you reach 100 innings it tends towards a 1% chance.”
Just what I was thinking.
57th over: South Africa 177-2 (Van der Dussen 89, Du Plessis 35) England need a wicket so Root turns to Stokes, whose first ball is short and wide, so Van der Dussen leaps off his tippy-toes and crumps four through point. That was very nicely done, and a single through backward square follows.
“To be scrupulously fair and in answer to Alec F’s contention that the chances of an exact average diminish the more matches are played,” says Ian Forth, “I went on statsguru. I picked the halfway mark of aggregate scores in test cricket (page 31 of 61). These players scored in total between 144 and 156 test runs. And indeed, 11 out of the 50 have averages ending in .00, contrasted with zero for the top 50 test batsmen of all time.”
56th over: South Africa 172-2 (Van der Dussen 84, Du Plessis 35) Du Plessis is into this now, deflecting Wood’s first ball to the fence at backward square. The remainder of the over yields no further runs – but only because Broad hurls himself left to stop a further boundary.
“In the matter of round number averages, I offer Pommie Mbwanga - average 2.00 (15 matches, 25 innings, 8 not outs, 34 runs, HS 8)“ says Geoff Wignall. “It’s not merely a round number but also the lowest ever test match average. On the broader probability question, as a non-mathematician it strikes me that what has to be determined is the likelihood of one given number being exactly divisible by another from a restricted set. The restriction is that bar the one obvious outlier, all completed careers have averages between 2 and 59 and form quite a steep bell curve with a heavy concentration between 15 and 45. With total runs between 34 and 15921 and again bell curved, I suspect this introduces too many variables to be accurately calculated (and I’ve no idea how many prime numbers there below 16000; it must be quite a lot. I do know there are 168 of them below 1000) - but would love to be proved wrong.”
55th over: South Africa 168-2 (Van der Dussen 84, Du Plessis 31) Root challenges the batsmen to keep going by keeping Denly on; it reminds me of the time I was batting to save a game, aged 14, and the captain of the opposing team had someone toss one up in the hope I’d lose my childish mind and try to whack it, then get caught. I knew he was doing that, so decided to show him I knew what he was doing by whacking it and not getting caught. i think there’s a philosophical term for this - when you do something that someone isn’t expecting, but you know they’re expecting it so do thew other thing, but they know you’re expecting them to expect it, so you then do the thing you were originally going to do and so on. One off the over. Oh, and obviously it was all irrelevant, because i mishit it.
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54th over: South Africa 165-2 (Van der Dussen 84, Du Plessis 30) Wow! Wood smashes in another bumper that hits the handle and sends Du Plessis reeling back towards the stumps. He leaps, crouches, staggers, and just avoids trampling his stumps. Two off the over, along with a very stern warning.
“If time at work saved by the internet is x, and time at work wasted by the internet is y, does x=y? And if not, why haven’t bosses been discussing an incredible drop or rise in productivity?” Richard Claydon has a response to this brain-teaser:
“Arguably, because digital technology connects us to work 24/7, meaning we just spread our work over longer and longer hours. Productivity and performance stay the same, but we get less sleep and recuperation, and, as the tech distracts and interrupts us more too, we tend to work in quick, intense bursts. Unfortunately, long hours and little rest make us sick, and long-term work intensity makes us sicker. We really need to manage the distractions and work shorter, high-focus hours. Then productivity should improve.”
Ahahahahahahahahaha! I don’t know whether to laugh or die!
53rd over: South Africa 165-2 (Van der Dussen 83, Du Plessis 29) In commentary, KP is very much enjoying Van der Dussen, who is not, according to his mantra, “just letting him bowl” – “him” being Dnely, who again sends down a full toss, which goes over mid on for four. As a consequence, men are on the fence, not around the bat.
52nd over: South Africa 159-2 (Van der Dussen 78, Du Plessis 28) At what point do England start to worry? Not quite yet, but as we near the end of a wicketless session, they’ll be wondering what they have to do to improve matters. Van der Dussen looks extremely relaxed out there, evading a terrifying bumper from Wood in the process of playing out a five dots, following a single to Du Plessis.
51st over: South Africa 158-2 (Van der Dussen 78, Du Plessis 27) One for James Debens: Joe Denly has the ball and begins with a flighted dipper that Van der Dussen nudges to cover for one. Du Plessis then taps to mid on and ends up pegging it because Curran shies ... and only just misses! This brings Van der Dussen onto strike, and when Denly drops short, he carts him over midwicket for six! That’s his highest score for South Africa! So Denly pitches fuller and Van der Dussen sees him coming, taking a huge stride to turn it into a full toss and driving very nicely down to long on for four. He’s enjoying himself out there.
“1 in 100 to have an average of XX.00,” says Alistair Connor, “BUT that’s beside the point. Speaking as a numbers obsessive, the only interesting stat is if the average is a WHOLE NUMBER, i.e. if the number of runs can be divided exactly by the number of outs. For example: a hypothetical batter with a total of 4131 runs for 153 outs would have an average of 27. Point nothing. No ifs, no buts. (did I mention I’m a numbers obsessive ?) This is obviously going to be much rarer than 1 in 100, but I have no inclination to calculate the odds (obsessive but lazy).”
50th over: South Africa 146-2 (Van der Dussen 67, Du Plessis 26) Wood replaces Woakes, who handsomed his way through another decent spell. England could really do with him finding some reverse, but this ground isn’t conducive to it and Van der Dussen bunts him to cover for one before Du Plessis plays out the rest of the over, during which time the complaints about the ball begin. That’s drinks.
