What?
Sous Vide Multi Cooker (£149.99, Lakeland). Thermostatic heating element and lidded tub. Airtight food parcels are cooked underwater, retaining nutrients and moisture.
Why?
Basically, it’s a boil-in-the-bag meal that fancies itself.
Well?
Sous vide, French for “massive hassle”, is the cooking technique of show-offs. It’s a dog-and-pony show. Fur coat and no trousers, all mouth and knickers. The only reasons for cooking sous vide are because you are someone who routinely undercooks chicken and need a justificatory smokescreen, or are going on MasterChef. (All MasterChef applications have to be sous-vided.)
If you don’t know, the technique involves cooking your ingredients, sealed inside vacuum pouches, in a precision-controlled water bath held at low temperature for geological epochs. Trying out Lakeland’s multi-cooker, it is this care and attention I resent. I don’t like my food to be more pampered than I am. “Take as long as you need,” I tell my spoilt rhubarb as I slip it in. “Is the temperature OK?” I murmur to the salmon fillets, as if we’ll be following up with a head massage, balayage and blowdry. Here, at Sous Vidal Sassoon, it’s my first time, and a little too gentle for me.
The instructions are ambiguous on how to programme the device and definitively start it. The temperatures involved are so low, it is impossible to judge when the bath is still preheating or in full swing. I already struggle with an innate suspicion of sous vide: everything cooked this way ends up so wet. Many practitioners sear their results afterwards for appearance, which seems self-defeating. Which isn’t to say it’s bad.
I cooked chicken fillets – possibly twice, as I didn’t understand the display. When I got my breasts out, they were the most succulent I’ve ever had, the marinade given deep penetration, and no moisture lost. Delicious. But the faff of it, my God. Vacuum-packing, long cooking, optional pan finish – it’s like popping to the shops and finding yourself caught up in a half marathon. In fact, cooking underwater is like running underwater – better for you precisely because it is a pain in the arse. I know when I’m out of my depth.
Redeeming features?
Resembles a spa treatment for lamb chops, but lets you to cook moist meals from cheaper cuts. Sorry for saying “moist” so much.
Counter, drawer, back of the cupboard?
In the tub with Radox, candles and Luther Vandross. 3/5
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