Have you filled out your census form yet? If not, what will be your excuse when the census collector comes knocking?
• I changed religions twice in the last fortnight. Still waiting to see how the new one works out.
• I don't actually live here. I'm just haunting the place until such time as my tortured soul can rest in peace. Would you be able to help me with that?
• This is No 17. No 17 has been intentionally left blank. Go to 18.
• I don't remember a thing about who was here on Census Day. It was that kind of Census Day party.
• In the part where you list all the people in the house, does that mean just relatives, or should I also include, like, bodies? What do I do if I didn't get surnames?
• I'm meant to be living off the grid – how did you even find me?
• It's a difficult question – I mean, are any of us really here?
• If you want to know anything about me, just look at my Facebook page.
• How many cats count as a human? More than 200? You'll have to come in here and help count them. Watch your step.
• I'm rich and can't think of a better way to spend £1,000 than on paying a fine so I don't have to fill out a form (rich people only).
• I work for the US government. I have to shut down now.