“Mike Morris’s logic (over 43) seems watertight,” reckons Ian Forth. “It’s lent credence by the the fact that the first batsman on the list of all time test run scorers (Daniel Vettori, as noted earlier) to register an ‘exact’ average (30.00) is 108th on the list, while the next, with an average of 41.00, is Kepler Wessels at 218th.”
Spooky.
49th over: South Africa 145-2 (Van der Dussen 66, Du Plessis 26) Eeesh! Curran finds some bounce and Du Plessis leans into a poke ... edging through the slips for four. So to rebalance the cosmos, when one sits up for him, he waits and crunches it through midwicket for four.
“To get an exact average,” tweets Alec F – brother of Axel, I trust – “the number of runs must be a multiple of the number of completed innings. So the chances of an exact average diminishes as a player completes every innings. For a player who has completed 100 innings there is a 1% chance of an exact average. As number of completed innings of higher profile batsmen tends to be some way over 100 it’s not surprising that few have an exact average. But if you look at players with less than 50 gaps you’ll see it happening >1% of the time.”
I’m out of my element.
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48th over: South Africa 136-2 (Van der Dussen 65, Du Plessis 18) The runs are coming more freely now, and Du Plessis takes two, then glances Woakes around the corner for four; no more than he deserves for disrespecting his glorious babyface with a beard.
“Isn’t it time to get Denly on and give the ball some air and flat fizz?” asks James Debens. “Slow balls with some languid loop. Try to hit that, VDD! Get Bairstow on as sub fielder, marshalling the boundaries for a skied one, whizzing off the ropes like a Catherine Wheel. What, what?”
I’d look forward to seeing how Bairstow managed to get himself bowled fielding at deep backward point.
47th over: South Africa 130-2 (Van der Dussen 65, Du Plessis 12) Now Curran decides to go around and from wide of the crease. Du Plessis takes one to backward square, then Van der Dussen chucks bat at a full one and gets enough of it to send it to the fence. It’s not as good a stroke as those recent ones which, combined, earned him a princely total of 0 – which i believe is ironic.
“Re Mike Morris, that can’t be right,” says Peter Salmon. “The one in a hundred on .00, as I said in earlier email numbers repeat. So you only need two players whose averages end .94 or .23 and it’s thrown out of whack. Mind, that was my original idea, then I went for one in a thousand, but no idea why. Still panicking here. Where are the maths people?!”
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46th over: South Africa 125-2 (Van der Dussen 61, Du Plessis 11) Given we’ve been discussing matters mathematical, I’ve got a question: if time at work saved by the internet is x, and time at work wasted by the internet is y, does x=y? And if not, why haven’t bosses been discussing an incredible drop or rise in productivity? In the meantime, Maharaj takes a break from playing Words With Friends and brings out some drinks before Du Plessis gets his feet stuck in cement and looks away while playing an airy drive at Woakes, missing everything. But he recovers and nips down the other end after nurdling one behind square on the on side.
45th over: South Africa 124-2 (Van der Dussen 61, Du Plessis 10) Currany replaces Broady and looks to be doing around the wicket to Du Plessis before changing his mind. Du Plessis takes one, then Van der Dussen is denied by Sibley again. So Curran charges in again, angry face deployed, and raps his man on the pad; the ball loops to slip and there’s an appeal for whatever’s going, but no review. England are starting to exert a bit of pressure now, and Van der Dussen looks a little frustrated; Faf has a word and he takes his helmet off to reset.
44th over: South Africa 123-2 (Van der Dussen 61, Du Plessis 9) Van der Dussen misses out on 12 runs; Sibley and Pope make decent stops, then he misses a leg-stump half-volley. Maiden.
43rd over: South Africa 123-2 (Van der Dussen 61, Du Plessis 9) The current state of play has Stuart Broad written all over it, and he’s certainly trying to make it happen, but after Van der Dussen takes one more to cover, Du Plessis sees out the rest of the over. Talking of whom, have we discussed his hair this series? Like that of Judd Trump, I’m struggling to understand precisely how it works – both remind me of an exam I did as a kid in which I had to copy shape out of paper and scissors, without touching the one on the table in front of me. “Not one of your better efforts, Daniel,” said the teacher.
“There’s 100 permutations from .00 to .99,” tweets Mike Morris, “so I would think the chance of a cricketer having a .00 average is one in a hundred ... but I feel like I’ve ruined the fun if that’s true.”
I’m not sure about this. I’m no mathematician, but might the manner of scoring in cricket – hardly any fives, not many sixes, relatively speaking – have an impact?
42nd over: South Africa 122-2 (Van der Dussen 60, Du Plessis 9) I’ve decided that Bess could just as easily have replaced Woakes, the selectors will be chuffed to learn – despite his lovely hair. But the pitch is misbehaving for him now and, after Du Plessis takes one to cover, he has Van der Dussen leaping as the ball spits off a length; he wears it on the pelvis, then nudges a single to point.
41st over: South Africa 120-2 (Van der Dussen 59, Du Plessis 8) It’s lucky England didn’t pick a spinner isn’t it? No one wants to leave out Sam Curran, but we are where we are. Anyway, Stuart Broad roars in, and after a single to each batsman persuades his fourth ball to leap onto the splice; perhaps a short-leg might be sensible, in case he gets more of the same.
Also, you can email me on daniel.harris.casual@theguardian.com or tweet @DanielHarris.
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40th over: South Africa 118-2 (van der Dussen 58, du Plessis 8) RvdD has played some lovely drives in his innings so far today and that’s the best of them, jumping on the front foot and slamming Woakes through the gap at cover, racing away for four. He bounces back with a sharp bumper, just getting out the way. To finish off, he’s a touch shorter again to du Plessis, the ball smashing into his right glove. The skipper immediately drops his bat - that hurt him. But it was on this ground in 2018 against Australia he broke his finger but still went on to post three figures, so don’t worry too much about how he responds. As the medical staff come out to take a look, the umpires decide to call drinks. With that, I’ll say goodbye for the day, Daniel Harris on to replace me. Thanks for your company. Chat tomorrow? Quite possibly with the way South Africa are going at the moment. Bye for now.
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39th over: South Africa 113-2 (van der Dussen 53, du Plessis 8) Shot, Faf. It wasn’t a good delivery from Broad on his pads but he still had to put it away and did with style. It was the only pitched-up delivery, too. He’s gotta give it a chance to swing.
We have another route, albeit to nine rather than eight, from Dominic Murphy.
1) Root played against 2)Tendulkar who played his first test v 3)Imran Khan who played against 4) Ray Illingworth who played against 5) Bert Sutcliffe, who played against 6) Wally Hammond, who played against 7) Herbie Taylor, who played against 8) Syd Gregory, who played with 9)Jack Blackham
38th over: South Africa 109-2 (van der Dussen 53, du Plessis 4) Stokes continues and is much more accurate this time, angling from wide of the crease in towards the hip. du Plessis stays still and flicks out to midwicket, keeping the strike.
Pete Salmon is back with us and he has a question. “I got it stuck in my head that one in a thousand players should end with round figures, but this doesn’t work obviously as double digits (eg .94) repeat, but I can’t make the next step. One in how many batting averages should end .00? And so how many test cricketers should that be?” Yeah, good luck with that!
@collinsadam has anyone pinpointed the moment that 4th innings targets swapped from leave them a chance to bat them out of the game + half an hour? In the 90s it was always about the challenging target
— Alex Roberts (@AlexjrUk) January 27, 2020
My sense is that since games had sped up, this is less of a thing. I agree, in the 1990s setting a target of 250-300 was fairly common, but usually that was with only three or four sessions to come. These days, teams are getting so far ahead in the Test that they can set 450-500 with five or six sessions to finish the job.
37th over: South Africa 107-2 (van der Dussen 52, du Plessis 3) Broad is back, steered away for one early in the over by Rassie. Faf defends the rest carefully.
Steve Hudson has nailed it! “If we move the rules to Test careers that overlapped (and not necessarily playing against each other in Test cricket), you can do it thus:
Shaw
Grace
Rhodes
G Headley
Close
Gooch
Tendulkar
Loads of players.”
The next question: who might be the young teammate/opponent of Tendulkar who is going to crack on until age 40? Is Root the most likely?
36th over: South Africa 106-2 (van der Dussen 51, du Plessis 3) I said in the preivous over that Stokes is mixing up his lengths and it’s a more exaggerated version of that this time around, dropping a bouncer too short - called a wide - before sending down a waist-high full toss. Regardless, van der Dussen is in control. du Plessis gets a couple away to finish, albeit off the inside edge.
“If you are including opponents,” writes Ian Andrew, “didn’t Rhodes play with Grace and against Bradman?” Sadly, not. He missed out on the latter, not on the 1928-29 tour, and finished before Australia arrived in 1930. Quite a shame, really!
van der Dussen to 50!
35th over: South Africa 102-2 (van der Dussen 50, du Plessis 1) “He has been absolutely brilliant,” declares KP of the South African No3 as he advances to a third Test half-century, pushing Wood into the off-side to reach the mark in 67 balls. Considering he walked out there on a pair, and was given out lbw second ball, he has batted with such freedom. Good on him. Earlier in the over, he tucked the England quick out to midwicket for three before du Plessis got off the mark with a similar stroke for one. The 100 is also up for South Africa. Positive vibes for all.
“That love of right angles and round numbers?” notes Gary Naylor. “You’re about to share your life with a scaled down version of Keith Moon. It’s like being inside a Jackson Pollock 24/7/52.” So I’m told! I’ve packed my partner, on her first day of maternity leave, off to a posh spa thing today. Resting while she can and all that.
34th over: South Africa 97-2 (van der Dussen 46, du Plessis 0) It’s a rapid over from Stokes, now consistently hitting the radar at over 90mph. The captain, in defence throughout, still isn’t off the mark after 17 balls. Nothing easy about this.
NOT OUT! No, he is not. The noise the England captain detected was the ball clipping the elbow as he shouldered arms, not the glove.
IS FAF CAUGHT BEHIND FOR A DUCK? Root has sent it upstairs!
33rd over: South Africa 96-2 (van der Dussen 45, du Plessis 0) That’s a lovely shot, van der Dussen driving Wood straight back past him for four. His pace is up, the radar is on. This is going to be a very good contest over the next few overs.
“Stop getting Ghost wrong!” insists James Debens. “It’s starred Patrick Moore, Jessica Tandy and Yahoo Serious. Who could forget Patrick Moore making a Toby jug for his darling at the potter’s Wheel? Or Yahoo Serious summoning up the spirits as his legs dangled from his ute? The soundtrack by Slayer topped things off choicely.” The Righteous Bros covered by Slayer, is it? Now we’re talking.
32nd over: South Africa 91-2 (van der Dussen 40, du Plessis 0) du Plessis is doing it tough here, so badly out of sorts through this series. Stokes is mixing up his lengths, keeping the captain thinking. He finds the edge with a full offering, albeit from the bottom of the bat, along the ground into the cordon. He’s faced 14 balls.
Josh Robinson has a twist on the chain “I’m not sure if we’re limiting the list to teammates (Paul Headon’s initial query including playing against the next on the list), but you can shave one off Bertie Wooster’s list by replacing Thorpe and Bell with Tendulkar, who played against Gooch (I think first in the summer of 1990), and then against Root at Nagpur in December 2012.”
Might more efficiencies be found using this formulation? Can we get it to nine?
Nathan Cooper is in my inbox with a sensible thought, too.
“I’m very impressed by the work at 10.24, and it is undoubtedly more pleasing to have a whole 11, but Thorpe to Anderson surely? Cuts it to ten.”
31st over: South Africa 91-2 (van der Dussen 40, du Plessis 0) Rassie (who I always want to identify as RANDY), has broken his bat. Rather, Mark Wood has broken it for him with his second ball of the session and a fresh spell. After the delay, the new blade is beaten with a beauty from Wood, angled in before shaping away. We saw him pick up thre wickets with deliveries just like that after tea on Saturday.
“Peter Salmon’s example of being wrenched from The Zone because it’s Susan from reception’s birthday is called (at least in my field, which is software development) ‘context switching’,” explains Edward Collier. “All sorts of things can trigger it - emails arriving, fire drill, meetings, cake, a visitor from Porlock. Or, in my present case, an alert that a wicket has fallen.”
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30th over: South Africa 91-2 (van der Dussen 40, du Plessis 0) van der Dussen into the 40s with a square drive along the carpet, out to the sweeper. Oooh, Stokes beats du Plessis with a lovely little outswinger straight away. He had to play at that, just outside the line of off-stump. Come on, Faf. Get yourself in here.
“Morning Adam.” Hello, Kim Thonger. “Incurable romantic that I am, I’ve just booked tickets to take She Who Must Be Obeyed to a 30th Anniversary showing of Ghost, which starred Demi Moore and Devon Malcolm if I remember correctly. Or was it Eddie Hemmings?”
Yep, it was Eddie Hemmings on the pottery wheel, if I recall correctly.
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The players are back on the field. Will Rassie keep bashing and crashing? Can Faf get to 54 in order to guarantee his career average (if it ends here) finishes with a ‘4’ in front of it? Can England end this quickly? Let’s find out. Stokes to bowl. PLAY!
A couple more before we return. “Hi Adam.” G’day, Peter Salmon. “I think we forget a couple of things when we get cross at batsmen getting out after drinks. First, how immensely difficult it is to get in the zone, which is why most cricketers fail. Second, drinks is not always a positive thing. It’s like when you are at work and really getting stuff done and then someone announces its Susan from reception’s birthday. Sure, who doesn’t like cake, but it also involves breaking off what you are doing, and usually standing around chatting to people you have nothing to say to, which I’m sure is often true of batting partners. Its always a good ten minutes before you get back in the zone, if ever.”
Of course, that’s spot on. But it isn’t so much Susan from reception as something they know is going to happen at the top of the hour. To that end, I wonder why more hasn’t been done to prepare for the break so they don’t leave the zone?
Steve Nicholson is with us as well on players commentating while on the field.
“I clearly remember (mid 1960s?) Denis Compton doing this while playing in a televised match between (I think) Old England and the Lords Taverners. Compton (who was obviously long retired from 1st class cricket playing but a regular tv commentator) wore the microphone while he was bowling, and informed viewers what he was intending to do with his next ball. I don’t recall if he also wore it while batting - but in any case, the BBC had probably gone over for the 4.00 race at Catterick by then.”
This needs an post all on its own, as I’ll be watching it very closely. “All lovers of round averages need to stop what they are doing a pray to Alistair Cook’s Cricket Gods (TM) that Faf is out for a score of 54,” writes Paul Gilham. “That will leave him with an average of bang on 40. At which point he surely should do the decent thing and bunk the West Indies tests to leave his Test career there.”
Yes! Speaking of Cook, in his final innings I spent the better part of a day going back and forth with Andrew Samson as we watched him track to the number he required to guarantee a career average of 45. From memory, that was 80. Of course, he went on to make a lot more than that before he was done.
Righto, let’s get though some emails.
“This has been done a few times,” Bertie Wooster says of the task linking players from dawn of Test Criket time. “The war is an issue (Hutton is needed there) and then there’s a bit of fiddling in the 70s. I *think* the answer is eleven. Shaw takes you 1877-80, then Grace, then Rhodes. Rhodes played with Ames. Ames played with Hutton. Hutton played with Close. Close played with Woolmer. Woolmer played with Gooch. Gooch played with Thorpe. Thorpe played with Bell. Bell played with Root. That’s 11. Toodle pip.”
Beautifully done. Let’s assume Root plays for another eight years? Root might play with... Athers’ son, who is making his way nicely through the junior ranks. Sky Cricket are now showing a package on his 185 at Jo’burg in 1995, if you fancy it.
Now to Alistair Connor is diving deep into my mind. “It’s not cricket, it’s an earworm,” he says. “From my youth. You set me off in Over 4 with your need for round numbers and right angles. So here’s your new theme song :
Never leaves a gap unfilled
Always pays on time
Always fits the bill
He comes well prepared
Cube top, squared-off
Eight corners, 90 degree angles
Flat top, stares straight ahead
Stock parts, blockhead
-- Devo, Blockhead, 1979
As the kids say, I feel... seen.
A quirky addition from Mark Slater. “While his test appearances are not likely to have featured in the missing gap mentioned in the 20th over discussion, I think there should be recognition of Fred Titmus of Middlesex and England - who played first class cricket in as many decades as did WG Grace (because Mike Brealey spotted him in the crowd and invited him to bowl on a wet pitch some few years after his official retirement). To think that the powers that be would not allow such a thing to happen nowadays.”
If only so! Not quite the same, but always liked the story about the day Harry Redknapp let an angry fan come on a play for West Ham.
Brian Withington on drinks-break psychology. “May I be the first to offer advice for any batsman facing a drinks break: ‘Make sure you end up at the non-striker’s end going into the break’. However, we might then need to start investigating the prevalence of run outs the ball before a drinks break, but that’s for another day.”
It’s definitely a thing and absolutely shouldn’t be these days.
A cheeky lookalike from David Brown before I hit send “Are Rassie Van Dussen and Laurence Fox related?” I feel dirty including the name of the latter in the OBO.
LUNCH! South Africa 90-2
29th over: South Africa 90-2 (van der Dussen 39, du Plessis 0) Far more chilled out from RvdD off Root after the loss of Elgar, taking a single into the legside. du Plessis defends the rest. With that, we have reached LUNCH. South Africa are still 376 runs away from their notional target at the end of a hard-fought session, England eight wickets away. But the visitors return to their dressing room on a positive note with Stokes removing Dean Elgar just minutes before the interval.
28th over: South Africa 89-2 (van der Dussen 38, du Plessis 0) I thought that would be lunch but it’s not - we must be making up some time in this session. du Plessis, playing what will probably be his final Test innings on home soil, defends the one delivery he has to deal with to complete the successful Stokes over.
WICKET! Elgar c & b Stokes 24 (South Africa 89-2)
The Stokes bouncer does it again! He went at Elgar’s body from the get-go in this spell and gets his wicket with it now. The opener was unable to access his pull shot in time, the hurried stroke instead coming off the splice and back to the bowler.
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27th over: South Africa 89-1 (Elgar 24, van der Dussen 38) Lunch time? PARTY TIME! van der Dussen is really going after Root, sweeping him for four then launching him over long on for SIX! Have that! Helped by four byes down the legside earlier in the over, they have reached their 50 partnership in 70 balls. Good times. So, Root’s last three overs in Test cricket have had 54 runs taken off them.
26th over: South Africa 75-1 (Elgar 24, van der Dussen 28) So much for shutting up shop before a break, van der Dussen’s approach is to go through the gears. After taking Root on in the previous over, he’s hammered a stand-and-deliver slap from the crease off Stokes through extra cover, his sixth boundary out of 28 runs.
“Good morning Adam (rather early morning in snowy Ottawa).” Welcome aboard, Nicholas von Malzahn. “Easier than Paul Headon’s head-scratcher (over 20): has anyone other than Rhodes played Tests in five different decades? Warm thanks while I’m at it for OBO coverage.”
My pleasure. I know that Brian Close and Sachin Tendulkar spanned four and Shoaib Malik recently participated in his fourth decade of white-ball cricket for Pakistan. But surely Rhodes stands alone with five. I’ll double check at lunch.
25th over: South Africa 69-1 (Elgar 23, van der Dussen 23) Root brings himself on - the only spin option for England this week, of course. van der Dussen starts positively, taking him on with a reverse sweep second ball, striking it expertly down to the rope. He plays an even better stroke later in the set, jumping down the track and getting to the pitch, clipping beautifully out to the midwicket boundary. A third boundary to finish, back to that trusty reverse sweep. After having a lot of trouble against the turning ball last week, the Proteas No3 is backing himself.
24th over: South Africa 57-1 (Elgar 23, van der Dussen 11) Stokes is fuller at Elgar this time around, jumping around the wicket to slam a shorter ball in there. They exchange singles behind square to finish. There’ll be four more overs until lunch.
“Andrew Milligan’s observations n exact decimals and rounding had me dangerously close to resurrecting last summer’s NRR inspired debate about 0.9 recurring (ie 0.9999... ad infinitum) being exactly equal to one,” writes Ian Forth. “Dangerously close.” I reckon I was on the OBO that day? Let’s steer clear of that for now!
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23rd over: South Africa 55-1 (Elgar 22, van der Dussen 10) Three maidens on the bounce for England, Curran v RvdD quickly turning into a good little contest.
“Your point about batsmen getting out immediately following drinks may not be recorded, but I’d take a stab at once every other innings.” Feels right to me, John Starbuck. “When it happens once, the rest of the side may be more attentive.”
It feels like a logical area for a team psychologist to look into. They all have one.
22nd over: South Africa 55-1 (Elgar 22, van der Dussen 10) Ben Stokes is into the attack for the first time today. It’s a different approach from the all-rounder to the other seamers used this morning, banging it in at Elgar. But the opener has been around long enough to know full well what was coming, handling it comfortably.
“Evening Adam.” A good evening to you, Phil Withall. “With regard to Ian Forth’s 10th over email. One of the few benefits of getting older is the ability to recall obscure things that have little interest to the younger generation. I’m on a mission to befuddle and confuse anyone younger than me with obscure sporting facts, for instance, I believe that Derek Randall was the first on field player to provide live commentary, during a game at Don Valley stadium in Sheffield in the late 1980’s. A game that also included a very young (18/19 year old) Sachin Tendulkar.”
You might have to define live commentary for me, here? As in, he was mic’ed up? Bob Woolmer and Hansie Cronje tried their own version of that during the 1999 World Cup, you may recall. Always thought it was harsh to crack down on that.
21st over: South Africa 55-1 (Elgar 22, van der Dussen 10) Curran gives Rassie something to flick and he takes full advantage, moving into double figures are his reprieve on zero. The all-rounder is still getting a fair bit of conventional swing.
“Hi Adam!” Andrew Milligan, welcome to the OBO. “I was intrigued by the discussion of round averages so had a look on statsguru. According to that, Vettori has scored 4531 runs and been out 151 times (174-23).This actually works out as 30.0066. So they are truncating his average to 2dp rather than rounding up to 30.01 which would be the correct thing to do. The most runs scored with a truly exact average I can find is Keppler Wessels with 2788 @ 41 (71 innings; 3 not outs).”
Controversy! Ian Forth, what say you? One decimal point or two? It is, when you think about it, kinda bonkers that we measure batting averages by two DPs, no?
20th over: South Africa 50-1 (Elgar 21, van der Dussen 6) Woakes to van der Dussen, forced to use his bat throughout, giving him nothing. Maiden.
“Morning Adam.” Hello, Paul Headon. “Loved your little nugget about Wilf Rhodes. It got me wondering (Knowledge-style) what the smallest number of players is, in a list from first test ever to most recent test for each nation, where each player must have played with or against the preceding player in the list. W.G. Grace to Wilf Rhodes gets you from 1880 to 1930 in one mighty leap, but how many other players are required to cover 1877-1880 and 1930 to 2019? I haven’t got time to research it this morning, but a fun one to throw out to your readers…”
Thank you! Yes, we have done this one before. I know that Brian Close and Graham Gooch are involved; Alec Stewart and Jimmy Anderson too. There are gaps! One challenge is that Hammond didn’t quite crossover with Close, from memory.
19th over: South Africa 50-1 (Elgar 21, van der Dussen 6) The 50 is up for the hosts, Elgar driving nicely past mid-off; his fourth boundary of the morning. Curran did beat him on the outside edge earlier in the over - a lovely bit of bowling - but on the whole, he’s looked far more comfortable than has been the case of late.
18th over: South Africa 46-1 (Elgar 17, van der Dussen 6) Big Rassie is off his pair with a classy pull shot off Woakes down to the rope, along the turf all the way. Shot. He then pushes a couple behind point to finish. That’s better.
“Early play has done nothing to dissipate the after effects of a classic anxiety dream,” writes Brian Withington. Good morning to you. “Report deadline approaching fast, first half written but second half still just section headings with no text. And someone’s debating what shade of paper it should be printed on! I’m sure this has no read across to the cricket whatsoever, and was more likely triggered by my son limping off to A&E two weeks before crunch FA Vase 5th round tie. Nothing broken, fingers crossed. A wicket or two now would be nice.”
I’m meant to be writing down my dreams at the moment but neglected to do so when starting this OBO earlier. I do know it was equally anxious. Standard!
17th over: South Africa 40-1 (Elgar 17, van der Dussen 0) Slammin’ Sam is back to Elgar and nearly completes a tidy maiden himself but going for the bumper to finish, it flies high enough over the lid for a wide to be called. Good set, though.
“Good morning Adam, good morning everyone.” My man Greg Hensman! Great to see you pop up in my inbox. “You mention your group-estimation of the Test wickets Broad will finish on. Any thoughts on Anderson (this one might be a bit more tricky, what with managing the body and all)? Will he coast past Kumble? And presumably get nowhere near to Warne (that’d surely be way too much, even for the machine that is Anderson’s body)?”
We did do that, but it was one pint later so we were less definitive. We did have him going beyond Kumble. Like Broad, we reckon they will take him to India and Australia but in a squad rotation. That might even apply to his output at home this coming season. Then again, he’ll clean up against the Windies and Pakistan.
16th over: South Africa 39-1 (Elgar 17, van der Dussen 0) ANOTHER big lbw appeal to finish! Umpire Joel Wilson was under pressure having gotten the previous one wrong but made the right decision here - there as an inside edge, which he detected. The end of a superb over from Chris Woakes, a wicket maiden.
Malan will be furious with his dismissal, just after the break - how often do you see it? It was Woakes’ fullest delivery this morning. Sure, it did a bit in the air but it was never a delivery he had to play at in the first place.
WICKET!
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 27, 2020
England have their first! And it's Woakes with the breakthrough immediately after drinks, Malan (22) edging to second slip.
📺 Watch #SAvENG live: https://t.co/vjFjV8u51O
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NOT OUT! Excellent review, it’s going over the top. The No3 survives a pair. For now, anyway...
IS VAN DER DUSSEN LBW THIRD BALL? He’s given out on the field but after consulting Elgar, it has been sent upstairs for review. Stand by!
WICKET! Malan c Stokes b Woakes 22 (South Africa 39-1)
First ball after the break! Malan has batted well but throwing his hands at a ball outside the off stump, he’s edged Woakes to the big hands of Stokes in the cordon.
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15th over: South Africa 39-0 (Malan 22, Elgar 17) Wood is hitting the high notes on the radar but Malan really doesn’t seem to mind, playing another really compact shot through cover from four. Not a lot of backswing; all timing. A quick single closes out the first hour- positive running. He’s into the 20s. They take a drink.
14th over: South Africa 34-0 (Malan 17, Elgar 17) Woakes is digging into a channel just outside the off stump at Malan for the majority of the over before bringing an off-cutter back, played well to midwicket. He keeps the strike with one to cover.
13th over: South Africa 33-0 (Malan 16, Elgar 17) Shot of the morning, Elgar lashing Wood’s first ball through cover point. Not a lot of footwork but he nailed the timing. An encouraging start from a man who could really do with a Leo Sayer. Oh, hold that positive thought: he’s beaten wafting outside the off-stump to finish.
“Surely the most famous exact average is G. F. Grace’s 0.0,” notes Richard O’Hagan. “A pair on debut, fell ill during the game and died a fortnight later. It wasn’t his best month.”
Cripes. Oh, that gives me an excuse to relay something I found the other day! I’m sure somebody else has written about it before but, well, I’m happy with it. It relates to Wilfred Rhodes. We all know that he was playing Test cricket when he was nearly 53 years old. But how about this. His first Test Match in 1899 was WG Grace’s final outing, at Nottingham against the touring Australians. His last Test, in 1930, was the match where Andrew Sandham made the first triple ton (325) in Test cricket, against the West Indies in Jamaica. Isn’t that cool?
12th over: South Africa 29-0 (Malan 16, Elgar 13) Edge, four! Malan went at the cut with hard hands, angling his bat so the ball went over the cordon. Earlier in the over, he had to get through a shout for leg before from Woakes who jagged back at him off the seam, but it made contact outside the line. A bit more going on now.
11th over: South Africa 25-0 (Malan 12, Elgar 13) Wood is sure he has Elgar caught around the corner but it is turned dow! Technology confirms that there is no bat involved, it’s all hip/thigh pad. Root, once again, is right not to review. He’s already consistently beyond 90mph, building with each delivery. This’ll be fun.
“Morning Adam.” Hello, Chris Dew. “So you like right angles? The hotel 70 degrees in Colwyn Bay was anything but at right angles. Gone now, but I had many lovely afternoon teas there. At least Colwyn Bay still hosts the biannual thrashing of Glamorgan by Lancashire.”
We spent a weekend staying in Colwyn Bay (albeit in an Airbnb) just before Christmas, a Babymoon of sorts. Absolutely loved the two brewries and Snowdonia Ale at the Pen y Bryn. Looped around to Conwy, Llandudno, Snowdonia (albeit, without climbing), Angelsey and Denbigh - where many of my family are from. Indeed, that’s where my grandad, the old scallywag, evaded courtmartial after the war and met my nan. In short, can’t wait to get back!
10th over: South Africa 25-0 (Malan 12, Elgar 13) Chris Woakes bowled magnificently in the first innings for limited returns, especially when the game was there to be won on that second afternoon. He’s into the attack now, replacing Sam Curran. He’s right on the button here too. Nice start.
“Daniel Vettori has the most number of runs for a test batsman with an ‘exact’ average,” reports Ian Forth. “His is exactly 30.00. I made another slightly pedantic point to someone on a Guardian forum the other day and the reply came ‘You’re old, impotent and out of touch. Comes to us all eventually. There’s always steam trains and writing letters to the local paper. Now I’m going to make cheese scones with my daughter’. I was chortling so much I didn’t even bother reporting her for personal abuse.” Great stat... even better sledge!
9th over: South Africa 24-0 (Malan 12, Elgar 12) Mark Wood it is, to replace Stuart Broad. What a joy he has been to watch bowl, bat and talk over the last couple of weeks. Elgar gets one to begin the spell, out to cover, Malan forced to get out the way of a quick bouncer soon enough. He’s stroking them well this morning though, able to time the quick down the ground for a couple to finish his over.
8th over: South Africa 21-0 (Malan 10, Elgar 11) A productive start to the Curran over, Malan pushing a couple through cover then pushing one to midwicket. Elgar is in on the act too, clipping the third ball in front of the square leg umpire for four. Lovely timing. I suspect we’ll be seeing Mark Wood very soon.
“Morning Adam, morning everyone.” Good morning to you, Robert Ellson. “Have to say I have mixed feelings about Jerusalem. I was at the Galle Test last winter, where Billy the Trumpet played it from the top of the Fort, and the overall effect was both dodgily colonial and thrillingly magnificent. But I’m not sure he should go to his retirement without someone mentioning that he plays the wonderful solo at the end of this beautiful Divine Comedy song.”
Yep, it’s contested space, that’s for sure. Every major political party has used it at one time or another. In fairness to the Barmy Army (I’m sometimes a little nasty about them on twitter) the did start the Jerusalem thing. Per the piece I posted, it was their idea back in 1998, which the ECB picked up in 2003. The marketing boss at the time had been to watch some professional wrestling and decided the England team needed some walk-on music. And there it was born for home Tests.
7th over: South Africa 13-0 (Malan 7, Elgar 6) Sure enough, Broad beats Elgar with his first delivery, around the wicket in at the left-hander, tailing away in the manner he did so magnificently and repeatedly to David Warner during the Ashes. But the opener keeps his cool, pushing one from the next delivery to give Malan the strike. Broad is up for leg before to the right-hander with a ball that slips past the edge and hits the back pad from wide of the crease but it hits him well outside the line and is missing the off-stump. Root was wise not to entertain a review.
6th over: South Africa 11-0 (Malan 6, Elgar 5) Ooh, Curran finds Elgar’s inside edge when cutting and it was nearly all over for the opener - not far away from the woodwork. He’s off strike later in the over to backward point, which will now give Stuart Broad a chance at the left-hander for the first time in this innings.
5th over: South Africa 10-0 (Malan 6, Elgar 4) That’s a lovely cover drive from Malan, getting well forward to Broad and stroking him through the line out to the boundary. Earlier in the over the England cordon were up for leg before when he missed a flick but it was going to miss leg stump. The series might be over for South Africa but there’s plenty of time here for Malan to leave a lasting mark.
4th over: South Africa 6-0 (Malan 2, Elgar 4) Curran beats Elgar to begin with a delivery moving away both in the air and off the seam. He has another little victory later in the over when finding his leading edge, which spits out through the cordon for four. We talked a lot about Denly and Butter’s need of runs yesterday and the same applies to Elgar. His decline is getting problematic.
“Morning Adam.” Hello, Michael Anderson. “On the topic of Philander’s pleasingly rounded stats, a score of 56 not out or 81 out in this innings would leave him with an overall test average of exactly 25. Unlikely perhaps but would be nice.”
That’d be a thing of beauty - 5000 runs conceded; averaging 25 when batting. I’m one of those aforementioned weirdos who likes/craves/needs even/round numbers. And right angles, much to the enduring annoyance of my partner.
3rd over: South Africa 2-0 (Malan 2, Elgar 0) South Africa are off the mark via Malan, who tucks a couple off Broad through midwicket. It’s a less probing over than his first, the opener able to shoulder arms for the most part.
I spent some time in the pub after the second day of this Test with Daniel Norcross and Andy Zaltzman trying to work out how many wickets Stuart Broad will finish with. We landed on 560. The assumptions: he’ll play every Test in England over the next two years but only every other in India/Australia during the winter. And I can’t imagine why they would take him to Sri Lanka in March - let him rest.
2nd over: South Africa 0-0 (Malan 0, Elgar 0) Slammin’ Sammy Curran has the new ball from the other end, as he has throughout the second half of this series. He’s generating some nice shape away from Elgar from the get-go, the opener defending when he has to and leaving the rest outside the off stump. Nice.
An old/discontinued email address of mine was featuring at the top of the page earlier today, which is fixed now. Hit refresh for it to automatically correct on your browster. If you want to get in touch at any stage, this is how you do it.
1st over: South Africa 0-0 (Malan 0, Elgar 0) Nice and full from Broad to begin, which is always encouraging. He beats Malan’s inside edge to finish, whacking into his back pad. There’s half an appeal but it is going well over the top. Nice start.
There is a lot of love for Jerusalem as Billy the Trumpeter enjoys his final rendition before ‘retiring’ in his role. Four years ago, I spent too much time going back through the history of the poem, looking at how it became England’s cricket anthem. The piece featured in The Nightwatchman and is online these days.
The players are on the field. Stuart Broad has the new ball, Pieter Malan the man facing up first. Three slips and a gully are his catchers, a short leg too. PLAY!
What a gem from Andrew Samson. Of course, this is Vernon Philander’s final Test, which prompts plenty of discussion around stats. But they don’t get much better than this for those of us who always have their TV volume on multiples of five.
Bowlers who finished their Test careers having conceded runs that are an exact multiple of 1000:
— Andrew Samson (@AWSStats) January 26, 2020
Vernon Philander (SA) 5000
Peter Philpott (Aus) 1000
An email from overnight to get us going. “All this mention of what we can and can’t hear on stump mic brings to mind some of the epic exchanges that we heard in the early days during World Series Cricket,” writes Scott Probst. “The best, and least repeatable were the conversations between those two poets Dennis Lillee and Garth Le Roux. Kept us up nights at boarding school, waiting for those two to go at it from either end of the pitch.”
This always comes up in South Africa. I remember (fondly?) when Australia visited for the first time since readmission in 1994... you could hear everything. Shane Warne and Merv Hughes would have faced lengthy bans by today’s standards.
“It’s not a minefield,” says Athers of the track on TV, “but there’s plenty there for the bowlers.” Indeed, there’s a healthy string of cracks at one end. Joe Root walks up and takes a look. “He’s the new Jim Laker,” Athers adds. The Sky coverage, both their callers on the SuperSport team and panels in London, has been excellent.
☀️ Glorious sunshine at The Wanderers! ☀️
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 27, 2020
🇿🇦 chasing 4️⃣6️⃣6️⃣ to win
🏴 need 1️⃣0️⃣ wickets
How is the pitch looking, @nassercricket❓
Watch day four of #SAvENG live on Sky Sports Cricket from 7.30am 📺🕢 pic.twitter.com/BJ2TKuS6AB
Preamble
Hello and welcome to the fourth day at the Bull Ring - the fourth and final day if the visitors have anything to do with it. They would never admit as much, but surely on days like today they arrive thinking about how wonderful life would be if they could wrap up the match half an hour before tea before settling into a lengthy session as the sun sets on the series and their successful Test tour.
England have earned themselves a finish like that, just as their South African hosts are deserved the drubbing coming their way. It’s a simple game now, Joe Root’s men needing ten wickets to salute 3-1 with two full days to go. For Faf du Plessis’ charges, their target is 466 - colossal. So, the best they can do is resist and hope for rain. Indeed, they need to do what England did to them at this ground in 1995, but I can’t see any Mike Athertons floating around in this Proteas’ dressing room.
We had a good old time on the OBO yesterday, let’s continue in that spirit throughout the morning; do drop me a line or ping me a tweet. G’morning.
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